helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 confident and independent doesn't mean selfish, domineering etc at all. i dated Mr Selfish Domineering etc, but not for long. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I don't think so LOONY. If you are truly "confident and independent" you don't need to be a jerk. You know how to assert yourself and get what you want without having to push people around. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 13, 2005 Author Share Posted October 13, 2005 If you are truly "confident and independent" you don't need to be a jerk. You know how to assert yourself and get what you want without having to push people around. Please elaborate, LOONEY, on how exactly one goes about asserting themselves and getting what they want without pushing people around at least to some extent. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 being assertive means NOT pushing people around. it is stating your position, setting boundaries, standing your ground but not diminishing the other person in the process. pushing people around is overstating, being aggressive, inconsiderate, domineering and all the other stuff Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Please elaborate, LOONEY, on how exactly one goes about asserting themselves and getting what they want without pushing people around at least to some extent. By being polite and asking? Stating the plain facts? Appealing to the voice of reason? Edit: What helena said. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 13, 2005 Author Share Posted October 13, 2005 being assertive means NOT pushing people around. it is stating your position, setting boundaries, standing your ground but not diminishing the other person in the process. pushing people around is overstating, being aggressive, inconsiderate, domineering and all the other stuff OK then HELENAABADI and LOONY: So what does one do after they state their position, set the boundaries, stand their ground and the other party does not care or goes ahead and does whatever he/she wants to. WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER YOU"VE BEEN NICE AND THEY STILL DO NOT DO WHAT YOU ASK???? Huh? Tell me.... Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Alpha started this thread back in April, then the dates show the last post was May 8, now Alpha opens it again today with a response to a question back in May. Funny... I read through this whole thread.. Interesting read. I can see everyone's point of view and I don't disagree with anyone completely. Very good debate... One of the better one's I've read in LS. I'm gonna keep up on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 OK then HELENAABADI and LOONY: So what does one do after they state their position, set the boundaries, stand their ground and the other party does not care or goes ahead and does whatever he/she wants to. WHAT DO YOU DO AFTER YOU"VE BEEN NICE AND THEY STILL DO NOT DO WHAT YOU ASK???? Huh? Tell me.... Then I will think about the next steps that make it most likely to get what I want. I might change my tone of voice and tell that person what her/his position is and what my position is, what the consequences will be, I might call the authorities, my boss, his/her boss, etc. That doesn't mean I'm pushing people around. Get it? Or shall it repeat it really slow? Link to post Share on other sites
d'Arthez Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Much to some people's dismay at times, going to the bank with an AK-47, to speed up the procedures does not work. You will simply have to bear the painstakingly slow procedures. Why bother getting mad? Stand up for yourself, and if another person still behaves very badly (which rarely happens), you can often go higher up. For example, if someone smokes where it is prohibited, you can politely remind him of the fact. If he does not listen, you could always (if you are in a small space) go to some official / manager to solve the problem. And the less you get mad, the more you get in return, when you are with your SO, for handling it well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 13, 2005 Author Share Posted October 13, 2005 Alpha started this thread back in April, then the dates show the last post was May 8, now Alpha opens it again today with a response to a question back in May. Funny.... What's so funny? I was bored and this thread generated a lot of controversy... I might call the authorities, my boss, his/her boss, etc. So if it was your lover you'd call his mom? Get real... Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 if they still don't do what you ask, then that is just tough. you can only control your own behaviour. trying to control another person's behaviour is domineering blah blah, and stepping into their space which is unacceptable. with children, however, an hour in a naughty corner does wonders. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 So if it was your lover you'd call his mom? Get real... Excuse me, but I don't need to call my mom if I have to settle an argument. If he's not able to be rational to some extent then I doubt I would be in a relationship with him in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Alpha, were you a man who had managed to acquire and sustain a successful long-term relationship, your 'secrets' might bear some weight. However the happily married gentlemen on LS eschew your methods and the fellows who cheer your strategy are all single. Nothing succeeds like success, dude. And you ain't got it. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 What's so funny? I was bored and this thread generated a lot of controversy... Just like a Alpha Male.. When he is bored he seeks stimulation instead of enjoying his boredom as peace and quiet.. Ironic.. Thats why I thought it was funny.. Alpha males say they don't like drama yet when they are bored they stir it up. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 ''And the less you get mad, the more you get in return''. nice one, d'arthez. Link to post Share on other sites
loony Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I think Alphamale is simply confusing the terms "to assert oneself" and "to push someone around". The former assumes that you are only protecting your space and at the same time respect someone else's space while the latter means that you're not keeping to your boundaries. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I agree, Loony. A lot of people have mistaken 'assertiveness' for 'agressiveness' and behave like belligerent boors in the mistaken assumption that that's what constitutes being 'confident and assertive'. Sad, really. Link to post Share on other sites
JS17 Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I can't believe I missed this the first time around. I think you started this when I was on hiatus busy balancing exs #2 & 3. I actually do agree with some of the things that you wrote Alpha, although not all. But this... -be nice and respectful when she treats you well doesn't sound like you. I think your definition has gotten much more harsh over the past half a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 If you are truly "confident and independent" you don't need to be a jerk. You know how to assert yourself and get what you want without having to push people around. I agree completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 I can't believe I missed this the first time around. I think you started this when I was on hiatus busy balancing exs #2 & 3. I actually do agree with some of the things that you wrote Alpha, although not all. But this... doesn't sound like you. I think your definition has gotten much more harsh over the past half a year. This was back when he was still trying to get nookey from his Ex Now that they are back together he has lost the niceness part Originally Posted by alphamale -be nice and respectful when she treats you well Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 13, 2005 Share Posted October 13, 2005 Originally Posted by alphamale -be nice and respectful when she treats you well And when she's bad, roll up the newspaper and give her a good whack! (Sorry, I couldn't resist!) Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 What's so funny? I was bored and this thread generated a lot of controversy... Just movin' up this thread again...Sorry, was bored... Link to post Share on other sites
megabit15 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 This idea is just such a childish game. Lacks empathy or consideration and presents a pretty selfish viewpoint. All me me me me me. Don't see it leading to a loving relationship. Why I'm wasting my time on it is to dispel this ludicrous myth and to let real men know that real women exist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jaye Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Alphamale basically describes how to be a player. Where is the love part of it? Link to post Share on other sites
megabit15 Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Alphamale basically describes how to be a player. Where is the love part of it? Then rename the thread. It's bulls***. Link to post Share on other sites
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