thataj Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I stumble upon this website as I seek for help and advice, I don’t know if ill post it or not but im desperate for help. I’m with a long distance relationship for 2yrs now, it’s a cliché but yes we met on dating site his from USA 40 yro divorce w/2 kids (19 and 13) and I’m from Philippines 35y yro. He visited me 2x already last Sept 2014 and Mar. 2015, the talked of marriage and our future! He met my parents both on his first trip and 2nd trip he told them his best intention for us to get marry, our goal this year is to be with him, that's the reason of him visiting Phil 2x as per requirements of embassy. We want to work out our long distance relationship because we knew it’s not a walk in the park journey that is why all the free apps that we can use for communications we outsource it! we talk almost every single day on Skype 2x a day before he goes to bed and once he wakes up whenever we have other important walks we make sure we update each other even use a tracker because of Trust issue he has, since I work as call center agent we managed to talk until I quit and opted to work home base so we can have more time. We have fights but we make sure we talked about it and compromised each other .But this past few weeks since its summer he makes a lot of outing for the kids and there’s one time that he wasn't able to contact me because an old lady friend who has two kids and divorcee, they met at the lake was rush to the hospital no family to help her so it was my boyfriend who assist her. I ask why he couldn’t update meat that time the lady friend asked him to stay beside her when he told her that he needs to step out to call someone the lady pleads so he stay. I was pissed off and jealousy creeps in, he apologizes for his wrong actions so I forgive him. But every time his out and no update I get these doubt in me of what if? We constantly argue if I get no updates from him. the other problem that we have right now is when he is trying to process the copy of Divorce paper, only to find out that the lawyer they hired did not submit it to court. So he needs to do it again by doing the Legal separation! i believed diff state has diff ruling of divorce. And upon trying to process the legal separation the ex wife asking for a lot of demand (well the reason of divorce bcoz the wife wants a greener pasture and caught cheating 2x! the first time he forgive her and start again but the 2nd time he called it quits left with unpaid 2 Credit Cards and late payments of House Mortgage and the custody of 2 kids since they want to stay with their dad).Because of the ex wife giving us hard time. I support him emotionally and be optimistic since i cant do anything. But every time his out and no update I get these doubt in me of what if they met again? (old lady friend). We recently argue all the time if I get no updates from him because its not him he has updates but not as he used to be, it became worst when he went hunting with his brother for 2 nights and 3 days instead of going home so we can talk he stayed at his brothers house went home late and fall asleep as he trying to open his laptop. We talked about how I feel about it then I asked him about his side of story, he said that he has a lot on his mind right now especially the divorce issue he doesn’t want me to drag down these issue because he cant tell how long the ex wife will bent, he said It might take 5yrs or so, he said that he cant think straight right now, other part wants of him wants to hold on and other parts he wants me to be happy so if I want to let go he cant stop me. I said Im willing to wait we just have be positive and stay strong about it and I don’t want to let go, letting go means giving up my happiness. I asked if he still has feelings for me and if still love me? He said yes to all of them! I said if he found someone he said no! So I said as long he still loves me and no other woman ill stay! I said we need to work out our relationship again he just said “I don’t know ” and asked him are we good he said he cant think straight yet. So I said im not giving upon him, im holding on the love. So we still talk however he seems distance,and I don’t know anymore im confused, I don’t have any confident with our relationship and im scared already. I get emotional thinking about our future. I’m lost right know, I don’t know anyone to talk to about it and give me advices. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 What are you getting out of this besides the fantasy you have constructed around his empty promises? He's lying to you about the divorce. If it was granted he's not still married because a lawyer failed to file a piece of paper. It takes 20 minutes to file a new order Getting an order granted is the long hard part. If he's not divorced yet & there are still issues about visitation & custody this will be a long time yet. I don't have much hope that this will turn into a reality for you. Personally I'd end it but tell him he can come back once his divorce is final. Demand to see a copy of the signed order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author thataj Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 @d0nnivain perhaps hoping that fantasy can turn into reality? your right reality check it will be a long process and costly for him.If he is sincere about his empty promises then he should do actions and he will show me the papers. Now I'm contemplating and still digesting everything you said..thank you Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 You're being jerked around. For whatever reason, I have no idea. Methinks he's probably seeing others but making promises to you he's not keeping. Stop wasting your time on someone like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thataj Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 @Lois_Griffin that's what my instinct is saying too a 3rd party ....you know how woman has strong instinct that man cant understand....facing reality is hard but im praying that i can cope up..thank you Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) OP, portableversion, someone who has posted in this forum, is hot to trot about getting hooked up with a Filipina. You and he would be a match made in heaven from the looks of things. Best, TMichaels Edited June 18, 2015 by TMichaels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 he wasn't able to contact me because an old lady friend who has two kids and divorcee, they met at the lake was rush to the hospital no family to help her so it was my boyfriend who assist her. Ok... So you don't mean she's an old lady, do you? Rather an old friend... because obviously she can't be an old lady with 2 kids. Anyway, this sounds like BS. the lawyer they hired did not submit it to court. BS #2. Double. 1) He and his wife can't possibly trust the same lawyer to do their interest. Or he's dumb? I can't buy that. 2) If the lawyer failed doing his duty, your "boyfriend" should sue him and he'd win I guess. Especially if he had consequences from his misbehavior. But he's surely not suing anyone... when he went hunting with his brother for 2 nights and 3 days instead of going home so we can talk he stayed at his brothers house went home late and fall asleep as he trying to open his laptop. And... [drum roll] BS #3!!! Come on. Who's going to believe that? Call the brother and ask for confirmation. I also want to see pics from the hunt. And anyway, 3 days of no contact because he was hunting with his bro? Oh my. This is almost a good one. Bottom line: he tried to push you away. But you didn't get the hint and want to stay and wait around for him at all costs. You definitely need to be shown papers. Freak him out. Say you just bought a flight and are going to visit him in 3 weeks. So you will see where he lives at, will be able to see the papers about his divorce, etc. See his reaction. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thataj Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 justwhoiam.....suing the lawyer was my first reaction when i found out! if you cant find the lawyer then go after the law firm through BBB but he said he will after....and its old friend sorry wrote when i was too emotional! i know he is trying to push me away and cant find a way to say it on my face.But i accepted it all now...surely its not the end of the world for me....im glad that i have friends and family also Faith in God it helps me a lot especially praying....thank you 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trufita Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 It does look like he is pushing you away, I think he might like someone else but is not brave enough to be the one to break up. This all situation seems very complicated, and what for? To meet only once a year? I dont think it is worth it for you, you deserve better than this. Im sorry you are going through this right now, sometimes people are just not like we want them to be. Good luck with whatever decision you make. Link to post Share on other sites
Author thataj Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 Trufita@ thank you for the kind words...im still trying to get up and pick up some pieces of me, this experiences makes me hold on more to my Faith in God...you're right sometimes its not what we always thought they are 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Perrier Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 OP you see this man once per year. He feeds you BS as other posters have pointed out. You admit you know he's pushing you away. Stop wasting your time. Giving him up is not giving up your happiness as you stated earlier. I'll never understand why people get into long distance 'r'ships' where from the outset they need visa to travel up and down and see each other once or twice per year. Link to post Share on other sites
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