johntev Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 ello people, my girlfriend are both 28 years old and have been together for 7 years now. I am still in love with her and I feel her love for me. 3 years ago I was suspicious and found out that she cheated on me, and I believe it may have not been the only time. I was inexperiened nieve and trusting, many factors lead to the train wreck. And Out of a mixture of stupidity and optimism I decided to forgive her and we gave it another shot , regardless of the severe emotional tourment , the chattered self esteem and many insecuritys I felt from the whole betral. On the premise that if we get through we'd have stronger relatiinship ( thinking back , that may have been a moment of insanity). Its 3 years since then and I feel things haven't progressed as they should , I know she loves me and I love her but I feel she does not respect me because I let her **** me over and essentially get away with it. Which in turn hinders me build ing my confidnce back and creates more anxiety towards my insecurity's. At the moment we don't trust each other , where notCommunicating properlly ,arguing over nothing . its become stagnate but everytime we hit breaking point we always end up staying with each other . I think right now I'm exhausted and tired of it being so emotionally draining for both of us . I feel like both our hearts will break but if we end it now it will be the best thing for both our live s . but I don't really no how to end it, with out hurting her and end it properly so were not back (lol) providing comfort for each other couple of hours later . alternativly if she can commit 100%and truly respect me as a man , and I can be confident, secure with myself and assert my self as the true man I am it has a hope . but something leads me to believe that maybe (jokingly) kicking the bitch out the door and getting reaquinted with dating and meeting new woman is that step to getting my balls back. Cause I must admit I feel cheated( pun intended ) really I stayed loyal and i let regretably now opurtunitys and just being out the living just slip away. While she was enjoying herself thinking we weren't to serious or whatever bull**** she try to justify it to herself . anyway longer than I wanted , any advice ? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 Yes, you are correct. Go date other women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 End it. Life is too short to stay with someone you can't trust and as you say it's a toxic relationship. It's unhealthy and damaging, as you well know now. Love - You can care for her, love her, want her, but that doesn't mean she's the right person for you. Let her go and heal well so you can find a great woman who won't cheat on you and is more stable and trusting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 You never healed because you never knew the truth and actually dealt with the issue when it came up. There is no doubt she doesn't respect you. You never put consequences on her for her actions. You can't go back and change the past but you can correct things for yourself. The first thing you need to do is stand up for yourself and put a stop to this. She made her choice and now you need to make yours. I personally never support staying with a cheater. It never worked out for me and I have only heard of a few people that ever really truly recovered the relationship. Its clear by what you stated she never owned up to her mistakes and she continues to treat you badly. I personally wouldn't be to concerned with hurting her feelings. I would just end it and wish her a happy life with someone else. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GoBlue Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I appreciate most of what Clay has said, but the primary difference between a couple that recovers from an affair and the one who doesn't has to do with commitment and working through the hurt in order to begin rebuilding the foundation of trust. The problem in this scenario is quite simple, you live like a married couple but you have none of the commitment of a married couple. It is clear that you have not worked through your anger when you say that you love her and "don't want to hurt her" but you still use profanity to describe her. I don't know what you should or shouldn't do, but change is necessary. The two of you need help if your gonna move forward in a commitment of love. If you decide to break-up with her and start dating others, you probably need some work to deal with your anger, trust, and your view of women. If you think that things will suddenly get great for you because you end this relationship - they won't. There are times, however, that it's what is mutually beneficial for both parties. Good luck. I hope everything works out well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author johntev Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I guess i must be slightly delusional, and im currently accepting that i have been in some form of denial. I Should have put an end to it ages ago. I honesty do not know how to go about! I feel like i have so much to get off my chest, that id like her to understand. But i fear that any effort of mature communication, is just gonna be thrown in my face. I cannot see a happy future any more. It has seeped into every part of my life, i am depressed. I self esteem problems, have grown into a feelings of utter inadequacy. Social life, friendships, family, work , goals amitions dreams have all gone down the drain. at this point im at a very very low point and it must change. There were many reasons why i decided to give it another shot. i wanted to clearly identify and come to terms with faults and mistakes. and i guess in some sadistic way( im having trouble putting this to words)i wanted to her validation that i was adequate and meeting her needs both sexually and emotionally. Generally affairs/cheating spouses, the interactions are sexual. There are only are a few reasons why it occurs . So therefor put water on any seeds of insecuritys and watch it grow. A. How do approach this situation and effectively end it? B. How do i overcome my, now many serious issues such as , confidence , trust, anger, self worth, Effitively, How do i Heal and grow in healthy way to ultimately make this whole experience a success. c. Move forward ?? >To be honest, i am a mess, it is very hard to express what im am feeling. All it is really, im asking for some help. I having been consumed by this relationship in totality for the last 3 years. Love shouldnt be this hard. And i don't want to be scared so much that i never let anyone close again. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts