justsounsure Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Actually, they have all been rough days. Yesterday my ex broke NC just to "see if I was okay", and I told her that I need her to no longer contact me (first time I've actually fully requested it). I also told her that I would have to remove her on social networks because it hurt too much. She got angry and upset, and hung up on me, so that gave me the strength in anger to finally do it (I've been wanting to, but it just seemed mean). Today I noticed that she had viewed my LinkedIn profile. And then i noticed she removed me as a connection. I don't know why, but it hurt. I mean it's friggen LinkedIn - a site I didn't even think about to be honest. I'm just so upset. This isn't how this was supposed to be at all. We still love each other and now it's just turning into a hurt-fest. How does this website not have crying emoticons? Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Actually, they have all been rough days. Yesterday my ex broke NC just to "see if I was okay", and I told her that I need her to no longer contact me (first time I've actually fully requested it). I also told her that I would have to remove her on social networks because it hurt too much. She got angry and upset, and hung up on me, so that gave me the strength in anger to finally do it (I've been wanting to, but it just seemed mean). Today I noticed that she had viewed my LinkedIn profile. And then i noticed she removed me as a connection. I don't know why, but it hurt. I mean it's friggen LinkedIn - a site I didn't even think about to be honest. I'm just so upset. This isn't how this was supposed to be at all. We still love each other and now it's just turning into a hurt-fest. How does this website not have crying emoticons? I really don't get it.You told her that you will remove her from you social network, then she removed you from Linkedin, so I do not see why you are crying. Because it is over? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justsounsure Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Yes, I am crying because it's over. I felt that was kind of obvious. And seeing her go to the lengths to remove me from LinkedIn of all places just hurt, that's all. It would have hurt if she removed me from anything, and the only reason I removed her is because I can't just sit and look at her pictures on social media all day everyday. Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 your feelings aren't wrong. i'm with you on the rough day. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justsounsure Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) Thank you karma. Rough feelings just got 100x worse, hearing the news of an old friend passing away via suicide. I had noticed on his Facebook about a month ago that he was posting some things that implied he was in pain. I commented, and was even going to PM him, but I refrained, as he was a friend of a prior ex of mine, and so I felt like it wasn't in my place to really say anything, as I hadn't seen or spoken to him in the years since my prior ex dumped me. But, saw on his Facebook tonight that he passed away. I know his longtime girlfriend had broken up with him about 5 months ago, and he had PTSD from the war. When I was in their lives, he was set to come home and become a civilian within a few months, and he was going to go to school and marry his girlfriend. Those were their plans, last I ever hung out with them. From what I can gather, he came home, was suffering from such severe PTSD that he was issued a therapy cat by the VA, and obviously it also took it's toll on his relationship, and they broke up. And he just took his life. I'm hurting so much for everyone involved. It all was just too sad to take. I began bawling like a wreck, and, even though yesterday I instated complete NC from my ex because I felt I needed it to heal, suddenly I was dialing her number because the only thing I wanted was to talk to my best friend. And she didn't answer. So I left a voicemail, crying and telling her that I was just having a bad night and really wanted to talk to someone who cares about me. And I know with every once of myself that this was the wrong thing to do, but I couldn't help myself. My emotions took over. I was suddenly thinking, oh my god, what if she or I died tomorrow, and the last thing that we did was fight and harshly remove each other from social media, etc? The thought was so severely frightening that I needed nothing but to hear her voice at that very moment, even if it meant that I would re-start NC tomorrow when I'm feeling stronger. She didn't answer though. And she hasn't called back or texted. And honestly, I don't know if she will. And if she doesn't, well then I will know everything that I need to know. But unfortunately, on top of a rough day, then that happened, and now I just am praying for sleep to come quickly so I can have some relief before I have to hold myself together for another 8 hours at the office tomorrow. Edited June 17, 2015 by justsounsure Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 holy crap. 'sorry' doesn't even begin to convey what i'm feeling for you right now. just know we're here for you; we're in your corner. wow. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justsounsure Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thanks Karma. She did end up calling back a couple hours later and listened to me cry. And then we started talking about things, and we can't see eye to eye on a relationship standpoint. It's so depressing. But at least I left things on good terms again. I have the fighting and the anger all stemming from just pure sadness. I miss my best friend. I know that she is kind and caring. We just want different things out of life. Trying to get through my work day now on 5 hours of sleep and an extremely emotional night. Still in shock and saddened for my friend and his family and old girlfriend. I can't even imagine. I can barely handle the pain that I am going through. Link to post Share on other sites
kasop Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Im with you buddy. It hurts to lose the one's we love. But this is life and we must move forward at all cost. Learn about nc and what it can do for you. Im still in the first month of it and its rough. I have to fight the urge to reach out to her all the time. But i have noticed that i have moments where my ex is not all over my mind. In those moments i am happy. Then its right back to her, but this gives me hope. Not false hope but real hope that i one day can be okie. You talk about Maning up. We are men and have it in our blood to be strong. So dig down deep and find that strength to move forward and concentrate on the tasks you have before you. I almost lost my job because i was so distracted by my ex. Im glad that i didnt because that would of made things alot worst. I know this is a long reply but im having a pretty bad day too and thought i would share. Talking and sharing help. Link to post Share on other sites
kasop Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 And if you havent yet read through this its helped me alot. http://Www.breakuprecoveryguide.com Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 it's good that lines of communication are open, even if right now you aren't in agreement about a relationship. sorry you had to go to work today after the tragic news; this speaks volumes about your character, as does your willingness to keep lines of communication open - respectfully at that - despite your differences. death, especially a suicide, besides being shocking and crushing, puts things in perspective. i've lost a parent and a sibling in drug - related deaths. loss couled with more loss right now must be beyond overwhelming. i admire your strength. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Sending some positive vibes your way justsounsure. Things will get better with time. As hard as it is, just remember that there are people out there who care about you and want the best for you. Take care of yourself, OS 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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