I don't like my younger sister.

[Vero]

I know it's sounds very mean, but I simply don't like her. At younger ages, my older brother, older sister, and I have always done things without my younger sister, which would later be the cause of such bad relationships with her. Also, this issue is reinforced by the fact that my family is very dysfunctional and quarrelsome. My parents divorced when we were young so I guess that stopped us from having normal relationships.

 

I can't talk to her the same way I talk to my older brother, who I DO like. Her relationships with me and my older sister were very bad in the past, and still aren't that good. Every time I talk to her she says something very obnoxious that compels me respond very negatively.

 

Recently, I've taken close notice of this relationship between her and I, and I've tried to fix it, but it's too difficult. I feel that it's impossible to fix this because my stepmom and my older sister hate her. This negativity from them enforces my dislike for her.

 

The way my younger sister acts and behaves to cope with these circumstances annoys the hell out of me and others, and stops me from trying to fix the problem, thus continuing in a never ending cycle.

 

To be completely honest, it doesn't matter to me that much if this relationship can't be fixed, but I felt I should say something. I don't feel I should be bothered by an issue that my family members don't give a crap about fixing. Should I just ignore it?

Thanks.

[Tayla]

So sincerely sorry to hear of this.

 

Had a similar sister and it would take 20 years and a terrible incident for her and I to find our voice and love for one another. I pray that as you mature you can stop being influenced by negative people and find your positive perception of people. Your sister could probably use some goodness.

[Tiger Lily]

I'm sorry you're in this situation, Vero.

 

Have you tried talking to your sister about your concerns? I wonder if, because of your parents' pattern of fighting, you and your siblings learned ways of dealing with conflict that doesn't necessarily lead to the best outcomes. If your struggling with expressing what you need from your sister, there might be some self-help books that can offer suggestions on how to approach her.

 

Also, it might be good to set up some boundaries. Have you considered starting a relationship that is defined by more periodic, structured contact? For example, rather than cutting her off, maybe just enjoying going out to lunch together once in awhile? That way you can maintain the connection, but limit the contact until she matures.

 

Praying for your family, OP. I hope that you're all able to overcome your difficult beginnings and work towards a better future. I agree 100% with Tayla that the negative people around you are probably doing more harm than good.

[anika99]

It's hard to say from reading your post but it sounds like your younger sister was often left out of things when she was younger and the result of that has been her becoming obnoxious to you. I think your sister was rejected by her siblings years ago and she has internalized it and developed a chip on her shoulder. This probably makes her difficult to interact with but understand that underneath of her unpleasant disposition there is a sad wounded girl who, as the youngest member of a dysfunctional family, doesn't have a clue how to express her pain or improve her relationships. By the sounds of it your whole family needs counselling and I kind of feel bad for your younger sister. She was rejected as a child and that damaged her and now the people who helped damage her, hate her for being damaged. Something seems unfair about that.

[mrs rubble]

I can't imagine how horrible it would be to grow up around a step mother AND siblings who hated me, I'm pretty sure I'd have a massive chip on my shoulder too, my heart aches for your sister.

I'm sure she would behave a lot better if she was treated better, really it's up to all of the older family members to set an example of what behaviour is acceptable....if your all showing her hate, she's going to hate!!

How about sticking up for your sister, when your step mom and siblings are putting her down? Point out that the way they are treating her is what is triggering her to act in the way she is.