worldsworstwife Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I cheated and confessed when confronted. This all happened last night into this morning. That's where my story begins. The rest is much more complicated. My husband and I have been married for 5 years. We dated for a year, got pregnant and got married right away. We were both 30 at the time. Life has been complicated as parents of two young kids and no real chance at a "honeymoon stage" of our marriage. It's worth mentioning that we met online and both come from a place of low self-confidence. We have had a great marriage where we were friends, enjoyed the same things, and felt on board with each other's parenting abilities. About two years ago, I found an email account that my husband had and left open on our shared computer. He had been chatting with other men -about me. I didn't understand this. He also had been posing as a female to certain other guys, and sharing pics with them. I don't know who the pics were of, but they appeared to be pretty young. I decided to take matters into my own hands and confront a few of these men with the truth about who they had been talking to. I then confronted my husband. He was embarrassed, tearful, and sorry. We moved on eventually and although I still didn't understand, I loved him and knew that what we had mattered more than anything. He eventually confessed to me that he and an ex used to share pics on an adult site and what a thrill it had been for him. He said he wanted to "show me off" to other men. Again, I didn't understand, but eventually I said yes. I had recently given birth to our daughter and felt very unattractive and asexual. He made me feel beautiful again and the comments about my body were great for my self esteem. I was his perfect wife during the day, and at night I could be every man's fantasy. We carried on like this for a year, flirting online with men and couples, thinking "hm this guy lives close to us, maybe we should hook up", but nothing came to pass. As recently as a month ago, we had a man come over and I had sex with him while my husband watched. Later in the week we hosted another man. Both times, we had the experience, the man thanked us for a good time, and left. This led me to "see what else was out there", throwing ads on craigslist, flirting over email, sending and receiving explicit pics. There was also a preoccupation with getting high, first just to "escape" real life, then as something I really and truly needed as offered as I could get my hands on it. We had friends come over recently and we all smoked together. We had fun. But it wasn't enough. "What if we had sex and we were high???" Too good to pass up...another craigslist add, this time looking for a guy with weed. All this time I had been flirting with a guy that I had known in my very promiscuous 20s. He wanted me. I wanted to be reckless. I took a personal day a few days after my 37th birthday. We met up, got high and had sex for the greater part of the day. I told my husband I was taking a personal day to do exactly what I wanted, meaning shopping, getting a manicure and driving around without little kids. He was suspicious when I got home. He asked what I really did and I smirkily answered that he didn't want to know. I wish I had lied. His heart is broken and I'm the one who did it. We've been communicating today via text. He said he is trying to rise above his feelings and I just want him to tell me what he thinks of me, scream at me and get it out of his system. Link to post Share on other sites
WhatYouWantToHear Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Is this post part of your sex game too? I really think you 2 are using us to get off. Your husband is a cuckold and likes to feel less of a man by watching you have sex with others. You like to put yourself in situations which feel risky. Now you take to the internet to tell the world of your escapades so we can judge you guys. Really feels like this is part of your guys foreplay and you are trolling us. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 What's the point to your post, OP? Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldsworstwife Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 Is this post part of your sex game too? I really think you 2 are using us to get off. Your husband is a cuckold and likes to feel less of a man by watching you have sex with others. You like to put yourself in situations which feel risky. Now you take to the internet to tell the world of your escapades so we can judge you guys. Really feels like this is part of your guys foreplay and you are trolling us. I suppose that's the ultimate troll, but no. This is unfortunately real. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldsworstwife Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 What's the point to your post, OP? Just a confession in the hopes that some small portion will resonate with someone else that can either offer real advice or present the facts as they are seen without motive or bias. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Your hubs got all butthurt about you sleeping with another guy specifically bc you didn't tell him about it explicitly, even tho he'd been in the on numerous episodes before? He sounds a little hypersensitive given the circumstances, unless you two had some pre-arranged rule that he had to be informed. Most of the cuckold scenarios I know about the women have the liberty to choose and inform their guys later. Is this sth you want to stop overall (along w/the drug use - anything more than weed?) or are you happy w/it? Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 Your hubs got all butthurt about you sleeping with another guy specifically bc you didn't tell him about it explicitly, even tho he'd been in the on numerous episodes before? He sounds a little hypersensitive given the circumstances, unless you two had some pre-arranged rule that he had to be informed. Most of the cuckold scenarios I know about the women have the liberty to choose and inform their guys later. Is this sth you want to stop overall (along w/the drug use - anything more than weed?) or are you happy w/it? interesting spin on this. I shall "assume" you are taking this from the side that they have an open marriage. ? Sounds to me that most cheaters could say then that they have an open marriage, open to deceit and poor bed choices. The Op admits to being promiscuous and has concerns that not telling her hubby of her where abouts is at the crux of this turmoil. This isn't the standard in an open relationship, they usually discuss . She didn't. I do "judge" the poor lack of communication that created this mess. She chose to go covert. Neither person though has the wherewithal to see how their decisions and actions will in due time affect the family. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 According to the OP, they'd had previous scenarios where she had sex with other men w/the husband's knowledge (and with him present). That's a typical cuckold arrangement, which as I said typically (altho there's no real 'typical' here - let's just call it often) includes liberty on the part of the woman to sleep w/others without the man's direct knowledge. Cuckoldery isn't really 'open' in that the man usually isn't allowed to have sex with other women. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I suppose that's the ultimate troll, but no. This is unfortunately real. Pictures or it didn't happen. (This should be good.... ) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 I certainly wouldn't hint around that you are up to no good. What did you expect? How would you feel if the situation was reversed? You know, it might be a good idea to stop engaging in this conduct. Doesn't seem to be working out too well for ya. That's my take. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldsworstwife Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 Your hubs got all butthurt about you sleeping with another guy specifically bc you didn't tell him about it explicitly, even tho he'd been in the on numerous episodes before? He sounds a little hypersensitive given the circumstances, unless you two had some pre-arranged rule that he had to be informed. Most of the cuckold scenarios I know about the women have the liberty to choose and inform their guys later. Is this sth you want to stop overall (along w/the drug use - anything more than weed?) or are you happy w/it? I have to say, it was fun while it lasted. He never got involved with the two men we hosted, it was 20 minutes of conversation and then sex. They left soon after. The men would occasionally email or text me to say that they had fun and that we should do it again sometime. I really don't understand the cuckold practice, as far as him getting off from it. I did come to understand that he needed to be the one arranging things and when I brought up the guy from my past he "didn't think it was a good idea". I knew it was not going to be a good decision and I put that out of my mind and forged ahead. I don't know about stopping, I did say "well there goes my satisfying sex life" in a moment of selfishness. I truly believe it was the deviousness vs. The actual sex that is hurting him. And I didn't mention it before but he had been cheated on when I met him and it was very difficult to get him to open up emotionally. He wants to move on, and we've been talking, but I don't know that his feelings are properly being addressed, which I think is dangerous for him. Also, I have no desire to do anything stronger than weed, which yes, I feel like is ok from time to time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldsworstwife Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 According to the OP, they'd had previous scenarios where she had sex with other men w/the husband's knowledge (and with him present). That's a typical cuckold arrangement, which as I said typically (altho there's no real 'typical' here - let's just call it often) includes liberty on the part of the woman to sleep w/others without the man's direct knowledge. Cuckoldery isn't really 'open' in that the man usually isn't allowed to have sex with other women. There were no clear rules that we discussed other than "don't see guys alone". He said that he had basically given me a free pass and that I still couldn't keep within the confines of it, which for me, acting immature and living w/o consequence, defeats the purpose of a free pass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author worldsworstwife Posted June 21, 2015 Author Share Posted June 21, 2015 I certainly wouldn't hint around that and you are up to no good. What did you expect? How would you feel if the situation was reversed? You know, it might be a good idea to stop engaging in this conduct. Doesn't seem to be working out too well for ya. That's my take. Yas Solid advice. I did not expect, I only acted without thinking. I would feel awful and unloved if he had done this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Yasuandio Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Solid advice. I did not expect, I only acted without thinking. I would feel awful and unloved if he had done this to me. That is good for you to now realize. Go discuss this realization with him openly now. There is a reason that for what the norm defines as certain forms of "acceptable" conduct. Once you step outside of the norm - well, you are outside of the norm. Then some new boundaries need to be discussed and defined so each comprehends what is acceptable. So, I can see how this "monkey business" got off track. Since it was his idea to begin with, I believe he shares "some" responsibility in defining or "re-defining" whatever this deal is gonna be (a one way street for him to get off on, or......). Like I said, doesn't feel so good when you're not the one calling the shots. Take responsibility - but share it. That's my take. Yas Link to post Share on other sites
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