Devastated and lost

[StuckInAHole]

Everyone here is right. I am not fighting enough for this marriage and basing everything on financial strain that may result from my wife quitting her job.

 

 

I am constantly tormented by the fact she is working so close to her boss and not really doing anything about it. I will have a talk with her tonight about her moving on from her job, whether she straight out quit or find another job with the next few weeks. Trust me when I say that I do not value money more than my marriage. I do have a 1.5yr old son and he greatly influences my decision on having my wife quit her job.

 

 

I just feel hurt and my judgment is currently clouded so I didn't want to make any rash decisions. It's been a little more than two weeks and the pain still feel as fresh as ever. Part of me currently say that I should file for divorce but part of me is saying to stay and work things out. I just hope that having her quit her job will at least ease the pain a little.

[aliveagain]

If she won't say she loves you in front of coworkers it may be because she has rewritten your marriage making you out to be someone your not or she and other man are still in an affair and he's sitting next to her. The last option is she doesn't love you. None of these are good scenario's, you need to sit her down and ask her which of these scenario's fit her feelings for you? You need to know if your wasting your time. She needs to be looking for a new job now and she needs to be away from O/M, you need to expose him to his wife. It comes down to what you believe is more important, her job or your marriage, doesn't sound like you can have both.

[flowergirl14]

Cheaters lie.

She has lied to your face everyday she carried on with him. It may very well not be over. Its very very common for a bs to find out weeks and months even years later that its on going. They take it underground. Or went the heat is off they start up again.

They Deny

It was only an emotional affair. It was only a kiss. You'll likely never know the entire truth. Most bs readily admit to not Ever knowing 100% of the truth.

They Minimize

Nothing really happened. Its over. There are no feelings for him. Read this forum and you'll see many ws that cant get over their ap for months and years.

 

You have just begun this journey. Its a looong road.

[bubbaganoosh]

Everyone here is right. I am not fighting enough for this marriage and basing everything on financial strain that may result from my wife quitting her job.

 

Honestly this quote makes me think your going to be on the losing end of this.

 

Look friend the problem is SHE'S NOT FIGHTING HARD ENOUGH FOR THE MARRIAGE!!! Get it?

 

She knows she has you by the balls, and that your so desperate to keep the marriage you'll let her continue to be around this bum.

 

What you need to do is show her that your not taking anymore crap and let the OM wife know about it and tell your wife to quit the job and start looking for another and say it in a way that she knows that your as serious as a heart attack. If not your in for a real bumpy road friend.

[No Limit]

Her words aren't worth a penny. The affair is still going on, whether passively or actively doesn't matter; inform his wife, a cool shower will do them good.

Unless you take decisive action she'll do whatever she wants. She could care less about your feelings at this point.

[Dutchman1]

StuckInAHole

 

 

I'm sorry that you are in this, but I think that you can survive this.

Sit your wife down and tell her that you are never gonna be nr2.

If she can't choose make the choice for her.

Ask her to quit the job, ( I would rather survive on foodstamps than loose my wife)

 

 

I think this is what you could do, tell her you want to change things, to communicate better, and let her know you appriciate and love her.

 

 

If it was me; I would ask her to join me for a ride and drive to her ap's house, I would tell her it's a surprise, then ring the doorbell, and when the door opens I would tell him and his wife that I brought ( wife's name) so they would not have to sneak around anymore and leave her there.

 

 

Good luck.

 

 

Dutchman 1

[eric1]

Everyone here is right. I am not fighting enough for this marriage and basing everything on financial strain that may result from my wife quitting her job.

 

 

I am constantly tormented by the fact she is working so close to her boss and not really doing anything about it. I will have a talk with her tonight about her moving on from her job, whether she straight out quit or find another job with the next few weeks. Trust me when I say that I do not value money more than my marriage. I do have a 1.5yr old son and he greatly influences my decision on having my wife quit her job.

 

 

I just feel hurt and my judgment is currently clouded so I didn't want to make any rash decisions. It's been a little more than two weeks and the pain still feel as fresh as ever. Part of me currently say that I should file for divorce but part of me is saying to stay and work things out. I just hope that having her quit her job will at least ease the pain a little.

 

If she is interested in reconciliation then she needs to quit her job NOW and immediately go no contact. No excuses. No "I'm working on this project". No "I can't do this to XXX". Quit. You'l tell how likely it is the affair is still going on by how hard she fights.

 

You need to let her know you're completely miserable, you didn't ask for this and you're not sure if there is a chance but you do know this is the bare minimum for you to feel right.

 

Don't worry about divorce or anything else right now. You're in an awful mental condition right now. One thing at a time. We will be there for you when you take care of this, you are talking to 100s of people who have been through exactly this.

[eric1]

Her words aren't worth a penny. The affair is still going on, whether passively or actively doesn't matter; inform his wife, a cool shower will do them good.

Unless you take decisive action she'll do whatever she wants. She could care less about your feelings at this point.

 

absolutely. At this point, informing this loser's wife should be at the top of your list of to do items. Make sure you have plenty of proof like printouts of their texts. Don't tell your wife of course.

 

The affair may not be over, and this is one of the only ways to kill it. Exposure Exposure Exposure

[66Charger]

StuckInAHole

If it was me; I would ask her to join me for a ride and drive to her ap's house, I would tell her it's a surprise, then ring the doorbell, and when the door opens I would tell him and his wife that I brought ( wife's name) so they would not have to sneak around anymore and leave her there.

Dutchman 1

 

Rutheless Dutchman, absolutely rutheless.

(Love it BTW)

[Chi townD]

Dude, if you think that it was only an EA, then I have a bridge to sell you. You're gonna tell me, that they sat only 10 feet from each other and carried on an emotional affair; and nothing else, in that close proximity?!?! You don't think he walked her to her car and they never shared a kiss? Or sat in his or her car to "talk" after work?

 

 

I think you're suffering from mind movies and the reason why is because, deep down, you know you're not getting the full story.

[m.snow]

get a dna test done on your son.

 

do it without telling her.

 

you can get those on the net.

 

research on key logger stuff & recorders.

 

don't get seen posting on the site.

[StuckInAHole]

I had a long talked with my wife regarding my feeling about her continuing working at her current job. I guess her job is more important than our marriage because she decided to stay. As of right now, I'm looking for an attorney to file for divorce. We both are leaving it on good term and want to split everything down the middle and have joint custody of our son. Now I just have to find the courage to pick up the phone, contact an attorney, and follow through on the divorce.

 

 

Speechless and feeling hopeless at this point. I just want to roll up into a ball and sleep forever as I feel so mentally and physical drained.

[TrustedthenBusted]

If I were in your position, I would go somewhere alone, and pay myself some attention.

 

You're not just part of a couple, you're a person in your own right.

 

 

Booyah.....

[LifesontheUp]

So sorry to read this.

 

Turn to friends and family. You need support. Try and eat and sleep as much as you can.

 

This infidelity rollercoaster is sh%t but you will get through it. Your wife isn't worth a damn if she can put her job over your marriage.

[understand50]

I had a long talked with my wife regarding my feeling about her continuing working at her current job. I guess her job is more important than our marriage because she decided to stay. As of right now, I'm looking for an attorney to file for divorce. We both are leaving it on good term and want to split everything down the middle and have joint custody of our son. Now I just have to find the courage to pick up the phone, contact an attorney, and follow through on the divorce.

 

 

Speechless and feeling hopeless at this point. I just want to roll up into a ball and sleep forever as I feel so mentally and physical drained.

 

Sorry for this.

 

After you file, it may bring her around. She may not think you mean it.

 

Also, She may be in a PA, and wants him, or thinks she does. In any case, file for divorce, let the OM BS know what is going on. I do not think she has faced consequences for her actions and feels that are none.

[Clay]

I am really sorry. I know you really wanted this to work. I know you can't see this now but this is really good news for you. You could have been stuck with her for years more while she played her game. There are far better women out there.

 

I hope you have family around you to help you through this.

 

Clay

[StuckInAHole]

I would like to thanks everything here for the advice and moral support. I turn to this forum for support and it helps when I come here. I have not told anyone about the problem till just now. I spoke with my sister in law and just spilled the whole story. It feels so much better at the moment and I know that it won't last but I just have to cherish it.

 

 

I just have to keep telling myself that I put 100% into this marriage and it failed not because of me. Trying to stay positive at the moment but I know I will return to mope around some more in the near future.

[Clay]

I would like to thanks everything here for the advice and moral support. I turn to this forum for support and it helps when I come here. I have not told anyone about the problem till just now. I spoke with my sister in law and just spilled the whole story. It feels so much better at the moment and I know that it won't last but I just have to cherish it.

 

 

I just have to keep telling myself that I put 100% into this marriage and it failed not because of me. Trying to stay positive at the moment but I know I will return to mope around some more in the near future.

 

You did more than 100%. You fought for her when you should have walked away. I know this is hard but you will find happiness again. I just filled my time up with my kids and working and going to the gym. Your going to get through this. Some day she will get hers. I do believe in Karma.

 

Clay

[aliveagain]

I would like to thanks everything here for the advice and moral support. I turn to this forum for support and it helps when I come here. I have not told anyone about the problem till just now. I spoke with my sister in law and just spilled the whole story. It feels so much better at the moment and I know that it won't last but I just have to cherish it.

 

 

I just have to keep telling myself that I put 100% into this marriage and it failed not because of me. Trying to stay positive at the moment but I know I will return to mope around some more in the near future.

 

The marriage won't work if only one of you is in the marriage 100%, you both need to be committed to it's survival. It is always best that you know your position as to where you stand with her rather than waste more time with an unremorseful spouse.

[No Limit]

She is adamant to keep her job because she wants to at least have a taste of OM. Expose OM to his wife ASAP.

But, your marriage is dead at this point because your wife isn't interested in it. It's a one-person-marriage now.

[turnera]

You may be right Clay that quitting her job is the only solution, but we cannot live on one source of income in our current position. Note sure what else to do.

That's easy. Tell her YOU WILL BE MONITORING HER for the foreseeable future to ensure she never contacts him and he never contacts her.

 

And that if she doesn't want THIS CONSEQUENCE OF HER ACTIONS, she is free to leave the family. Today.

[turnera]

I had a long talked with my wife regarding my feeling about her continuing working at her current job. I guess her job is more important than our marriage because she decided to stay. As of right now, I'm looking for an attorney to file for divorce. We both are leaving it on good term and want to split everything down the middle and have joint custody of our son. Now I just have to find the courage to pick up the phone, contact an attorney, and follow through on the divorce.

 

 

Speechless and feeling hopeless at this point. I just want to roll up into a ball and sleep forever as I feel so mentally and physical drained.

Catching up.

 

Question: Have you contacted her boss's boss to inform that person that this man is sleeping with an inferior? That you are now considering your legal options?

 

fwiw, you haven't even fought for the marriage yet, and you're just giving up? You haven't even exposed the affair yet! Call her and his superiors, call her parents and other siblings and her best friend and her pastor. Ask them to talk some sense into her. MAKE the affair NO FUN any more. As it is, you just said 'stop seeing him romantically and I'll take you back.' That didn't work. Then you said 'leave your job and I'll take you back.' That didn't work.

 

Make this HARD for her. Make her see the CONSEQUENCES of choosing infidelity. Let her see the loss of respect she gets from family and friends for this path. It's not over yet. You've barely even fired a shot and you're giving up.

Edited June 27, 2015 by turnera

[Binster]

Let the guys wife know what's been going on.

 

She deserves to know.

[StuckInAHole]

Catching up.

 

Question: Have you contacted her boss's boss to inform that person that this man is sleeping with an inferior? That you are now considering your legal options?

 

fwiw, you haven't even fought for the marriage yet, and you're just giving up? You haven't even exposed the affair yet! Call her and his superiors, call her parents and other siblings and her best friend and her pastor. Ask them to talk some sense into her. MAKE the affair NO FUN any more. As it is, you just said 'stop seeing him romantically and I'll take you back.' That didn't work. Then you said 'leave your job and I'll take you back.' That didn't work.

 

Make this HARD for her. Make her see the CONSEQUENCES of choosing infidelity. Let her see the loss of respect she gets from family and friends for this path. It's not over yet. You've barely even fired a shot and you're giving up.

 

 

There are no tangible proof that this was a physical affair. From what I read from the messages between the two of them, nothing was sexual. There was not like 10000 texts either. Nothing could have happened in their office as their office has a big glass window opening to the warehouse and everyone can see. Unless they sneak a kiss here to there, it's really hard to keep it a secret at work unless they sneak away somewhere. I will never know the truth about everything so I just have to accept things for what they are at the moment.

 

 

I've always accounted for where she's at and who she's with when things were normal hence I was shocked when I found this out. I do not want to force my wife into feeling uncomfortable with no option but to come back to me. If things are to work out between us, she needs to come back with a remorseful attitude and willingness to leave her job. Since she can't do that so I do not want to be with someone who values their job more than their marriage.

 

 

She has constantly asked me for a second chance and my response was I still love her unconditionally; however, nothing has changed on her end to ensure my comfort with her working situation. I am still staying hopeful about this marriage and suggested a 6 months trial separation first instead of divorce. I truly value marriages and see it as a sacred bond that should not be broken.

 

 

The OM actually ended things a few days before I found out. He said that there's no sense pursuing something they both know is impossible. This was one of the texts that was sent to her before I even found out. I believe the affair is over so I do want to spare his wife the devastation that I'm feeling right now. I know this is a controversial topic but if I know for a fact with proof that it's still going, make no doubt everyone will know about this. I will go to her job and to his house to inform everyone in person. As of now, I have not seen him text her again except for the work related texts that I confronted my wife about.

 

 

I can see how she values this job as this is the first real job she got out of college and that she feels like she is good at and contributing; however, this should not be her priority over our marriage.

 

 

I just need to now take time away from her and do things that make me happy. For the passed month and half, I've been stuck in a loop and not really making progress. To top it off, I'm having issues with my insurance about them paying for MC so that has been put on hold till everything is resolved.

 

 

I'm just in a bad situation and need to get away.

[Clay]

You can do what you want on this but there is no way in the world I would agree to a trial separation. She is the one that cheated and she is the one that wants to stay working with him. She made the choice to do all this. You need to focus on you and your child now. The best dad you can be is one that is happy. There is no way your going to be happy watching her go to work for the next six months while in limbo.

 

She is telling you the job is more important. I personally think she is lieing. There is no way I would give up my wife for my job. I would walk out in a second without hesitation.

 

The truth is it looks like its over with them but its not. You can't fix her and you can't save her. She needs to fix herself and work on her.

 

Just stick to your guns and move on. In the end your child will be alot better off seeing you happy and spending time with you.

 

Clay