Would you forget if you could?

[Robert Z]

I was thinking about the fact that so many of us here, and I guess most people, have experienced some events in their life that have taken a huge emotional and perhaps a psychological toll, resulting in anger or even rage, depression to suicidal thoughts, overeating, drug use, porn addiction, you name it.

 

I was also reminded of a the plot from a science fiction program that offered an interesting idea. The idea is that past life regression is real and becomes a popular pastime. But it is discovered that the memory of past lives brings all of the pain from that life to the surface in this life, which results in a population of highly depressed and dysfunctional people. In the end a program is put in place to make people forget their past lives.

 

This got me to thinking about pain from this life. Would you forget if you could?

 

I don't think I would. It is almost like the trials and tribulations in life become a suit of armor. They have made me stronger.

[newmoon]

well, i've never had a wonderful memory so i do forget most events anyway, even major ones. it helps when memories aren't so vivid about (bad) things that happened, so yep.. i'd be ok with completely forgetting.

[jen1447]

I wouldn't. Our pasts pretty much make us who we are.

[Tayla]

altzheimers doesn't give folks that choice. I was in medical and a husband and wife were brought in for long term care for this condition. The husband was a rocket engineer, yes he worked at nasa early on . Phenominal in his education and conveying in conversation. His greatest human flaw though was, he had zero tolerance for his wifes' mindset. forgetfull and babbling about nonsensical things. He treated her in mocking ways... he just couldn't accept that this condition was real. it didnt add up in his mind. A year later his mind hit the stage of altzheimers that took away all his knowledge... he slowly babbled and wandered. It was a reminder to us who attended them, that altzheimer does take away so very much...your self proclaimed identity, your love and your being. No amount of money or fame can stop its progress.

So with that, I'd take those past incidences ...memory and all, over what altzheimer does without your consent.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

I'd pay every penny to Rekall & have them erase pretty much all the memories of the year before & implant less painful ones. PKD had some great ideas.

[SpiralOut]

Nope. Remembering my past helped me to deal with it. I repressed all sorts of things. If damage has been done to the psyche, then forgetting the event won't undo the damage. That's how people get complexes.

 

 

If there is a way to erase the damage AND forget, then yeah sure sign me up.

[serial muse]

I wouldnt. If you forget those experiences you would also forget what you learned, and so would just repeat the same mistakes.

 

Although trauma like rape and abuse - those I'd want to forget.

[Justanaverageguy]

No wouldn't forget a thing. How boring would our lives be if it was just one monotonous blur of same same. You need the dark so that you can appreciate the light. Also my own personal view is that time gives all experiences perspective. Bad experiences over time can come to be viewed very positively. They push you out of your comfort zone, make you stretch beyond the boundaries most people impose on themselves and often have a long term positive affect on our lives. Likewise sometimes superficially good experiences can come to look not so good in retrospect.

 

I like an old Chinese proverb that goes like this:

 

A farmer had an award winning champion horse. One day the horse escaped from the yard and ran off. The neighbors came around and said you must be devastated - thats a terribly unlucky thing to loose your champion horse.

 

The farmer shrugged and replied - maybe

 

3 days later the horse returned with 7 other wild horses. The neighbors all came around and said you must be thrilled your champion horse returned with 7 more horses. That is so lucky.

 

The farmer shrugged and replied - maybe

 

The next day the farmers son who was a great athlete tried to tame one of the horses and fell badly breaking his leg. The neighbors came around and said you must be devastated - thats a terribly unlucky thing your son won't be able to compete any more.

 

The farmer shrugged and replied - maybe

 

The next day 2 officers from the army arrived. The country was going to war and all able bodied men under 30 were being conscripted to fight. They looked at the son and decided that due to his injury he couldn't go to war and would be excused from service. The neighbors came around and said you must be so thankful - it is so lucky that your son broke his leg and doesn't have to go to war.

 

The farmer shrugged and replied - maybe

 

Whether an experience is good or bad all depends on how you look at it. Time gives perspective to even the worst experiences.

[Grumpybutfun]

I wouldn't change a thing For my life though it was chaotic in my youth, but I would do any program out there if I could take on/ be the recipient of the abuse of my children instead of them by their birth mother before we adopted them. There are some things children should never suffer.

Best,

Grumps

[S_A]

I think this is a great post. Though it's funny, because I changed my opinion as I started writing my response. At first I thought I would not want to forget any memory. However, there is one memory I wish I could forget. I saved someone's life once. That is a memory I wish I could forget. I'd pay money to forget that one.

[Justanaverageguy]

However, there is one memory I wish I could forget. I saved someone's life once. That is a memory I wish I could forget. I'd pay money to forget that one.

 

Why what happened ?

[acrosstheuniverse]

Hell no. I learned something really really important from every life event I've been through. From losing my Mom I realised you can't make someone do something they don't want to do. From my first seriously painful breakup I learned that I can cope with more than I thought possible and that painful memories eventually fade (which meant I got over my next breakup much faster). From having a job offer retracted after I accepted it and declined loads of other interviews (due to 'funding issues') I learned never to assume I have a job and stop interviewing until I have a final contract and start date. Living through enforced sibling estrangement from my nutcase brother showed me that family are the people you choose and who love you dearly and never let go, and that sometimes it's more sensible to let go and take the pain and mourn and move on than it is to cling onto something that brings you nothing but pain, out of love or family duty. I won't go on here but I really do feel that every painful life event I've ever lived through has given me a new perspective on either human behaviour, love, life skills etc. that I've used subsequently.

 

Also, pain and trauma can be a flipside to love and compassion I think. I would never choose to go back and skip the pain of losing my beautiful Mom because that severe level of pain and grief was almost comforting, it showed me how much I loved her, if I hadn't have loved her so much it would have been a breeze. That period of mourning and agony is as much as part of our story and journey as Mom and daughter as the good times we shared.

[Lostgirl50]

Yes, in a heartbeat. The pain of remembering is too much. It has been almost 2.5 years since break up and it is still painful. So, if I could erase the memories of him I would....

[casey.lives]

for me once something passes, i generally let it go. i can't forget per se but i can put it behind me

[Justanaverageguy]

I wouldn't. Our pasts pretty much make us who we are.

 

Your past on its own doesn't make you who you are. How you choose to view your past is what makes you who you are.

 

For one person a horrible breakup may haunt them for the rest of their lives - leave them wishing it never happened and that they could forget it. For another the exact same experience could be the catalyst for a turning point in their life and a positive future. Something in retrospect they are now glad happened. Same experience - the difference is not what happened it is how that person let the experience affect them and what they chose to do after as a result of it.

 

Because in the end it really doesn't matter what happened. What matters is what are you going to do about it ?

Edited July 3, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[jen1447]

Your past on its own doesn't make you who you are. How you choose to view your past is what makes you who you are.

 

Hmmm, not really. If you get run over by a bus, you're pretty much just that person who got run over by a bus. You could also be the person who got run over by a bus and liked it or whatever, but that doesn't negate the basic run over part.

[whichwayisup]

I was thinking about the fact that so many of us here, and I guess most people, have experienced some events in their life that have taken a huge emotional and perhaps a psychological toll, resulting in anger or even rage, depression to suicidal thoughts, overeating, drug use, porn addiction, you name it.

 

I was also reminded of a the plot from a science fiction program that offered an interesting idea. The idea is that past life regression is real and becomes a popular pastime. But it is discovered that the memory of past lives brings all of the pain from that life to the surface in this life, which results in a population of highly depressed and dysfunctional people. In the end a program is put in place to make people forget their past lives.

 

This got me to thinking about pain from this life. Would you forget if you could?

 

I don't think I would. It is almost like the trials and tribulations in life become a suit of armor. They have made me stronger.

 

Pain and hurt, anger and disappointment, all that makes people stronger and wiser and also makes them grow and learn.

[Popsicle]

Yes, but I would not change or take away those experiences, because good things came out of them too and it was part of my life and all the things that make me me. They were just moments in time though. It helps that I am really good at living in the moment and putting stuff behind me too. I'm all about the good moments and things that lie ahead. Maybe I dream too much. Always been that way and it's the only way I know how to be.

[mightycpa]

No way, because I needed those experiences to grow.

 

I needed to make mistakes, suffer the consequences and learn.

 

Otherwise, I'd be the old, ****ty version of myself instead of the new and improved version of me. Either that, or dead.

 

Besides, if I forgot, then where would that information go?

[HowMightI-live]

It honestly depends on the day. I have days where it all just feels so overwhelming; the bad memories and moments playing and replaying in my head. Bad choices replaying in my head......mistakes. But on the days when its not so bad, when i choose to look at those events from a different perspective, when i choose to acknowledge my growth as a person and.acknowledge that they couldn't have happened without the pain and tears. Without having to split me open so i could dwell on all my internals...all that is me. i see it as my blessing and on those days and i am thankful for the suffering.

[Justanaverageguy]

Hmmm, not really. If you get run over by a bus, you're pretty much just that person who got run over by a bus. You could also be the person who got run over by a bus and liked it or whatever, but that doesn't negate the basic run over part.

 

No you are really not "just" the event. You are who you "decided" to become as a result of the event. Getting hit by a bus included. I mean unless it is some sort of serious brain injury that literally changes who you are - then event can be almost inconsequential. Sure it can have an effect but you decide how much and whether it is positive or negative. Maybe you broke your arm or your leg or whatever in the accident. The injuries healed either fully or maybe only partially. Perhaps you now have a limp and some scars. But after they healed you get to choose. Get on with the rest of your life or be a victim and claim it ruined you life. You are not "just" the person who got hit by a bus unless that is all you choose to focus on.

 

Lets take getting fired from a job for example. One person who gets fired might decide it is the start of a new chapter and he is going to use his free time to start his own business which becomes wildly successful. The other person thinks it is the end of the world goes into depression. Curses that losing his job has ruined his life and goes and joins the welfare queue. In 30 years time when they both look back at that same event of losing their job do you think they look at this event the same way ? The rich guy in his mansion with his sports car parked in the garage and the poor guy living off welfare. Does the event define who they are as a person or did the way they reacted define who they are as a person ?

 

Every "event" is merely a fork in the road. We decide how we let it affect it us and that defines who we are and who we become.

Edited July 5, 2015 by Justanaverageguy

[Brigit_1]

I was thinking about the fact that so many of us here, and I guess most people, have experienced some events in their life that have taken a huge emotional and perhaps a psychological toll, resulting in anger or even rage, depression to suicidal thoughts, overeating, drug use, porn addiction, you name it.

 

I was also reminded of a the plot from a science fiction program that offered an interesting idea. The idea is that past life regression is real and becomes a popular pastime. But it is discovered that the memory of past lives brings all of the pain from that life to the surface in this life, which results in a population of highly depressed and dysfunctional people. In the end a program is put in place to make people forget their past lives.

 

This got me to thinking about pain from this life. Would you forget if you could?

 

I don't think I would. It is almost like the trials and tribulations in life become a suit of armor. They have made me stronger.

 

1. My father

2. All the girls who bullied me in elementary school.

3. Growing up poor due to my father not paying child support consistently even though he was an Investment Banker and lived a lovely life.

4. Too much to mention.

[NGC1300]

People say the adversity "made them stronger", or that they "learned from it" because they desperately need to believe that things "happen for a reason" and they need to find a silver lining, or some positive in it, to make it easier to swallow the fact that it did in fact happen to them. It's kind of like how we're programmed to be optimistic from an evolutionary standpoint. If we were fully conscious of just how bad things can go, we might kill ourselves. Of course, some people do anyway.

 

The truth is that, no, you're not "better off" having experienced negative things in your life. It's a great way to sound courageous or righteous, but that's all it is; another status play, really.

[Brigit_1]

People say the adversity "made them stronger", or that they "learned from it" because they desperately need to believe that things "happen for a reason" and they need to find a silver lining, or some positive in it, to make it easier to swallow the fact that it did in fact happen to them.

 

People say lots of things.

[mrnova]

Pain and hurt, anger and disappointment, all that makes people stronger and wiser and also makes them grow and learn.

OH REALLY!!!!I cannot speak for you or anybody else for that matter, But I do not have to be screw over from one a-hole to another a-hole to learn anything. The only thing I have learned is how screw up this world is.