I don't belong...

[Inflikted]

I like to think if a guy is almost 30 or over 30 and never had a girlfriend before, something is definitely socially, psychologically wrong with us

 

Doesn't really matter, as I believe dating/ relationships are completely out of the question for me. I'm a garbage human being, and having feelings for someone basically brings out the psychopath in me.

[Eighty_nine]

I truly wish that I could honestly say these things to myself. But I can't. Yes, I do understand that my perceptions about myself are probably heavily biased in a negative direction, and that that clouds my judgment of myself quite a bit. But to tell myself these things would feel like a lie.

 

I know it's "incorrect" to judge ALL of your own self worth on what others think of you, but you DO need some external validation in order to be accepted by the people around you. Thus, if I truly had something to offer to anyone, if I truly had good qualities, if I were truly worthy of friendship, love, and respect, I would've experienced those things at least once in my life, by now. If none of the numerous people I've met and known over the almost 27 years of my life have seen that in me, that seems like very solid evidence that I am not, in fact, worth anyone's time.

 

I do respect and appreciate the support I get from users on forums like this, but it's just... not the same kind of "validation". There's so much anonymity here, and no one here truly knows me on a personal level to be able to speak positively of me. As someone that doesn't know me personally, it's probably very easy for people here to assume that I'm simply a depressed young man that simply has their judgment clouded by said depression.

 

But what if that's not true? What if I am exactly what I say I am? What if I'm legitimately a worthless individual with no redeeming qualities and absolutely nothing to offer to anyone or the world as a whole?

 

Listen, every single person... smart, stupid, poor, rich, fat, thin, pretty, ugly, experienced, inexperienced, weird, 'normal', popular, introvert... you get my drift... EVERY person has value and something to offer others. Absolutely zero people are worthless. I'm a social worker and have met ALL kinds of people and have liked and enjoyed the company of some extreme social outcasts and people deemed generally 'unlikable'. So I know what I'm saying is true. If you don't start trying to value yourself, trying as hard as you can to find good things in yourself, I promise nothing will change. But if you can admit you are not worthless then you'll get somewhere.

[string of letters]

Inflikted, I've read your threads before. We may have interacted here, though I can't remember if it was you or someone with a similar, um, outlook. I have to confess that I didn't read all of this thread, so forgive me if someone have already asked this, but I have one question:

 

To your mind, what is the best possible outcome that could come from a thread like this?

[Inflikted]

Listen, every single person... smart, stupid, poor, rich, fat, thin, pretty, ugly, experienced, inexperienced, weird, 'normal', popular, introvert... you get my drift... EVERY person has value and something to offer others. Absolutely zero people are worthless. I'm a social worker and have met ALL kinds of people and have liked and enjoyed the company of some extreme social outcasts and people deemed generally 'unlikable'. So I know what I'm saying is true. If you don't start trying to value yourself, trying as hard as you can to find good things in yourself, I promise nothing will change. But if you can admit you are not worthless then you'll get somewhere.

 

I don't know how to convince myself that I'm not completely worthless. I don't see anything about myself that has any value to anyone for anything. I'm not the type of person that can just repeatedly tell myself "You're awesome! You're great! Keep your chin up!" and come to accept it as true. I look at things in a very logical way, and having analyzed myself over and over and over again over the last several years, I simply can't come up with anything about myself that makes me worthwhile. Everything about me is bad. Everything.

 

Inflikted, I've read your threads before. We may have interacted here, though I can't remember if it was you or someone with a similar, um, outlook. I have to confess that I didn't read all of this thread, so forgive me if someone have already asked this, but I have one question:

 

To your mind, what is the best possible outcome that could come from a thread like this?

 

I really don't know. I don't really make these threads because I hope for an "outcome". I just... All I can think about, 24/7, is how much I hate my life, how worthless I am, how alone I am, basically, everything I post about regularly. And because I'm so alone in life, I have no one to talk to. So I come here, and make a new thread whenever my bottled up sadness gets too overwhelming, because at least this gives me SOME outlet, at least this gives me SOME level of interaction with people to discuss this stuff with.

 

Again, I'm not looking for an "outcome", and the reason being is because I don't believe there is one. This is just my lot in life. This is who I am, this is who I will be until I die. There's no "outcome" regardless of anything I do. This is all there is for me. This is my "life sentence".

[Poutrew]

Inflikted, first I'd read 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty". Not the movie, but the original book by James Thurber. You might recognize something of yourself in the main character. Then, you have to actually DO SOMETHING in your life. Get a plane ticket to Peru, or the Galapagos, or something. Don't go with the expectation of having an adventure, or meeting up with someone who will change your life forever, or anything. Just go. GO and DO. Be adventurous, and suddenly, you will realize you are having an adventure. And you know what? People will attract to you. Girl people. Sexy girl people. First, as friends, but then as lovers. Don't say you are too ugly - I have seen literally a supermodel with a guy that has LEPROSY. She kisses his leprous scars, and doesn't think twice about it - surely it is something other than looks that binds her to this man...you think? Slowly, your life will change, and you will begin to develop a circle of friends. Next trip, go to the Amazon. Repeat. Post your stuff up on Facebook. Skype with your contacts. Arrange more trips, get a group of friends together.

 

 

Don't come up with any excuses why you cant do this. If you got a job, set aside some money every month until you can afford the plane tickets. Go the hostel route - this thing doesn't have to be expensive. Tell yourself if you get bit by a snake or get some horrible disease while you are there and die, then what have you lost? A lifetime spent as a looser? Remember the motto: "It's better to burn out than to fade away!"

To live your life, you must find it first, and this you will *never* do sitting in your bedroom in your parent's home...

[Inflikted]

Inflikted, first I'd read 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty". Not the movie, but the original book by James Thurber. You might recognize something of yourself in the main character. Then, you have to actually DO SOMETHING in your life. Get a plane ticket to Peru, or the Galapagos, or something. Don't go with the expectation of having an adventure, or meeting up with someone who will change your life forever, or anything. Just go. GO and DO. Be adventurous, and suddenly, you will realize you are having an adventure. And you know what? People will attract to you. Girl people. Sexy girl people. First, as friends, but then as lovers. Don't say you are too ugly - I have seen literally a supermodel with a guy that has LEPROSY. She kisses his leprous scars, and doesn't think twice about it - surely it is something other than looks that binds her to this man...you think? Slowly, your life will change, and you will begin to develop a circle of friends. Next trip, go to the Amazon. Repeat. Post your stuff up on Facebook. Skype with your contacts. Arrange more trips, get a group of friends together.

 

 

Don't come up with any excuses why you cant do this. If you got a job, set aside some money every month until you can afford the plane tickets. Go the hostel route - this thing doesn't have to be expensive. Tell yourself if you get bit by a snake or get some horrible disease while you are there and die, then what have you lost? A lifetime spent as a looser? Remember the motto: "It's better to burn out than to fade away!"

To live your life, you must find it first, and this you will *never* do sitting in your bedroom in your parent's home...

 

I don't have an adventurous bone in my body. Even if I traveled, I'd spend the whole time holed up in my hotel room.

 

I really don't see what the point of something that extreme would be anyway. You don't need to travel to meet people, you shouldn't have to try that hard to get people to notice and pay attention to you. That just seems excessive and ridiculous to me.

 

Anyway, as much as it pains me, people SHOULD avoid me. I'm stupid and crazy and emotionally immature. I'm garbage, I'm a bad person.

Edited July 16, 2015 by Inflikted

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Doesn't really matter, as I believe dating/ relationships are completely out of the question for me. I'm a garbage human being, and having feelings for someone basically brings out the psychopath in me.

 

well, as a guy, the burden of responsibility is on you for everything

[Eighty_nine]

Travel is not extreme. I've traveled half the world on an average salary so it's also not impossible. Go to Peru and hole up in a hostel with a book. Seriously. It would still be progress. It seems your life is stagnant and you are unwilling to do anything to change.

 

Do you work? Do you have a degree in anything? Any interests? Am I remembering correctly that you like animals?

 

I've met a ton of people personally and professionally, and never one that was worthless with no postive qualities. I have a hard time believing you're the first ever!

Edited July 16, 2015 by lissvarna

[Satu]

Travel is not extreme. I've traveled half the world on an average salary so it's also not impossible. Go to Peru and hole up in a hostel with a book. Seriously. It would still be progress. It seems your life is stagnant and you are unwilling to do anything to change.

 

Do you work? Do you have a degree in anything? Any interests? Am I remembering correctly that you like animals?

 

I've met a ton of people personally and professionally, and never one that was worthless with no postive qualities. I have a hard time believing you're the first ever!

“Neurosis is the way of avoiding nonbeing by avoiding being”

 

 

― Paul Tillich, The Courage to Be.

[Inflikted]

Travel is not extreme. I've traveled half the world on an average salary so it's also not impossible. Go to Peru and hole up in a hostel with a book. Seriously. It would still be progress. It seems your life is stagnant and you are unwilling to do anything to change.

 

Do you work? Do you have a degree in anything? Any interests? Am I remembering correctly that you like animals?

 

I've met a ton of people personally and professionally, and never one that was worthless with no postive qualities. I have a hard time believing you're the first ever!

 

The point is, I could hole up in my home with a book. Why spend money I can't afford to spend to go do it in some foreign country?

 

I have a menial retail job but the place I work is shutting down in a couple months, so I may be out of a job soon. I graduated from a trade school, but my career of choice is simply out of my league and nothing more than a pipe dream. My interests are very narrow and not very relatable. I don't know that I'd say I like animals in a way that makes me want to do anything with that; but the only "bond" I've ever had with another living thing was my childhood dog that passed away years ago.

 

Interests and "likes" don't give me skills or make me worthwhile to anyone.

[Eighty_nine]

The point is, I could hole up in my home with a book. Why spend money I can't afford to spend to go do it in some foreign country?

 

I have a menial retail job but the place I work is shutting down in a couple months, so I may be out of a job soon. I graduated from a trade school, but my career of choice is simply out of my league and nothing more than a pipe dream. My interests are very narrow and not very relatable. I don't know that I'd say I like animals in a way that makes me want to do anything with that; but the only "bond" I've ever had with another living thing was my childhood dog that passed away years ago.

 

Interests and "likes" don't give me skills or make me worthwhile to anyone.

 

They do if you explore them and do something with them.

 

And BTW, if you traveled and didn't leave your hostel room, you'd still have to board an international flight, talk to the hostel manager, say hello to other people in your room and i BET you'd have a conversation with one of them. Also, are you American? Because traveling is a great way to understand how narrow our views are in terms of what makes a person 'valuable.' IMO we're more shallow and money-obsessed than any other place in the world and being out of this environment is helpful. Why are you unwilling to travel again??? I've traveled alone multiple times too, so don't say you can't do that. Why not save your money for the next couple months of work and take a 2 week trip somewhere? If you stay in a hostel, you can book a city tour (or a tour of something interesting) nearby for cheap in many countries. Literally all you have to do is board a bus that picks you up in front and they do the rest. I'd recommend South America or Southeast Asia, if you'd like to visit some place interesting and very cheap.

 

But yeah. There's no excuse for not traveling. Its money well spent, always.

[Inflikted]

They do if you explore them and do something with them.

 

And BTW, if you traveled and didn't leave your hostel room, you'd still have to board an international flight, talk to the hostel manager, say hello to other people in your room and i BET you'd have a conversation with one of them. Also, are you American? Because traveling is a great way to understand how narrow our views are in terms of what makes a person 'valuable.' IMO we're more shallow and money-obsessed than any other place in the world and being out of this environment is helpful. Why are you unwilling to travel again??? I've traveled alone multiple times too, so don't say you can't do that. Why not save your money for the next couple months of work and take a 2 week trip somewhere? If you stay in a hostel, you can book a city tour (or a tour of something interesting) nearby for cheap in many countries. Literally all you have to do is board a bus that picks you up in front and they do the rest. I'd recommend South America or Southeast Asia, if you'd like to visit some place interesting and very cheap.

 

But yeah. There's no excuse for not traveling. Its money well spent, always.

 

I am American, yes.

 

Anyway, yes, perhaps a person who is more sociable and "normal" in that regard would benefit more from having a chance to mingle with people in that way.

 

I, however, am a very introverted, antisocial person. When it comes to people I don't expect to see on a regular basis, I'm inclined to have as little interaction with them as humanly possible. The only times I do start becoming more personable is with people I expect to know and have to interact with on a regular, long term basis; it can take me months, if not years, to get to that level with any given person, and even then, I'm still highly "closed off".

 

I don't argue against traveling (or any other suggestions from anyone) to purposely be difficult. I just see no benefit to it for me, because I know how I am. It's not something that I have any kind of real interest in, and even if I forced myself to do it, I know I would just be closed off and unhappy about it the entire time, and then I'd be upset that I wasted all this time and money to go be my same crappy self in some foreign country.

[clia]

You shoot down every suggestion anyone offers about how to improve your life.

 

Do you ever intend to do anything to change your life?

 

I mean, you are obviously very unhappy. So why wouldn't you at least try to open your mind to take some of the suggestions people are offering you? Why do you automatically shoot it all down. (And you really do shoot it all down. You have an excuse for everything.) I'm beginning to think that you enjoy being miserable and are happy playing the role of victim on the Internet.

 

I think it would be majorly beneficial for you to step away from the computer. You are so wrapped up in your inner world that you can't even see the forest through the trees. Don't go to any discussion forums for a couple of weeks. (Start there.) Join Meetup.com near where you live and search for Happy Hour groups and Food/Dining groups. Go to a Happy Hour event. Have a beer and talk to some people. Or go out to dinner with a dining group and enjoy a good meal. Talk to some people. You might be surprised at who you might meet. If you are too afraid to go with a Meetup group, go to a restaurant/bar by yourself, walk in sit at the bar, order a drink and dinner, and hang out for at least one hour. Or go for a 3-5 mile walk around your neighborhood/city each morning or evening or whenever it fits into your schedule. Walk around and observe. Or buy yourself a ticket to a sporting event or concert and go to it. Maybe if you try to get out of the house more and do things you will find things that interest you.

 

Where do you see yourself in one year if you don't try to make any changes? Why not at least try? Who knows, you might actually find some happiness!

[Inflikted]

You shoot down every suggestion anyone offers about how to improve your life.

 

Do you ever intend to do anything to change your life?

 

I mean, you are obviously very unhappy. So why wouldn't you at least try to open your mind to take some of the suggestions people are offering you? Why do you automatically shoot it all down. (And you really do shoot it all down. You have an excuse for everything.) I'm beginning to think that you enjoy being miserable and are happy playing the role of victim on the Internet.

 

I think it would be majorly beneficial for you to step away from the computer. You are so wrapped up in your inner world that you can't even see the forest through the trees. Don't go to any discussion forums for a couple of weeks. (Start there.) Join Meetup.com near where you live and search for Happy Hour groups and Food/Dining groups. Go to a Happy Hour event. Have a beer and talk to some people. Or go out to dinner with a dining group and enjoy a good meal. Talk to some people. You might be surprised at who you might meet. If you are too afraid to go with a Meetup group, go to a restaurant/bar by yourself, walk in sit at the bar, order a drink and dinner, and hang out for at least one hour. Or go for a 3-5 mile walk around your neighborhood/city each morning or evening or whenever it fits into your schedule. Walk around and observe. Or buy yourself a ticket to a sporting event or concert and go to it. Maybe if you try to get out of the house more and do things you will find things that interest you.

 

Where do you see yourself in one year if you don't try to make any changes? Why not at least try? Who knows, you might actually find some happiness!

 

Well, again, it's not like I haven't had enough opportunity to meet and connect with people. I'm just not good enough. As I've said, I have nothing to offer anyone. I'm completey useless to the world around me.

 

And even if I try to connect with people, I just end up ruining it and pushing them away anyway, because I'm crazy and idiotic and emotionally immature.

[Inflikted]

Where do you see yourself in one year if you don't try to make any changes? Why not at least try? Who knows, you might actually find some happiness!

 

And yeah, I know I'll be in the exact same spot one year from now, two years from now, probably five years from now, ten years from now, etc. But it doesn't matter what I "try", it doesn't matter what I do, it doesn't matter where I go, it all leads to the same result for me. It's not that I haven't tried, it's not that I haven't put any effort into life, it's simply that I'm a worthless human being that has no value to anyone, and is incapable of connecting with others and advancing my life in such a way that I can find happiness. It's not anything I'm "doing" or "not doing", it's just... me.

 

Honestly, if it were up to me, in a year from now, I'd be dead. At this point, I just want to be out of my misery, but I don't actually want to, er, do it myself.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

And yeah, I know I'll be in the exact same spot one year from now, two years from now, probably five years from now, ten years from now, etc. But it doesn't matter what I "try", it doesn't matter what I do, it doesn't matter where I go, it all leads to the same result for me. It's not that I haven't tried, it's not that I haven't put any effort into life, it's simply that I'm a worthless human being that has no value to anyone, and is incapable of connecting with others and advancing my life in such a way that I can find happiness. It's not anything I'm "doing" or "not doing", it's just... me.

 

Honestly, if it were up to me, in a year from now, I'd be dead. At this point, I just want to be out of my misery, but I don't actually want to, er, do it myself.

Well nobody else is gonna do it for you because you are a guy

[elaine567]

I don't care what anyone has told you in the past YOU are depressed and the sooner you get yourself on medication and into therapy the better.

[Inflikted]

I don't care what anyone has told you in the past YOU are depressed and the sooner you get yourself on medication and into therapy the better.

 

What difference does it really make, though? Medication and/ or therapy won't change the world around me. And if I'm "depressed", that's where it comes from, the world around me. It's reactionary. I didn't start out my life being "depressed". I've grown to feel the way I do because of the world around me. The perpetual failures to connect with people, the perpetual "rejection" from the world around me, the perpetual failure to find and/ or take advantage of opportunities to advance my life, the fact that I have no idea how to even begin making my hopes and dreams a reality.

 

Therapy/ medication can help you process things differently and work on changing the way you think about things, sure, but... what does it really matter if it doesn't actually change the world around you? I can't MAKE people like me, I can't MAKE people be attracted to me, I can't MAKE there be opportunities to make my dreams come true.

 

And if the world around me stays the same, it would only be a matter of time before any benefit from therapy/ medication starts to unravel. I'm a very reactionary person. If my life is just a string of failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, that brings me down, that puts me in the spot I'm in now. That's why I'm the way I am now. Again, I didn't "start out" being "depressed". I went through my life, for years, trying to just be me, and live my life, and it was just failure, failure, failure, failure, over and over, with no "success", and that's how I've gotten to be the way I am. Because that's the way my life has been, and that's the way my life still is, and that's the way my life will continue to be.

[clia]

What difference does it really make, though? Medication and/ or therapy won't change the world around me. And if I'm "depressed", that's where it comes from, the world around me. It's reactionary. I didn't start out my life being "depressed". I've grown to feel the way I do because of the world around me. The perpetual failures to connect with people, the perpetual "rejection" from the world around me, the perpetual failure to find and/ or take advantage of opportunities to advance my life, the fact that I have no idea how to even begin making my hopes and dreams a reality.

 

Therapy/ medication can help you process things differently and work on changing the way you think about things, sure, but... what does it really matter if it doesn't actually change the world around you? I can't MAKE people like me, I can't MAKE people be attracted to me, I can't MAKE there be opportunities to make my dreams come true.

 

And if the world around me stays the same, it would only be a matter of time before any benefit from therapy/ medication starts to unravel. I'm a very reactionary person. If my life is just a string of failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, that brings me down, that puts me in the spot I'm in now. That's why I'm the way I am now. Again, I didn't "start out" being "depressed". I went through my life, for years, trying to just be me, and live my life, and it was just failure, failure, failure, failure, over and over, with no "success", and that's how I've gotten to be the way I am. Because that's the way my life has been, and that's the way my life still is, and that's the way my life will continue to be.

 

Well, if at 20 something years old you are unwilling to make any changes that will improve your life (and frankly, almost anything you do would put you in a better place than you are now), then I guess you are going to be miserable for the next 60+ years.

 

Is that what you really want?

 

Seriously, why are you so resistant to any suggestions to improve your situation? Why won't you at least try?

 

I felt a lot of sympathy for you initially, because it seems like you grew up in a sort of screwed up situation with your mother, but honestly, you seem happy to just wallow in misery. You are a young guy and there is no reason why you can't change. None. If you got a bad degree, then go get another one. Find another job. Look around and try to find some joy out of life, because frankly there is a lot to be thankful for. Hell, be thankful for your health and youth. But oh, that would take effort! You would have to leave your house and step away from the Internet and possibly make a little effort.

 

How is your job search going?

[Iron Bubba]

Opening up is crap.

 

The only thing people will do is go all wonky and put you down for not being like them. Some will even go so far as to turn your emotions against you just for having emotions they don't approve of.

 

And that's it. That's all you'll ever get.

 

We all have to be the same, after all. Happy, never have a discouraging word blah blah blah blah blah......

[organizedchaos]

What difference does it really make, though? Medication and/ or therapy won't change the world around me. And if I'm "depressed", that's where it comes from, the world around me. It's reactionary. I didn't start out my life being "depressed". I've grown to feel the way I do because of the world around me. The perpetual failures to connect with people, the perpetual "rejection" from the world around me, the perpetual failure to find and/ or take advantage of opportunities to advance my life, the fact that I have no idea how to even begin making my hopes and dreams a reality.

 

Therapy/ medication can help you process things differently and work on changing the way you think about things, sure, but... what does it really matter if it doesn't actually change the world around you? I can't MAKE people like me, I can't MAKE people be attracted to me, I can't MAKE there be opportunities to make my dreams come true.

 

And if the world around me stays the same, it would only be a matter of time before any benefit from therapy/ medication starts to unravel. I'm a very reactionary person. If my life is just a string of failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, that brings me down, that puts me in the spot I'm in now. That's why I'm the way I am now. Again, I didn't "start out" being "depressed". I went through my life, for years, trying to just be me, and live my life, and it was just failure, failure, failure, failure, over and over, with no "success", and that's how I've gotten to be the way I am. Because that's the way my life has been, and that's the way my life still is, and that's the way my life will continue to be.

 

It won't change the world around you. But it will change how you SEE the world around you and this, stop the depressing out look and self loathing attitude. In turn, helping you to connect with people and make friends.

[ascendotum]

Therapy/ medication can help you process things differently and work on changing the way you think about things, sure, but... what does it really matter if it doesn't actually change the world around you? I can't MAKE people like me, I can't MAKE people be attracted to me, I can't MAKE there be opportunities to make my dreams come true.

No it doesn't change others, but it changes how you process sensory input and how you relate to others. You have not even given it a go after years of wallowing in unhappiness. How about you give it a go and see if it is a waste of time or not. Its not a precise science unfortunately so you might need to give a few meds a go. Do the online surevy from Dr. Eric Braveman (the Edge Effect) and see which neurotransmitters you are low in. Unfortunately some are not going to be easy to get treatment for from a doctor - ie Dopamine, but there are diest + supplement recommendations you can take. Your sate of meind is not the natrual state for a perosn. I reckon you have a neurotransmitter or hormone imbalance. You need to get made you are getting a raw deal from life and you need to take charge of your life as no one else is going to do it for you.If you have a new enthusiasm for life doors will open and you will be proactive in seeking opportunities.

[elaine567]

What difference does it really make, though? Medication and/ or therapy won't change the world around me. And if I'm "depressed", that's where it comes from, the world around me. It's reactionary. I didn't start out my life being "depressed". I've grown to feel the way I do because of the world around me. The perpetual failures to connect with people, the perpetual "rejection" from the world around me, the perpetual failure to find and/ or take advantage of opportunities to advance my life, the fact that I have no idea how to even begin making my hopes and dreams a reality.

 

Therapy/ medication can help you process things differently and work on changing the way you think about things, sure, but... what does it really matter if it doesn't actually change the world around you? I can't MAKE people like me, I can't MAKE people be attracted to me, I can't MAKE there be opportunities to make my dreams come true.

 

And if the world around me stays the same, it would only be a matter of time before any benefit from therapy/ medication starts to unravel. I'm a very reactionary person. If my life is just a string of failure, failure, failure, failure, failure, that brings me down, that puts me in the spot I'm in now. That's why I'm the way I am now. Again, I didn't "start out" being "depressed". I went through my life, for years, trying to just be me, and live my life, and it was just failure, failure, failure, failure, over and over, with no "success", and that's how I've gotten to be the way I am. Because that's the way my life has been, and that's the way my life still is, and that's the way my life will continue to be.

 

Truth is every single person on here will suffer failure, will have their dreams shattered, will go through horrendous bereavements, will suffer from serious illness, will be involved in tragic accidents, but most will come through all that and still carry on with their lives, have good times and enjoy life.

 

People in general rarely like depressed people or want to be around them. Most have enough troubles of their own, and do not want to be brought down either. People going about saying the glass is empty, the sky is black, we are all doomed, everyone is nasty and out to get them, and the world is a horrible place are not the people we want to hang about with for any length of time.

We like smiley, optimistic people, who even if their world is collapsing are not quitters, are not wallowing in self pity, are not looking for sympathy, are not playing an endless victim card.

 

YOU have no friends and cannot attract people to you, because even just reading what you write here is depressing, I guess in real life you are not much different.

No-one can be around all that negativity for any length of time and remain normal, most know that and avoid such people like the plague. Depressive people suck the life out of other people, a depressive mindset is not attractive and especially unattractive is a mindset that is not willing to get help either.

 

Depression is causing you to discount all methods of getting you out of this fix, depression tells you the pills don't work, depression tells you therapy is a waste of time, depression tells you the world is a horrible place, depression tells you everything you do is a failure.

Until you decide to get serious help for your depression, then nothing will change.

 

Also investigate mindfulness for depression - Mindfulness for mental wellbeing - Stress, anxiety and depression - NHS Choices

[Inflikted]

Well, if at 20 something years old you are unwilling to make any changes that will improve your life (and frankly, almost anything you do would put you in a better place than you are now), then I guess you are going to be miserable for the next 60+ years.

 

Is that what you really want?

 

Seriously, why are you so resistant to any suggestions to improve your situation? Why won't you at least try?

 

I felt a lot of sympathy for you initially, because it seems like you grew up in a sort of screwed up situation with your mother, but honestly, you seem happy to just wallow in misery. You are a young guy and there is no reason why you can't change. None. If you got a bad degree, then go get another one. Find another job. Look around and try to find some joy out of life, because frankly there is a lot to be thankful for. Hell, be thankful for your health and youth. But oh, that would take effort! You would have to leave your house and step away from the Internet and possibly make a little effort.

 

Look, guys, as far as "making excuses" goes, the way I see it is, I fail at everything. Everything. When you literally fail at every thing you do or try, there doesn't seem to be much point to anything.

 

I know how I am. I can tell you exactly what would happen were I to attempt anything. I'd fail at it. I'd fail at therapy; I could never go into it with the right mindset, and thus, I'd either end up quitting it after a certain period of time, or I'd become overly dependent on it, neither of which is the desired outcome. Same with medication. I'd fail at that, as well, for the same reasons; I'd either get tired of taking it (and not visibly seeing any kind of effect), or I'd become "addicted" to it.

 

My "making excuses" is me simply knowing the reality of things. "Failing" is what I do. That's what I am. A failure. At life. At everything. I understand everyone fails through the course of their life, but most people have ups and downs, they have upsides that keep them going. I don't have those. For me, it's all downside. I'm one disappointment after the next.

 

How is your job search going?

 

Unsurprisingly, I'm failing at that, as well. I did find one menial job to apply to, and they actually did contact me back and conducted a phone interview with me. But then they called me back later and said that the position I applied for is "on hold", whatever that means. They seem to have some interest in possibly hiring me for something else, but I don't really have any qualifications to do any of the more "important" stuff there, so I can't imagine that would work out.

[johndoe2]

Well, again, it's not like I haven't had enough opportunity to meet and connect with people. I'm just not good enough. As I've said, I have nothing to offer anyone. I'm completey useless to the world around me.

 

And even if I try to connect with people, I just end up ruining it and pushing them away anyway, because I'm crazy and idiotic and emotionally immature.

 

You sound like you're engaging in an exercise of psychological masochism here. If you're concerned about being useless to the world, well the world can go **** itself. No point in worrying about being useful. Plenty of useful people live miserable lives benefiting 'society' and die miserable deaths all the same. It's not like they ever get their due, except maybe in the afterlife.

 

Ask yourself, aside from perhaps a few friends and family members, what have all these 'other people' ever done for you to warrant you seeking to be of use to them? Maybe they should be seeking your approval? Don't put people on pedestals and think you need to earn their approval; it doesn't work, it only flatters them. Trust me, most people aren't that great.