Devastated and lost

[understand50]

Well good luck to you. Maybe your wife when faced with the damage she has done will come to her senses. If not, hang in there.

[aliveagain]

He went out with your wife on her night out. He disrespected you again, guess what he's going to do when she has her own apartment? You need to tell his wife, this is a war, he's stealing your wife and your playing fair and you think by being nice and taking the high road he'll honor your marriage. Your in for a world of hurt if you think this way, stomp the POS on the curb. If he's going to sleep with your wife make it cost him.

 

Women do not respect men that are weak, playing nice isn't fighting for your wife. She needs to see you fighting for her or she will think you don't care enough. If she rejects you because of your actions you have your answer. Seriously, expose him to his wife. Your wife makes bad decisions so why are you allowing the future of your marriage to be her decision? You will never nice her back.

[turnera]

I agree that she has not told him as she has texted him twice yesterday around 630pm.

Your response - for EVERYTHING:

 

"As long as you are contacting a lover, I have nothing to say to you."

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

The answer to ANY question. As long as you're in touch with another man, I have nothing to say to you.

 

Rinse and repeat.

[TobyBoy]

Why haven't you exposed her affair... especially to the OM's wife?

[beach]

Why haven't you exposed her affair... especially to the OM's wife?

 

And also to all friends and family? Announce to everyone she's been inappropriate and she chose a job over her marriage.

[Sandy43]

I would be calling his wife immediately, she has a right to know what's going on.

[Clay]

I would be calling his wife immediately, she has a right to know what's going on.

 

This has already been suggested several times. Along with him reporting the boss to the company. Everyone has to take there own road in life. Its just painful as hell to watch sometimes.

 

Clay

[StuckInAHole]

Just want to update on my current situation. I guess I should have taken everyone's advices from the beginning and expose everything and simply end the relationship. It was beyond repair.

 

 

Since I last posted, my wife's personality started to change. She became more snappy at me. I tried staying calm until I could take no more and snapped back. Not insulting her but simply screaming at her asking why is she acting the way she did. She would stumble on her words and stop. We left it at that.

 

 

Another business trip was coming up and I was to drop her off at the airport in the morning. I asked her multiple time before and that morning who was going. She mentioned two coworkers and a few other people from a different plant that was meeting up. She said that the two coworkers were meeting her at the gate. I dropped her off, gave her a hug, and wished her a safe trip. That morning I went into work and decided to check the phone record. To my surprised, she texted her boss, 5mins after I dropped her off at the airport. About 6 texts were exchanged the night before around 8pm. My heart just dropped and I knew he went on the trip with her. I would have been fine if she told me he truth since it is out of her control who goes. She decided not to be truthful.

 

 

That day, I called his wife and asked for him. She said that he went on the business trip. I ended up telling her everything. Seconds after hanging up, I get a call from my wife. I did not pick up as I wanted to calm down and not explode since I was so angry and devastated by the lies and deceits. She texted me and we exchanged texts instead. I told her I felt betrayed again and cannot live with all her lies and deceits. She used the loophole on me saying "I never once said he was not going. You never asked me who was all going". I was done by then and said I will be filing for divorce on Monday. She texted by saying that she did nothing wrong and a divorce is something we both wanted.

 

 

As of now, I have filed for divorce and divided our assets. Everything will be finalized in two weeks. She moved out when she got back and we are still in contact due to our son. Even through all the heartbreak that she put me through, I still love her; however, I know that I must move on. There are days when I want to ask for her back but stayed strong and did not. I keep dwelling on the good times and what could have been and this is hindering the healing process.

 

 

The toughest part for me came last Sunday. I have told myself that I will not longer snoop or interfere with her life in anyway. I had to get a new phone and switch provider. They needed the account number and password from my current provider to process since it was under my wife's name. In order for me to get the account number, I had to log on. Curiosity got to me and I ended up checking the phone record. I saw that my wife had started texting her boss again and pretty much everyday. My heart just sunk. I knew this was probably happening but to see it is a whole different story. I've been confiding in friends and family to help me through this and it is helping a lot; however, there are still days that I feel extremely depressed. On top of everything, I still get texts from her regarding our son. I just wish I could go no contact. Even seeing a text from her regardless of the message just brings me down. I believe my problem is I'm still holding on to some hope. Hoping that things will workout but I know even if she comes back and beg for forgiveness, I can never take her back as my trust for her is completely broken. I just need time to process and tell myself to let go of this hope and move on with my life.

 

 

Thank you for reading. Just wanted to share and get some things off my chest.

[turnera]

Stay strong. It will get better over time.

[Clay]

Some people like myself had to learn the hard way. Don't kick yourself. Just take care of yourself now. As the days go by you will get stronger and you can finally get moved on with your life. There are far better women out there.

 

C

[66Charger]

First thing you have to do is change the name that comes up when your STBX calls/text.

 

I have a few choice ones, but I will let others chime in.

 

Be at peace. ....soon.

[Poutrew]

Okay, Stuck, now that the sneaky bitch is out of your home and the locks are changed, you can use the Nuclear Option - No more playing fair., She and her lover have ruined your life. You need some compensation for your troubles. GO to her company and make an appointment with someone as high up as you can see. Tell them that an administrator (the boss) has been using his position to have an emotional affair with one of his subordinates - your wife. Tell them your marriage is headed into divorce court because of this. Tell them how unethical you feel this is, and that you are sure there must be some rules in place to govern this type behavior. Tell them that you are considering all legal options at this point, but are not sure which way to proceed. Play it easy and dumb, like a trusting yokel. Ask them for help or advice, as now your marriage is in ruins because of this thing. Maybe even cry a little. Give them copies of all the emails, especially the ones done on company time, so their legal department can go over the whole situation. Once you use the magic 'lawyer' word, you will have their undivided and sympathetic attention.

 

 

Be nice, be subdued, be distraught. DO NOT LIE - make sure everything you say is the truth that can be verified from the emails, like don't accuse the pair of having lurid sex on the desktops during lunch hour, unless you can prove it. Don't worry how the pair will react to getting called into the Star Chamber, or even getting fired over this. As of right now, you are only in this for yourself, and your kid. You owe nobody nothing. They put you in hell, so give a little back.

 

 

You wont save your marriage - it was over before you even found out about the affair. But, if you play your cards right, the company might just cut you a big fat check to make you go away without being sued.

[nightmare01]

Plainly said, hope is a bitch. It keeps you stuck in bad situations and opens you up for further disappointment and pain.

 

The sooner you give up hoping, the better. Easier said than done I know... I was stuck in hope for a long time.

 

Hope is an emotional investment, and it's that investment that will hurt you. Try changing hoping to wishing. Wishing, as in "I wish I had a million dollars" has no emotional investment. If you can move from hoping to wishing, then in time you can move from wishing to not caring.

 

Sounds like word games - but it actually worked for me.

[Artie Lang]

looks like she was biding her time until you'd had enough of her shenanigans. i bet she's going around spinning the situation telling people you are a jealous husband who has trust issues. this is why you blow the thing out of the water from the get-go.

 

all i can say at this late stage in the game is to stay strong and get into self protection mode. you never know how far she will go to get what she wants from the divorce and make you look like the "bad guy" in all this.

[StuckInAHole]

Okay, Stuck, now that the sneaky bitch is out of your home and the locks are changed, you can use the Nuclear Option - No more playing fair., She and her lover have ruined your life. You need some compensation for your troubles. GO to her company and make an appointment with someone as high up as you can see. Tell them that an administrator (the boss) has been using his position to have an emotional affair with one of his subordinates - your wife. Tell them your marriage is headed into divorce court because of this. Tell them how unethical you feel this is, and that you are sure there must be some rules in place to govern this type behavior. Tell them that you are considering all legal options at this point, but are not sure which way to proceed. Play it easy and dumb, like a trusting yokel. Ask them for help or advice, as now your marriage is in ruins because of this thing. Maybe even cry a little. Give them copies of all the emails, especially the ones done on company time, so their legal department can go over the whole situation. Once you use the magic 'lawyer' word, you will have their undivided and sympathetic attention.

 

 

Be nice, be subdued, be distraught. DO NOT LIE - make sure everything you say is the truth that can be verified from the emails, like don't accuse the pair of having lurid sex on the desktops during lunch hour, unless you can prove it. Don't worry how the pair will react to getting called into the Star Chamber, or even getting fired over this. As of right now, you are only in this for yourself, and your kid. You owe nobody nothing. They put you in hell, so give a little back.

 

 

You wont save your marriage - it was over before you even found out about the affair. But, if you play your cards right, the company might just cut you a big fat check to make you go away without being sued.

 

Thanks for the advice but at this point, I don't want to devote anymore of my time into this ordeal. I just want to drop everything and try my best to move on. Money to me is not important so I do not want to pursue money from the company.

[StuckInAHole]

Some people like myself had to learn the hard way. Don't kick yourself. Just take care of yourself now. As the days go by you will get stronger and you can finally get moved on with your life. There are far better women out there.

 

C

 

Lesson learned. I will definitely take this with me in future relationships. Never again will I ever be someone's plan B. This is truly a wakeup call.

[StuckInAHole]

looks like she was biding her time until you'd had enough of her shenanigans. i bet she's going around spinning the situation telling people you are a jealous husband who has trust issues. this is why you blow the thing out of the water from the get-go.

 

all i can say at this late stage in the game is to stay strong and get into self protection mode. you never know how far she will go to get what she wants from the divorce and make you look like the "bad guy" in all this.

 

So far, I cannot tell if she has make me out to be a bad person. I have hanged out with a few friends lately who she are friends with their wives. I do not talk to them about my problems nor do they ask. Don't want to start the he said she said thing.

[StuckInAHole]

Plainly said, hope is a bitch. It keeps you stuck in bad situations and opens you up for further disappointment and pain.

 

The sooner you give up hoping, the better. Easier said than done I know... I was stuck in hope for a long time.

 

Hope is an emotional investment, and it's that investment that will hurt you. Try changing hoping to wishing. Wishing, as in "I wish I had a million dollars" has no emotional investment. If you can move from hoping to wishing, then in time you can move from wishing to not caring.

 

Sounds like word games - but it actually worked for me.

 

You are dead on. I'm trying to erase any glimmer of hope left in me; however, she has made it impossible lately for me. I kept receiving texts from her checking up on our son. I received texts yesterday asking about his well being and I responded but keep it short. I told her that I will inform her in case of an emergency and she didn't text back. I received another text this morning again asking about our son. She also asked if it's ok to drop by today to pick up the remainder of her things. I said yes and was planning to avoid contact with her when she comes. She asked if I would be home around 5 and I said no. She then asked when I would be home I said around 6 so she texted me back and said she would wait for me so she could say hi to our son. She also mentioned that she needs to be somewhere for work at about 6:30. Not sure if she is doing this on purpose but I truly do not want to know her plans for the night nor do I want to see her. Having shared custody of our son is really hindering the progress. I hope to have her out of my life completely soon and the only contact I will have with her is handing our son over to her on days where daycare is closed so we can't have a no confrontational exchange.

[Clay]

Lesson learned. I will definitely take this with me in future relationships. Never again will I ever be someone's plan B. This is truly a wakeup call.

 

You know when your in the thick of it and you have a child involved its really hard to deal with. Not to mention it really kills your self esteem. Seriously don't be to hard on yourself. Its good your learning from it. Establish what you want moving forward. Show her no more emotions to towards her. Just hold it in and act like your moving forward with your life.

 

I think for me it was like a light switch. I had a few week moments but after that I was just cold as ice to her and treated her like someone I did not know. She complained about it often. It took six months for her to get the hint that I was moving on and not pining for her. I think she just expected that I would have begged her to come home.

 

Go to the gym. Make new friends. Go hang out with them and make it clear your not going to be the baby sitter and if you are then your taking custody and moving on.

 

I kept my kids. I just had it in my head that there was no way I was ever going to let her raise them with the kind of person she was. I am thankful I made that decision.

 

Be strong. Your going to make it.

 

C

[Mr. Lucky]

Okay, Stuck, now that the sneaky bitch is out of your home and the locks are changed, you can use the Nuclear Option - No more playing fair., She and her lover have ruined your life. You need some compensation for your troubles. GO to her company and make an appointment with someone as high up as you can see. Tell them that an administrator (the boss) has been using his position to have an emotional affair with one of his subordinates - your wife. Tell them your marriage is headed into divorce court because of this. Tell them how unethical you feel this is, and that you are sure there must be some rules in place to govern this type behavior. Tell them that you are considering all legal options at this point, but are not sure which way to proceed. Play it easy and dumb, like a trusting yokel. Ask them for help or advice, as now your marriage is in ruins because of this thing. Maybe even cry a little. Give them copies of all the emails, especially the ones done on company time, so their legal department can go over the whole situation. Once you use the magic 'lawyer' word, you will have their undivided and sympathetic attention.

 

 

Be nice, be subdued, be distraught. DO NOT LIE - make sure everything you say is the truth that can be verified from the emails, like don't accuse the pair of having lurid sex on the desktops during lunch hour, unless you can prove it. Don't worry how the pair will react to getting called into the Star Chamber, or even getting fired over this. As of right now, you are only in this for yourself, and your kid. You owe nobody nothing. They put you in hell, so give a little back.

 

While revenge may be sweet to some, the OP has to also calculate the long-term impact of having his STBX wife unemployed. She is still the mother of his son...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

Sorry it turned out this way but it's clear the affair never ended.

 

Regarding her texting . You need some rules in place. When you have your son, if there's an emergency you'll contact her, otherwise, should NOT contact you and vice versa. There's no need for her to be blowing up your phone with unecessary messages.

 

Keep it very business like with her. No chit chat.

 

When you don't have your son, make time for yourself and don't stay stuck at home. Go out with friends, to the gym, anything to stop yourself dwelling on the situation.

 

If she comes begging, remember you need the truth. You thought this was an EA, think about whether you are able to forgive a PA. Not everyone can.

 

There are many single women who would value an honest, faithful man like yourself. You don't deserve what she did and you should never settle for less you deserve.

 

Your son needs one parent with integrity, who considers his wellbeing.

 

You'll be fine in time.