The Best Friend...Was it actually meant to be?

[minimariah]

I know I'm young and you all probably think dumb as well, but do you ever have that feeling that something is happening for a reason?

 

you don't sound dumb at all, actually. and i know you know the difference between the right & the wrong but that never really stopped anyone for doing "wrong", you know? i do think you probably don't understand the effect of an A, especially with 3 toddlers involved.

 

even if you do end up together -- you need to be prepared for an entire set of responsibilites you claim HE was & is too young to take over. so if he was too young, so are you. so why even put yourself in a position of being a stepmother before you're 25? he probably does like you and want you but it is up to you to either accept that or move on. think about YOU and what YOU want in your life. do you want a man with that much "baggage" this early on?

 

Especially when you truly attempt to remove yourself from the situation, it still seems to come back?

 

when you truly want to remove yourself from the situation -- it doesn't come back. it comes back only when your attempts aren't what you REALLY want.

 

you can straight up tell him to back off, you can even make up a boyfriend. the point is -- if you want him to leave you alone, you can make it happen.

 

He talks to his wife about me. Like, who does that??

 

exactly - WHO does that? why isn't this a turn off for you? why isn't a dude who talks to his WIFE about a girl he probably wants to be with, a huge red flag?

talking to the W about OW is actually a form of gaslighting folks use to show their spouse that it's all just platonic. he's being "transparent" in order to probably tone down her doubts.

[SweetKitten]

I posted here because I felt this topic wouldn't go well in the marriage forum and I also posted in the cheating, jealousy, and dating forum, but I'm not looking to cheat.

 

I know people say, "Well why does it matter? Blah, blah." It matters to me. It may not make sense to others, but it matters to me. ESPECIALLY since out of anyone I work with, I work with him the most.

 

I wouldn't expect everyone to understand though.

[minimariah]

it's like this - you want him. you want to be with him and you want to believe he married and had kids too young and that his marriage was a mistake in order to rationalize what you feel and want. be AWARE of this. if you aren't aware and if you try to convince yourself that you don't want him... it suddenly becomes a problem, you know?

 

so be aware of your true desires and wishes. you like a married dude a lot, no big deal. it is what you'll do about it IF he approaches you that's important.

 

as far as marrying your BF goes - you should marry your best friend. but that "your best friend" relationship needs to also have a romantic and passionate component so you should marry your best friend AND your lover all in one.

 

"best friend" doesn't mean a loveless and passionateless marriage. but if your spouse isn't your best friend... what kind of relationship is that? if your spouse isn't the 1st person you'll turn with problems or just a random thing that makes you happy... what kind of lacking relationship is that? so yes, it is important that your romantic relationship is based on a strong friendship.

Edited June 17, 2015 by minimariah

[runredlights]

Hello, everyone.

 

Let me start off by saying that I'm NOT married. I'm not even close to it, tbh.

 

I considered posting this in the 'Marriage' forum, but it's more of a dark topic and I feel as though this forum may provide more honest insight to my questions.

 

So, I'm 23, I've witnessed many of my friends from high school marrying their high school sweetheart. I know you all have seen the photos on Facebook with the caption stating, "I'm so happy to be marrying my best friend!!"

 

My question to you all is...does that work? I have seen so many "best friends" get married, but years later, they realize they never experienced anyone else. Of course some people are lucky enough to find their soul mates, but there are those that marry their best friend and realize that there's no spark. They're just your friend.

 

The reason I ask is because a coworker of mine (one that I can't quite tell if he's flirting or being super nice) is married. He's 27, his wife is 29. She also works with us, and the other night, I finally got to work with them both. She's a sweetheart, but very motherly, whereas he's very lively and jokes around. They are precious together, but she mentioned on her Facebook something about their 5 year anniversary and marrying her best friend.

 

He's been in the military, and just recently came back home to be with her. I'm assuming since he mentioned going back to school, he went into the military straight out of high school, and married her when he was only 22, and she 24.

 

I'm probably just over thinking all of this, but for someone in that situation, never fully experiencing the opposite sex because of commitment straight out of the gate...is it possible for someone who married their "best friend" to be unfaithful?

 

 

As a disclaimer, I am a guy who likes the occasional chick flick so don't judge me buuut...

 

You know that scene in he's just not that into you when Drew Barrymore and Scarlet Johansen are at the saloon? Where Scarlet Johansen is talking about falling in love with somebody (Bradley Cooper) after they're married and finding their "sole mate" too late. Total BS.

 

You are Scarlet Johanson in this story. And you know how it turns out.

 

To answer your initial question, I am only a year older than you so I know exactly where you're coming from in wondering how all our friends from HS and college are already married, some with multiple kids now. We really won't know until a few years if they've made the right decision. I could definitely see scenarios playing out like what you may be getting into and having it destroy some marriages though. That's why I want to be much closer to 30 when I'll hopefully be mature enough to even consider making such a serious decision like marriage.

 

Please don't get involved with a married man.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

I say this gently but why do you care? What is it any of your business?

 

It doesn't sound like you have any first hand knowledge of their marriage, meaning neither one of them has told you anything. You are just drawing your own conclusions based on your own opinions of getting married young or to your best friend. Also the other info you have is from snooping on their Facebook accounts, again not something either one of them has told you.

 

It's not your business if they married young and why. It's not your business if this guy "missed out" on any fun because he got married young. It's sounds like he flirted with you but that's as far as it went. I'm starting to feel sorry for guys nowadays...can't even be sweet or nice to a woman without them overthinking or going left with the stuff.

 

I have a very simple bit of advice for you and you can apply it to all aspects of your life... Learn to butt out of other people's personal business sometimes. Being nosy ain't cute.

 

I am 2 years older than you and I had to learn my lesson the hard way getting involved with a guy who was not 100% available. Cease to entertain whatever thoughts you are currently having.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

it's like this - you want him. you want to be with him and you want to believe he married and had kids too young and that his marriage was a mistake in order to rationalize what you feel and want. be AWARE of this. if you aren't aware and if you try to convince yourself that you don't want him... it suddenly becomes a problem, you know?

 

so be aware of your true desires and wishes. you like a married dude a lot, no big deal. it is what you'll do about it IF he approaches you that's important.

 

as far as marrying your BF goes - you should marry your best friend. but that "your best friend" relationship needs to also have a romantic and passionate component so you should marry your best friend AND your lover all in one.

 

"best friend" doesn't mean a loveless and passionateless marriage. but if your spouse isn't your best friend... what kind of relationship is that? if your spouse isn't the 1st person you'll turn with problems or just a random thing that makes you happy... what kind of lacking relationship is that? so yes, it is important that your romantic relationship is based on a strong friendship.

 

I agree with this soooo much!! Denial can really get us in a pickle!

[SweetKitten]

I haven't been in their business. They added me on Facebook, first of all.

 

Second of all, he HAS talked to me about his wife, and she has talked to me about him. I have much more to be concerned with than their marriage. Also, if you read my earlier replies, 1) I care because I do...And I said I don't expect anyone to understand. And 2) I purposely said the best friend portion of my original post was seperate from the portion about him.

 

Yes, I am entertaining the idea. But will I act on it, probably not.

 

 

If you don't mind though, how did you become involved with a married man?

[minimariah]

i understand why you care -- because you like him, as simple as that.

 

i honestly think you WILL engage in an A if he approaches. i mean, no one really WANTS to be with a married man (most don't).

 

but when you fall in love and when the opportunity presents itself... it's very hard to resist. especially when folks develop strong emotions, you don't think about it - it's just you and him. so you start something hoping your story will be a different one, giving yourself a pep talk like "well, it is better for their kids that their parents are happy and their marriage wasn't right anyway" -- you start looking for reasons to explain just WHY is this dude you really like engaging another woman outside of his marriage. why are excuses necessary? because no one wants to date a douchebag who f@cks around for no good reason.

 

again, be careful with your situation. your situation is different than most because you have connections to his W -- most OW don't really know the W so they don't think about it. you know this woman and you all work together so the situation probably will be even messier if something happens... ESPECIALLY if he ends up staying with his W. that's when the REAL mess happens.

 

so again... think about it really well. be honest with yourself and your wishes. you aren't opening this thread because you're interested in folks marrying their best friend -- you're interested in this man and his marriage dynamics because you're trying to rationalize his interest for you.

[StrungOut1975]

I haven't been in their business. They added me on Facebook, first of all.

 

Second of all, he HAS talked to me about his wife, and she has talked to me about him. I have much more to be concerned with than their marriage. Also, if you read my earlier replies, 1) I care because I do...And I said I don't expect anyone to understand. And 2) I purposely said the best friend portion of my original post was seperate from the portion about him.

 

Yes, I am entertaining the idea. But will I act on it, probably not.

 

 

If you don't mind though, how did you become involved with a married man?

 

 

Good lawd. I'm reading your story and pleading with you through the screen. What you don't realize is that you've already acted on it. Fantasizing and flirting are the gateway. I notice you use non-definitive terms like "I probably won't act on it".. You are one late closed quarters opportunistic night from having a full blown A. I know it bc mine started with looking and fantasizing. The next thing I knew, I was a stung out mess. An older friend of mine pulled me aside and told me to "make a u-turn".. My thoughts.. The hell with that.. This man looks good and I deserve it! Sweetie, the single-handed worst decision of my life. I thought I was tough and could handle it.. NOT.. 3 1/2 years later, I still pine and obsess and he goes home to his W and Ks like clockwork everyday after work. I'm not even a thought. I'm all consumed and he's focused on his family. You don't have to listen.. The heart wants what the heart wants.. Just know this.. If you don't pump the breaks Sweet Kitten, you will turn into a Ratchet Alley Cat.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

I haven't been in their business. They added me on Facebook, first of all.

 

Second of all, he HAS talked to me about his wife, and she has talked to me about him. I have much more to be concerned with than their marriage. Also, if you read my earlier replies, 1) I care because I do...And I said I don't expect anyone to understand. And 2) I purposely said the best friend portion of my original post was seperate from the portion about him.

 

Yes, I am entertaining the idea. But will I act on it, probably not.

 

 

If you don't mind though, how did you become involved with a married man?

 

Once upon a time...

 

He was separated. He lied to me,tried to work on his marriage while stringing me along and broke my heart in the process. Now he is back and trying to prove to me that he is divorcing. I'm doing me.

 

The end.

 

and the sarcasm is not directed at you, it's just my general feeling of my own situation.

 

I must have missed where they each are telling you their personal business, so I regress on that note.

 

I still stand by stopping the fantasizing tho and stop overthinking their marriage.

[stillafool]

 

It would be flattering to know if he thinks I'm attractive. Not that it matters, but it's nice to know if anyone thinks you're pretty or handsome, right?

 

 

and this...

 

 

Now, I don't want to flatter myself, but I've been told I'm attractive. I tend to turn heads, apparently. I receive compliments on a daily basis about my appearance which is something I always find silly, because I'm an awkward mess, haha.

 

So, maybe he just thinks I'm pretty and nothing more.

 

So people tell you every day that you are attractive yet you are desiring flattery from someone elses husband? Nice. Leave those people alone because you mean them no good whatsoever.

 

I'm from a small town and have known many couples who wed in their early 20's, had their kids by the 30's; and are still together 20 years later. Yes there are ups and downs in marriages but before you step to a MM with a young wife and 3 kids you'd better know that bond isn't easily broken. More than likely they are each others first love and with those 3 babies their emotions and connection run deep. Deeper than you will ever know. He might make the mistake of his life and have sex with you but don't count on him leaving her for you. It's not going to happen. The only thing you will get from an affair with him is a bad reputation and hurt feelings.

[stillafool]

 

Yes, I am entertaining the idea. But will I act on it, probably not.

 

 

 

You are? Has he asked you for an affair?

[jen1447]

Sweet Kitten, between this thread and your other one I'm concerned that you're bscly bargaining down your inhibitions with the intent of jumping in, even despite your reassurances here that you could never do that (which in the space of a few posts turned into "I probably won't do that.") The next step is "I probably will do that."

 

I get that it's a turn on to flex that power. Believe me, I know and I've been there. My guess is that yeah, you could probably break the guy down pretty quickly and have your married conquest. I guess you just have to decide if those are really the kind of achievements you want in your ledger.

 

A bit of practical advice - if you're someone who specifically gets off on getting taken guys, target men in less committed situations. Steal the BFs and leave the husbands alone, esp if there are kids involved.

Edited June 18, 2015 by jen1447
sp

[the_artist_1970]

Im not hoping for that at all. I'm really not.

 

I guess I should say there were two parts to my post. Yes, they relate, but I genuinely did want to know you guys take on marrying your best friend.

 

Whether he finds me attractive or not and his marriage is more of a sub topic. I wouldn't want to interfere with their marriage. And I do plan to distance myself from him.

 

You are already interfering in their M by allowing them to talk to you about their M when you have feelings for the guy. Exit left from the M and tell them that you can no longer be their sound board. You are walking on dangerous territory and in the end you will lose your reputation, your dignity and self respect. It's not worth it. The next time he stares at you tell him that you don't appreciate a MM looking at you that way. Put up strong boundaries with him. Your co-workers have probably already noticed that you two are too close and that is a bad thing to have a bad reputation at work.

[SweetKitten]

Sorry, guys. I'll reply to everyone later today. So busy, wahhh.

[SweetKitten]

i understand why you care -- because you like him, as simple as that.

 

i honestly think you WILL engage in an A if he approaches. i mean, no one really WANTS to be with a married man (most don't).

 

I do like him, yes. The problem is, how do you stop liking someone? It's not as easy as it sounds, I'm sure you ladies know.

 

And also, I don't want to be in an A. I've denied married creeps before, but mainly because that's exactly what they seemed like. Creeps. Just old married bastards looking for a PYT to f*ck because they like the thrill and think all single women want them. I steer clear of those men.

 

Even in retail, there are those aholes that will be there with their W and still try to hit on me, and I want to badly to let their W know. But, this guy didn't strike as that type of person.

 

I'm sure that because I like him, I'll see him as a saint, but he genuinely hasn't done or said anything out of pocket. It's mainly just his mannerisms towards me as opposed to the other (very pretty) females I work with.

[SweetKitten]

Sweet Kitten, between this thread and your other one I'm concerned that you're bscly bargaining down your inhibitions with the intent of jumping in, even despite your reassurances here that you could never do that (which in the space of a few posts turned into "I probably won't do that.") The next step is "I probably will do that."

 

I get that it's a turn on to flex that power. Believe me, I know and I've been there. My guess is that yeah, you could probably break the guy down pretty quickly and have your married conquest. I guess you just have to decide if those are really the kind of achievements you want in your ledger.

 

 

Im trying not to.

 

Also, I managed to make a fatal mistake. Before I posted this thread, I had a few drinks while watching OTB and...I messaged him. And yeah... He replied today, very cordial, but he didn't seem surprised or disturbed that I found him attractive. He just said, "Well thank you, please don't feel embarrassed. Sorry I haven't responded but I told you I'm not on Facebook often."

 

I'm starting to think it'd be in my best interest to remove him from my friends list before I end up making any more mistakes.

[minimariah]

I do like him, yes. The problem is, how do you stop liking someone? It's not as easy as it sounds, I'm sure you ladies know.

 

of course it's not easy.

 

i mean... most of us were in your shoes, at least once - some acted on their feelings and entered an A, some didn't. i -- for example -- didn't. i felt this super intense connection and attraction to a married colleague and even though he was never inappropriate with me... i KNOW he felt it, too. women have that 6th sense, when we THINK someone is interested in us... most of the time, we're right.

 

it's not just married creeps that cheat, you know? good people cheat, too. that doesn't make cheating and an A any less messy. you can have a genuine connection with someone and enter an A, it doesn't have to be planned or intentional... but it IS an A, you know?

 

i know in my case -- the fact that this colleague was respectful and seemed to have a GREAT relationship with his W was (this will sound weird but it is true) something that attracted me to him even more. his mannerism, the fact that he acted VERY politely and he also had that quiet but observant vibe... i mean, i KNOW what type of guy you're dealing with and i can totally imagine what's so attractive. but again... kids are present, you know? small toddlers, that's a game changing fact.

 

how do you stop liking someone? you stop contact with them, as much as you can. the thing that i think you should be careful about... if you suddenly go cold on this dude and remove him from FB he might approach you and ask why. theeen you'll probably tell him the truth -- that you're liking him but don't want to mess with him because he's a married father. THEN, he might just say "i like you, too & i feel a connection".

 

and theeeeen... you're in trouble. you know?

so try to back off as slowly and subtly as you can. no more chitchat, avoid him. form closer friendships with other co-workers. shift your attention and remind yourself about the devastation that this A will cause. liking someone is a superficial feeling & you can choose what to do with it.

 

you actually seem like a smart young woman and i know that if you put up your mind and put an end to this in your mind -- you'll keep that up in your real life. no fantasies, no thinking about them, their marriage, what IFs... nothing. the same way you would get over an EX, you'll get over this guy.

 

And also, I don't want to be in an A.

 

nobody does, you know? nobody really wishes to be in an A. like sure, there are folks who see thrill in that but... most of us just want a normal, healthy relationship. that didn't stop people from getting into an A, you know? most of the time, it happens "out of the blue" because folks don't set up strong boundaries.

 

It's mainly just his mannerisms towards me as opposed to the other (very pretty) females I work with.

 

like i said, it is totally possible that he found you attractive and felt a connection to you. it doesn't make him a scum, it doesn't make him a creep, it doesn't mean he's a serial cheater or a womanizer... but none of that should matter because he is still married with 3 toddlers. there is just too much at stake. it doesn't matter if this is just a superficial attraction, if he's a womanizer, if he's a serial cheater or not... it doesn't matter if he genuinely connects with you and if you're meant to be - because he still has a family. many As had real feelings and love in them and folks STILL didn't leave because it's not easy to accept that you won't watch your kids every single day and be there for them. the fact that he even flirts with you IS problematic -- especially when his W is right there working with you.

 

don't rely on "everything happens for a reason and we have a real connection" thinking. we decide if things happen for a reason or not, you know? we see reason where we want to see reason. and i'm sure he is a nice dude, he can totally be a nice dude. but he still has a lot of responsibilities that you, as a young woman, don't really need.

 

enjoy your life, you know? work on your education, travel the world and live life. don't be a stepmother at an age even you think is too soon for any real commitment.

Edited June 19, 2015 by minimariah

[awkward]

I've denied married creeps before, but mainly because that's exactly what they seemed like. Creeps. Just old married bastards looking for a PYT to f*ck because they like the thrill and think all single women want them. I steer clear of those men.

 

And what is different about this man? He might not be old, but he:

 

1. Is MARRIED

2. Has 3 young kids

3. Is attracted to a PYT

 

The jury is still out if he is a cheater. You already made a move letting him know you are attracted to him. He is thinking about it. He might even be wondering if he could get away with it without being caught.

 

Even if it works out and you get him, you end up with a divorced creep with three young kids and the cherry on top is that he is a known cheater. More likely his young wife ends up with a cheater promising the world and a fractured family hoping that it was just a mistake and not a character flaw.

 

I would be more inclined to focus on what has recently changed in your life where your moral compass has shifted from denying married creeps to even entertaining the possibility of an affair. This has more to do with you than him. If he doesn't have good boundaries and thinks he can get away with it, he will start flirting heavily entertaining the idea of an affair. And that will have nothing at all to do with his wife.

 

Married men hit on both attractive and unattractive women. It is not flattering. It is disgusting. Ask yourself why.

[SweetKitten]

Ladies, please excuse me. Please. I'm sure you all can read me better than I can read myself in a situation like this.

 

According to his response to Mr finding him attractive, what do you think? Just overly nice or interested?

 

Also, I'm assuming a few of you all have either entered into an A or have considered it. I know it's bad. I know you all will advise me to do the right thing, but we all make mistakes, right? Just as some of you have said, honestly if he asked, I would follow. That hurts. I don't want to feel that way. I really don't.

But, some of you gave in. Why did you? Because even though it's wrong, kids are involved, I can't say I would say no to him and that's frightening.

 

Sorry for the candid feelings. Having a drink again. I won't be messaging him though. Even though I want to.

[minimariah]

Ladies, please excuse me. Please. I'm sure you all can read me better than I can read myself in a situation like this.

 

According to his response to Mr finding him attractive, what do you think? Just overly nice or interested?

 

Also, I'm assuming a few of you all have either entered into an A or have considered it. I know it's bad. I know you all will advise me to do the right thing, but we all make mistakes, right? Just as some of you have said, honestly if he asked, I would follow. That hurts. I don't want to feel that way. I really don't.

But, some of you gave in. Why did you? Because even though it's wrong, kids are involved, I can't say I would say no to him and that's frightening.

 

Sorry for the candid feelings. Having a drink again. I won't be messaging him though. Even though I want to.

 

this is good, sweetheart -- you being real with yourself and admitting the truth to yourself is GOOD. many entered the A because they simply couldn't resist & because they hoped that their story will be the one with the happy ending. they were in love and choose to enter the relationship, as simple as that.

 

nothing in his message really shows that he is overly interesting, he didn't really open a new dialogue, didn't compliment you straight away... but if you feel he is interested, then he probably is.

 

again, it shouldn't matter. even if he is interested and approaches you, you should turn around. way too much mess and too many victims with little chance of things ending well for anyone in the situation.

 

and stop having drinks. LOL. or if you'll have drinks, stay away from your phone!

[whichwayisup]

I do like him, yes. The problem is, how do you stop liking someone? It's not as easy as it sounds, I'm sure you ladies know.

 

And also, I don't want to be in an A. I've denied married creeps before, but mainly because that's exactly what they seemed like. Creeps. Just old married bastards looking for a PYT to f*ck because they like the thrill and think all single women want them. I steer clear of those men.

 

Even in retail, there are those aholes that will be there with their W and still try to hit on me, and I want to badly to let their W know. But, this guy didn't strike as that type of person.

 

I'm sure that because I like him, I'll see him as a saint, but he genuinely hasn't done or said anything out of pocket. It's mainly just his mannerisms towards me as opposed to the other (very pretty) females I work with.

 

He isn't yours for taking, nor liking. Hands off and make yourself stick to your own personal boundaries. Stop thinking of him, fantasizing about him, stop flirting etc... He is NOT a saint! NOT perfect, so stop seeing him in that light. You pay too much attention to him and the little details.

 

Respect yourself.

 

Put yourself in his wife's shoes, ask yourself how YOU would feel if some woman at work was into him and he was leading her on, flirting with her and playing the ego game. You can change it up by changing your behaviour and thought patterns when it comes to him.

[jen1447]

Im trying not to.

 

Also, I managed to make a fatal mistake. Before I posted this thread, I had a few drinks while watching OTB and...I messaged him. And yeah... He replied today, very cordial, but he didn't seem surprised or disturbed that I found him attractive. He just said, "Well thank you, please don't feel embarrassed. Sorry I haven't responded but I told you I'm not on Facebook often."

 

I'm starting to think it'd be in my best interest to remove him from my friends list before I end up making any more mistakes.

Well imo he's interested. A guy who's got his marriage at the top of his list of priorities would meet any sort of flirtation with resistance, not reassurance not to feel bad, etc. He's opening the door. The thing is, it's obvs you can knock whatever defenses he has down rather easily (which is part of the thrill, I think you have to admit). But it's not exactly rewarding to casually take sth that's just waiting to be snatched up.

 

Ladies, please excuse me. Please. I'm sure you all can read me better than I can read myself in a situation like this.

 

According to his response to Mr finding him attractive, what do you think? Just overly nice or interested?

 

Also, I'm assuming a few of you all have either entered into an A or have considered it. I know it's bad. I know you all will advise me to do the right thing, but we all make mistakes, right? Just as some of you have said, honestly if he asked, I would follow. That hurts. I don't want to feel that way. I really don't.

But, some of you gave in. Why did you? Because even though it's wrong, kids are involved, I can't say I would say no to him and that's frightening.

 

Sorry for the candid feelings. Having a drink again. I won't be messaging him though. Even though I want to.

 

^ - Top question, interested.

 

> - Second thing, a mistake's not a mistake if you do it on purpose. Personally, when I was around your age I did it without 'giving in' - there was little question about right and wrong bc it was just an appeal to my feminine power and I didn't have the wherewithal to really consider it intelligently. It was a pure ego stroke, which is what I think it largely is to you too, whether you admit it that way or not. Plus yeah the sex tended to be great and illicit (which only makes it better). There was a lot to like about it for a young girl who sees herself as making her mark on the world and living large and all that.

 

I'm gonna be straight w/you hon - I don't think the chances of you talking yourself out of it are good. You've already identified the way in, which usually suggests you're laying plans whether you really know it or not. Is it possible I could get you to consider only making it happen part way, like maybe with a sort of 'teach him a lesson about infidelity' subtext? Get him alone however you're going to eventually and then get naked and play grabbies and all that but then shut him down? I actually used to do that once in a while w/guys who I thought were getting too big stuff and forward, so you could too. (Then go find some single guy to bang ot out with, haha. )

 

v - Last, anyway good luck with the fight but I don't think it'll be much of one most likely.

Edited June 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Requested due to language pointing at the member above, in fact was pointing to a moderated member's post.

[StrungOut1975]

 

Well imo he's interested. A guy who's got his marriage at the top of his list of priorities would meet any sort of flirtation with resistance, not reassurance not to feel bad, etc. He's opening the door. The thing is, it's obvs you can knock whatever defenses he has down rather easily (which is part of the thrill, I think you have to admit). But it's not exactly rewarding to casually take sth that's just waiting to be snatched up.

 

 

 

^ - Top question, interested.

 

> - Second thing, a mistake's not a mistake if you do it on purpose. Personally, when I was around your age I did it without 'giving in' - there was little question about right and wrong bc it was just an appeal to my feminine power and I didn't have the wherewithal to really consider it intelligently. It was a pure ego stroke, which is what I think it largely is to you too, whether you admit it that way or not. Plus yeah the sex tended to be great and illicit (which only makes it better). There was a lot to like about it for a young girl who sees herself as making her mark on the world and living large and all that.

 

I'm gonna be straight w/you hon - I don't think the chances of you talking yourself out of it are good. You've already identified the way in, which usually suggests you're laying plans whether you really know it or not. Is it possible I could get you to consider only making it happen part way, like maybe with a sort of 'teach him a lesson about infidelity' subtext? Get him alone however you're going to eventually and then get naked and play grabbies and all that but then shut him down? I actually used to do that once in a while w/guys who I thought were getting too big stuff and forward, so you could too. (Then go find some single guy to bang ot out with, haha. )

 

v - Last, anyway good luck with the fight but I don't think it'll be much of one most likely.

 

 

Are you serious with this advice? If you are only joking, I apologize for what I'm about to say and no offense to you.

 

If you are serious, you are encouraging this young woman to light a stick of dynamite that's chained to her wrist. Sweet Kitten, the choice is yours but so are the consequences. I can only tell you that "playing a game of grabbies" would be the single most stupid thing you could ever do. Don't even entertain it. Bc he will flip it on you and you will not be able to "stop" and walk out like its some big haha. Not possible. Please please please run away from these people. You did not make a "mistake" by texting him. In court, it would be called premeditated and you'd certainly be convicted. Is this your dream job? Do you have a mortgage to pay? Do you really need to be there? If not, do all you can to get the hell out and preserve your soul. If you have no moral compass and soul, then now is the time to find one. I agree with whoever said to use this time to figure out why you are even considering this path. My reasons were an absent father and an absent and cheating husband. (Of course this was all on the subconscious level). I thought the A would validate me and I was starving for affection. Truth is, it made my life a thousand times worse. You should be happy that your biggest choice now is whether to run or embark. I'd love to be where you are. Trust me, when you are a year in sobbing uncontrollably and getting the shakes bc he won't return your text, you'll look back at these warnings. I wouldn't wish this crap on my worst enemy. I wish you the best.

Edited June 20, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Requested due to language pointing at the member above, in fact was pointing to a moderated member's post

[autumnnight]

Im trying not to.

 

Also, I managed to make a fatal mistake. Before I posted this thread, I had a few drinks while watching OTB and...I messaged him. And yeah... He replied today, very cordial, but he didn't seem surprised or disturbed that I found him attractive. He just said, "Well thank you, please don't feel embarrassed. Sorry I haven't responded but I told you I'm not on Facebook often."

 

I'm starting to think it'd be in my best interest to remove him from my friends list before I end up making any more mistakes.

 

So let me make sure I understand...you messaged him and TOLD him you found him attractive?

 

You are basically asking for an A. In a few months, you'll be posting about how hard it is to share him with his poor unsuspecting wife.

 

A year or so from now, you'll want sympathy over THEIR D-Day.

 

I'm out.