Text him re: making plans?

[katiegrl]

And Lady...remember, the best revenge is actually NO revenge.

 

Your indifference and apathy will send a very powerful message...and will speak to him louder than anything else you are doing.

 

I am sorry you are hurting.....hope you feel better soon...

[Ladyinindy]

It's so hard to let go. I want so badly to block him, but there's this little piece of me that makes me hang on because of how he made me feel before he faded out and made me feel like I was disposable. I know that I have to block him. He's been sending me text messages saying that he can't stop thinking about me, that I'm so sexy and so hot, and that he is thinking about me all the time. It's like his attention and acceptance of me somehow made me feel good about myself and wanted, and it still does some ways, but I know that I have to be reasonable and realize that all this person is going to do is repeatedly hurt me over and over again on this roller coaster that I would be on if I was willing to continue to see him. I know that it's true about what previous posters have said about men they've dated that have been like this, or women that they know that have dated men like this. It would be an endless roller coaster of him being all in, and then pulling away over and over in a vicious cycle. I'm crying right now as I'm typing this, because it's really hard to let go. I guess I thought maybe I was the one that was different for him, and everything else before me was not what he wanted. I can't believe I was silly enough to fall for him and his crap. Ugh, I feel like I can't even date this new person I met. I need time to heal....what do I do when I like the person I've met but I am barely even ready to date him?

[katiegrl]

It's so hard to let go. I want so badly to block him, but there's this little piece of me that makes me hang on because of how he made me feel before he faded out and made me feel like I was disposable. I know that I have to block him. He's been sending me text messages saying that he can't stop thinking about me, that I'm so sexy and so hot, and that he is thinking about me all the time. It's like his attention and acceptance of me somehow made me feel good about myself and wanted, and it still does some ways, but I know that I have to be reasonable and realize that all this person is going to do is repeatedly hurt me over and over again on this roller coaster that I would be on if I was willing to continue to see him. I know that it's true about what previous posters have said about men they've dated that have been like this, or women that they know that have dated men like this. It would be an endless roller coaster of him being all in, and then pulling away over and over in a vicious cycle. I'm crying right now as I'm typing this, because it's really hard to let go. I guess I thought maybe I was the one that was different for him, and everything else before me was not what he wanted. I can't believe I was silly enough to fall for him and his crap. Ugh, I feel like I can't even date this new person I met. I need time to heal....what do I do when I like the person I've met but I am barely even ready to date him?

 

 

Lady, I just went back and re-read this entire thread, and I suggest you do the same.

 

There is A LOT of insight in all these responses....and will give you the strength to stay away.

 

Also, try to keep things in perspective. You essentially dated him two weeks. TWO WEEKS!

 

When you think of it that way...doesn't it all make you feel a little silly? And I say that with love...and a little humor too.

 

This guy is a creep.... period end of story. He has a TON of issues, fear of commitment, fear of intimacy, among other things...and had those issues WAY before he met you.

 

What is he late 40's? Never married, never even had a LTR of any significance. Geez Loueeze girl, I know YOU know you can do better.

 

Feel sorry for him, pity him...he's a sad pathetic loser who now wants you back ONLY because he thinks another guy has you. So transparent and SO typical.

 

 

I promise if you can't laugh at all this now.... you WILL be laughing in a few weeks.

 

Not trying to diminish your pain...but seriously... you are a beautiful girl, you do NOT need this crap.

 

If you are finding it difficult to resist his BS, then block him, or just delete his texts immediately without reading them. I have done that too.

 

Good luck hon. Stay positive and head high.

 

You're worth it!!

[Ladyinindy]

I know that it probably seems so silly that I truly feel like I've developed such strong feelings for someone in such a short period of Time, but I feel like those feelings have been very genuine, and maybe that's why I'm so heartbroken is everything with him was just apparently lines that he says to all kinds of women. I do deserve better, and I know that I don't deserve to be strung along and lead on like I have been in this situation. I know I have to let go, this guy is a jerk. I want so badly to let go. I think I just never actually felt rejection before this. I'm 36 years old, people tell me that I look younger and that I'm pretty and that's all nice or whatever I'm not full of myself or something, but my point is that I think this is honestly the first time in my life that I've ever really faced rejection. I've honestly never had something that wasn't completely 100% reciprocated, I think that this is my first experience with that and it's really hard to deal with. The feelings of rejection that you feel in a situation like this are really hard to deal with, especially coming from someone that initially I really liked. It's like my mind fixates on why can't we just go back to where he never pulled away, and keep growing what had already been started. I'm so worth it why would he not pursue it in some sort of real way as the person and his shoes? It just blows my mind. I guess it's the whole fear of commitment thing that he has, it's like it doesn't matter who I am or am not at this point, he'll probably never settle down with anyone. He's extremely attractive, looks like he's 40 and he's almost 50, i'm sure he'll just get whatever girl he wants and tell them whatever lines he wants to tell them, and will probably never settle down. So I guess it is what it is, I have to choose to laugh at it so that it doesn't hurt so bad. But it does still hurt pretty bad.

[Versacehottie]

I know that it probably seems so silly that I truly feel like I've developed such strong feelings for someone in such a short period of Time, but I feel like those feelings have been very genuine, and maybe that's why I'm so heartbroken is everything with him was just apparently lines that he says to all kinds of women. I do deserve better, and I know that I don't deserve to be strung along and lead on like I have been in this situation. I know I have to let go, this guy is a jerk. I want so badly to let go. I think I just never actually felt rejection before this. I'm 36 years old, people tell me that I look younger and that I'm pretty and that's all nice or whatever I'm not full of myself or something, but my point is that I think this is honestly the first time in my life that I've ever really faced rejection. I've honestly never had something that wasn't completely 100% reciprocated, I think that this is my first experience with that and it's really hard to deal with. The feelings of rejection that you feel in a situation like this are really hard to deal with, especially coming from someone that initially I really liked. It's like my mind fixates on why can't we just go back to where he never pulled away, and keep growing what had already been started. I'm so worth it why would he not pursue it in some sort of real way as the person and his shoes? It just blows my mind. I guess it's the whole fear of commitment thing that he has, it's like it doesn't matter who I am or am not at this point, he'll probably never settle down with anyone. He's extremely attractive, looks like he's 40 and he's almost 50, i'm sure he'll just get whatever girl he wants and tell them whatever lines he wants to tell them, and will probably never settle down. So I guess it is what it is, I have to choose to laugh at it so that it doesn't hurt so bad. But it does still hurt pretty bad.

 

Sometimes these type of guys are good at the first few weeks--and that's all. They are useless for a real relationship because it's mostly an act. They get a high from the beginning and then it quickly fades (exit plan from new girl). The high has nothing to do with reality and the person. It's who they are when all their "stuff" is clicking, which they can only do at the beginning. I try to resist stereotyping but why do you think he's late 40's never been married?!?!?!? I'm going to take my best guess. He is utterly and hopeless emotionally unavailable. You should feel pity for this person.

 

Your life is virtually the same as it was the day before you went on your first date with him. What about a month ago? He is a blip, that's all. He won't get any girl who is worth it because his track record says it all. If he does, it will be short-lived like yours. You have to realize with the lack of time you were dating, you are not truly missing him yourself. You are having an ego crisis as well. Who cares, rejected, not reciprocated?? Consider yourself lucky that's all the time it ate up. Your self-esteem is the key to all of this. When someone treats you badly, you should want to get them out of your life, especially when they haven't even yet earned a spot in it.

 

Put yourself in your shoes of your new guy. Focus on that. If he is adoring you, you should value that much higher than someone who is dismissive. You owe it to new guy, to truly figure out what you are doing with him before you hurt him. Like you said, you're pretty and nice, you will meet other guys or maybe new guy will be the right one for you. Take a real pretty girl attitude--there will be others right around the corner.

[Ladyinindy]

Thanks for the honesty and encouragement everyone. It's gotten me through a lot of tough decisions in all of this. I've stopped returning all communication with Mr Stringalong and have found peace with it through the understanding I have gained by way of all of your posts.

 

Hugs to everyone, I appreciate you and your insight!

[katiegrl]

Thanks for the honesty and encouragement everyone. It's gotten me through a lot of tough decisions in all of this. I've stopped returning all communication with Mr Stringalong and have found peace with it through the understanding I have gained by way of all of your posts.

 

Hugs to everyone, I appreciate you and your insight!

 

You are very welcome Lady....glad to hear it helped.

 

One last thought though....might make you feel better.

 

If he asks to see you again, text him back and graciously respond "thank you but no longer interested. Take care.". That's it.

 

Nothing about the other guy, no explanation, nothing!

 

That way, YOU have in essence rejected HIM! With graciousness and class.

 

That is what I would do anyway....

[BluEyeL]

Thanks for the honesty and encouragement everyone. It's gotten me through a lot of tough decisions in all of this. I've stopped returning all communication with Mr Stringalong and have found peace with it through the understanding I have gained by way of all of your posts.

 

Hugs to everyone, I appreciate you and your insight!

 

I've been there, obsessing over some guy I was into and who wasn't giving me what I wanted. Now, it's like they never existed. I wonder how in the world I worried about them? One year from now you'll feel the same about this guy. He's not worth your energy.

[Redhead14]

I went on a first date May 22nd where we completely hit it off and had a great time together. He asked when he could see me again, if I was busy that next day (Saturday) and he invited me to his pool at his apartment complex. We spent the next day together with some of his friends he introduced me too. We've then spent 3 more dates together that went great.

 

Two weeks ago we were supposed to see eachother on a Friday, but he had been sick all week and was still sick Friday. I offered to go over to his house and take him chicken soup, he aaid that would be really helpful, I did, and he started feeling better and we spent the rest of that weekend together. Went to a movie, dinner, saw some of his friends, and I stayed there all weekend.

 

That was two weeks ago. In the last 2 week he's been very quiet and hasn't texted me barely at all, and has not asked me out once. However I've texted him every other day or so and just keep in touch and say hi, never to make plans or anything, and he always responds right away and always seems interested in talking to me. For example I texted him this past Saturday when I was hanging out with my Dad at my Dads house, to say hi because I was like 5 minutes away from him (my Dad coincidentally lives like 5 minutes away from him) and his text back was "let me know if you guys end up going to the outdoor concert by my house tonight, I will be close by watching a game with buddies at a bar." So....although he doesn't message me that much, that message says to me that not only is he still interested in time together, but is totally happy to meet my Dad (who is also one of my best friends).

 

What would you do? I really like him and we have really great chemistry and a lot in common (both really into exercise, into the same music, same food, same movies, same sports teams, same sense of humor, same religious beliefs, we know people in common).....I don't really "pursue" contact with men in early dating, I usually let them pursue my time because those are kind of the "dating rules" I guess....right?!?!?!

 

I wiuld love to see him this weekend but I don't really know what to do other than see if he wants to see me and texts me to make plans...or would you personally, after a month of dating, as a woman, initiate contact with the man and suggest plans a certain night at a certain place? Is that a good or bad idea? How do guys perceive that?

 

I really think we could have a great thing together if we keep seeing each other. I have a four year old daughter that he has commented that he would love to meet. All the signs seem to point to him wanting something between us except for the sparse contact in the last two weeks.

 

What would you do? Text him about making plans or let him initiate the dating moves?

 

Help! Lol.

 

You have been chasing this man. It's ok to initiate after a little while of dating, but when you do, you give the reins back to him in order for him to demonstrate his level of interest. You've shown him you're interested. Let him show you how interested he is.

 

But if they disappear for two weeks and text you, hey, I'm at the local bar, and last minute, that's not a sign of real interest. That's hey wanna hang out and maybe have sex later and disappear again.

 

If he called and explained well enough and asked me for a real date, I MIGHT consider it. But, it's pretty remote that I would.

 

Move on from this guy. He's disappointed you already in a big way. Don't set yourself up for more.

[Ladyinindy]

So! I have stopped returning contact for two days with Mr Stringalong, and guess what??? He just happened to message one of my best friends on the dating website we met on this morning asking her for her number. He's never met her so he would not know she and I were friends, but I had shown her a picture of him to show her one time who I was dating, so this morning she messaged me and told me he messaged her acting all flirty and complimentary. Looks like he's moving onto the next just like he's done the last 8 years he's been single. I'm so not surprised!! She and I had a good laugh about it.

 

Total player!!! Glad I wasted a few weeks on this man and not a few years.

[Ladyinindy]

By the way, just last night at 10 pm he messaged me that he was close by my house to see if I wanted him to stop by. I was asleep and saw the message this morning. Class act!!!!! Try to hook up with me last night and then email other women the very next morning at 10 am on the same dating site we met on With charming flirty messages. What a jerk!