Women don't bring enough to the table?

[truncated]

I know a guy ( a relative of mine) who has very specific qualities that he looks for in women, one of them being a very high level of attractiveness. This if fine and of course his prerogative to do so, but then he complains that these same women are always self centered, obsessed with their looks, or just plain not very "nice".

 

It's not the fact that he has such high appearance standards about looks that are the problem, it's that he's cutting himself off from a really large group of potential relationship partners who are still attractive, as he admits himself, but who also have all the other qualities he is looking for.

[Got it]

Wow three posts dedicated to me, I must have touched a nerve.

 

So tell me then, in the supposed equality of the dating world, where women 'want it all' yet still expect men to act like men, be chivalrous, gentlemanly etc what should my attitude be like?

 

You must believe I'm a complete moron or something if you think I believe x + y + z from a man's input = sex. If you look at my post history you see I am heavily red pill and that I am firm believer in that 'true desire cannot be negotiated'. That's why I eject after a few dates if I feel she has no desire for me. However, it's takes a few dates to figure out whether you are compatible or not, and it is during that initial period that men in general have to invest far more to get the female's attention. Because if he doesn't appear gentlemanly, resourceful and generous with his money/time he will be seen as cheap/tight. From a girl's perspective, all she has to do is screen him out during this initial period, there is no investment or effort whatsoever. THATS my gripe.

 

Put it this way- imagine a date being set up where the girl asks me to meet at a a place, organises a nice date, is generous with money etc only for me to say 'meh'. Then she does it a couple hundred more times over the span of a few years. In fact just writing this is just so farcical because it would never happen. A woman simply and wholly cannot empathise with the male disposition and the troubles we can go to to facilitate your world. Women who fall in love and meet 'the one' think it just happens by magic, that the stars were aligned etc or some other horse****. They have no idea the investment, money, work and time/effort a man has put into his game to seduce the woman at that point. It's so frustrating.

 

I don't get it, so do that. Wait for a woman to ask you out. I have asked men out, I have paid for dates, etc. I feel the one who asks out should pay, so if it is mutual/set up then both pay. And I have always, even in high school, very even on an equal payment set up.

 

I don't get it, if men hate the way they are currently dating then why don't they change it? Now you are putting yourself in a position to wait to get asked, so you may have less opportunities, but it is quality not quantity right?

 

No one says you have to play by any rules that you don't want to. You just have to find others who agree with your rules. Quite easy in fact.

 

And go for dates that don't cost a lot. Some of my best dates weren't expensive ones, they were ones that took thought, insight, some uniqueness putting them together. Something that shows you a little about the person, their favorite winery, hiking trail, little town window shopping, etc. I introduced my husband to the horse country in my state. Lol, in fact our first date was him tagging along while I trailered two of my horses to the farrier to get their feet done and then we went to lunch.

 

So look for the woman that wants to show you a thing or two. They are out there but there aren't a lot of them.

[Got it]

Ok when the woman is twidling her thumbs looking the other way when the drinks/bill comes, what should I do? "Get your wallet out sweatheart it's time to split the bill" and end up looking cheap. It happens all the time. I've never met a woman who's had the deceny to say 'I'll get the next round' it just does not happen where I live. Many men will testify this. To go in expecting Dutch (which i'd absolutely love) is to look cheap, or give the impression that you are cheap.

 

If she seems so uninterested why does her opinion of you matter at that point? Why not tell her to foot up? A good litmus test as well to see if she wants an equal partnership.

 

Have you thought about joining meet up groups? There are ones based on different outings/events/sports that everyone is there for said interest but everyone is single as well. Gives a common interest point to get to know people.

 

I will say, when I have a horrible date with a guy, like the guy who spent all his time complaining about his ex wife , I paid the full thing. I wanted no strings attached and no "tit for tat" repayment for a second date.

[Got it]

Sure this is possible in a small town where everyone knows each other or regular meets are possible. It's almost impossible in London and I would never date a person from work for obvious reasons.

 

But if you know how to build a regular rapore with someone when living in a big, lonely city then I'm all ears. EVERYONE is disconnected in London, it's the very nature of the place. OLD is huge here and the main way people meet each other, which I hate. It's a fantastic city but only if you have the right people to enjoy it with. Otherwise it is terribly lonely.

 

Seriously I'd love to know- how do I make new friends/meet women in a city as cold as this? It's something that has been troubling me for years and it's not like being part of a warm, small community which I grew up in. I don't like the idea of just going out on my own and introducing myself to women. It's sad and the women think you're 'weird' for doing it. I've experienced it before.

 

Have you tried matchmaking services? They can be a bit pricey but you have someone working on making sure that each party meets the qualifications the other is looking for and you are having someone advocate for you. What are your interests? Hobbies? Passions? What are the things that make you uniquely you? You will find others who are similar and connect on that.

 

Are you open to moving? Maybe a city isn't your thing and a smaller town would make you happier on a personal and romantic level? While I love large cities I am a small town/rural person and know this.

 

I know a friend of mine moved to CA and got into running. He met his current girlfriend that way and now they both run together.

[Maleficent]

Ok when the woman is twidling her thumbs looking the other way when the drinks/bill comes, what should I do? "Get your wallet out sweatheart it's time to split the bill" and end up looking cheap. It happens all the time. I've never met a woman who's had the deceny to say 'I'll get the next round' it just does not happen where I live. Many men will testify this. To go in expecting Dutch (which i'd absolutely love) is to look cheap, or give the impression that you are cheap.

 

Well maybe you should rethink the kind of women you are going on dates with or suggest other activities.

[autumnnight]

Wasn't it Einstein who said the definition of insanity is doing things the same way and expecting a different result?

 

There are probably a lot of women out there who SHOULD change their ways. But we can't control them. We can only control US. If what one is doing either isn't working or is causing consternation...do something different. And no, it isn't my job to tell them what to do different. I live in a mid-sized city in the southeastern united states. I have no reason to know how to pick up women in every corner of the globe.

[Emilia]

Sure this is possible in a small town where everyone knows each other or regular meets are possible. It's almost impossible in London and I would never date a person from work for obvious reasons.

 

But if you know how to build a regular rapore with someone when living in a big, lonely city then I'm all ears. EVERYONE is disconnected in London, it's the very nature of the place. OLD is huge here and the main way people meet each other, which I hate. It's a fantastic city but only if you have the right people to enjoy it with. Otherwise it is terribly lonely.

 

Seriously I'd love to know- how do I make new friends/meet women in a city as cold as this? It's something that has been troubling me for years and it's not like being part of a warm, small community which I grew up in. I don't like the idea of just going out on my own and introducing myself to women. It's sad and the women think you're 'weird' for doing it. I've experienced it before.

 

Meetup groups are great. There are literally thousands of them in this city. Debate societies. They give you confidence too. Doing weekend courses in whatever interest you have. Running clubs. Badminton clubs. Reading clubs. Volunteering, hundreds of opportunities. Drama clubs. Just top of my head. You need to change your mentality. Do you know your neighbours? Because I know mine.