Princessjesabell Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Okay so a couple years back my boyfriend got a letter in the mail from this chick he used to mess around with exclaiming her love for him and all this other bull$@!* I found the letter and immeditley confronted him on it through outt the past year or so she has sent him b-day cards and when his froend died she sent him this book on how to deal with it, a little weird I think... anyhow she lives in a different state and he told me that he really never talks to her. I was over it. This morning I looked at his cell phone not for any particular reason just kinda playing around with it when I seen this number that he talked to for a half hour... When I called it it was this chicks voicemail, the broad from the other state... I called him during the time he was talking to her and he didnt answer when he got home from work yesterday he said he had been running late because he was talking to his boss.. Should I be upset or just ignore it because of where shes located What could you possibly talk about for that long? Why lie about it? Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I'd be DEMANDING a frickin' answer! No way man!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 She seems to be doing it all on her own. He may be being too receptive to it. Generally, its a bad idea for your SO to be hanging around or talking with someone they hooked up with (unless its incidental to being part of a group). Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 but why is he lying about it is the question......... and for that reason, the lies, i would be mad! Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 If you go into this angry and confrontational all you are going to get is defensiveness and more lies. Calmly let him know that you know for a fact that he talking to her, and that you want it to stop and then outline your reasons why. Do not let "how you know" come up for debate - or you may end up spending many hours arguing over that and completely missing the point of why you are bringing it up to begin with. An argument can't be turned against you if you refuse to let that happen - stay on the offense, and by no means should you get to a point where you feel like you have to retaliate or defend yourself. It he puts forth something that appears to put you at fault, just say calmly "this isn't about that. This is about the fact that you are talking to this girl, being untruthful about it, and I am not comfortable with that." If he says "well, how did you know - are you snooping behind my back?" You say "that isn't the issue. The issue is that you are talking to her, being untruthful about it and I am not comfortable with that." If he says "you are so jealous and insecure and/or you are being a bitch" You say "this isn't about my jealousy or insecurity, or being a bitch. This is about you talking to her, being untruthful about it and I am not comfortable with that." Repeat as many times as necessary and refuse to speak at all if he tries to move the argument into a place that moves it away from the point. No matter what he brings up, force it to come back to your point by saying "that doesn't matter right now. Right now we are discussing the fact that you are talking to this girl, and it makes me uncomfortable. Address that one issue and only that one issue, for now anyway. It won't be easy. Try to stay as calm and as rational as possible. Even if he does or says things to force you to take a defensive role (in which case you've lost the argument when that happens). Anger is something that can work for you if you have it under control, and very much against you if you don't. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Wow.....what she said. ^ Link to post Share on other sites
New_Wife Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 WOW Indeed! Hey, LucreziaBorgia, do you have an hourly fee? Can I call you and have you speak into my earpiece whenever I get into any sort of argment with anyone? You rock, lady! Link to post Share on other sites
nugirl Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Sounds like somebody has a secret...and it's not you. He acts like he has no idea why this girl is hanging from his ****, meanwhile, he might be feeding into it when you are not around. You should not have been going through his cell phone but you need to confront him about what you found and dont let him try to flip it on you and turn the conversation into how pissed he is that you were being nosey. You must say that you are sorry for that, explain why you did it, and then ask him what the hell is going on. Dont let him say he doesnt know either. If he really needs to keep secrets from, he can go live with that girl and she cqan be the one he hides things from. Link to post Share on other sites
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