Do modern women reject men too often?

[elaine567]

All great idea's except I am not particularly interested in kissing or making out with someone I am not attracted to. I did the like swipe everyone on tinder and well got very few likes back, certainly none of interest.

Life is to be defined by the experiences we have and how they in term create good positive memories and kissing someone I don't like wont be a good experience!

In order for me even contemplate kissing someone she would need to 'wow' me and that's only ever happened twice before.

Thanks again for the suggestions though.

 

"Making excuses can also lead to the following consequences:

• Lack of responsibility and growth
  
• Self-limiting beliefs
  
• Massive regrets
  
• Persistent pessimistic outlook on life
  
• Bad judgments
  
• Paranoia
  
• Imaginary walls constricting comfort zone
  
• Mental blocks stifling proactive action and creativity
  

These consequences certainly don’t lead to a fulfilling lifestyle. In fact, they paralyze us and prevent forward movement in all areas of our lives

How Not to Live a Life of Excuses

[BlueIris]

I do just fine with women, just because I'm complaining about the state of dating does not mean I am not successful with women or that I hate them(which is insane and totally against my biological nature). I have no need to be introspective, I have done plenty of that, I was a pathetic beta virgin until I decided to change myself. But some things are beyond the scope of what a man can do by bettering himself.

 

I never "blamed the chicks", I've repeatedly stated that this is just how things are. I'm definitely a bit jaded, by society's reactions to these issues. Not bitter though, I just don't care anymore. I've checked out.

 

Fair enough. I think some of us assume that everyone wants to feel happy and positive about life and the world. But not everyone does. Some people reach their equilibrium or contentment in the belief that certain things suck. Maybe all of us do, in a way. Maybe some of us think it sucks that some people think it sucks. I do make the assumption that if someone complains about something, they want change. But not everyone does.

[ZA Dater]

How Not to Live a Life of Excuses

 

Number 3 I can relate to . Here in SA the pool of OLD people is small you tend to find the same people on each site, the very few who do appeal don't find me appealing enough to meet me.

 

 

I have a very clear idea of the sort of person I like and am attracted to but they are extremely rare and most are taken already. She needs to dazzle me in some way and here its not about looks, its personality.

 

 

If I am going to kiss someone she should be someone I genuinely like, not a convenience, I wouldn't be ok with leading someone on like that.

 

 

On the subject of rejection I am going to say something that may provide some solace to others who like me get rejected each and every time. Appreciate the experience, you met someone who you liked and I know its not much but appreciate the goodness in that aspect of it.

 

 

For me when I was looking finding someone I liked was the near impossible part, the last one dazzled me in 5 min, likewise the last one 5 years ago.

 

 

The concept I have taken from this thread is one needs to bring something to the table and today I spent some time thinking of what I bring to table, the good and the perceived to be bad points in the hope maybe getting some understanding, again maybe not a bad idea for people who suffer constant rejection.

 

 

Undoubtedly females in general and here have likes and dislikes and yes it does irk me the way some guys behave towards them, I believed strongly in treating people with the utmost of respect and displaying good manners but its odd because when I have met up with people from OLD they think it odd I open the door for them, pull the chair out for them, never let them pay the bill, for me this is normal yet to them it seems totally abnormal.

 

 

Next month I am likely to run into the last one that dazzled me and I know I am going to get wowed all over again, despite the fact she has no interest in me at all. I'll choose to take the positive there.

[katiegrl]

ZA Dater....^^that's the same attitude I've always taken as well....and not just with respect to dating!

 

Every negative that happens to us, perceived or otherwise, is always an *opportunity* or even a *blessing* in disguise.... as it allows us to learn from the experience... and grow emotionally, mentally (and spiritually) ...just from having had the experience.

 

So in that sense, it's a positive.... and when we think and feel positive about life, we attract positive people and positive experiences to us.

 

Some folks may find that hokey.... but I believe it to be true....and I speak from personal experience!

[Gaeta]

I was giving some thought to the title of this thread. To date modern women maybe men need to modernize. Women have evolved a great deal in the last 50 years but have men modernized as well or are they still in their own way fighting against women modernization. I think a man that has a problem with a woman rejecting him, which means she is making a choice for herself, is a man that has not modernized.

[JuneJulySeptember]

And I can also agree with the idea of just stopping altogether sometimes. I know I've gone through periods of time where I decided there was no point in worrying myself and feeling bad over it, so I just focused on living life and being happy about it. I'm a fairly simple creature and can find happiness in many things, so I was always okay with this.

 

Not to mention the idea that one's life is happier with a mate in it.

 

I have not found that is the case.

 

My life is happier with PEOPLE in it. And it just so happens that when you get older, people go the way of their families, so most people follow suit, or at least get married.

 

There's this idea on the forum (and outside it) that you must suffer and toil and improve before you reach point Z, at which 'success and happiness occurs'.

 

I disagree with that. People who are the most successful and happy are those who found something they enjoy doing and do that. It wasn't work what Steve Jobs did and he was a man who died being himself and without regrets.

 

 

Toiling to improve yourself and doing things you hate in order to hypothetically land a top quality mate who will theoretically make you happy?

 

No thanks.

[GoodOnPaper]

I was giving some thought to the title of this thread. To date modern women maybe men need to modernize. Women have evolved a great deal in the last 50 years but have men modernized as well or are they still in their own way fighting against women modernization. I think a man that has a problem with a woman rejecting him, which means she is making a choice for herself, is a man that has not modernized.

 

It seems quite a stretch to say that if a man doesn't like being rejected he isn't modernized. Good grief.

 

I would argue that the class of guys who have attempted to modernize the most are those of us who fall in the "nice guy" category. We try to take a more feminized approach to dating but it comes off as weak and passive and now it's the ONS guys who are even considered the best catches for LTRs. Again, if women want approach dating and attraction like men, so be it, but it's not going to work out like you think. The reason is that for men, the pressure-point in the whole process is at the initial meeting/attraction stage. Women don't have that pressure-point -- theirs is in the conversion of the casual dating relationship to an exclusive one. Elevating the short-term attraction qualities in men to be the end-all and be-all for LTR prospects is going to result in more and more disappointment for both genders.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Why are men supposed to feel lucky that we don't have a biological clock? In some ways I'm jealous of how women are valued for their youth more than men because it means it is an almost for certain guarantee women will not be single and sexless throughout their teens and 20's, if a woman is in her 30's or 40's and single, its most likely she just hasn't had a boyfriend recently, since dating is different for men than it is for women

[BlueIris]

It seems quite a stretch to say that if a man doesn't like being rejected he isn't modernized. Good grief.

 

If a man thinks that women shouldn’t reject men as much as they do, or that there’s something wrong or bad about women rejecting men, it does indicate that he thinks that women shouldn’t have choice and free will, that women should do what he wants or do certain things. It has a kind of “how dare she?” tone to it. If he’s asking, “why do women reject men or me?” that’s a different thing. But believing or assuming women are supposed to do what you want is… I don’t know… weird. Definitely not modernized.

Edited June 20, 2015 by BlueIris

[Shining One]

No can't say that I have....but IMO common sense would dictate that if you approach 100+ people and all 100+ people reject you...it's time to change (or at least tweak) your *approach*?

 

That's what I would do, except I would not be waiting until after 100 guys rejected me.

 

I would be looking "within" and introspecting about why it is I continue getting rejected after the first 10 rejected me...or even less!

 

That is what makes the most sense to me anyway. NOT carry on with your same approach, continue getting rejected, and then blame the women for not being attracted to you.

 

Definition of insanity -- repeating the same behavior over and over and expecting a different result.

 

Not gonna happen.

 

My perspective.......

I did make changes along the way. Wardrobe, physique, facial hair (used to have a mustache), hair style, social groups, etc. I did not experience any success until my late twenties.

That guy might be so average that he doesn't stand out. A male version of a Plain Jane.

I'm Indian. The male version of a Plain Jane would actually be an improvement.

And not every man blames women for their failures, but it is a sad common theme around here.

This is why I'm asking the questions I'm asking. My theory is that the cumulative effect of rejections leads to the resentment. Is it right? Certainly not. I'm simply trying to understand the cause.

 

I realize now it's fruitless to try and find a woman who has experienced this, so I'll stop asking.

Fair enough....and if that's the case.....perhaps try asking a few of them why?

I did. The most common answer was they only date White or men of their own ethnicity.

Or perhaps what needs changing is the *type* of women he is approaching???

This is actually what lead to my first success. I started approaching women from the Caribbean Islands and Europe. They appeared to be more open-minded.

How are you defining "rejection"? In OLD, messaging "Hi" to a chick and she does not respond?

Person A approaches Person B and asks Person B out on a date. Person B says no. This is in person, not OLD.

If a man thinks that women shouldn’t reject men as much as they do, or that there’s something wrong or bad about women rejecting men, it does indicate that he thinks that women shouldn’t have choice and free will, that women should do what he wants or do certain things. It has a kind of “how dare she?” tone to it. If he’s asking, “why do women reject men or me?” that’s a different thing. But believing or assuming women are supposed to do what you want is… I don’t know… weird. Definitely not modernized.

I choose to read the original post differently. It's not wrong for women to reject men they are not interested in. For me, the ultimate solution would be to eliminate the need for so much rejection in the first place. Perhaps the solution is a combination of women giving better signals and men being better educated on reading signals. Perhaps a technology solution that broadcasts OLD requirements is the right solution. I would love to walk into a place and automatically know which women I have a chance with and which ones I don't. I'm sure women would also appreciate not being approached by men they have already eliminated from their dating pool.

[elaine567]

Why are men supposed to feel lucky that we don't have a biological clock? In some ways I'm jealous of how women are valued for their youth more than men because it means it is an almost for certain guarantee women will not be single and sexless throughout their teens and 20's, if a woman is in her 30's or 40's and single, its most likely she just hasn't had a boyfriend recently, since dating is different for men than it is for women

 

Seems that a whole lot of men here are single in their thirties with no recent gf either, so why do you think it is harder for women in their thirties to find men?

 

I think you will find that whilst there is a rumour put out by men mostly, that any women past 25 is a no go area and consigned to be single for life, many women do very well dating in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s and beyond.

Most educated women are settling down in their thirties and having babies at ~35.

[SmartDude]

I was giving some thought to the title of this thread. To date modern women maybe men need to modernize. Women have evolved a great deal in the last 50 years but have men modernized as well or are they still in their own way fighting against women modernization. I think a man that has a problem with a woman rejecting him, which means she is making a choice for herself, is a man that has not modernized.

 

Here is what I predict in the next 100 years:

 

1) Exclusive relationships will be rare, and a novelty...most will be in some form of poly relationship.

 

2)Men will be more tolerant of female promiscuity.

 

3)Men will develop a better emotional skills in the context of relationships.

 

4) People having more sex in general.

 

5) People moving to different partners more often out of choice. LTR exclusive relationships lasting more than a decade are almost unheard of.

 

6) despite all these radical changes, people are happier because they become less attached to relationships.

[Shining One]

I was giving some thought to the title of this thread. To date modern women maybe men need to modernize. Women have evolved a great deal in the last 50 years but have men modernized as well or are they still in their own way fighting against women modernization. I think a man that has a problem with a woman rejecting him, which means she is making a choice for herself, is a man that has not modernized.

This is an interesting thought. I actually feel that a lot of women need to modernize more. While I have dated some modern women, most of my dates have been with women who prefer old-fashioned dating:

• Man pays for everything.
  
• Man always picks the location.
  
• Man does all of the driving.
  
• Man does the approaching.
  

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Seems that a whole lot of men here are single in their thirties with no recent gf either, so why do you think it is harder for women in their thirties to find men?

 

I think you will find that whilst there is a rumour put out by men mostly, that any women past 25 is a no go area and consigned to be single for life, many women do very well dating in their 30s, 40s, 50s and even 60s and beyond.

Most educated women are settling down in their thirties and having babies at ~35.

 

Whenever you hear of a person who has never had a relationship, still a virgin at 25+ years of age, it is almost always guys you hear of instead of girls, if a girl is over 25 and never had a boyfriend, its usually because she chose not to, if a guy has never had a girlfriend at 25+ years of age, its most likely because he couldn't get one, like it or not, men compete for women, not the other way around

[ZA Dater]

Whenever you hear of a person who has never had a relationship, still a virgin at 25+ years of age, it is almost always guys you hear of instead of girls, if a girl is over 25 and never had a boyfriend, its usually because she chose not to, if a guy has never had a girlfriend at 25+ years of age, its most likely because he couldn't get one, like it or not, men compete for women, not the other way around

 

Have to say I agree with most of this to a point.

[elaine567]

How It Really Feels To Be An 'Unintentional Virgin' In Your 20s And 30s - female virgins

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Susan Boyle was apparently another example

[elaine567]

Susan Boyle was apparently another example

 

I guess there are plenty around, only they do not advertise the fact.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I guess there are plenty around, only they do not advertise the fact.

 

That's why I stated in my last thread if there are truly more male late bloomers than female late bloomers, or women are just less vocal about it, as in do not advertise or broadcast it as much as men do

[Shining One]

How It Really Feels To Be An 'Unintentional Virgin' In Your 20s And 30s - female virgins

Interesting article, but I didn't see any of the women actively pursuing sex. I guess it fits the theme of the article because the while the women are not trying to avoid sex, they are not actively trying to have sex either. By comparison, a lot of the men are actively trying to have sex and failing to achieve it.

[ZA Dater]

Interesting article, but I didn't see any of the women actively pursuing sex. I guess it fits the theme of the article because the while the women are not trying to avoid sex, they are not actively trying to have sex either. By comparison, a lot of the men are actively trying to have sex and failing to achieve it.

 

As a 31yo vgn I don't pursue sex, I pursue a relationship, if sex is part of it then great. My personal opinion is more men pursue sex as a primary objective than females.

[elaine567]

That's why I stated in my last thread if there are truly more male late bloomers than female late bloomers, or women are just less vocal about it, as in do not advertise or broadcast it as much as men do

 

Men get angry re their virginity. They rage at the world and women in general.

I guess most unintentional women virgins are more upset and sad than anything else, but I could be wrong there.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Men get angry re their virginity. They rage at the world and women in general.

I guess most unintentional women virgins are more upset and sad than anything else, but I could be wrong there.

 

Who knows, maybe women are more quiet about being involuntary celibate, being a virgin, maybe not,

[Shining One]

Men get angry re their virginity. They rage at the world and women in general.

I guess most unintentional women virgins are more upset and sad than anything else, but I could be wrong there.

This is true. It's more common to get angry when you're actively trying and failing at something than when you're not actively trying. I'd like to climb a mountain someday, but I haven't made any attempts so far. I'm not angry at mountains.

 

Do you have any articles about women actively trying to lose their virginity and failing? I've searched a bit, but haven't found any. That would be an interesting perspective.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

This is true. It's more common to get angry when you're actively trying and failing at something than when you're not actively trying. I'd like to climb a mountain someday, but I haven't made any attempts so far. I'm not angry at mountains.

 

Do you have any articles about women actively trying to lose their virginity and failing? I've searched a bit, but haven't found any. That would be an interesting perspective.

Or of any women who are in their mid to late 20's, even 30's who have never had a boyfriend before, but they seem to pale in comparison to men who are single like that since men still have to be the initiators