Gwwm123 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Long story short, meet this girl (may 2012), spent 6 months together in a relationship, she seemed disconnected from the relationship, I broke up with her, felt horrible for the next year and half and started feeling somewhat better after that time. Two years past she contacts me that she wants to get together, tried things again and broke up once again. I am depressed, I have a cloud over my head all day long, thinking of her from the moment I wake up until I fall asleep. Thankfully I can work, I can practice sports and keep active at thr gym, aside from that nothing else gives me joy or at least the though of her temporarily leaves my mind. I miss her, I want her in my life, I want to see her smile and be happy, that is, or at least was, my main objective in life. I dont see the light, I am living my primal fear which being alone and not having her with me. So, I am considering taking antidepressants but I want to hear from people who have had it before and the results, be it good or bad. Your input will be deeply appreciated..... Link to post Share on other sites
erklat Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 On 15th June was exactly two years since our first date. I changed. I turned my life upside down. Not just some cosmetic changes that last for a month. I'm talking about real measurable success. It takes you only that far. Regret is present but bearable. I was fighting with severe depression even before her, she was just the one to push me over the ledge. On Aug 12th will be two years since I'm on therapy. As long as you get SSRI group antidepressants they won't do you any harm. They helped me become really nonchalant. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 If you feel like they'll help, talk to your Dr.. I take them, not because of a breakup and I don't take them daily,but have them around if I start to feel anxiety coming on. During my divorce, years ago, I thought this song was hilarious! around the 2:20 mark he talks about what you're thinking and is referencing valium. Link to post Share on other sites
learnbyliving Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Last year, the aftermath of a break up was so bad, even though ending it was for the best, that I could not function. All I did was ruminate on thoughts and fears, and try to fall asleep to pass the time. I don't want to pass judgement on your state of mind, only you can decide whether you're at a point where you need help. I am prone to depression, it runs in my family, but I had never taken medication until that particular instance. In that situation, it just felt like too much and I needed help to get my life back on track. I rationally recognized all I needed to do, just could not will myself to take action. Enter SSRIs. I took escitalopram (Cipralex/Lexapro) for 4 months. As with all SSRIs, there are some unpleasant but tolerable side effects that mostly go away. By 3 weeks, I felt like the drugs were working. Whereas former days were spent in constant emotional pain, like a wet rag on your brain, it turned to numbness. Numbness at least allowed me to function and work on my own cognitive behaviour therapy in trying to change how I perceive things (the therapist didn't do much; talking to my friends and MYSELF over and over really did it). I stopped taking the SSRI after 4 months because I reached a point where I felt like I needed to up the dose to get the same effect, and I didn't want to. Plus I always had the side effect of insomnia that never went away. Obviously I'm on these forums because another breakup is making me ache and hurt, but objectively as I'm writing about last summer, it is easier now. TL;DR: anti-depressants did their job by giving you a chance. Use that clarity and relief to make changes that work in the long-run (no judgement on long term users, just prefer not to personally). Link to post Share on other sites
ASV Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Venlafaxine for the win. Escitalopram didn't make a **** to me. Well, to each his own I guess. By the way, weren't it because YOU broke up with her and not the other way round, you would have made my day. You were telling my EXACT case, save for being you the dumper and not the dumpee. Man, today is one of those days I want her back so bad. Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 take them, and don't give up if the first one prescribed isn't the best one. they aren't a cure for grief, but they do stop the circular (obsessive) thinking and reduce the acuity of the pain. Link to post Share on other sites
HowMightI-live Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Try psychotherapy before just jumping straight on meds. For me? Therapy has helped a whole lot more then anti depressants ever did and i am no longer on them because of it. Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 (edited) Read Feeling good by Dr. David Burns before you consider taking medications. It's not that psycho-pharmacology doesn't have it's place sometimes, but there's very good scientific evidence that cognitive techniques can relieve depression. "Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for depression. At the heart of CBT is an assumption that a person's mood is directly related to his or her patterns of thought. Negative, dysfunctional thinking affects a person's mood, sense of self, behavior, and even physical state. The goal of cognitive behavioral therapy is to help a person learn to recognize negative patterns of thought, evaluate their validity, and replace them with healthier ways of thinking." Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Depression: Techniques, Sessions, and More Also meditative techniques like mindfulness can treat depression as well. Buddha's brain by Rick Hanson is pretty good. Edited June 17, 2015 by doeblin Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwwm123 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 First of all, thank you all for taking the time to read my thread and for the input... I am to ashamed to go to a therapist. I did go to a psychologist after the first break-up (the pain was really unbearable, right now it hurts but not as much) for about 6-7 weeks and to be honest the only moment a felt somewhat better was when I was venting with the therapist. I didnt feel good or felt any improvement in the long run so I am pretty skeptical about therapy. I have been thinking of giving it another chance but like I said, I am way to ashamed and not confident that it will work. Also I have what is called tunnel vision, either things work or they dont, there is no in-between, I have been like this since I have use of reason. That is why I am considering the pills, but I am to afraid of the side effects, specially the rectile dysfunction one although I am not sexually active which also drives me nuts. I have my next doctors appointment in July, I will see how I feel by then....knowing me not good but maybe something happens during that time that does make me feel better, maybe a new love, as unlikely as it seems.... Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I take them, can't see an issue if they help. +1 for taking... Best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
doeblin Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Also I have what is called tunnel vision, either things work or they dont, there is no in-between, I have been like this since I have use of reason. That is exactly the type of distorted thinking Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy can deal with. You can buy a good CBT book for 8$ or, if second hand, a buck. The techniques you learn last a lifetime. No side effects. Unless if you have a severe psychiatric disorder (it doesn't seem like it), you don't need a therapist, you just need to do the exercises in the book. But you need to make some effort. Link to post Share on other sites
HowMightI-live Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 First of all, thank you all for taking the time to read my thread and for the input... I am to ashamed to go to a therapist. I did go to a psychologist after the first break-up (the pain was really unbearable, right now it hurts but not as much) for about 6-7 weeks and to be honest the only moment a felt somewhat better was when I was venting with the therapist. I didnt feel good or felt any improvement in the long run so I am pretty skeptical about therapy. I have been thinking of giving it another chance but like I said, I am way to ashamed and not confident that it will work. Also I have what is called tunnel vision, either things work or they dont, there is no in-between, I have been like this since I have use of reason. That is why I am considering the pills, but I am to afraid of the side effects, specially the rectile dysfunction one although I am not sexually active which also drives me nuts. I have my next doctors appointment in July, I will see how I feel by then....knowing me not good but maybe something happens during that time that does make me feel better, maybe a new love, as unlikely as it seems.... If by all means you feel like medicine might help then i would also encourage you.to explore that possibility. I know people who have benefited a great deal with the help of antidepressants. I was completely speaking from my own personal experience with them. I hope it didn't discourage you in any way. It really is at the end of the day, your life and decision to make. I've been seeing therapist since the age of 14 as i suffer from major depressive disorder and for years felt like it was no help. This is why i was persuaded by a therapist to go on an antidepressant and something for my anxiety. It was only until years later after i met the therapist i am currently seeing now that i felt like the depression was beginning to subside. In a way, it could have been because i was growing up, maturing as with my way of thinking but i.also owe it to him. He's the best.therapist i've ever had and he challenges me and my way of thinking constantly. I think it was that push that i needed. That aggression. It doesn't work for everyone but it has been working for me in the last two years that ive been seeing in more ways that i could put in words. It was life or.death.for me every single day until i met him. This is probably why when i here someone else's struggle, the first thing i advise is therapy...because i've been.to all those.dark places and i understand it. That being said, its your life and what works for me might not work for you. The last thing i.would.want.to.do is stray.you in the wrong direction. I would rather caution you.to keep an open mind to all suggestions and to follow what feels right to.you Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Anti-depressants have there place in the world but, personally, they shouldn't be your first choice to overcome your situation. Spend some time googling natural ways of beating depression. There are great ways to do this. Exercise, diet are two biggies. Hobbies, other interests, reading, etc.. You should try those before simply popping a pill. They do come w/a host of side effects. A biggie for guys is trouble reaching orgasm. It can effect women as well. Other side effects are insomnia, anxiety and other issues. Do some research before taking any pill but 1st, explore ways you can beat it w/out pills first and try them. Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I started taking a low dose (5mg) of Lexapro this past August, after I got hit with a wave of deep depression on top of a chronic depression due to a major break-up. I always was opposed to antidepressants as a coping tool, but after a bout of depression that particularly scared me in its intensity, I decided to take any measure available to keep me from succumbing. The way the doctor explained it to me is that sometimes after long periods of grief, your seratonin and dopamine levels can drop so low you can't use natural measures (diet, rest, exercise) to build them back to their normal levels. And so taking low-dose antidepressants helps restore the chemical balance. I think it's important to take the attitude that the antidepressants are not in any way a "fix" for your problems, your grief or even your sadness over the breakup. They are one of several tools you should be using to get back on your feet. Along with the Lexapro, I have been in 2x/week individual therapy, I joined a women's empowerment group for a few months, I set and met a number of big fitness goals, I spent equal amounts of time on my own and with new friends, I rearranged my house, I planned and went on a bunch of new adventures requiring new skills. These things all together have helped me cope, and even then I have had my work cut out for me to right myself after this breakup. The process is ongoing. I'm still taking Lexapro, still in therapy, but I've added new things to my efforts to move forward: I've planted a vegetable garden, I'm learning to fly fish, and I've been working on improving my relationship with my mother. Sometimes, life is overwhelming and we can't get our center. So why not, in those times, take advantage of the intensive neuropsychological and pharmacological research that has taken place over the past 50 or so years, and try antidepressants? If you have side-effects you don't like, then you stop; I think just the act of trying to make yourself better in constructive ways serves to boost your neurochemistry. Personally, I've had no side-effects, just some headaches when I first started taking Lexapro and then nothing. Probably because I take such a low dose. Hope this helps a little in making your decision? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Zapbasket Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I am to ashamed to go to a therapist. There is nothing to be ashamed about in seeing a therapist. It doesn't categorically mean you are "mentally ill" and need to be "cured." Think of therapy as an emotional education. It's not an education about emotions in general, per se, like you'd get from reading psychology books; rather, it's an education in YOUR emotions, i.e., how you think and feel and why you think and feel the way you do. There are almost as many therapeutic paradigms as there are thoughts and feelings one can have; the most important thing is to feel a good rapport with your therapist, where you feel supported, heard, engaged, and challenged when you need to be challenged. Sometimes, the stories we tell ourselves to make sense of our experiences, and our attitude about ourselves, others, and our experiences, become counterproductive to our personal growth and overall well-being. This is when you go to therapy, so that you can become better acquainted with your stories and attitudes, your feelings and thoughts, the better to see how they might not be serving you. This way, with the support of the therapeutic process and the therapist, you learn new ways of thinking. If you think of your mind as a wrench, say, and problems like depression or a negative self-image as a loosened screw or broken handle on the wrench...then how can you rely on that wrench to handle the problems that lie in front of you? How is a broken tool going to get you where you want to be? Therapy helps fix the tool, so that it, in turn, can resume addressing the problems of life in a productive, self-expanding way. You say you are a black-and-white thinker. There is nothing wrong with that, necessarily, but in a world where things are everything BUT black and white, perhaps it might round out your toolbox to be able to recognize and find meaning in the grey. Perhaps the rigidity of your thinking leads you to view yourself, others and your experiences in a narrow way that prevents you from seeing the full spectrum of opportunities before you. Therapy, perhaps, could help with this. I am proud to say I see a therapist. It means I care about my emotional growth and health and have a vested interest in continuing to grow as a person, in order to reach my fullest potential. I am no less proud of saying I go to a therapist than saying I go to the gym--in one, I attend to my physical health; in the other, I attend to my emotional health. It takes courage to take steps to better yourself. Therapy is one such step, and I'll promise you this: no one is ever WORSE off for going to therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwwm123 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 Thank you all once again, I cant be grateful enough for your replies, this is my only way to vent and your thoughts and opinions do have great value to me. I will consider the therapy after reading all of your well written and argumentative statements. I do know that the main reason for my depression is caused by what my mind believes to be the love of my life which I will never find a replacement. Nobody around me believes or thinks I am depressed, I hide it pretty well. Once that is obliterated from my head I will feel much better and maybe be able to forget her and heal all the damage she has done to me and be able to feel like I felt pre-meeting her. I will talk to my doctor about going to a psychologist and postponing the antidepressants if the therapy does not seem to work. I am forever thankful. Time to listen to some Rush.... Link to post Share on other sites
ASV Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I am forever thankful. Time to listen to some Rush.... What you own is your own kingdom What you do is your own glory What you love is your own power What you live is your own story In your head is the answer Let it guide you along Let your heart be the anchor And the beat of your own song 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwwm123 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 2112 The sleep is still in my eyes The dream is still in my head I heave a sigh and sadly smile And lie a while in bed I wish that it might come to pass Not fade like all my dreams... Just think of what my life might be In a world like I have seen! I don't think I can carry on Carry on this cold and empty life My spirits are low in the depths of despair My lifeblood... ...Spills over... This describes how I felt and feel. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASV Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 2112 The sleep is still in my eyes The dream is still in my head I heave a sigh and sadly smile And lie a while in bed I wish that it might come to pass Not fade like all my dreams... Just think of what my life might be In a world like I have seen! I don't think I can carry on Carry on this cold and empty life My spirits are low in the depths of despair My lifeblood... ...Spills over... This describes how I felt and feel. Like for the goosebumps at mentally remembering that piece, not for the situation. I'm there too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 OP, perhaps view this as a two-pronged approach, with an appropriate anti-depressant prescribed under a doctor's care to alter your brain chemistry a bit and talk therapy like CBT to build upon the changes and solidify them through cognitive means. View the 'pill' as a tool to make the mind receptive to the tools that psychological therapy provides to permanently change thought pathways and habitual processes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwwm123 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 OP, perhaps view this as a two-pronged approach, with an appropriate anti-depressant prescribed under a doctor's care to alter your brain chemistry a bit and talk therapy like CBT to build upon the changes and solidify them through cognitive means. View the 'pill' as a tool to make the mind receptive to the tools that psychological therapy provides to permanently change thought pathways and habitual processes. I will give it a try, I am living in hell and all because of a woman, how pathetic, so many people in the world with real problems and I am drowning in a glass of water. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwwm123 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 Like for the goosebumps at mentally remembering that piece, not for the situation. I'm there too. Are you a rock fan? Link to post Share on other sites
ASV Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Are you a rock fan? Yeah, pretty much. I love Rush, sp. Hemispheres. And I like your avatar of Pink Floyd at Pompeii, hope they were performing Eugene or Echoes... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gwwm123 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 Hahaha its great to meet a fellow musical colleague, without these bands I don't know what would be of me. Although I haven't listened to Pink Floyd as much because the songs remind me of her (Coming Back to Life I dedicated to her, don't listen to it, it will set you back miles), so I have gravitated to bands like Rush, Black Sabbath to try and help me disconnect, I don't know if that works for you too.... Yes that is Pompeii as you well know and they are playing Echoes one of the most epic songs ever made, along with Hemispheres hahaha. Link to post Share on other sites
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