Is she in a rebound?

[bl23]

So my ex-girlfriend, who I was with for just under six years, broke up with me about five weeks ago giving me the usual "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" excuse. I chased for awhile but decided soon after to cut her from my life completely. I made one attempt to get in touch to see if we could talk about us, but she responded very angrily, was quite hurtful and accused me of stuff that wasn't true, and wanted nothing to do with me. In short, she claimed to have detached emotionally around January this year. That all said, it turns out a couple of days prior to me talking to her that she had met some new guy, and now she's in a relationship with him.

 

A few close friends of hers were telling me that after the breakup she was littering Facebook with all that break-up quote nonsense you'd expect a fourteen year old to be concerned with, and apparently it was quite clear she still had feelings for me and was very conflicted over her decision, though early on she was very sure of wanting to be single for a long time. From what I can ascertain, her attitude towards me and the breakup completely changed the day she met this guy (and there's nothing to suggest they knew each-other beforehand). What I find more perplexing is that it's been heavily suggested they've already had sex, which goes against my ex's previous values, and she's changed up her appearance/lifestyle quite a bit. They don't appear to have anything in common, but since she got with him she's constantly expressing how happy she was.

 

I'm hurt by this because I had hoped we'd get back together, but after what she's said/done and how much she's changed I really don't want to be involved with her anymore. Yes, my feelings for her are still strong, but that's because it's too early to have moved on after such a lengthy relationship. There's a part of me that does want her to realize what she's lost, because I know I was a good partner to her.

 

The thing is, I am curious as to what other people think of her behavior? A way of coping with the break-up (IE. Rebound)? Truly moving on? I tend to analyse these things a lot so hearing some thoughts will help me alleviate the confusion.

Edited June 20, 2015 by bl23

[jen1447]

My guess is she met him and got excited about him before you knew about it, and then naturally you became Mr. Unexciting. That's not really a rebound, more like a replacement.

 

It happens, sorry.

[SolidGoldTurd]

So my ex-girlfriend, who I was with for just under six years, broke up with me about five weeks ago giving me the usual "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" excuse

 

Girls typically use that phrase along with "it's not you, it's me" and "I'm not ready for a relationship" because they don't want to hurt your feelings.

 

I chased for awhile but decided soon after to cut her from my life completely.

 

The chasing was a bad thing, you were using logic and reason and were acting out of desperation - something that turns women off completely. Cutting contact, though, was a good decision.

 

I made one attempt to get in touch to see if we could talk about us, but she responded very angrily, was quite hurtful and accused me of stuff that wasn't true, and wanted nothing to do with me.

 

You should NEVER chase someone who has dumped you. You tell them you don't agree with them unilaterally changing the terms of your relationship and you MOVE ON AND NEVER LOOK BACK.

 

In short, she claimed to have detached emotionally around January this year. That all said, it turns out a couple of days prior to me talking to her that she had met some new guy, and now she's in a relationship with him.

 

No, she didn't just meet this guy "a couple of days prior to me talking to her", she met him weeks before she broke up with you. In fact I'm ready to bet she met him some time in January when her feelings for you were taking a sky-dive.

 

Attraction doesn't just disappear, it takes time and I'm sure she was hoping that you'd see the error of your ways. However you didn't and she eventually met some other guy. Women always have back ups.

 

 

 

A few close friends of hers were telling me that after the breakup she was littering Facebook with all that break-up quote nonsense you'd expect a fourteen year old to be concerned with, and apparently it was quite clear she still had feelings for me and was very conflicted over her decision

 

 

Well let her question that decision. Let her contact and chase you. By cutting contact completely and walking away she'll do this if she has any interest in you whatsoever. It might be a week, 2 weeks, a month or 3 months. When she does ASSUME SHE WANTS TO MEET and ORGANISE A DATE.

 

though early on she was very sure of wanting to be single for a long time. From what I can ascertain, her attitude towards me and the breakup completely changed the day she met this guy (and there's nothing to suggest they knew each-other beforehand)

 

Oh they knew each other before, trust me.

 

What I find more perplexing is that it's been heavily suggested they've already had sex, which goes against my ex's previous values, and she's changed up her appearance/lifestyle quite a bit. They don't appear to have anything in common, but since she got with him she's constantly expressing how happy she was.

 

At this point you shouldn't be bothered about who she's seeing, who she's ****ing or what principles she's ignoring ... because you're not part of her life any more and you don't have a say in it. You sound very insecure.

 

 

I'm hurt by this because I had hoped we'd get back together, but after what she's said/done and how much she's changed I really don't want to be involved with her anymore.

 

OK, well move on then (?)

 

The thing is, I am curious as to what other people think of her behavior? A way of coping with the break-up (IE. Rebound)? Truly moving on? I tend to analyse these things a lot so hearing some thoughts will help me alleviate the confusion.

 

In my honest opinion, he's more of a replacement than a rebound. She knew him from before and kept him as a plan B till the day she ended it with you. Women will always do this, so it's not weird behaviour.

[bl23]

Yes, the chasing was a stupid error of judgement.

 

I don't know if she knew him or not beforehand, all I know is that they met up and that's when she completely switched off from me altogether. Before that, there was definitely something there.

 

I'm going complete NC now anyway. As I said, I know I was a good partner to her, so selfishly I am hoping she'll start to think she made a mistake. I doubt I'll take her back though...since being with that guy, she was very hurtful towards me.

 

I'm confused with myself because I've always been a huge believer of second chances and such like. I would've wanted to work towards rebuilding our relationship if she hadn't jumped into a new one so soon. Now I don't know what to think.

Edited June 20, 2015 by bl23

[SolidGoldTurd]

Yes, the chasing was a stupid error of judgement.

 

I don't know if she knew him or not beforehand, all I know is that they met up and that's when she completely switched off from me altogether. Before that, there was definitely something there.

 

I'm going complete NC now anyway. As I said, I know I was a good partner to her, so selfishly I am hoping she'll start to think she made a mistake. I doubt I'll take her back though...since being with that guy, she was very hurtful towards me.

 

I'm confused with myself because I've always been a huge believer of second chances and such like. I would've wanted to work towards rebuilding our relationship if she hadn't jumped into a new one so soon. Now I don't know what to think.

 

 

Like I said, I can say with 100% certainty she knew the guy before your break up.

 

Going NC now is good.

[foolinlove79]

I reckon rebound. And what are the chances of it working out? First if all she hasnt dealt with your bu. I dint care if she isnt in love with you anymore. She would still need to grieve. And how often do rs work out long term anyway. It seems to me people jump from rs to rs fir a while before they meet someone that it could work with lt. I would say expect to hear from her in the future when it doesnt work out. Dont hang around waiting but. Try to accept it is over and start to move on. **** her.

[bl23]

It turns out she knew the guy, but not very well. They were friends on social media but nothing more, they only got talking soon after the break-up. That's what I've been told anyway.

 

Anyone else think it may be a rebound? All I know of their relationship is that things have escalated quickly and she's quite fond of him, but I'd like to think it's just the early stages.

[dumbass2]

"I'd like to think it's just the early stages"

 

Why? what does it really matter? You should not be waiting to see if things work out with him or not. What if they're still going strong after another month or so? Are you still going to be waiting for things to fall apart so you can take her back as her second choice if she even decides to come back to you? I know it's hard. I've been there and once I moved on my ex did eventually contact me again. That's how it usually happens.

[bl23]

Why? what does it really matter? You should not be waiting to see if things work out with him or not. What if they're still going strong after another month or so? Are you still going to be waiting for things to fall apart so you can take her back as her second choice if she even decides to come back to you? I know it's hard. I've been there and once I moved on my ex did eventually contact me again. That's how it usually happens.

 

Unfortunately I live alone and am not close to many people, so the internet is my best way of relieving my thoughts. I do plan on going strict on NC/moving on, but I just wanted a few opinions based on what I've mentioned.

 

I know at the end of the day it's merely just speculation what happened and what might happened.

[dumbass2]

I hear ya. I had a few close friends to talk to about it and came on here as well for advice. Keep coming on here and getting out what you need to. It is far from easy to just want to give up and move on. you can't do that just like that. You're heart is saying one thing and your logic another. Your logic knows what you need to do. It will take some time and again, just use this place to help hold you in check and vent. In the end you will do things that you feel you need to do. That's normal. If you a make a mistake, learn from it and don't do it again.

[OldRover]

My bets is that is a rebound... even it they knew each other, but who knows how it will go.

 

I dated a late that it was only a matter of time before the rebound, replacement or whom ever she was dating didn't work out and she could replace them in a day, no matter who did the break up. I even suspect she will show some attraction to me again in the future, but I'm not going back under the circumstances.

 

You never know. Its probably best treating that its over and done, go on the the next.... you could meet someone thats a whole bunch better.

[bl23]

What hurts the most is that she's with someone so soon, after such a long relationship as if it didn't matter to her at all, and has seemingly forgotten all about me. We had our issues, sure, but I would like to think I had been a good partner to her. We had plans for marriage, kids etc...to find out she's basically jumped in bed with the first man to show her any attention, hurts a ton. But I guess that just gives me more reason to forget about her and move on, because she's clearly not the girl I fell in love with (not that I'm judging her, it's just not what the person I knew would have done).

 

In a way, I want it to be a rebound so she can finally experience the sense of loss that I have. I know it's selfish. If she comes running back, I haven't got a clue what I'd say or do.

[Cra]

I feel you man, I'm going through the same thing. Welcome to the 180 club. Time will tell wether she's in a rebound or not, but most likely it's not. Just keep telling yourself that she's found the one and she's never coming back. It's probably the last thing you want to hear or even accept, but it's for the sake of you actually getting over her.

 

She found a replacemet, YOUR replacement. Worst feeling ever, I know. But let her do what she wants, maybe it might make her miss you more than ever. Or maybe she'll end marrying the guy. There's nothing you can do to change what she wants or thinks. It's imperative that you stick to no contact and actually try to forget about her and the break up, because frankly, she means nothing to you now..especially after the way she treated you.

 

We're in this together man. What I do is that I just tell myself that my ex is getting engaged to her new boyfriend she left me for. It's not actually happening and it's weird to tell yourself that, but it helps me not view her romantically and helps me let her go. Because telling yourself that she's never coming back helps you move on, if she does end up happier with this guy. But if she does end up coming back to you, then it's a win-win. But don't dwell on that ever happening.

[bl23]

if she does end up happier with this guy. But if she does end up coming back to you, then it's a win-win. But don't dwell on that ever happening.

 

I'm doing much better. She's on my mind a lot, but not nearly as much as before. Getting back together isn't really much of a concern to me anymore. I just miss what we had.

Edited June 23, 2015 by bl23