aarreola2010 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2.5 years and i fear i am pushing her away. I said something last week that made her upset. She asked me to give her some space. This is a recurring fight and it's because of me. I told her I am willing to change because i love her so much so i've been looking for a therapist and i have contacted one i am now just waiting for a reply. In the mean time I would like to know if there is anything that can help me with my issue right now? Maybe something to read? I can go to barnes and noble and look for something but what should i look for? I just love her so much I want to show her that I really do want to change and I want to be living happy for the rest of our lives.I get upset when she wants to hang out with friends for some reason and i want her to text me all the time. What is wrong with me and what can i do to change this please help? Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Well, I compliment you on seeking therapy to work out your issues, just remember that at the end of the day any self-improvement should be done for "you" in the long run.... In the meantime? Stay busy, get physical, maybe listen to relationship radio shows. But, I lean more towards staying busy and getting physical because yea, a book and/or listening to others is good - but probably until you see the therapist, the books are just gonna be band-aids. Staying busy is good cuz when we're concentrating on a task and/or physically exerting ourselves, who has time to sit and dwell on stuff and/or keep tabs on gf/bf? Also, physical activities not only wear us out, but also keep us busy, and releases positive endorphins (like a "good drug") in or minds/bodies. So, take a walk, meditate, take time to smell the flowers - literally. Go and set a fitness goal (ie walk 10 min a day and gradually increase by 10 min a day). Lastly, let her go. See, when someone pulls and/or is pulling away, our first natural reaction is to worry and pull them back - which pushes them farther away. Relax, let her be, check in with her now and then, but don't obsess about where she is/who she's with. You gotta give her time to miss you and see you progressing. Now, I'm not saying to "report" to her your progress, but I'm sure that whatever was putting a wedge between you two, if you stop doing it and do the opposite, she'll notice. Now, worst case and she's fed-up/done? Well, at least she got you to the point where you will improve yourself to live a better life and be ready to do better in a future RL. Good luck, 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Methodical Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I just responded to your other thread, very similar to this one. However, here you state she has asked for space. This is where I was headed with my opinion, you are going to lose all of her if you can learn to share. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aarreola2010 Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 I found a therapist she contacted me via email her sessions are 50 minutes and it will be $75 should i do this? I have never been to a therapist i'm a bit nervous Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I found a therapist she contacted me via email her sessions are 50 minutes and it will be $75 should i do this? I have never been to a therapist i'm a bit nervous Well, does your health insurance cover the sessions? Look into that. Some require you to pay and will reimburse you later. Also, some need a referral from your primary care doctor in order to pay for it. I've heard you can get free and/or discounted care at local universities cuz students need someone to practice on and that's sorta good cuz they have their evaluators guiding them - so you'll get like two docs for the price of one. Now, know that you may only see this therapist once cuz they are like mechanics. You have to find one that isn't biased, know what they are doing, and whom you can gain a rapport with. Some people waste their time with bad therapists and call my fav podcaster and in minutes were turned onto/resolved something the therapist didn't address. I don't know what issues you are going to the therapist for, cuz if it was like a divorce situation, I could easily tell you to dump the therapist that has the couple bringing up gripes rather than the loving things that got them together in the first place. I can say to be weary of the therapist that just wants you to sit down and talk. I believe in active probing to know what your 'issue(s)' is/are and coming up with solutions (ie her giving you actual "homework" to do. Some therapists just want you to come back for more and drag out you just "venting"...So, if you see it turning into a talking session w/o identification of your issues and mapping out solutions, cut bait. Relax, yes it is hard to open up to a complete stranger, but then again, that is the benefit of the therapist - you can discuss things w/o fear of someone you know learning of those things. Lastly, watch what you reveal to them. While there are some therapists who you see didn't alert authorities when some guy who shot up a school confessed his dog was giving him commands - some may take something you said out of context and you do not wanna be labeled a Krazy and/or someone they wanna medicate/institutionalize. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Also, watch the ones that wanna say you have "repressed" memories...you know, the ones that wanna put stuff in your head that wasn't there (like police detectives that push people into false confessions under duress). And quite frankly, maybe you should see a male therapist. Many women, IMO, in the social sciences are tainted by feminism and may not be of any use to help you. Link to post Share on other sites
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