I want to shift from (flirty) friends to lovers, how should I do it?

[centaur of attention]

Thanks everyone a lot for the help, I don't have any experience with shifting from friend to lovers so I really appreciate everyones advice. Recently things have warmed between a long time friend and I. Since her boyfriend dumped her several months ago we started doing more stuff together and it has progressed firmly into the territory of date stuff, we have even been mistaken for a couple. We have not had any serious talk about what we are to each other but I feel like now is the time to shift gears into something a little more serious.

 

I'm kind of inexperienced and never done this with a friend so I'm wondering what the best way to do this is? She's gone this summer but I'm going to be visiting the city where she is this weekend and she has invited me to spend the night at her place. We will probably be spending the better part of a day and then going out drinking for an evening. I see my options as follows:

 

-Have a "talk": ask her where we stand and indicate my interest in more. I'm not inclined to do this yet

-Hang out, do couple stuff with her and hope for an opportunity to go for a kiss

-Something else... I welcome advice from anyone, especially someone who has successfully transitioned from a friend to more

 

If we were to kiss and things went well and we ended up doing more, would that be a bad thing at this point?

[jen1447]

Given just the little brief above, I wouldn't do it at this point. She's going away, so despite your day and evening plans, she'll be exposed to a lot of other opportunities and probably fully intends to explore them. (And it's probably no coincidence that she hasn't green-lighted you yet bc of that.)

 

Seems like she's just enjoying your company for what it is right now. You can blow that up by getting heavy or making moves at inopportune times. Usually women will give you pretty unmistakable signals when it's ok to take it to the next level, so if you haven't gotten those yet ....yeah.

[centaur of attention]

The reason I feel like this might be the time to do something is because the last time (maybe 2 times) we have hung out, both times in the city where she is because I had to go there for work, I was getting pretty strong signals from her. I didn't do anything but I feel like I could have if I had the courage/initiative.

 

Given this I'm still interested in knowing what the pro and cons of each course of action would be.

[jen1447]

What signals were you getting?

[centaur of attention]

I will preface by saying that all these things are a change from her behavior in the past. hugs lasted longer then before, there was much more touching while we were hanging out (playful touching, arm around each other while walking, her finding an excuse for me to touch her face, etc). She did the hair flip thing a lot, she joked about us being a couple etc.

 

In isolation I these could be somewhat ambiguous but I have more confidence in my conclusion because of the contrast from before

[jen1447]

Ok. I still think the going away thing trumps everything tho. It's possible this may be a "cake and eat it" moment for her too.

 

-Have a "talk": ask her where we stand and indicate my interest in more. I'm not inclined to do this yet

Pros - you might get the answers you want.

Cons- they might not be the answers you actually want.

 

-Hang out, do couple stuff with her and hope for an opportunity to go for a kiss

Pros - you might sneak a kiss.

Cons - it'll look weak. People with determination don't hang around in orbit waiting for someone to drop their guard and nip them in the ass like a jackal. They take initiative and make what they want to happen happen. Question is, does your situation allow for that right now? I'm not sure it does.

 

As an example, if I'm out with a woman I like enough to 'go there' and I want it to 'go there,' I'll do something like take her by the hand unexpectedly and lead her off to a hallway or sth and lay on the lips. It's bold in that I'm taking initiative etc. and also that I'm being risky. But these aren't total strangers or women who haven't given me sth back in flirting to show they're receptive. So my advice is do it boldly if you have a reasonable expectation she's good, or don't do it at all. (There's another caveat in there btw in that women tease men in ways they don't or can't with other women. I sort of have a clearer path than you bc I'm a chick.)