Just left emotionally abusive relationship? :(

[bambiprincipessa]

me and my ex went out for a few months. He started getting really abusive to me caling me all sorts of names, and being controlling. I kept going back because he kept apologising, but everything was my fault.. there was norecognition of his mistakes.. he just kept calling me names. We decided to give it one more go and again, he starts. This time saying he would never introduce me to his family because im a liability, he thretens to hit me if i ever cheat (not that i would).. anyway. He keeps being horrible and i told him to leave me alone and i hate him, that i dont love him anymore. He then proceeded to be vile in saying that im ugly and fat. If i call him back after calling me, he shouts at me? Leaves me abusive messages. etc.

I have blocked him and am attempting to move on,, but im scared. Really scared he's going to stalk me or whatever. he's got previous convictions for beating girls up. and im so scared.

[Satu]

I'm glad that you recognise it as abuse. That recognition is the first step in your process of recovery.

 

The second step is doing whatever you have to do to ensure your safety. This may mean involving the police, and getting a restraining order.

 

You've come to the right place. Other people here have been through similar things.

 

There are some steps I used to help myself. Some of them might be useful for you:

 

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1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 1.5 litres for a female.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

 

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Re no contact:

 

 

*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

Take care.

[bambiprincipessa]

Hey. Thank you for the reply. It was really helpful. I will take these tips into consideration.. xx

[xinaxxsdertf]

do you have family to talk to? you should probably inform your parents or siblings or something about it just so they know how hes been.

 

he talks down to you and seems like he has a lot of underlying issues: anger, spite, jealousy. whatever happened to equality? delete every means possible of this clown being able to get in touch with you.

 

You deserve a guy who will treat you like a queen, not a slave.

 

it will all pass in time and you will find someone 10x better. Your ex is going to go through a long phase of failed relationships until he learns equality and how to treat a women.

 

Sometimes you need to stand up for yourself and show confidence and independence. Guys love a girl who is independent. But guys like him need quiet girls who will allow them to dictate the relationship. Im glad you got out, a lot of people are scared to get out of relationships such as yours so they end up with years of abuse.