15Love Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 New to LS and could really use some support. I've been "in love" with the same guy for 16 years. I'm so tired! He is Jekyll and Hyde with his attention throwing me over his shoulder if I try to walk away from him, and randomly ignoring my texts when it's convenient for him but has always been clear he doesn't want to date me. I know he's using me but I can't help but want any attention he gives me. I've gone NC for years at a time but either he contacts me or I unblock him and reach out thinking I'm fine to be friends. Why does he go back and forth? I'm about to text him after 6 days no contact. I know that's not much but I've gone years and felt the same way I do today. I hate thinking of struggling through years to end up here again. How do I get off this carousel? Being on it hurts ...and being off it makes me sick. I'm so lost. Words of encouragement needed! Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 New to LS and could really use some support. I've been "in love" with the same guy for 16 years. I'm so tired! He is Jekyll and Hyde with his attention throwing me over his shoulder if I try to walk away from him, and randomly ignoring my texts when it's convenient for him but has always been clear he doesn't want to date me. I know he's using me but I can't help but want any attention he gives me. I've gone NC for years at a time but either he contacts me or I unblock him and reach out thinking I'm fine to be friends. Why does he go back and forth? I'm about to text him after 6 days no contact. I know that's not much but I've gone years and felt the same way I do today. I hate thinking of struggling through years to end up here again. How do I get off this carousel? Being on it hurts ...and being off it makes me sick. I'm so lost. Words of encouragement needed! Because you let him. Let him go. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Sorry to hear your trauma here ! But why waste so much energy and time here when you state he clearly doesn't want to date. Let go ! Hard YES ! But let go ! I personal and in love with a woman who has told me she has fallen out of love and like that after 2.5 years doesn't want to know. I was devastated 8 weeks ago and still struggling now but here the hitch. This week by know means has been great but I have thought less about her then any other time. TRUST ME IT GETS BETTER ! Doesn't want to date ? He's using me ? C'mon on girl ! Find the strength, block him, NC and move on. Please...for you and only you 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Have you ever considered professional help, to help you with this? At a certain point we must say to ourselves 'and here it stops'. It sounds like you never really stopped. I know easily said, I sometimes wonder if I really stopped last year. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 15Love Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Rough night last night. I was feeling lost in the spiral. Thank you for your responses. I don't talk about this with anyone due to certain circumstances. I def know I need to work through a lot. I WISH I could afford some quality therapy. I really needed the wake up call of outside perspective. I've gotta let him go. I've just gotta do it. For me. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Rough night last night. I was feeling lost in the spiral. Thank you for your responses. I don't talk about this with anyone due to certain circumstances. I def know I need to work through a lot. I WISH I could afford some quality therapy. I really needed the wake up call of outside perspective. I've gotta let him go. I've just gotta do it. For me. You do, those short moment of sweetness or not worth feeling like this for years and years. Try to work on your self-esteem, you surely deserve more. I wish you the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 15Love Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Thank you itspointless, I know my self esteem is really low. Really working on how to bring it up. Unfortunately it seems once you get into things that bring your esteem down it compounds on itself. Got my work cut out for me Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Thank you itspointless, I know my self esteem is really low. Really working on how to bring it up. Unfortunately it seems once you get into things that bring your esteem down it compounds on itself. Got my work cut out for me The hope and constant rejection does that to you. You thought you were climbing to the sun instead you fell into a well. That well it is not made of bricks. Claw yourself up there again to the open! He isn't the sun, he is the narrowing of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 15Love Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 The hope and constant rejection does that to you. You thought you were climbing to the sun instead you fell into a well. That well it is not made of bricks. Claw yourself up there again to the open! He isn't the sun, he is the narrowing of it. Wow! What an amazing analogy. You nailed it. He is not the sun. Why do some people just get us so confused? Here's to the climb. Link to post Share on other sites
Itspointless Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Wow! What an amazing analogy. You nailed it. He is not the sun. Why do some people just get us so confused? I have my moments I learned a lot from attachment theory and transactional analysis. My guess is that parts of him unconscionably remembered you of very familiar things that were very old. Sometimes the things that make us feel good are not good for us as our upbringing wasn't as secure as it optimally could have been. Here's to the climb. Hear hear I can recommend some books to you if you want? So you can gain some inside on certain processes, as you mentioned that therapy wasn't an option right now. Books are also expensive but a lot cheaper than therapy. Link to post Share on other sites
Thistooshallpass21 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 It only gets better from here. One day at a time. Remember those who decide to leave our life's don't deserve to be in it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author 15Love Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 It only gets better from here. One day at a time. Remember those who decide to leave our life's don't deserve to be in it. True true! If only he'd decide to leave my life and take his damn breadcrumbs with him! I mean he's gone most of the time anyway!! Lol. But I know what you're saying I have my moments I learned a lot from attachment theory and transactional analysis. I can recommend some books to you if you want? So you can gain some inside on certain processes, as you mentioned that therapy wasn't an option right now. Books are also expensive but a lot cheaper than therapy. Yes please!! attachment theory and transactional analysis...I really want to know more about this. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 You get of the ride eventually by not making the same mistakes many of us here made. Over and over again.... NC is a a tricky thing. But stick with it after a few mishaps (And we all did). and it will do the job. One day you simply will stop caring. Don`t unblock....... Not easy but certainly do-able. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author 15Love Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 You get of the ride eventually by not making the same mistakes many of us here made. Over and over again.... NC is a a tricky thing. But stick with it after a few mishaps (And we all did). and it will do the job. One day you simply will stop caring. Don`t unblock....... Not easy but certainly do-able. Good luck. Thank you, Haydn. The scary part is knowing my history of relapse. I'm afraid that my scenario will be one of those where I never stop caring. In 16 years I haven't and quite frankly its worse this last time then the times before. But I can hope to learn how to love myself enough to just stop trying to get him to see how much I care about him. Just let it go. Hoping 16 times the charm:rolleyes: 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Thank you, Haydn. The scary part is knowing my history of relapse. I'm afraid that my scenario will be one of those where I never stop caring. In 16 years I haven't and quite frankly its worse this last time then the times before. But I can hope to learn how to love myself enough to just stop trying to get him to see how much I care about him. Just let it go. Hoping 16 times the charm:rolleyes: Do it. The next 16 years could be magical. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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