is this what they call the 'pedestal'?

[xinaxxsdertf]

So I've had a pretty rough last few weeks.

Fractured my leg at work so have been stuck at home not being able to do much. Ex broke up with me about 4 months ago and now that I have so much spare time on my hands, shes always on my mind.

 

I feel like I have relapsed because the pain and emotion is heightened by so much now. Ive almost secluded myself from all my mates because its gotten me so down that I dont want to be anywhere or around anyone.

The DREAMS are the absolute WORST. I keep waking up halfway through the nights nearly in tears because she is in every dam dream. I keep dreaming of me seeing her again and us hugging and saying how much we miss each other. (this literally happens every night). Then i wake up at about 2 or 3am and take another 2 hours to get back to sleep cause im almost crying seeing that she isnt in the same bed as me anymore. 4 months later and im still not use to it...

 

I think the dreams are there because obviously i still clearly have very strong feelings for this girl but how can I get over this? How do you stop loving someone that doesnt love you back i guess?

 

I just need any suggestions for how to get out of this dump i am in at the moment. Ive gotten a bit scruffy, dont present myself well anymore. Have stress pimples on my face which makes me even more insecure about seeing people (usually I have a clear face but since been stuck at home with my thoughts, I keep breaking out).

 

How do i stop thinking about how successful she is doing in life and how happy she is, and start creating mine. Im sick of thinking she is doing so much better than me. how do i get back out there again and force myself out of this? i cant do councelling and stuff, its not my thing. Just need advice please, thanks:(

 

I think partly the dreams are there because I have always been so scared to bump into my ex again and I always wonder what impression I would put on her again. She always thought I was a good looking guy and so did her friends so I would always think about her reaction after buumping into me when im looking like ive been doing well. But i feel like if I was to bump into her now, i would be insecure, unconfident and she would look at me and feel sorry for me like my life has gone so downhill.

 

even after she dumped me, im still looking for her approval. why have i lost every inch of backbone and independence I ever had?

Edited June 17, 2015 by xinaxxsdertf

[La.Primavera]

I know you said you weren't interested in therapy but would you consider talking to your doctor? You describe a lot of symptoms of depression and given your current situation of being housebound things will likely get worse if that is the case. Having too much time to think and avoiding friends and going out when you are down becomes a vicious cycle that is hard to break.

 

You are going through a lot right now and have suffered a huge loss but you can't let it destroy your self esteem. Asking for advice from a professional seems like the most practical option here. I hope you consider it.

[Satu]

I agree with La Primavera.

 

It does seem that you've slid into a depression as a consequence of the breakup.

 

Make an appointment with your doctor, and get their opinion.

[xinaxxsdertf]

I know you said you weren't interested in therapy but would you consider talking to your doctor? You describe a lot of symptoms of depression and given your current situation of being housebound things will likely get worse if that is the case.

 

thanks for the input guys its much appreciated.

I've realised that I've slipped into a state of depression and I have also noticed over time how the depression has taken a toll on me and my lifestyle.

 

But im definitely at my lowest possible point at the moment and im now putting in the effort to come out of this on top. I wont be doing therapy or counselling as i know personally that its not needed. Yes im really down and sad at the moment but today is day 1 of re-healing i guess you can say?

 

I never healed completely and for about 2 months i always had hope she would come back since she did the first time. I guess im more disappointed in myself more than anything else.

 

I have a party i have to go to this weekend and then next weekend im going on a road trip with my closest mates. I just need to figure out how to not think about her all the time i guess. is there any depression advice that doesnt include counselling? just need to get that smile back

 

please note that i do not cry or sit around being sad. i may have a bit of depression due to being heartbroken but I'm a fighter and will never be beaten by something this silly. I've already given myself the push in the right direction. Just need the guidance now

[NopeNah]

is there any depression advice that doesnt include counselling? just need to get that smile back

)

Xbox and weed

[Simon Phoenix]

Xbox and weed

 

I realize you're being facetious, but no.

[xinaxxsdertf]

Xbox and weed

 

 

Funny you mention that because im not a smoker nor do I condone drugs. But after about a month and a half of healing I got offered weed and it got rid of the heartbreak. I smoked it daily for about 2 mnths and then realised my life was being put on hold.

 

So i decided to quit and now its backfired big time because i am feeling all the emotions and pain again just like before i started smoking. I didnt want to put this in my previous post because i have already pinpointed this problem and done something about it and didnt wabt people reffering me to drug forums lol.

 

I would highly recommend to never ever do drugs while in the heartbroken state because that just took 2 months of my life away and reset my healing.

 

Thats also part of the reason why I dont want to see my doctor and be put on antidepressants. Why get rid of one addiction and start up another? I feel like i have one of those easily addictive personalities So i now want to stay away from any drugs at all

Edited June 17, 2015 by xinaxxsdertf

[La.Primavera]

thanks for the input guys its much appreciated.

I've realised that I've slipped into a state of depression and I have also noticed over time how the depression has taken a toll on me and my lifestyle.

 

But im definitely at my lowest possible point at the moment and im now putting in the effort to come out of this on top. I wont be doing therapy or counselling as i know personally that its not needed. Yes im really down and sad at the moment but today is day 1 of re-healing i guess you can say?

 

I never healed completely and for about 2 months i always had hope she would come back since she did the first time. I guess im more disappointed in myself more than anything else.

 

I have a party i have to go to this weekend and then next weekend im going on a road trip with my closest mates. I just need to figure out how to not think about her all the time i guess. is there any depression advice that doesnt include counselling? just need to get that smile back

 

please note that i do not cry or sit around being sad. i may have a bit of depression due to being heartbroken but I'm a fighter and will never be beaten by something this silly. I've already given myself the push in the right direction. Just need the guidance now

 

That previous response was very irresponsible advice for someone who might be suffering from depression, as marijuana is known to exacerbate symptoms of depression and cause other issues such as paranoia and anxiety which could make you more withdrawn. I'm glad you didn't take it seriously.

 

I understand your hesitation about antidepressants but for many it is extremely beneficial. It is not the same as taking recreational drugs or being a drug addict. It is like any prescription medication people use as treatment for an illness. There are different types of antidepressants as well. Some people use them temporarily until they get back on track, others use them long term which helps keep them balanced. It’s all about brain chemistry and it is something you may not have any control over. A doctor can explain it better than I ever could. That is why I think it is important to speak to a doctor if you are concerned so you have all the information you need to make an informed decision, even if you decide not to take medication it will be worth it.

 

As for other ways of dealing with depression, exercise is a big one. It helps clear the mind, increases endorphin's, builds confidence etc.. In your current state it will be more challenging but I’m sure you can think of something like lifting weights. You could also try health supplements like St John’s Wort which some people use for mild forms of depression.

 

If you think this is simply a case of a broken heart that will heal on its own then perhaps focusing on a new hobby or interest will keep you distracted for a while. This time off from work could be used to make plans for your future. Research all the things you want to do and experience in life. Any time you think about her, shift your focus on to something else, and try and make every moment an enjoyable one.

 

If things don’t get better please don’t suffer in silence. Ask for advice from a doctor. We all need support every now and then. There is no shame in that.

 

Good luck.

[xinaxxsdertf]

@La.Primavera my hat is off to you mate, wow that is possibly the most informative reply I have ever read anywhere. You seem highly experienced in what youre talking about. Thanks so much.

 

Funny this is, out of all of that, the only part that put me on edge was when you started talking about my future and what to do when i think of 'her'. It seems that that part kind of felt like its true and it made me a bit anxious even having her in that subject. I do believe its simply just heartbreak.

 

I had a much better day today. didnt sleep much lastnight because I was up reading articles and forums and things (one of those nights you cant sleep). But it allowed me to wake up once i eventually got to sleep and I still had the same mindset in my head of trying to get my life back in order. And i managed to get things done today so im not feeling too bad. I know once the night hits, it will change but hey one day at a time.

 

I got through this broken heart twice already. this 3rd time is a lot harder but my thought process and mindset are definitely ready to take the lunge back into my normal self. Im thinking a career change since my job at the moment is physical and im now stuck at home. Might be able to transfer to another department doing desk work hopefully.

 

And im excited to get back into the partying life on the weekends with my good mates, cant quite yet because of the injury but im in touch with my friends again now.

[xinaxxsdertf]

just wanted to update this thread.

 

my leg has been okay lately and i have a bit of movement which is good so I got off my depressed ass and went to the gym today. I never really listened properly when people always say to exercise to help with depression because Ive been a gym-goer my entire life and i know how it feels to be in there, get the burning sensation and also see your gains over time.

 

So exercise is not new to me at all hence why I didnt think it would help on my bad days. but i guess its true how they say it helps your body produce the "feel-good" hormone because I felt so damn good during that workout and it has just made the rest of my day so pleasant. I can feel my motivation coming through again, im going out tonight and will most probably be hungover tomorrow but i cannot wait for monday to get back in there!

 

Ive also lost muscle too so time to get it back! Just sucks i cant do quite a few things in there because of my leg so hopefully i dont have to skip leg day for too long! exercise = cure (for me anyway)

[La.Primavera]

@La.Primavera my hat is off to you mate, wow that is possibly the most informative reply I have ever read anywhere. You seem highly experienced in what youre talking about. Thanks so much

 

I have seen depression cause havoc in people's lives, and sometimes permanent damage when it goes untreated. The sooner a person takes action the better. It's always better to be safe than sorry.

 

I don't know you but I'm really proud of you for what you are doing. It sounds like the gym is going to be a great place to help get you back on track. Keep up the good work!

 

All the best.