monkey1141 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Hi, My ex-wife of 4 years left me 6 months ago, she has a son who is 8 years old. Since I financially support her and i am self employed, we have had a schedule where its 2 days on and 2 days off. I would get my son and occasionally my step son would come and spend time at my house when she wanted to go on a trip. She decided she wants to go to work, which i happily supported. She asked if she would have to put her son in Child care, I said no, he could stay with me when she worked, effectively a day care. She asked me "Can i have our son on my 2 days off?" - I said "I'm not sure, that means I would never have a single day during the week that I could spend with just my son" She flipped out. I love my step son but its not the same, and i like having a day or two alone with my boy. Am i being unreasonable? Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Raena Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 You aren't being unreasonable in regards to her or your rights... but how does your step-son feel about all this? Have you two bonded? You said 4 years, that means he's known you since he was 3 or 4. Does he see you as a father figure? Do you care about him and want to spend time with him? Does he ever see his own father? The reality is, you have no responsibility to your step-son legally, but emotionally I would imagine you would. Right? I'm imagining how he would feel about all of this. It would hurt him to be excluded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author monkey1141 Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 Yup we are bonded and he never misses me, if he does I'm always a quick phone call away. His mom goes on trips with her new boyfriend, so there are weeks where I am his primary parent. Objectively speaking this is not an issue with the step child, he loves hanging out with me and he does. With her new job he will be spending even more. His bio dad is a deadbeat. From her perspective I understand she is going to see her two sons even less with a FT job and with us sharing custody that means even less. Also from her perspective, what's the big deal, I don't have a full time job. But at the end of the day I feel like it's unfair that I am the daycare that operates on her terms and hours, why can't I have a full day or two with just my boy? I know I have no legal responsibility but am I am morally wrong for thinking this way? Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Quite honestly, she should be grateful that you accepted her son into your life and you're as involved as you are. By the same token, she also needs to respect the fact that you want one-on-one time with your biological son. She's pretty ungrateful, using you as some kind of daycare while she runs off with some guy and then acting like an ass and ignoring YOUR needs. something tells me this was the pattern for your marriage, though. I'm assuming she wasn't awarded the Mother of the Year Award this year? Oh well, there's always next year. Why in the hell you financially support someone who deserted you, uses you as a daycare center and goes away on the weekends with her boyfriend is beyond me. Do you have court-ordered custody or is this some kind of agreement between you and Mother of the Year? You seriously need to find your backbone. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Quite honestly, she should be grateful that you accepted her son into your life and you're as involved as you are. By the same token, she also needs to respect the fact that you want one-on-one time with your biological son. She's pretty ungrateful, using you as some kind of daycare while she runs off with some guy and then acting like an ass and ignoring YOUR needs. something tells me this was the pattern for your marriage, though. I'm assuming she wasn't awarded the Mother of the Year Award this year? Oh well, there's always next year. Why in the hell you financially support someone who deserted you, uses you as a daycare center and goes away on the weekends with her boyfriend is beyond me. Do you have court-ordered custody or is this some kind of agreement between you and Mother of the Year? You seriously need to find your backbone. OP please do not take this attitude. It will lead to misery for everyone involved. Just because you have continued to be a good caring parent after your divorce certainly doesn't mean you don't have a back bone. If anything its a week cowardly man who just walks away from his parental and moral responsibilities when he's done with a relationship. You sound like a good dad and Lord knows, the world needs good dads. I understand wanting time alone with your son but I worry about the other boy too. In his eyes you probably are his dad and maybe it would hurt him to be excluded. If anything it would certainly drive home to him the fact that you aren't really his father. However I have 2 sons and I used to always plan one on one time with each of them. I would get my mom to babysit one of them while I took the other one out for the day. Then the next week we'd switch. That way I got some individual time with each of them. Perhaps you could work out something like this with your ex. Good luck to you Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Children deserve one on one time with their parent. Whether married or not, kids like to feel that you have their attention and in essence will share special times with them alone. Its what creates memories. At some point you do have to go back to the original court ordered agreement , and it sounds like you have done your share in the co parenting department. Best to you and your kids. Link to post Share on other sites
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