BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 How about sushi and video games? Um...if I like you, feel comfy with you and you're a decent and respectful guy who I've known and have been dating for a month (or longer), then...sure! But I'll only come over if you've got Black Ops I or II on Xbox and if you've prepared (or ordered) Maki. In all honesty, I cannot remember the last time I met a woman that would not just hook up with a good looking guy at the drop of a hat. I'm not judging, because I would most likely hook up with a good looking girl if she came on to me. Assuming I was single at the time, of course. However, when I wanted a relationship, I didn't waste my time with hook ups and then rejected every person who showed legitimate interest in me. Which is exactly the behavior I see from most single women using OLD these days. I am friends with a good looking guy who uses POF. I cannot even begin to count how many of the local women he has given the pump and dump treatment to. It's ridiculous. He used to be a roommate of mine, and he would show me all the messages from the women he was talking to. Even though he treats pretty much all of these women with 0 respect, they are sending him naked pics, asking him if he wants to hook up, and then showing up at his place. Of course, most of those women say they aren't looking for hook ups. Some of those women have been using OLD for years. Well, I'm not that type of woman who will hook up with a good looking guy at the drop of a hat. I would need to feel an emotional connection with a guy who demonstrates himself to be decent and respectful before I'd even consider going down that road. But I do realize that there are a LOT of promiscuous women out there who would do any guy that they deem to be attractive - which makes me ever so grateful that I'm not that type of woman. And if those women throw themselves sexually at a guy who treats them with zero respect, then that speaks VOLUMES about their character and their lack of integrity and self-respect - not to mention the STDs they must be infected with! YUK Out of morbid curiosity, are you attracted to those types of women? . 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TheBathWater Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) Im picky as well. My hand gets tired from left swiping on tinder. I was on match and could not find anyone within a 40 mile radius that I would even date once. meh. If you are an average person you have all the options in the world it seems. If you are "gifted", "smart" or "very attractive" its a double edged sword because you will be lonely despite having so many options. The times when I do find someone who is my type its like finding water in the desert...Im too thirsty and it shows! Wow, I can really relate to this. I don't know what to make of OLD anymore, or dating in general. I've been using OLD since college, and I have to say, even though I was a player back then, I get tons more action now and hardly have to try. At least in my experience, women just don't put on the brakes anymore. I feel like I have endless options, but little to no satisfaction. Submitting an online job application is a more onerous process. I find that dating is less of an 'effort' today than ever. I kind of miss having a woman delay sex on me, or the both of us having our minds on love and not lust, let alone finding a woman who I'm really interested in. I swear, the one girl in the last two years probably that I thought there could be something real with, I got so excited in comparison to how I normally do that I totally ****ed it up! I was too thirsty, and it showed. The loneliness is so palpable. In a culture more connected than ever before, I've never felt less connected in my life. But to answer the question/title of this thread: I think modern women reject some men too often (the nice guys) and some men not nearly enough (the players). But I'm a man, not a woman, so it's her/their choice. Edited June 18, 2015 by TunaInTheBrine Link to post Share on other sites
HereNorThere Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Wow, I can really relate to this. I don't know what to make of OLD anymore, or dating in general. I've been using OLD since college, and I have to say, even though I was a player back then, I get tons more action now and hardly have to try. At least in my experience, women just don't put on the brakes anymore. I feel like I have endless options, but little to no satisfaction. Submitting an online job application is a more onerous process. I find that dating is less of an 'effort' today than ever. I kind of miss having a woman delay sex on me, or the both of us having our minds on love and not lust, let alone finding a woman who I'm really interested in. I swear, the one girl in the last two years probably that I thought there could be something real with, I got so excited in comparison to how I normally do that I totally ****ed it up! I was too thirsty, and it showed. The loneliness is so palpable. In a culture more connected than ever before, I've never felt less connected in my life. But to answer the question/title of this thread: I think modern women reject some men too often (the nice guys) and some men not nearly enough (the players). But I'm a man, not a woman, so it's her/their choice. What you've described is basically the whole synopsis of this thread. It's called "The paradox of choice." When you humans are presented with almost limitless options, they become dissatisfied and anxious. It's a paradox because you would naturally assume that having more choices gives you a better chance at finding a suitable match, but the truth is that the "matching" part isn't nearly as important as valuing what you have. We live in a cheap, plastic, disposable, consumer driven society and now with social media, online dating, etc. we've essentially allowed love and sex to be bought and sold in the same way. Make no mistake about it, when you use online dating, even "free" online dating, you're paying for sex. Besides, do you really want to marry someone who shops for people online? Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Rejection on OLD doesn't even count really if you're talking about messages... Everyone gets rejected a ****-ton. As far as after you've already met, I'd say guys get rejected just the same as they would with any other stranger OLD or Otherwise. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 People in relationships, but not married, may be counted as "single" in those stats. Yes, all of those links refer to the same study by Edward Yardeni, which defined "single" as those who are unmarried. "Unmarried" includes people who are partnered but not married as well as those who are divorced, separated, or widowed. His report was based on the census data, and there is no census question on whether you're in a relationship. So he only used the marital status question, really, lumping together all of the other categories into "unmarried/single". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
neowulf Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I believe it's a question of the attitude people (both sexes) often bring to the table surrounding rejection. Getting angry and resentful at the gender you're attempting to build relationships is completely insane. Yes, there are terrible example of both men and women. There are terrible individuals. Yet, if you find yourself constantly rejected, at some point a sensible person sits back and asks "Perhaps there's something *I'm* doing that's causing this result?". But often, that's not what people do. They project. They blame. Become resentful. They rage against the "unrealistic expectations" of the opposite sex. They become bitter and resentful, two traits that are POISON to attraction. Personally, while I may have met some terrible individual examples, I LOVE women. Some of my favorite people on this earth are women. It makes me deeply sad when I see people lump them all together and make them to blame for their own failings. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 With so many options with meeting people online, Women seem to be having their cake and eating it too...according to a lot of disgruntled male posters. I would add who want to find a reason behind their lack of success and are refusing to change their behavior in order to try and be more successful... its call laying the blame else where rather than accepting things as they are... Is there truth to this? With all the options have women gone into a "hyper selection" mode? Meaning there is no room for even one mistake? Some of the chaps I have had conversations with have made mistakes, equally so have I... People make mistakes and if a person expects you to be "perfect" from the get go its a highly unrealistic expectation and should really be a red flag... It is for me and is one of the things that makes me run... Have people in general stopped giving second chances, preferring to just go onto the next? I don't know? Ladies: Have you ever rejected a guy prematurely and then deeply regreted it later? No - I have never regretted rejecting a guy prematurely. During my recent escapades it has always been because they have shown a nasty element to themselves, anger, laziness etc. Not because of a simple faux pas. It will be because I can sense some form of anger or hatred there and lets face it, anger like that is dangerous. I have no intention of meeting men like that. I have regretted giving some of those angry bitter men a "chance" as the verbal tirades I have suffered because of it were vile. Every time I have given men like that a "chance" I have been given the most vile abuse for no reason other than I am female. Imagine how that would be if I met them and they used their fists... Not even going there. As for eating cake... Take a look at my posts. I am honest and report. How many dates will you find I have been on in the last few months? How much amazing sex have I had in the last 18 months? Time to wake up and smell the roses. BOTH genders have a tough time of it in the dating world not just men. Its not just men that get rejected. I had three very keen chaps all reject me before they even met me. I had another reject me just 2 days ago... On a ratio I would guess I am rejected at least 50-60 times before I even get to a date... That is why taking breaks from dating is so very important. That is why having a tough skin and being comfortable and liking who you are is so very important BEFORE you try to date. When people learn of my past they are shocked and horrified by the way I have been treated. However I knew that I had to let that go before I started to date. These days I am not affected by it and when people learn and react as they always do... it just reminds me that its good that I am no longer affected by it and have moved on. Its gone. Its in the past. I don't hate men and I am not a lesbian so stands to reason that I will want to have a male partner in my life. I refuse to blame an entire gender for the actions of 2 selfish specimens. I still have trust issues, I know this and I am working on this. Doesn't mean that I am a man hater or I am going to blame them. Just means that I am going to be cautious. That is all. If people are honest and up front with me then that is very positive. If people start blaming and throwing tantrums or brewing for one I am out of there faster than a ferret up a drain pipe... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Some of the best advice around. I see people who are just getting more and more bitter all the time. When you start to feel some anger or bitterness creeping in, it's time for a break. Or even just that you are tired and grumpy... Everyone is human. Everyone is entitled to feel this way. I recently had a message from some chap and it was a tirade about how I should message him and it would be selfish of me not to and I shouldn't like going out and trying new things and how I was clearly a "flake" etc... Nice opening message... really made me want to meet him that did. <- that is sarcasm for anyone that missed it. Am I really expected to "regret" not giving him a second chance? No. That is a man who would potentially abuse and hurt me... In his opening he is already showing aggression and anger towards me. Not as a joke not as a funny ha ha... I don't care if he looks like Gods gift to women he can stay the hell away from me. I would have to have serious Daddy issues to respond to that... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Oh and just been rejected yet again so I guess it really is so easy for women... Oh well at least he was honest and up front. Saves me wasting time. Happens every day for BOTH men and women and to think otherwise is just foolish. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 It is all very well to say "Lighten up, give the guy a chance" but in the case of Toodaloo who has been there in an abusive relationship, she recognises that some guy who is aggressively calling women "flakes" in his first message is not someone she wants to meet. She does not want to potentially get back into the same abusive dynamic she knows so well. Experience has taught her the signs to look for. Another woman may meekly go along with that guy, thinking he is just joking or he is her only option, and pay the price or find he is a lovely guy just socially inept. Another woman may call him a b*str*d right back and they get on like a house of fire. It is all horses for courses. We all like what we like, men and women. Dating is a serious business for many, finding a life partner is important and rejecting those that they are not compatible with and feel no attraction for, is all part of that filtering process. Why would women have to put up with men they do not want or see a future with? If a person does not tick the boxes, why would anyone give them a chance? Only a person with low self esteem, a lack of experience or few options, is going to do that, man or woman. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I think that saying guys are rejected too often is perhaps over simplifying a difficult concept. Without sounding patronising I think the wants females have, have changed and evolved. How much of this is driven by media and society I cant speculate on but I believe that perhaps guys haven't change fundamentally enough to meet these wants. Sure, the fundamentals remains the same, security, looks, material worth but the advent of the career minded female has perhaps left many guys who would have had a chance with the typical housewife scenario, looking around and wondering why they are alone. Are females unduly harsh at rejecting guy, definitely, are their requirements unrealistic, I believe in some aspects they are. Perhaps everything would be better if when a female rejects a guy she has the COURAGE to tell him WHY! Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I think that saying guys are rejected too often is perhaps over simplifying a difficult concept. Without sounding patronising I think the wants females have, have changed and evolved. How much of this is driven by media and society I cant speculate on but I believe that perhaps guys haven't change fundamentally enough to meet these wants. Sure, the fundamentals remains the same, security, looks, material worth but the advent of the career minded female has perhaps left many guys who would have had a chance with the typical housewife scenario, looking around and wondering why they are alone. I think there is definitely some truth there. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Perhaps everything would be better if when a female rejects a guy she has the COURAGE to tell him WHY! Be careful what you wish for... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Perhaps everything would be better if when a female rejects a guy she has the COURAGE to tell him WHY! Perhaps everything will be better when guys stop taking rejection to heart and learn to let it go as one of those things. I fully expect to be rejected several times a day. Every day. That is why I take breaks. To keep my self fresh and happy and remembering that rejection is not personal. It is just one of those things. I get rejected FAR more than I reject in general. Both in every day life and with on line dating. I am picky about who I start talking to because I am looking for something serious not just a wham bam. I look for signs that a chap is also looking for something similar in his profile. I look for men who are active and self sufficient. Men with morals. If I can't see any of that in evidence then I don't respond. Rejection is just a part of life. It really is that simple. Being rejected romantically is no different than being rejected for a job etc... Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Ladies: Have you ever rejected a guy prematurely and then deeply regreted it later? No. 'Rejection' is about incompatibility and / or bad timing really, so that's doing both parties one big favour by not starting something with someone you're whatever about, no matter the reason. Never did OLD though, so can't comment on that front. Taking a chance on guys because it felt like a good idea at the time and then deeply regretting later however... That I have done a few times. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Be careful what you wish for... I'd be happy to have the blunt honest truth, if nothing else it would tell me the areas where I don't appeal and help me to improve the parts I can improve. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 I'd be happy to have the blunt honest truth, if nothing else it would tell me the areas where I don't appeal and help me to improve the parts I can improve. See thats a positive way to look at it but I can tell you now what those reasons will be 1. Too far and doesn't want the distance 2. A different set of beliefs that would conflict in every day to day life 3. Just no spark/ attraction for no particular reason... In my experience 3 is the most common. Nothing to be done about it. Just as it is. You just have to shrug your shoulders and move on. Yes it gets you down sometimes the same as looking for your glasses but imagine the joy when you finally find them on top of your head. Thats what its like when you eventually do find someone you click with. Sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn't. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Perhaps everything will be better when guys stop taking rejection to heart and learn to let it go as one of those things. I fully expect to be rejected several times a day. Every day. ^^^this^^^ I'd be happy to have the blunt honest truth, if nothing else it would tell me the areas where I don't appeal and help me to improve the parts I can improve. I think you need to grab life and expect rejection more often, until you stop letting it bother you. There are millions of girls in the world, that girl was not your only chance. I think you need to get rid of the douchebag "friend", who is setting you up to fail, it appears and you need to take more control of your own life. Go out with everybody and anybody and learn how to be more confident in a social setting, stop being precious about who you hang about with, make some new fun friends. Friends you can hang about with, so you get out and can meet interesting girls. YOU come across here as intelligent and insightful, and not the usual *********, whiny, guy moaning about how b*tches never give them a chance. I am sure many, many women would like to get to know you, if you give them the opportunity. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 See thats a positive way to look at it but I can tell you now what those reasons will be 1. Too far and doesn't want the distance 2. A different set of beliefs that would conflict in every day to day life 3. Just no spark/ attraction for no particular reason... In my experience 3 is the most common. Nothing to be done about it. Just as it is. You just have to shrug your shoulders and move on. Yes it gets you down sometimes the same as looking for your glasses but imagine the joy when you finally find them on top of your head. Thats what its like when you eventually do find someone you click with. Sometimes it works but most of the time it doesn't. On 3 I have had that a lot but I do believe there are underlying reason but people because they don't want to hurt other or mostly because its an effort don't want to actually list those underlying reasons. 3 I think is a function of 50% physical appearance and 50% mannerisms/personality. If they told me I am ugly they wouldn't sleep with me, I'd find that of much more value they trotting out "no chemistry or spark". Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 On 3 I have had that a lot but I do believe there are underlying reason but people because they don't want to hurt other or mostly because its an effort don't want to actually list those underlying reasons. 3 I think is a function of 50% physical appearance and 50% mannerisms/personality. If they told me I am ugly they wouldn't sleep with me, I'd find that of much more value they trotting out "no chemistry or spark". In truth very very few people are truly ugly. "Ugly" people pair up all the time, ugliness does not stop people sleeping with other people. "Ugly" people can be highly charismatic too with lots of flying sparks. I very much doubt that you are that ugly. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 If they told me I am ugly they wouldn't sleep with me, I'd find that of much more value they trotting out "no chemistry or spark". But it means the same thing. So you have been told. Just because one woman doesn't like the way you look doesn't mean to say that another will not either... You just have to brush it off and move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Of course women do and there's nothing we can do about it. Me, 12 years, about 40 some first meetings, not a single second meeting, that's a perfect zero record. I'm not unique either in this. It's always the lack of chemistry when she has said why, been called a good guy, nice guy, whatever. I've come to the conclusion no one will ever have chemistry will me. Don't even believe I'd be settle for, just too many options for someone better. V44 I hate to say it but this post has an underlying hint of anger and frustration... I suspect that is your problem rather than anything else. That frustration can come across as anger... Anger is dangerous... Women run from danger... There are not all the "many options" for women that you are talking about. However she will have many idiots, players and blokes that are cheeky enough to give it a go try. These cheeky blokes and players succeed for the pure reason that they try. Imagine all the boys on one side of the room and all the girls on the other. Stands to reason that the bloke that crosses the room will have a better chance than the ones that don't... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 But it means the same thing. So you have been told. Just because one woman doesn't like the way you look doesn't mean to say that another will not either... You just have to brush it off and move on. As they say, water falls off a ducks back for only so long, until it doesn't anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 The men that will remain perpetually single simply don't have what it takes to generate a spark with any woman. If it's not there, it's not there. He can look great on paper, seemingly have it all and be a good catch, but it he can't generate the raw emotion that creates chemistry he's going to be single forever and he has to accept that. If this is you I suggest that you try taking up dancing lessons. Cross the room ask them to dance and then see how your chances are... Seriously. I suggest dance lessons as lots of women like to dance and not many men do so the odds are always in your favour... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 As they say, water falls off a ducks back for only so long, until it doesn't anymore. Which is why you take a break. I have to. I can't go on like it all the time... So I take a break and do things I enjoy that cheer me up. I look after my mental well being. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts