jaye Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Then rename the thread. It's bulls***. Why would you want me to rename the thread for? Link to post Share on other sites
MassiveAtom Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 Know what. This very concept is being applied in my current relationship with a woman. When she gets irritable and cranky, I do one of two things. either I don't respond, or I tell her in my most quiet voice, "you're being pretty mean;" and then in my most A$$ish voice, "If that's how you want it let's go." It takes a second to register, but she realizes that if she wants to talk with me, she'll have to behave herself. Oh, on Honesty, I've found that if you actually find an emotionally mature adult Woman, honesty does work. Not brutal honesty, brutality never seems to work as expected, but face value, straight up kinda stuff, works. You just don't tell her EVERYTHING, sheesh, don't tear down that image of magnificence she has of you if you can avoid it. eventually time will do that for you. Most of the concepts Alpha was explaining on this thread are all good ones. Most of what he said true in fact. You really have to stretch your brain if you want to get it though. Some guys will, some women will, some just won't. ever. Back to me. She has shown me, through action, that she likes to pursue me. AND she likes when I pursue her. Of course When I was totally honest with her, she honestly told me she doesn't want me to feel like I have to chase her, but then everyone is a little conflicted in ways they don't even understand. I still chase her, she still likes it, almost a year into our "just a couple of dates" It's funny, I instinctively operate pretty much like this post describes, except I tell her I love her - which is honest, and show her. It's great! She even bought me dinner for the third time in a week last night! I don't know about the naysayers, but Confidence, Independence, and yes being a flat out JERK every once in a while, seem to work in spades. at least for me! just my 2mil Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted October 19, 2005 Share Posted October 19, 2005 be funny, generous, arrogant, sensitive, happy, assertive and a jerk all rolled up in one Funny: Tastes vary. Some women like men who can deliver fast, dryly funny lines in a deadpan style. Others will just be happy to get a "kiss the cook" apron for their birthday. I guess you have to work out what direction the particular woman's sense of humour takes - and, more importantly, consider whether you've got sufficient wit and intelligence to appeal to that sense of humour. Some men (particularly those who persist in the belief that women have no sense of humour) can be a little misguided on that score. Generous: Positive - provided you're not making overly expansive gestures that leave the other person feel uncomfortable or in some way obligated Arrogance: Unwarranted displays of arrogance (and they usually are...) are a questionable technique. Initially, they let women know what your aspirations are. Subsequently, they simply serve as a constant reminder that you will never achieve those aspirations. Sensitive: Within reason. Emotional intelligence is more desirable (some sensitive people are only sensitive with regard to their own needs and feelings). Happy: Yes, provided it doesn't result in perpetual enforced jollity and a refusal to acknowledge any of the grimmer aspects of life that can be quite interesting talking points. Assertive: Within reason. Nobody wants to listen to you practice the techniques you acquired on an assertiveness workshop. Especially not when said techniques are being practiced on busy, stressed out and underpaid waiting staff. Jerk: To be categorised with words such as arsehole, wanker, tosspot. The world is full of jerks. They're just idiotic, annoying obstacles to be avoided whilst on the journey to meeting people you actually like. Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted October 28, 2005 Share Posted October 28, 2005 I don't know if I agree with the basis of your theory, Alpha, where you state (correct me if I'm wrong) something along the lines of: "be independent and control your emotions to make her want you and to keep her long-term." I think there are exceptions. Or maybe I'm just wierd. But anyway, my boyfriend has quite a few emotions, including the occassional jealousy and possessiveness. But instead of it being a total turn-off (as long as it's kept in moderation) I think it's sort of flattering that he cares so much. And part of the reason I care for him is because I know he cares so deeply for me (he tells me all the time). I can't help thinking that if he seemed indifferent sometimes, or wasn't reliable, then I would be pretty hesitant about trusting my heart to him. Link to post Share on other sites
helena abadi Posted October 30, 2005 Share Posted October 30, 2005 i agree. my boyfriend sometimes showed jealous and possessive tendencies, and i found them quite endearing. they were a measure of his passionate feelings for me. they only threatened the relationship when he went a bit overboard, but we were able to resolve the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted February 24, 2006 Share Posted February 24, 2006 Alpha, I noticed a contradiction in your guide. You say: -make her the center of your life when you are with her Which seems to contradict this: -don't be there all the time for her and don't do everything she wants It seems to me that if you are making her the center of your life when you are with her, you'd do what she needs all the time. Or am I just missing the context of the whole thing? I would have replied to the orginal message but for some odd reason LS shuts down threads older than 2 months. It'd be much easier for them to leave threads open so we don't have to start new ones and we can keep the discussion up. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Seems pretty clear to me. Do not be there all the time (they like a little aloofness and stand offishness) for her. But the times that you ARE there for her, make sure she is the center of your world for THAT time. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 -make her the center of your life when you are with her Meaning, the time you DO spend with her, make her the center of your life. That is what he meant... Which seems to contradict this: -don't be there all the time for her and don't do everything she wants When you are not with her, he is meaning, you're not with her - unavailable until the next time they're together. Link to post Share on other sites
kitten chick Posted February 25, 2006 Share Posted February 25, 2006 Here, this is how it works...I have plenty of experience with playas.... When you're with the chickadee of the day you find things coming out of your mouth like...you're so special, you're so wonderful, I wish I could spend every minute with you, etc... However, that's only when you're with her and that is not very often. The time that you're not on the phone or physically with her you're completely blowing her off, she doesn't exist. She'll wrack her brain trying to figure out why you say you think she's the light of the world yet you rarely want to see her. She'll figure it out after a few weeks or months that you're a player and then she'll get fed up. Don't worry, you as the player have a keen sense on when she's getting fed up and you will drop her before your insecure, fragile ego gets rejected. Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 The entire guide is worthless. It would never apply to me, anyway. When you're with the chickadee of the day you find things coming out of your mouth like...you're so special, you're so wonderful, I wish I could spend every minute with you, etc... However, that's only when you're with her and that is not very often. The time that you're not on the phone or physically with her you're completely blowing her off, she doesn't exist. She'll wrack her brain trying to figure out why you say you think she's the light of the world yet you rarely want to see her. She'll figure it out after a few weeks or months that you're a player and then she'll get fed up. Don't worry, you as the player have a keen sense on when she's getting fed up and you will drop her before your insecure, fragile ego gets rejected. Far more right. Why can't love just be something felt, something pure? Why does it have to be a game of strategy and of manipulation? If you love someone, tell them. Be there for them away from them or with them. Trust them. Allow love's mutual growth to bring you together, and take joy in its light. If you want to keep a woman around, be a good man. Be someone to whom she can trust her heart, not someone she doubts because of erratic behavior. Alpha has a recipe for heartbreak, maybe, or shallowness, but not for real love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 -make her the center of your life when you are with her it means when you are physically present with her. when you are apart you should keep your own interests, friends, etc....and enjoy yourself to the utmost when seperated physcially. Link to post Share on other sites
Lonestar Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Alpha, I noticed a contradiction in your guide. Oooo, Oooo, Oooo, someone found a discrepancy in Alpha's wording. Let's broadcast it to the forum and maybe we'll get a sticker from the teacher. I think I better go back into hiding.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 The entire guide is worthless. bulloney... Why can't love just be something felt, something pure? Why does it have to be a game of strategy and of manipulation? for the same reason you don't tell your boss, whom you hate, to go f*** him or herself. Alpha has a recipe for heartbreak, maybe, or shallowness, but not for real love. most women instinctively know that love in-and-of-itself is not enough to keep any relationship going. Most men do not realize this. Women look at a man from a very broad perspective and weigh each and everything about him, both good and bad. Men should do the same and that is where my guide comes in. Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Love alone is not enough, no. But the other things that need to match are values, goals in life, desired standards of living, compatability, and ability to compromise, etc. Not keeping someone you profess to care about always in the dark, or trying to make sense of your inconsistant behaviour. If you consider your girlfriend an object in a game, and devise strategies of What to Do and What Not to Do and How Often to Call that are supposed to be universal "rules," then what you have is not love, and will never develop into love. It might keep the girl around, maybe, for a while, hoping that you are going to become more stable, until she realizes that what you feel for her is not true, in which case her heart will turn bitter and closed and she will feel a fool for trusting you and hoping she had a future with you. Ever wonder where man-haters come from? Just treat the person you date with respect. Talk openly with her, and agree how often each of you like to talk. I'm not saying you should cling to her or call her every two hours throughout the day -- but there is a balance. You and she should each be independent, have mutual respect, and love each other to gain trust and make the relationship stronger, not shun intimacy or hold back your heart by considering the entire thing a game of manipulation. You protect yourself, maybe, in the short run, but you also deny yourself the experience of what love might truly be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 You protect yourself, maybe, in the short run, but you also deny yourself the experience of what love might truly be. ahh yes, from the mouth of babes.....NUR since you are a self-proclaimed virgin and only have had one boyfriend I hardly think you are qualified to talk on this subject matter. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I think both genders gain more respect from the other side if they f*ck them in the brains... but you have to do it in a subtle way... It has to appear like you're making love with their minds! Nur, the love you're talking about, is the best and biggest when you're the victim - when the ground under your feet slips away and you're intoxicated with emotions.. But you end up in tears sooner or later... Alpha might actually know what the heck he's talking about! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Why can't love just be something felt, something pure? Why does it have to be a game of strategy and of manipulation? If you love someone, tell them. Be there for them away from them or with them. Trust them. Allow love's mutual growth to bring you together, and take joy in its light. If you want to keep a woman around, be a good man. Be someone to whom she can trust her heart, not someone she doubts because of erratic behavior. Alpha has a recipe for heartbreak, maybe, or shallowness, but not for real love. I'm sorry, this just struck me as funny. I have the giggles now. I'm just old and cynical. After you wade through fields of s*** you just start to realize that it's all s*** in the end. But I used to think this. Long ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 I'm just old and cynical. After you wade through fields of s*** you just start to realize that it's all s*** in the end. But I used to think this. woould you expect anything less from a 19 yo virgin?? Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Better to think in Nur's manner - as idealistic as it may be - than to go around being cynical, bitter, and jaded. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 I don't mean to put her down at all. But I seriously am laughing out loud. Love. A biochemical reaction which makes your brain scan look similar to psychotic peoples' brains. Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted February 28, 2006 Author Share Posted February 28, 2006 I don't mean to put her down at all. But I seriously am laughing out loud. me too b_o... I just love inexperienced know-it-all youngsters who live in their Ipod-driven idealistic world man....they'll have a fun time learning about how things really work in the world Link to post Share on other sites
lindya Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Love. A biochemical reaction which makes your brain scan look similar to psychotic peoples' brains. Loveshack. A daily reminder of why I'm never going to fall in love again. Link to post Share on other sites
Nur Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 But you end up in tears sooner or later... Why is everyone so cynical? Is it wrong to believe that love doesn't have to be something ugly, something that you must manipulate from a distance? I may be young, I may be idealistic and naieve, but my first love, at least, has been something beautiful. Not perfect, no, but it has survived conflicts and grown, not lessened. Why? Not because I tried to pull strings from afar, or try to follow some predetermined rules. No. It has grown because I waited until I knew myself before I began dating, and waited for someone worthwhile, who I am not afraid to give my heart to. Someone with morals, and who cares deeply for me, and who loves to have fun and can work hard. Someone I can trust, and who would not throw my love away easily or on a whim. He, too, shares my faith that love is something rare and something to be treasured. Is it so impossible for someone to love genuinely, or to be happy? Maybe you cynics are right, and I will end up as you some day, bitter-hearted and turning love into some sort of shallow game. But it hasn't happened yet, and I don't intend to let it happen easily. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 Loveshack. A daily reminder of why I'm never going to fall in love again. come to think of it, I'm always on hiatuses from the shack when I get into new relationships. and inevitably reutrn when they disintegrate. love is a trick to make you reproduce with someone. Link to post Share on other sites
SmoochieFace Posted February 28, 2006 Share Posted February 28, 2006 What I do not understand is why is it that those who *are* cynical, bitter, etc. keep plugging away at love? If it's so *beep* bad then why the continual trips back to the bar? What is the point? If you're cynical of love and relationships then just be alone! Live alone, don't get involved with people on an *intimate* basis, just live your life for you and fulfill your own goals. Save all those unsuspecting innocents out there the grief from your issues and the world will be a better place. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts