ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I posted this is in my other thread but thought I should isolate it as I need as much advice as possible. I have the ex's dad's books to mail back. Her birthday is on the 6th. Should I wait to time the delivery of the books close to her birthday, address the box to her dad with my return address so that when she sees it, she'll note: a) It isn't addressed to her. b) It doesn't contain a birthday present and c) I am obviously not coming over for her birthday Is there any advantage to doing that or should I just mail them now? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 You're putting too much thought into it. Way too much. Just send it. Link to post Share on other sites
VirgieVail Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Dude, you're OBSESSED!!! Stop being so fatally attracted to this girl. You're coming up with every excuse to contact her. DON'T!!! I had a guy chasing me once who was like you - nothing is more of a turn off than a stalking mentality. If you'd just get your mind on other things and give her space to breathe you might have a chance. Back off - make her wonder why you suddenly stopped trying to contact her and maybe she'll have a chance to breath and actually miss you. Stop the stalking and obsession. It's not healthy. Get a grip and get out of the house and clear your head - don't drive by her house - go the opposite direction. Just GIVE HER SPACE!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 No kidding. Mail it and forget it. No presents, no notes. No nothing, except maybe a "thanks!". Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Author Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by johan No kidding. Mail it and forget it. No presents, no notes. No nothing, except maybe a "thanks!". Ok, ok. Virgie, I am not a stalker but you have to understand a huge part of my life is gone. My best friend and companion and it's recent. Of course I am going to be thinking about it a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I was saying "no kidding" in response to Kevin. The "obsessed" part got in there in between. Just lighten up on yourself, because you're devaluing yourself a lot. Breakups suck, but don't make it harder on yourself than you have to. You act like you couldn't be happy without her. You have to completely disregard how she feels about things, because it has no relevance to you anymore. Be the same guy you would be if she was still with you. You'll find someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 You were happy before her, I would assume, and you'll be happy after her. The world isn't over. Your life isn't over. Breakups happen, of course people go thru the ultimate and worst possible hell, but it's how you handle it that defines you. To obsess and think about ways of NOT to do things or how to do things, that's just breaking you down and driving yourself nuts. Just accept that it's over and, hell, just think she hates you maybe, that could help, and it'll lessen your need to contact her in any way. Link to post Share on other sites
MAP_Believeit Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I don't know much about why you broke up; you did so for a reason --you were not happy together. You should focus on you not her; send the books back to her dad now. Don't spend time thinking of little ways to insinuate yourself into her thoughts. I know that it is easier said than done but you should move on. Take up a new hobby or something. Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Pretend that she literally died. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Author Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Pretend that she literally died. If I did what your tag line says, I'd just not care about her and take her for granted! Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I mean, just treat this break up as you would a death... Sometimes it works better for me to think of my ex as being dead.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Author Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I mean, just treat this break up as you would a death... Sometimes it works better for me to think of my ex as being dead.... Kinda morbid, but I guess that would work. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 When I've had break ups I've found the best remedy for getting over things is getting rid of things... I don't keep photo's out.. put them away if you still have them in sight. I put away gifts that were given to me by an EX.. I delete the phone number from my cell phone.. I don't listen to songs that remind me of that person.. I don't keep anything that belongs to the EX.. mail it back, drive it back and drop it on the door, whatever it takes.. but get rid of it.. it only becomes a reason to try to remain in contact and you don't need that. While it's okay to allow yourself to grieve for the loss of the relationship.. only allow yourself 30 minutes then get on to other things... reading, running, friends... whatever but get your mind busy on something else besides misery. When those good things about the EX start coming into your mind, I'm pretty sure you can think of at least 5 not so great things about them as well.. do that! When your out and about, take extra time in being friendly and helpful to other people around you.. it makes them feel great and really it will make you feel good about making someone else's day better... IF all of this doesn't help you.. know that Merin thinks your an awesome person Link to post Share on other sites
XNemesisX Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 That was really good advice Merin! sorry I didn't elaborate more, COC, I am really tired right now It's not really that morbid if you think about it. The relationship is dead, and the person that you were in love with is in a sense "dead" so while I don't get all morbid or sadistic with it, it helps me to think of the grieving process being like that of a death of someone. Grieve for the person she once was. And I say ditto to everything Merin said! Definitely don't have things in sight that remind you of her. I do kind of regret ripping to shreds every picture I owned of me and and my ex together but do whatever it takes to get her off your mind (as best you can anyway). Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Author Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by Merin When I've had break ups I've found the best remedy for getting over things is getting rid of things... I don't keep photo's out.. put them away if you still have them in sight. I put away gifts that were given to me by an EX.. I delete the phone number from my cell phone.. I don't listen to songs that remind me of that person.. I don't keep anything that belongs to the EX.. mail it back, drive it back and drop it on the door, whatever it takes.. but get rid of it.. it only becomes a reason to try to remain in contact and you don't need that. Sigh. I've got these pictures here. I need to put them away. What about all the old emails and electronic photos?! I am mailing her dad's books tomorrow. Deleting her phone number and the contact info from my YIM will be hard. Why am I dreading it?! Ok, I'll do it now. Done, deleted her from my IM list. That was hard. Ok, gonna put the pics away in a box. Deleted her number from my cell phone too. That was the hardest.... While it's okay to allow yourself to grieve for the loss of the relationship.. only allow yourself 30 minutes then get on to other things... reading, running, friends... whatever but get your mind busy on something else besides misery. Agreed. Spent a lot of time on one of my motorcycles tonight. Felt good to concentrate on something else for a while. When those good things about the EX start coming into your mind, I'm pretty sure you can think of at least 5 not so great things about them as well.. do that! Yep, like blowing me off, taking advatange of me, cheating on me, being a hypocrite, etc. She's got a ton of them. Why on earth did I like this girl and what did I do to deserve that torture? When your out and about, take extra time in being friendly and helpful to other people around you.. it makes them feel great and really it will make you feel good about making someone else's day better... Yep, definitely. I like helping others. If all of this doesn't help you.. know that Merin thinks your an awesome person It does help and YOU are awesome. Thank you, Merin. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Author Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX That was really good advice Merin! sorry I didn't elaborate more, COC, I am really tired right now It's not really that morbid if you think about it. The relationship is dead, and the person that you were in love with is in a sense "dead" so while I don't get all morbid or sadistic with it, it helps me to think of the grieving process being like that of a death of someone. Grieve for the person she once was. I understand. She was never that great of a person to begin with...so I shouldn't be sad. I just miss the companionship the most. That's the hardest void for me to fill, coz I certain don't miss being taken for granted.... And I say ditto to everything Merin said! Definitely don't have things in sight that remind you of her. I do kind of regret ripping to shreds every picture I owned of me and and my ex together but do whatever it takes to get her off your mind (as best you can anyway). I did. I didn't rip stuff up though. Just put it all out of site. Even deleted her from my cell phone, which was the hardest thing to do. Now I'll have to remember her phone number in case she calls so I can remeber not to answer it. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Sigh. I've got these pictures here. I need to put them away. What about all the old emails and electronic photos?! I am mailing her dad's books tomorrow. Deleting her phone number and the contact info from my YIM will be hard. Why am I dreading it?! Ok, I'll do it now. Done, deleted her from my IM list. That was hard. Ok, gonna put the pics away in a box. Deleted her number from my cell phone too. That was the hardest.... Agreed. Spent a lot of time on one of my motorcycles tonight. Felt good to concentrate on something else for a while. Yep, like blowing me off, taking advatange of me, cheating on me, being a hypocrite, etc. She's got a ton of them. Why on earth did I like this girl and what did I do to deserve that torture? Yep, definitely. I like helping others. It does help and YOU are awesome. Thank you, Merin. You're Welcome.. and I mean it Good work on deleting her sorry a** from your YIM and Cell phone.. ^5 on that! Put those photos away.. stop looking at them... do that right now, I'll wait... Good job! Feels better right? DON'T try to remember her number... and stop waiting for her to call you... you've got only 30 minutes to dwell... and I hate to see you wasting those moments of misery waiting on her dumb butt to call you Of course you miss having a companion... it gets lonely I understand... BUT keep in mind this... a Black Lab makes a better companion right now than she does... they are very loyal, they are so freakin happy to see you come home no matter what, they're down to do whatever you want to without hesitation, they are protective of you, they don't take for granted time spend with you and even when sometimes they crap on your carpet (dammmnnn it!) they are really remorseful and show that... I loves my Lab! You'll get right soon.... but in the mean time take better care of yourself and treat yourself well. OH YEAH.. Almost forgot.. YES DELETE the old emails and electronic photos.. HIT the delete button now. Sometimes letting go is hard.... but trying to hold on is worse... Hang in there Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 This "pretend she died" advice may be more practical than you think. I think Merin's onto something. Think about it. When you break up with someone, you think, "What could I have done to fix things? How could this have happened differently? What if? What if? Where is she now? What is she doing? Who's she with? Will we get back together like in the movies?" But when someone dies...that's it. There's no if's. There's nothing left to think about other than memories. There's no chance of the person coming back so there's no thoughts of the person coming back. You deal with it and you move on. You think of the someone fondly but you don't wonder what's happening. Good call, Merin. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Try not to do the "shoulda coulda woulda" thing. All that does is put that yuk feeling on you and you don't need that anymore. Don't do that to yourself, YOU did nothing wrong here as you can't control what others think/feel. She doesn't hate you. She does care about you, she's just not "inlove" with you. It hurts, but you know, this could have ended alot worse than it did... Merin's idea is good. Allow yourself to go through the 5 grieving stages and ride out the rollercoaster. Won't be easy but soon you'll be on the otherside. Link to post Share on other sites
BrotherAaron Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 Actually, it was xNemsisx's idea. Not all good advice comes from Merin... sometimes other people get it right too Link to post Share on other sites
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