Do modern women reject men too often?

[MGX]

I first realized I was "ugly" in kindergarten. I won't share the story, but let's just say that I have had enough experience with rejection and being made a fool of that I could CHOOSE to be jaded if I wanted to. I just don't want to.

 

It was only about 10-15 years AFTER college that I looked back at some of my photos from then (when I was the quintessential blond bombshell) that I realized, "Hey...I wasn't a troll was I?" To which my friend said, aghast, "You thought you were ugly then??" I said, "Well, yeah, because I didn't date much, almost never had a boyfriend, and most of the people I fell for did that awkward, 'you're nice but I don't see you that way' thing." I assumed there MUST be something fundamentally wrong with me. And when the man who vowed to love and cherish me ignored and rejected me, I assumed too that it must be me.

 

So yeah....I've experienced soul crushing rejection. It just didn't occur to me to hold an entire gender responsible.

 

That's around rejection #350. The whole female gender MUST hate you.

 

All kidding aside, you have to understand where these guys are coming from. It's the amount of rejections, compared to successes that's the issue here. Many of the guys here have NO victories here. Not even regular or occasional victories. There are no success stories to base an approach off of. There is no building a foundation for that confidence. We're talking about the Bad News Bears here.

 

It's one thing if you manage to find a date every so often, even among a bunch of rejections. Not every attempt is going to be a winner, but at least you will be successful eventually. Your self-esteem won't erode because of your past good dates or good relationships (victories).

 

It's another thing when you're NEVER successful. Men start to question whether they CAN attract anyone at all.

[SomeDude16]

I think modern women are a lot more picky about who they date. This is a cultural thing, with technology and mass media people (not just women) feel as though they can pick a choose the attributes they want to find in a partner. Because of this, they would rather spend less time filtering through "maybes" in their dating life and instead go for that one "yes" that is a needle in a haystack.

[guest569]

Plenty of women on here (and yes, the real world) face many rejections. Do you think women never get dumped by their boyfriends or have a few promising dates never to hear from the man again? I've sent my fair share of first messages on online dating, never to hear a response. All I can say is, he was not interested. "If only he had less choices, then he would be desperate enough to accept me" did not enter my mind. Nor did "I wish men didn't have rights, then they would depend on my income and status and accept me". It's a bit sad that some men on here blame feminism for their lack of success. "Damn those pesky women having rights and standing up against oppression. Now I can't get a date." And also women work, vote, receive almost equal pay, get treated like crap less often etc. etc.

 

And the usual response to why women are rejected would be "because you're a below average woman going after studs that just want to use your vagina" (naturally!). Then "women cannot be the pursuer, it is off-putting to men". We just can't seem to win.

[hudson701]

The vast majority of 20 something professional women likely have high standards because their priority is their career, not their man. Women are driven in a different way than women used to be driven, because they can be. They don't put the effort into dating and attracting a male because that's not necessarily what they want right now, and their standards are high for the same reason. Not a priority.

 

Men, by the way, are not forced to become players. Players have always existed, so there is no force or coercion to do this just because the dating game has changed. What has happened is that men have, over time, lost some control over how the dating game works and some men just don't like it. For the record, some women don't really like it either, because everyone has to learn some new dynamics - not just men.

 

Honestly speaking, what you guys are running into with women in their mid-to-late 20's is pretty similar to what women run into with men in their early-to-mid 20's. Men in their early-to-mid 20's want no commitment, want to put priorities elsewhere, and are a bit pickier than they will be a few years later. As in hot counts, and nothing else matters.

 

We teach each other about dealing with the opposite sex, and it's tricky in the 20's because the pendulum swings back and forth. It evens out by the end of your 20's, and substance starts coming into play. Then we both have our refined tastes, and there's no particular power that one sex has over the other. It doesn't necessarily get easier, but there's usually a lot less bs to sift through.

 

But still - if you're going to have the attitude that a vast majority of women are this or that or any negative or insulting description, then you're not going to be successful.

 

Let's get one thing straight- men in their early twenties (20/21) are sexually invisible to women between 21-25 because they are seen as being far too immature to date. Women always date older men. There is no way men do the picking at this age, and this speaking from experience here and observing thousands of examples of this dynamic over the past decade.

 

Secondly- yes you are right- women are prioritising career over dating, especially in London. What boils my blood is they then have the audacity to thrown their hands up in the air and shout 'where's all the good men gone?!' When they've put zero effort in. Or, when career is in place, and at the wrong side of 35, expect a good man to fall in place and make an honest woman of her through putting a ring on her finger. Ain't gonna happen.

 

Lastly- men have never had the 'control' you speak of unless your punching in the top 10% of alpha males all women want to ****. Men chase, women choose. Like an earlier commenter said "all a woman has got to do is turn up at a bar shout 'who wants sex?' and there will be dozens of offers on the table. A man however, has got to work hard for it". There's a massive power imbalance women really do rule the roost in their twenties yet protest otherwise. I live and breath the cold, sterile, selfish way of the female everyday in this city. It's Friday night tonight, I'm at another wanky cocktail bar after work and all the girls are trotting in ready to take their pick. It disgusts me.

[SmartDude]

Oh my, this thread has taken on a life of its own!

 

The questions were designed to be open ended and facilitate discussion.

 

The last question of my original post was important, but I think it might be ignored now because the women have been attacked and will probably remain in a defensive posture from now on(which is understandable).

 

The women have also attacked some of the men on here(with a dash of humor mixed in).

 

 

I was wondering if as a woman you have ever rejected a guy only to regret it later. The answer was a definite "NO". I still believe some of you ladies have stories to share of a guy you rejected prematurely and then questioned your decision later..or downright regretted it. Perhaps this can be a topic for another thread:eek:

 

carry on...

[autumnnight]

OK, I surrender. Men win every contest, and because I am female, none of my rejection matters.

 

I concede whatever twisted victory this is supposed to be.

[Phoe]

Have you tried it? I did. For 8 years I didn't look. I lived my life to the fullest, concentrated on building my career, put my kid through college, devote time to family and friends, and NO one ever knocked at my door and said: I am your man. It's not true if you don't look it will magically fall on your lap.

 

I agree with both you and Keenly.

 

While I did spend 6 years single due to 0 opportunities, and nobody was falling into my lap at that time, I always did find myself having a much more positive outlook when I stopped caring and just focused on life.

 

Sometimes it's good to take a break from trying, just to ease your mind, even if it's quite an extended break.

[minime13]

Let's get one thing straight- men in their early twenties (20/21) are sexually invisible to women between 21-25 because they are seen as being far too immature to date. Women always date older men. There is no way men do the picking at this age, and this speaking from experience here and observing thousands of examples of this dynamic over the past decade.

Actually, the only guys that really have it bad are the 20 and under crowd. Women date a few years older, typically, but 21 and up gets you 18 and up. Groups of men do the picking as to what hot is, then that lucky group of ladies gets to pick from the crowd. That's my experience. Maybe yours is different.

 

Secondly- yes you are right- women are prioritising career over dating, especially in London. What boils my blood is they then have the audacity to thrown their hands up in the air and shout 'where's all the good men gone?!' When they've put zero effort in. Or, when career is in place, and at the wrong side of 35, expect a good man to fall in place and make an honest woman of her through putting a ring on her finger. Ain't gonna happen.

Not much different than a bunch of men on a message board sulking about women, if you look at it. The 20's are the years that you date and (hopefully) learn how to date, through trial and effort. There will be more people bitching about dating than praising it. That's just how it is. Men and women will do this, because they are still learning.

 

Lastly- men have never had the 'control' you speak of unless your punching in the top 10% of alpha males all women want to ****. Men chase, women choose. Like an earlier commenter said "all a woman has got to do is turn up at a bar shout 'who wants sex?' and there will be dozens of offers on the table. A man however, has got to work hard for it". There's a massive power imbalance women really do rule the roost in their twenties yet protest otherwise. I live and breath the cold, sterile, selfish way of the female everyday in this city. It's Friday night tonight, I'm at another wanky cocktail bar after work and all the girls are trotting in ready to take their pick. It disgusts me.

 

There are fewer men than women. You guys don't have to hustle as much as you think.

[Leigh 87]

True.

 

My new philosophy is this: If you're looking for picture perfect rich, Prince Charming, then you better damn well be Pocahontas, Cinderella, Snow White, or Sleeping Beauty....

 

 

I don't want that.

 

I do however, reject men often. As I have also been rejected.

 

I am attractive enough to at least want to feel a mutual spark of excitement and great sexual chemistry in addition to a man who is compatible with me on other levels.

 

I feel fireworks with average men so I don't feel I am wrong for rejecting men I am not that into and don't care if I hear from again after the first date.

 

I am sure not holding out for a hot guy with a high pay check. I want real chemistry and someone I can fall madly in love with and them me. Which can occur in average men and women .

 

It isn't always about women rejecting men and holding out for more than they themselves have to offer.

 

I know very well that hot guys won't want a girl like me.

Edited June 20, 2015 by Leigh 87

[Phoe]

A) Women don't pursue, because their is no pursuit to be had.

 

B) Women don't go from person to person because they DO NOT NEED TO.

 

Men play the "numbers game" because of the sheer amount of rejection we face on a weekly, sometimes daily basis(depends how much you're trying to date). Stop trying to elevate yourself above men with this "times-are-a-changing" bs.

 

But women DO pursue. Many do, actually...

 

I've pursued men before. Sure, not on a WEEKLY basis or anything, but yes I've done it.

 

And got rejected every single time.

 

No, rejection isn't fun, but I can appreciate what it feels like, and then move on from it.

 

This concept where ALL women just sit on their butts and do nothing and men just fall at her feet and clamber over one another to compete to be chosen by her, is really really over exaggerated.

[Phoe]

I first realized I was "ugly" in kindergarten. I won't share the story, but let's just say that I have had enough experience with rejection and being made a fool of that I could CHOOSE to be jaded if I wanted to. I just don't want to.

 

It was only about 10-15 years AFTER college that I looked back at some of my photos from then (when I was the quintessential blond bombshell) that I realized, "Hey...I wasn't a troll was I?" To which my friend said, aghast, "You thought you were ugly then??" I said, "Well, yeah, because I didn't date much, almost never had a boyfriend, and most of the people I fell for did that awkward, 'you're nice but I don't see you that way' thing." I assumed there MUST be something fundamentally wrong with me. And when the man who vowed to love and cherish me ignored and rejected me, I assumed too that it must be me.

 

So yeah....I've experienced soul crushing rejection. It just didn't occur to me to hold an entire gender responsible.

 

I feel like I could've written this myself!

[Phoe]

I was wondering if as a woman you have ever rejected a guy only to regret it later. The answer was a definite "NO". I still believe some of you ladies have stories to share of a guy you rejected prematurely and then questioned your decision later..or downright regretted it. Perhaps this can be a topic for another thread:eek:

 

I have rejected 3 men. Only 1 was regretted. This was back in college. He was a really great guy, and we'd been friends for months, but never thought he had interest. I was quite shocked when he asked me on a date, but I was already dating someone, and I do not believe in multidating. Not for me.

 

The guy I was already seeing at the time turned out to be an awful person, and for many years I regretted my decision to turn the other man down.

[Krieger]

If it was easy ti get a GF nothing would get done. Also to be honest it would get old if she had sex with you if all you had to do is say hey nice shoes want to have sex?

 

I for one never been turned down for a date I am 20 for 20 LOL I know it may not seem like a high number but I mush be doing something right.

 

On top of that I never been told I am ugly by woman but I know I not no supermodel.

[SmartDude]

I have rejected 3 men. Only 1 was regretted. This was back in college. He was a really great guy, and we'd been friends for months, but never thought he had interest. I was quite shocked when he asked me on a date, but I was already dating someone, and I do not believe in multidating. Not for me.

 

The guy I was already seeing at the time turned out to be an awful person, and for many years I regretted my decision to turn the other man down.

 

Ahhh, yea that hits close to home for me right now.

 

I was just in a situation were I froze up and did not let my interest be known

Looking back it seems so stupid.

I played it too cool and was rightfully rejected for it.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I have rejected 3 men. Only 1 was regretted. This was back in college. He was a really great guy, and we'd been friends for months, but never thought he had interest. I was quite shocked when he asked me on a date, but I was already dating someone, and I do not believe in multidating. Not for me.

 

Rejecting somebody when you are already dating somebody/married/gay/related by first cousin or less does not count as rejection.

 

Trying to talk to a girl who is a friend of a friend at a bar who interrupts you in mid-conversation to turn around and grab a random guy to tell him how hot he is?

 

THAT is rejection.

Edited June 20, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember

[Phoe]

Rejecting somebody when you are already dating somebody/married/gay/related by first cousin or less does not count as rejection.

 

Trying to talk to a girl who is a friend of a friend at a bar who interrupts you in mid-conversation to turn around and grab a random guy to tell him how hot he is?

 

THAT is rejection.

 

I don't get it.

 

How did I not reject him? He asked me out, I said no. I'd wager that he took that as a rejection.

 

Even the next morning he texted me telling me to look outside my front door. There was a fresh coffee waiting for me and a note saying his offer still stood. I had to tell him no, again and wanted to kick something because of it.

 

I don't think there's any logical way to say it wasn't a rejection.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I don't get it.

 

How did I not reject him? He asked me out, I said no. I'd wager that he took that as a rejection.

 

Even the next morning he texted me telling me to look outside my front door. There was a fresh coffee waiting for me and a note saying his offer still stood. I had to tell him no, again and wanted to kick something because of it.

 

I don't think there's any logical way to say it wasn't a rejection.

 

What do you mean?

 

What were you supposed to say? "Oh, yea, I'll go out with you. Just hold on a second. Let me call my boyfriend and tell him I found someone who might be better."

[Zing]

But women DO pursue. Many do, actually...

 

I've pursued men before. Sure, not on a WEEKLY basis or anything, but yes I've done it.

 

And got rejected every single time.

 

No, rejection isn't fun, but I can appreciate what it feels like, and then move on from it.

 

You are living in an absolute fantasy if you believe this. That is not how dating dynamic works and deep down you probably know that. The vast MAJORITY of women do not pursue, it's a very rare occurrence that only happens when the absolute top tier of man appears.

 

I don't even have to debate this because it's just not how things work, it's really silly to claim that "women face rejection too!!", because you just don't, not nearly on the same level as men. Hell you can open tinder and have hundreds of opportunities for validation right at your finger tips.

 

This concept where ALL women just sit on their butts and do nothing and men just fall at her feet and clamber over one another to compete to be chosen by her, is really really over exaggerated.

 

That's not what we're saying, we're saying that it's totally irrelevant whether women do one thing or another, it just doesn't matter, you can basically have whoever you want as long as you look after your health and are not a total bitch(sometimes even then it doesn't matter)

[Phoe]

What do you mean?

 

What were you supposed to say? "Oh, yea, I'll go out with you. Just hold on a second. Let me call my boyfriend and tell him I found someone who might be better."

 

I wasn't in a relationship, was simply dating someone else, who I ended up never being in a relationship with anyway.

 

But that doesn't change the fact that I rejected him.

 

If there are loopholes to turning others down that makes it not a rejection, then I've likely never rejected anyone! But that's not how it works in my mind.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I wasn't in a relationship, was simply dating someone else, who I ended up never being in a relationship with anyway.

 

But that doesn't change the fact that I rejected him.

 

If there are loopholes to turning others down that makes it not a rejection, then I've likely never rejected anyone! But that's not how it works in my mind.

 

I don't understand your train of thinking.

 

If a married woman turns down a guy who hits on her, is that rejection too?

 

That doesn't count at all. That's not legit rejection.

 

Trust me, when I talk on here about getting rejected by tons women, all of those are by legit single women.

 

I don't hit on or ask out taken women. Never have, never will.

[Krieger]

Some guys need to grow a pair come on guys if she says NO it not the end of the world.

[Phoe]

You are living in an absolute fantasy if you believe this. That is not how dating dynamic works and deep down you probably know that. The vast MAJORITY of women do not pursue, it's a very rare occurrence that only happens when the absolute top tier of man appears.

 

I don't even have to debate this because it's just not how things work, it's really silly to claim that "women face rejection too!!", because you just don't, not nearly on the same level as men. Hell you can open tinder and have hundreds of opportunities for validation right at your finger tips.

 

I'm glad that you feel you know my experiences better than I do. I've been rejected every time I pursued a man, but you're right, I know nothing about rejection. Silly me to think I knew something... none of my past experiences are relevant or real life!

 

 

That's not what we're saying, we're saying that it's totally irrelevant whether women do one thing or another, it just doesn't matter, you can basically have whoever you want as long as you look after your health and are not a total bitch(sometimes even then it doesn't matter)

 

It doesn't matter what I do? News to me.

 

Tell the younger me that was single for 6 years and couldn't figure out why the hell she couldn't get dates and couldn't figure out why the hell men weren't interested in her, that it doesn't matter what she does and she can just have whoever she wants, guarantee I would've felt like complete **** and would further wonder what the hell was so wrong with me that I couldn't do what is clearly so very simple for even total bitches.

[Krieger]

Also why not date girl that like you a little more than you like them and give them a shot?

 

I think guys some times go after girls they know they cant get and get mad if she says NO.

 

I lucky I guess because girls i have meet in school ,work , out and about always said If I wanted a GF all I have to do is ask.

[Halcyon]

You are living in an absolute fantasy if you believe this. That is not how dating dynamic works and deep down you probably know that. The vast MAJORITY of women do not pursue, it's a very rare occurrence that only happens when the absolute top tier of man appears.

 

I don't even have to debate this because it's just not how things work, it's really silly to claim that "women face rejection too!!", because you just don't, not nearly on the same level as men. Hell you can open tinder and have hundreds of opportunities for validation right at your finger tips.

 

 

 

That's not what we're saying, we're saying that it's totally irrelevant whether women do one thing or another, it just doesn't matter, you can basically have whoever you want as long as you look after your health and are not a total bitch(sometimes even then it doesn't matter)

 

Becoming more and more common. Especially among attractive, well educated, successful women who are tired of:

 

A) only getting the attention of men they are not interested in.

B) playing the role of being passive and waiting for the people who they are actually interested to make a move.

 

My current girlfriend pursued me and quite heavily at that and I've been asked out several times by other women. Quite often get asked if I'm single in one way or another. I wouldn't say it's a fantasy world the landscape is changing however I'm not going to argue that men get rejected far more often than women.

[Shining One]

Men win every contest, and because I am female, none of my rejection matters.

 

I concede whatever twisted victory this is supposed to be.

No one said your rejection doesn't matter. I was simply looking for the perspective of a woman who has approached 100+ men and been rejected by them all. She would be uniquely qualified to understand what a lot of the men in this thread are complaining about and could provide some insight.