so glad ex didn't give me a second chance

[Starks]

Me and my ex were both insecure and stubborn and drove each other away. After telling her to **** herself after calling off a date 1 hour before (a bluff I thought would make her stop flaking and come running) she started ignoring me. I went through all the pathetic stages (no details needed, just read 90% of the threads on here). I refused to believe any of the advice on this site applied to me, so I kept breaking NC trying to "win her back" and everytime I just pushed her further away.

 

So I eventually gave up. And now I've met someone new. She's gorgeous, smart, funny, she doesn't own a TV so she actually has a life, doesn't have Instagram. She takes care of her grandmother, and she is always calling up on her siblings and checking on their well being. She also calms me down when I get worked up about stuff and helps me realize it's not that big of a deal. She Cooks me great meals (and she used to be a bartender so she can mix drinks as well ). We're traveling to italy togheter in a couple of weeks.

 

Sounds great, right? Now compare her to my ex who I was trying to win back; lazy, self-absorbed, acts like an entitled princess, loves drama and loves to complain, would belittle me when I didn't her my full attention at all times, binge watches netflix for days while stuffing her face with potato chips, actually gives a rats ass about pointless reality shows and celeberty gossip, posts selfies daily and uses apps like "Tags for likes" to boost her likes, would rather be passive aggresive on instagram than confront me about someting and would flake out on appointments an hour before with flimsy excuses.

 

 

Yes I do realize I'm in the honeymoon stage With this new girl, and we'll eventually find flaws about each other as well. But which sounds better to you?

 

 

So my point is, to everyone on here wallowing in self pity and wondering how to win your ex back. Is it worth it? Do you really miss your ex or are you lonely and afraid you won't find someone new like I was?

 

If my ex had taken me back we would probably be back in the same toxic situations. Insecurity, stubborness, pride, passive aggresiveness. I would probably be sitting here upset cause she flaked out on me yesterday, trying to decipher some passive aggresive meme on her isntagram and trying to find out why she was upset. Instead I'm at the office sexting With this new girl about the hot passionate outdoors sex we're gonna have when I get off work later.

 

 

Bottom line: Go NC, pretend your ex is dead and live your life. And someone new will eventually wander into your arms.

 

 

and one last thing; I sound bitter about my ex, I'm not really. I'm sure she could tell her version of our relationship and make me sounds like "the bad guy". But there is no bad guy, sometimes it just doesn't work out.

Edited June 18, 2015 by Starks

[dangerbang]

Meeting a new girl wont solve all your problems. If you were insecure etc with the last one, I dare say it will raise it's ugly head again in this relationship.

[Starks]

Meeting a new girl wont solve all your problems. If you were insecure etc with the last one, I dare say it will raise it's ugly head again in this relationship.

 

 

 

Nobody said it would. This girl definitely has her flaws as well. Chain smoking, drinks a lot.. who knows what issues will pop up down the line. I'll deal with them if/when that happens. My point is the quicker you stop bitching about wanting your ex back, the quicker you'll be in the honey moon phase with someone new.

 

 

But hey I'm here trying to inspire people to stop e-stalking their ex and moaping around and prolonging their misery. how nice of you to bring that negative nancy attitude up in here lol

[dangerbang]

Nobody said it would. This girl definitely has her flaws as well. Chain smoking, drinks a lot.. who knows what issues will pop up down the line. I'll deal with them if/when that happens. My point is the quicker you stop bitching about wanting your ex back, the quicker you'll be in the honey moon phase with someone new.

 

 

But hey I'm here trying to inspire people to stop e-stalking their ex and moaping around and prolonging their misery. how nice of you to bring that negative nancy attitude up in here lol

 

I think you're promoting the wrong way to go about self improvement. People should be aiming towards fulfillment while being alone, in a position to never need anyone again. I've been split about 2 and a bit months now, I saw my ex on a dating site already and it got me thinking - wtf am I doing here? wtf is she doing here? She was so messed up and she doesn't realise that and is looking for another man. That's not the way to go about it.

It takes time to move on and I for one am taking a long breather from the world of dating and relationships until I find some solid reasons for being here.

[Starks]

I think you're promoting the wrong way to go about self improvement. People should be aiming towards fulfillment while being alone, in a position to never need anyone again. I've been split about 2 and a bit months now, I saw my ex on a dating site already and it got me thinking - wtf am I doing here? wtf is she doing here? She was so messed up and she doesn't realise that and is looking for another man. That's not the way to go about it.

It takes time to move on and I for one am taking a long breather from the world of dating and relationships until I find some solid reasons for being here.

 

Says who? You? How do you know what's the best way for her to move on? Are you projecting your inability to move on on to her?

 

 

I never said Jack **** about not taking time to properly heal. But that said, some of these people are prolonging this time by snooping on social media and overanalyzing breadcrumbs.

 

 

As for self improvement, my breakup caused me to start working out, working on hobbies, spending more time with family and friends. So exactly how am I "promoting the wrong way to go about self improvement" ?

 

 

I tried to win my ex back for months before I started sleeping with other broads. I hooked up with some one night stands and FWBs before I met this new girl so I'm not insinuating that you should fall in love with the first girl who even looks at you after you decide to move on from your ex.

[dangerbang]

Says who? You? How do you know what's the best way for her to move on? Are you projecting your inability to move on on to her?

 

Not that I care anymore, but because she's an absolute psychological mess with deeply rooted problems, violent and abusive and substance addiction issues, and if I were a neutral I would advise some serious therapy before going anywhere near a relationship. Awareness is key.

[dangerbang]

I tried to win my ex back for months before I started sleeping with other broads. I hooked up with some one night stands and FWBs before I met this new girl so I'm not insinuating that you should fall in love with the first girl who even looks at you after you decide to move on from your ex.

 

No I know what you mean. Light at the end of the tunnel etc. I didn't try at all to get ex back as I know from experience once they're gone they're gone. I wouldn't touch her with a yard stick now though.

 

There are a lot of whining losers on this site which give the male species a bad name. Pining and pining for what is not.

 

What advise to me then? I'm in ridiculously good shape now, like men's fitness magazine type stuff, I've taken up some more hobbies and I'm going to be able to buy my own property soon.

 

I did try online dating recently, my last date on it was good and we kissed at the end etc, with tongues! However she texted me after (last Sunday) to say that as her dad had passed away recently she's a bit tender and could we hold off on the 2nd date, and that she'll be in touch. I just said fine and heard nothing since. I probably wont.

 

That was my queue to exit the dating world for a few months but it was nice to know I'm attractive to some women anyway

[Starks]

There are a lot of whining losers on this site which give the male species a bad name. Pining and pining for what is not.

 

exactly. I was kind of one of them.

 

I see people on here who have to return engagement rings, people who have been living with each other for years breaking up etc. I can't even imagine what that feels like. I'm asuming it takes months/years to heal from this.

 

 

but for every one of those stories there's also a ****load of people who are just needy and desperate and doesn't know when to give up.

 

Basically if you have been trying to get your ex back for longer than you were actually with her you should definitely man up and move on

[dangerbang]

exactly. I was kind of one of them.

 

I see people on here who have to return engagement rings, people who have been living with each other for years breaking up etc. I can't even imagine what that feels like. I'm asuming it takes months/years to heal from this.

 

 

but for every one of those stories there's also a ****load of people who are just needy and desperate and doesn't know when to give up.

 

Basically if you have been trying to get your ex back for longer than you were actually with her you should definitely man up and move on

 

It's what my friend said to me, after we split up I told him that she cheated on me last year and he said, "Take your f**king balls back and stop being a p*ssy".

 

At least I know never to let a woman get under my skin so much again!

 

There are people on this site still pining after these women a year or two later. They have some serious psychological issues.

[aloneinaz]

OP- I think this is a good positive post with a solid message. I too find it disappointing that so many people cry over lousy, dysfunctional and toxic relationships after being dumped.

 

 

I do think people should allow some time to heal from the break up, even when the break up is a good thing. People need to learn from it what they can. Most know the mistakes they made as well that contributed to the failure. They should address those mistakes while spending time alone before dating again.

 

 

I also moved on after my last lousy relationship ended. I went hardcore NC. It took me a month to eat and sleep normally again. By two months post break up, I started casually dating again. A few months later, I met my now 22 month GF. This relationship is everything I wanted.

 

 

Clearly, for those that (choose) to stay "stuck" in the mooning over the ex (and wallowing in their pity party) who didn't want them for months, and months and months, there is a strong component of low self esteem. Rejection is a part of life. People who can cope with it with strong self pride will move on and recognize relationships end and people get dumped. They'll pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move on to find a better relationship.

[ravfour4]

Congrats. Ignore all the haters who are bitter that you found a new happy relationship.

[Starks]

OP- I think this is a good positive post with a solid message. I too find it disappointing that so many people cry over lousy, dysfunctional and toxic relationships after being dumped.

 

 

I do think people should allow some time to heal from the break up, even when the break up is a good thing. People need to learn from it what they can. Most know the mistakes they made as well that contributed to the failure. They should address those mistakes while spending time alone before dating again.

 

 

I also moved on after my last lousy relationship ended. I went hardcore NC. It took me a month to eat and sleep normally again. By two months post break up, I started casually dating again. A few months later, I met my now 22 month GF. This relationship is everything I wanted.

 

 

Clearly, for those that (choose) to stay "stuck" in the mooning over the ex (and wallowing in their pity party) who didn't want them for months, and months and months, there is a strong component of low self esteem. Rejection is a part of life. People who can cope with it with strong self pride will move on and recognize relationships end and people get dumped. They'll pick themselves up, dust themselves off and move on to find a better relationship.

 

 

 

great post!

 

 

Yeah I did take alone time and I did realize what a piece of **** I had been. I had conversations with my ex in my head since she wouldn't respond, I tried to impress her on social media instead of unfollowing. I was even so crazy that I contemplated going to a concert just to "accidentally" bump into her and her friends. Thank god I stopped myself from that one. That's psychotic behavior.

 

I think I can thank some of the poor suckers on this forum for making some grave mistakes I was thinking about making. Kinda let me sit back and watch the collosal failure these Crash Test Dummies of mine turned out to be lol

 

 

We've all been there. Only difference is how long we choose to stay there. I feel ****ing preposterous now for chasing a flaky, entitled brat. I think I was "in love" with the rock star she portrays herself as on social media and not her herself.

[Fugu]

Nice to know things are working out OP.

 

I think the moral to the story is, a person needs to know what they want out of a relationship and what they don't want. If they're not getting the things they want and getting the things they don't, then first address it with your partner. And if you try that a time or two and get absolutely no response, then you know it's probably time to find someone else. Life is too short to accept being miserable in a relationship.

[Starks]

upped for the non-believers and doubters: it's still going great

 

 

 

 

and it's all cause I chose to move on

 

 

 

 

stop stalking, initiate NC, pretend your ex is dead. As far as you're concerned she/he is