children

[Queenie]

My boyfriend and I have been together for over three years. Sure we've had our disagreements but the biggest one came up about a year ago. He doesn't want kids.. and I do! We forgot about it for about a year and then about a week ago we brought it back up. He is positive he doesn't want them, he never has. I am on the oppositve field and also have my mind set. I am completely confused, we are in love but this is such a big part of our lives. Any helpful advice?

[Uk guy]

This dilemma is not an easy one, somewhere along the line you are going to have to make some very tough decisions. Do you really want to suppress these natural instincts and feelings that you possess about having a baby. Unless your boyfriend reconsiders you could be faced with the prospect of losing him in order to satisfy your desire. If he don`t and you stay with him then your risk being unhappy.

 

You didn`t mention your ages which is obviously an important factor, don`t forget that what people both want and need changes with time and maturity. So if he`s young his feelings towards this question of children may very well change, I don`t think that you are likely to change your mind, and if your partner doesn`t shift his ideas then something will probably give. The two of you need to discuss this matter, he might just feel threatened by the thought of a baby in your relationship. But in the end I don`t think you`ll happy until you have a child, and this is something that and he needs to realise. With different objectives in life this relationship is not well on the road to success.

[Tony T]

Sometimes we forget that one of the primary purposes of the mating game is for procreation purposes. This is a biological imperative that is instinctual in most life forms on the planet.

 

While you may have a great love for this man, your desire to have children may be so compelling it would be better for you to go through some pain now and then find a man you can fall for who wants a family.

 

You should have acted on this a year ago. This is NOT a disagreement or a subject of argument. It is simply a fact that you want children and another fact that he doesn't. He has an absolute right to his position just as you do. I admire his forthrightness and honesty. He is not leading you on.

 

I think if you stick around with him you will grow bitter and resent the years passed you by and you were not able to experience what you obviously strongly desire.

 

This thing of having and raising children is bigger than all of us and greater than your feelings for this guy. But you will have to figure that one out.

[2ply]

Ok...first of all it take TWO to say yes to haveing kids.....Just one to say No. When that one person says no....it's like there's no option for KIDS cause If you force him into it or make him feel guilty or obligated he will end up resenting you or even worse the child. Have you seen the commercial where the dad is videotaping his wife bringin home their newborn baby as he opens the door and you see the innocent face they play over the wedding vows....but in regard to the child. like "Do you take your daughter to love and to cherish from this day forward in sickness and in health" and so on. That's what kids are....when you have kids they're there for life nad EVERYTHING revolves around them. I should Know I have a 4 month old and a 2 year old. Your life completely changes and if he doesn't want that....if he wants to keep his freedom and so fourth the marriage plain and simple will not work. An Issuse like 'Children" causes a HUGE strain on a relationship if not dealt with BEFORE marriage. don't just leave it till the times comes around! You gotta resolve this issue. My hubby and I disagree on how many kids and it's a very uneeded stress we argue about quite often. don't force him into a yes answer bt tal about it and if you can't come to a compromise or a solution you HAVE to move on. Trust me it will never work.

[sparkle]

Relationships always involve making compromises. But there are some things that you shouldn't really bend on. Wanting children is one of them.

 

You may think this guy is wonderful and all, but he's not the right one for you. Don't marry him hoping that he'll maybe change his views after marriage and want to have kids after all. That is not going to happen. He may be thinking the same way--that you will change your mind later on and not want kids either.

 

And it will greatly affect your happiness and your marriage in the future, or maybe even destroy it.

 

Common views and interests are an important part of a relationship/marriage. If having children is important to you, find someone that can share your views about children.