Lost. Insight needed!

[atmylimit]

My problem/questions will be towards the end.

 

Quick backstory:

I'm 25M, my ex is 23F. We've dated for 4 years after meeting in Pharmacology.

 

3 Months ago she dumps me for essentially weak or amicable reasons (trying to keep this short so just trust me on this). Realistically speaking, I was not the perfect boyfriend and since analyzed what I could have done better. In the end, I did not do anything that would warrant breaking up a 4 year relationship.

 

I go No Contact for about one month, and she texts me out of the blue saying she made a huge mistake and that she misses me. Then she asks if I missed her and I said that doesn't matter, we aren't dating. She then asks me on a coffee date and I say ok.

 

During the meet she basically ranted about her current boyfriend. Turns out, she got with my co-worker 2 weeks after we broke up and even got intimate a few times. I thought she had more to say but she really just ranted about how bad he is. In the end, I told her I would consider giving her a second chance. She then tells me she's still seeing him (wtf?) I told her she needs to leave and come see me when she has things sorted out.

 

She breaks up with him the next day. This is where I think alright, I guess we can give each other a second chance now!

 

Nope. The next series of events is what eats at my brain everyday. First, she becomes distant. I thought she would warm up to me considering how much she expressed she wanted me back, but instead she was cold and I was the one starting most of the conversations. Eventually she asks me out on a second lunch date. We had fun and we kissed.

 

Distant again. Granted, during this time she was in her 3rd year of pharmacy so I give her the benefit of the doubt and tell myself she has too much on her plate to think about us right now. Her semester ends and she's still not talking about us. This is 3 weeks since she left my co-worker.

 

I bring it up to her again, and ask her what's up. She says "i don't know." Fed up, I decide this is too much trouble. I go No Contact for one day and she drops by my apartment unexpectedly. She was in a sexy red dress and got really touchy, eventually she got really sexual. I stop her and tell her we are just friends and we can't be doing this. She told me she's very sorry about what she did to me and she said I'm the best for her and there's no one better. I said that's great, but we AREN'T TOGETHER. I ask her do you want to get back with me? She says "it's complicated." I send her home.

 

When she gets home we text. I ask why she was so sexual and she said it was just one way for her to say sorry. I force a talk out of her and the reason she gave me for being hesitant is:

 

"I'm scared of hurting you again and I don't want you to go through that."

 

I tell her I forgive her for that and since she already messed up and realized my worth it's something she can use to prevent it. No reply.

 

Distant for a few days again. Then she asks to come over again, I say ok. We were watching a movie but again things got sexual. Again, I tell her we aren't together. ONCE AGAIN, I try and force her to give me answers. Now she says "she's looking for commitment" because she's getting old. I tell her you have to date in the first place to even get to that point.

 

Then, she gives me "what if I want to stay single and focus on pharmacy" then I tell her you wouldn't be talking to me so much and coming over for sex then. She tells me "What if I don't know if there's another guy out there." ??????? Like, what? I counter again by asking her what was the point in contacting me and telling me how much she misses me and that she realized her mistake. She says "i don't know, i really like you a lot."

 

Confused yet again, we just part ways. Now I am posting here because I'm lost and don't know what to do or what's going on.

 

MISC. Things to know:

-She's had 2 boyfriends her whole life, and she gave me her virginity.

-During the month we were in contact again, she exhibits very coupley behavior such as buying me my favorite foods, massaging me after i told her i had a rough day playing football, cuddling me, kissing me, sexual offers, cooking my favorite foods, etc.

-She also gets really jealous when she sees/hears about me talking to other girls

-interestingly enough, she is still facebook friends with my co-worker, even though she told me she was going to delete him. I ask her about this and she says "well he's not annoying me or anything" even though she expressed so much displeasure about him. Note that she's always deleted all of her exes instantly after breaking up.

 

 

WHAT DO I DO. WHAT IS GOING ON?

 

Thank you for reading.

Edited June 20, 2015 by atmylimit

[lolablue17]

She is very Immature, so you are the one who has to put some boundries. You did well till now, but you weren't clear and sharp enough.

 

Tell her that if she wants a chance with you, she must change disk in her mind. She must show some seriousness, commitment, and show you that she is really really in love with you.

 

And when you say seriousness, you mean to cut all contact with her Co-worker. She tells you excuses why not unfriending him? Bye Bye! Every little time she shows that she is confused or what, just walk a way without a word.

[Cephalopod]

She's a flake.

 

Dump her for good and find an adult to date.