A Stripper Question

[FolderWife]

Yeah...some women are lucky enough to have a man that feels that way about them

[RecordProducer]

No strippers when he's married!!!!!

[HOTRODDERS WIFE]

I just wanted to thank everyone for your input on the whole stripper issue! It has been very helpful!

 

I will let you know how it all turns out!

 

~Hotrodders Wife

[StillHurtin]

My H had an A a few years ago during our separation so there is some trust issues there w/ me. He said he wouldn't blame me for not wanting him to go to a party where there is a stripper b/c of the trust, but on the other hand he wouldn't want me telling him what to do. He told me that he wouldn't like it if I went to a party where there is a male stripper so if he wouldn't like me going to a party/strip club, then he should respect my wishes and not go either.

 

I haven't read all your replies but if you do talk to him about it b4 the party tell him you know there will be a stipper at the party and you aren't comfortable w/ him being there, regardless if you trust him, or the stripper. I wonder how he would feel if you were going to go to a party where there is a stripper? GL! Hope it works out for the best.

[yuv]

rble618740 wrote:

On the issue of this stripper being at a friend's house, versus in a strip bar, I think there's a difference.

 

I agree totally.

 

I am imagining my husband walking into our home to find me sitting in a chair with a naked man rubbing himself on me - and I think he wouldn't be very happy. Does adding 5 other women who will engage in the same conduct make it alright?

 

Hmm. The original poster wrote:

My husband is a mechanic and loves to work on old cars. One of his car buddies is having a party to chop the top on his hotrod. He is going to have a BBQ and a Stripper.

 

The post did not say:

My husband is a stripper enthusiast and loves to watch strippers. One of his buddies is having a party to watch a stripper. He is going to have a BBQ and chop the top on his hotrod.

 

I'm clearly not lining up on this. I read all of the posts. I read the thread and got the impression that the stripper is incidental, not the activity they're focusing on. (To go down on record, personally, I think it's neither moral nor immoral to watch someone strip. I do, however, think it is profoundly stupid to pay someone who hates you to take her clothes off while pretending that she enjoys doing it. She resents what she's doing, and to pay for that... How's that fun? How's throwing $money away sensible?. Anyway, back to being relevant.)

 

They're engaged in chopping the top of cars. If the stripper is objectionable, I repeat: can he mind the grill when the chair circle happens? Can he leave before she starts?

 

When a stripper or some other morally ambiguous (for some, I guess) element is introduced into another activity, it's not so clear cut. Going to a club or batchelor party? The FOCUS is the stripper. Going to a club with loud music and dark booths where you can buy private dances is fundamentally different from going to work on your car at a suburban barbecue where there will happen to be a stripper.

 

See if he's fine with attending only the "we're working on our cars" part... Why ask him to skip altogether? (There was a baby in that bathwater?)

[Jlmic1]

The stripper is CLEARLY the focus of an all man mechanic party. And it's even more obvious that shes the focus because the husband never mentioned it- so obviously he felt there was a reason to hide the fact.

 

And do you honestly think that someone would hire a stripper for any other reason than to make her the focus? She obviously not hired to blend into the background like a bush.

[HOTRODDERS WIFE]

I do plan on telling him that I know. And I will tell him that I don't feel he should go because of the stripper, but I don't want to tell him he can't go. That will only cause a fight. I'm kinda nervous about it because in the four years we have been together this has never been an issue. What do I do when he gets all defensive and tells me I don't trust him and she doesn't mean anything so not to worry?

[yuv]

BTW Jlmic1, I had no idea you were going to the barbecue also! In all seriousness I think you've done a good job of playing Devil's advocate.

I disagree with your post chiefly because I believe that the reason he didn't mention it is probably because he suspects it would start a fight. There is no "obvious" reason other than what HOTRODDERS WIFE has told us. And of course she'll be the focus... when she does her thing. Remember that the husband doesn't know that the poster knows anything, and what SHE has told us is that it's primarily a car thing with a stripper there. From what the poster told us in the first post, he's into cars. He can stay for the car thing. He can leave for the stripper thing.

Anyway, I think we've done a pretty admirable "point/counterpoint" here.

 

What do I do when he gets all defensive and tells me I don't trust him and she doesn't mean anything so not to worry?

Thank him for telling the truth.

 

You've said in previous posts that you trust him anyway, believe he would never cheat... Tell him these things. It makes him feel and think about your actual objection. At that point, tell him what specifically you object to: not that she'll be there, but that it's your personal feeling is that

I just feel that having some stripper rub her boods in his face or her crotch on his leg is a slap in the face to me as his wife.

Tell him you don't mind him doing the mechanic thing, but it would make you feel a lot better if he left if he did not participate. (Or if he left when her clothes came off... You didn't type about nudity though, but rather what comes after the clothes come off.)

 

I sincerely wish you good luck on this, and I am active in this thread because I know how difficult it can be on the guy's side. I've been in situation where I've been out with friends, as a single guy... Strippers weren't even on the docket, and all of a sudden, we're off to a club. I go with, but I resent spending money on expensive drinks or a cover charge, and will NOT pay for any nonsense like lap dances. Sometimes, it's just not easy to opt out. I am now married, and my wife is getting over the whole "Strippers Have Magical Man Stealing Powers" thing that I've described.

[Jlmic1]

OK yuv... Now your story changes to " Of course she'll be the main focus, while she's there" isnt that MAIN FOCUS ENOUGH?!

 

Anyway- if you're married and see no problem with it -great.. Just let us know how you feel when you're wife is at an all woman party drooling over some naked man, or worse, paying him to rub his cock in her face.

[yuv]

OK yuv... Now your story changes to

My "story" didn't change. I'm surprised, I thought you were posting that way because you were playing devil's advocate, not because you're inattentive (or incapable of making both subtle and obvious distinctions?)

Food will be served at the barbecue. While the food is being consumed, the food will be focus of each person consuming it. The poster didn't make it sound like food was the main purpose of the event. If the stripper is indeed the point of the whole thing and this truly has zero to do with cars, perhaps the initial poster should tell us (hint: that's not you, it's the Hotrodder's Wife!)

Anyway- if you're married and see no problem with it -great..

With it? With what? (Clue: this is rhetorical and is answered in the next line.)

paying him to rub his cock in her face.

Oohh! Let's see. I had no problem with watching someone strip, which is nudity. What you're referring to is something a bit different and indicative that quite probably subtlely is entirely lost on you. Hmmm what happened here uh oh you... <drumroll> didn't read my entire post!

Just let us know how you feel when you're wife is at an all woman party drooling over some naked man, or worse, paying him to rub his cock in her face.

What's this got to do with what I said? What's this got to do with what the Hotrodder's Wife said? Who's drooling and why can't you read an entire post? Who's paying to rub anything in anyone's face and why can't you read an entire post?

 

Well, go ahead and reply and be sure:

- not to understand the food metaphor

- not to read beyond the first sentence of every paragraph

- to USE ALL CAPS AT SOME POINT!!11ONEONE

[HOTRODDERS WIFE]

Now, Now, Now!!!

 

I see both sides here. I haven't worked up the guts to talk to him about it yet. But I will. I want it to be good timing and enough time to be able to talk it through without interuptions. It's not for a couple of weekends so i have plenty of time. However if I don't get it out soon I'm gonna blow!!! I get knots in my stomach when I think about it.

 

I think it bugs me more that he has not told me that a stripper will be there more than anything. I know his reasoning is he thinks I will not let him go. But with everyones help and advice I think I will be ok with him going IF he does not participate and no alcohol! And let him know that the truth always comes out! So he better mind his P's and Q's!

 

Thanks again everyone for your help.

 

~Hotrodders Wife

[Jlmic1]

Wow Yuv, Sounds like you are WAAAYYYYYYYY too offended by my opinion on this. I don't quite get why you had to go into some huge spiel and add your little dumb narrations, but to each his own I guess. You're a man, obviously anything you say is going to be biast.

 

Anway, Have you ever heard of Xanax?? TAKE SOME!

 

Seems to me like you are having a few problems of your own the way you are comming unraveled like a wal-mart sweater

[SweetSerenity]

I'm a woman, and I have to disagree with most of the women here. I'm sorry but if my man wanted to go, and has gone before, to see strippers I will definitely let him. What happens when you tell someone not to touch a red button amongst the green? It tempts them even more. Think about it ladies. The reason why a lot of men cheat, and I'm gonna get bashed and I don't care, to hell with it, is because we put stipulations on them. If women would accept men the way they are, they like to look and theres nothing wrong with that, then men would probably get along with their wives, girlfriends, fiancees more.

 

I'm not saying you have to put up with adultery or crude behavior, but let him go and enjoy his night with the guys. This stripper doesn't care about your husband or the other guys, she's just there to make her rent and thats it.

 

I'm more concerned that some of these women are telling you to stomp around and put restrictions on your husband. If you do that then you can most assuredly bet that he will not tell you anything in the future. When you start to hide things, trouble begins.

[Moose]

Originally posted by HOTRODDERS WIFE

My husband is a mechanic and loves to work on old cars. One of his car buddies is having a party to chop the top on his hotrod. He is going to have a BBQ and a Stripper. I am not thrilled with the whole stripper deal. He does not know I know there will be one there. I have heard many horror stories about partys with strippers. I love him very much and trust him but not sure I can trust that the stripper will not try anything.

 

So should I say anything to him or just try to do my best not to think about it and not let it bother me?

 

Thanks for your help!!

 

~Hotrodders Wife

I'm gonna give you my take on this. First, let me just say that Mrs. Moose would let me go, here's why:

My husband is a mechanic and loves to work on old cars.

I'm not a mechanic by trade, but I LOVE turning Fieros into Ferrari or Lamnroghini Kit Kars.

One of his car buddies is having a party to chop the top on his hotrod. He is going to have a BBQ and a Stripper.

Cool, I'd like to see what he's doing and maybe learn something or help out if I can..... BBQ is my staple too..... Couldn't care less about the Stripper though.

I am not thrilled with the whole stripper deal.

Did you tell him you weren't too happy about that? Maybe you two can compromise, he can stay out of the garage until the entertainment leaves for example.

He does not know I know there will be one there.

Oh, is this a manner of who's more deceitful now? He's trying to get away with something, and you're not going to let him know you know? This is simple.....you need to tell him you know and work something out.....that's what I'm thinking, oh, but wait:

I have heard many horror stories about partys with strippers. I love him very much and trust him but not sure I can trust that the stripper will not try anything.

K, well, either you trust him, or you don't. I know you just said you did......but obviously there's doubt or this chick could be all over him like stink on shyt and your hubby would just turn a beat red. (Maybe get a lil' hard too). I tell you one thing for sure.....if you don't say anything, and he finds out on his own that you knew all along, where do you think his trust level for you would be? So......instead of putting yourself through soooo much pain and suffering regretting to talk to him about it.......

However if I don't get it out soon I'm gonna blow!!! I get knots in my stomach when I think about it.

Walk up to him.....right now, and say, "Babe, I just want you to know that I found out there will be a stripper at Joe's BBQ.....it kinds bothers me but I trust you and I want you to have a good time".......if he gets upset, back up what you just said by asking him if he would be 100% comfortable if you went to a tupperware party with a male dancer, chances are he'll have to say no........then ask him, "But you'd still want me to go and have fun with the tupperware....right?" Then see where it goes from there.

 

I'd be impressed with Mrs. Moose if she approached me like that back before we straightened up, now and days, it's a given that I'm going, and that I mind my manners. And the same goes for her.

[Pocky]

Five days later and you still haven't approached him? It's only a stripper at a party thrown by someone else. Really, isn't this getting a little melodramatic? The whole "have to wait for the best moment" scenario? He's your husband - if you can't say, "hey I found out they're having a stripper at the BBQ - did you know that?", then you have more issues in your marriage than your husband seeing a woman dance naked.

 

I'm not trying to be pushy, but bring it up already. The more you sit around festering on the issue the worse it's going to get and coming here listening to horror stories about strippers gone bad isn't going to help.

[HOTRODDERS WIFE]

Well I did it!!!! I talked to him, told him how I felt and....................

 

He was sooooo sweet about the whole thing. Told me he had already planned on leaving before the stripper got there and thats why he didn't tell me because he wasn't even going to be apart of it. He said it's stupid to pay money to see a naked chic when he can come home and actually touch and be with me.

 

So all that worrying for nothing.

 

I want to thank everyone for your help!

 

~Hotrodders Wife

[Illusion24]

Do you trust your Husband???

 

Then you shouldn't worry...Remember it take 2 to tango...!

 

YOU SEE!

[Moose]

<<<<< Close file, stuffs into cabinet, closes drawer......>>>>>>

[loudog]

All I can say is WOW! There are some really uptight women in this thread. It really is not that big a deal...really! So they'll have stripper at the party big deal.

 

"Tell him he can't go” He is not allowed to spend "our" money on such things.... Jesus why don't you just castrate the guy and get it over with. It pretty much sounds like what you want is a man with no testosterone. I can see it now his head hung low telling his buddies “sorry guys my wife won’t let me go….” He might as well just hang up his whole masculine life right then and there. I am quite sure the really aggressive posts in this thread would be outraged if there husbands looked at a Playboy Magazine. Unreal.

 

For myself my wife has Zero Issues with me going to a strip joint or being at a party with strippers. Why?...because she is gorgeous and has no mental hang-ups on how she looks versus other women and two she knows she can trust me. She knows in my past life I have been there done that. I dated a stripper or two in my past… no big deal. Most strippers wouldn’t give most guys the time of day…it’s about money that’s it!! The reality for me is that I find little thrill in it now and might visit one on a business trip with colleagues once a year or go to some guy party that might include strippers once every few years. Nothing ever happens other than some male camaraderie…period

 

Ladies lighten up…though I know it’s a waste saying it because it will never happen I can see the attitude and it will never change. All I can say is a pity your husbands if they put up with it.

 

Come on blast me…I know you will…I really don’t care.

[SexKitten]

there's obviously a reason that he didn't tell you there's going to be a stripper at this party.

 

it's either because

 

a. he wants to hide what might happen and any potential questions, or

 

b. he knows you will be pissed off and wants to avoid arguing about and risk you not letting him go, or

 

c. both.

 

in any case, he wants to hide it from you, and if he wants to be there badly enough that he is going to hide it so you don't fight and tell him not to go, that's not right.

 

i hate when people say "i didn't tell you because i didn't want you to get mad."

 

that means "i didn't tell you because you would get mad, and i wouldn't get what i want, so i did it anyway and totally discounted your feelings because i am selfish and didn't want to listen to your shyt...so really it had nothing to do with your feelings, it was all about me."

 

ugh.

[Stone]

OMG, why does everyone assume that Stripper Prostitutes? and that the Strippers want there boyfriends and husbands & have some goal to steal married men , honestly they couldn't care less they stay while the cash is flowing and leave. the men are left aroused and broke and that is all that happens. I promise

[SexKitten]

Originally posted by Stone

OMG, why does everyone assume that Stripper Prostitutes? and that the Strippers want there boyfriends and husbands & have some goal to steal married men , honestly they couldn't care less they stay while the cash is flowing and leave. the men are left aroused and broke and that is all that happens. I promise

 

yeah i agree, most situations are like that. there are definitely some situations with more involved, no doubt, but typically, it is as you describe.

 

i don't think she's worried about him cheating, i think she just doesn't appreciate the idea of it, and she doesn't like that he didn't tell her.

 

if it's not that, then i don't know what the problem is that she has with it...?

[HOTRODDERS WIFE]

loudog:

[HOTRODDERS WIFE]

[color=darkblue][font=courier new]loudog:

You seem to be a little up tight yourself! You sure are awfully defensive for someone who has the "Perfect Wife". Anyway that is your deal.

 

The only reason I posted this was to get to get other opinions. Not once did I say- I didn't trust him or he was going to lay down in the middle of the garage and have sex with the stripper in front of all his friends. I wanted to see if I should say anything or just let it go. I never was not going to let him go. I have never not let him do anything.

 

So I got others opinions. I thank you all very much! I talk to my husband about it all and everything turned out fine. He will be attending and said he was planning on leaving before the stripper got there. If he does, he does if he doesn't then thats OK to because he at least knows how I feel now and that was my major concern!

 

~Hotrodders Wife[/font][/color]

[New_Wife]

Good for you, HotroddersWife! My H and I had a similar situation over his batchelor party, and it worked out just fine. Pretty handy, that talking thing, huh!?