Gloria25 Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Yes, I hear the whole "I wouldn't change a thing cuz I learned this/that" argument, but seriously, this recent experience I had with dude I would love to forget. I learned nothing from it and just got a lot of headache, heartache, and pain...worst, everyday I have to look at it and experience it and remember the flop that it was. If I had no memory of it, then I could go back to normal and enjoy my home/life. If I had the money, I'd pack up and move in a heartbeat. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 The truth is that, no, you're not "better off" having experienced negative things in your life. It's a great way to sound courageous or righteous, but that's all it is; another status play, really. If that's the truth you choose to live by then it will be true ..... for you. It doesn't mean it is true for others. You get to define what is negative and what is positive because those statements are not finite. Not all experiences fit exclusively in one box or the other. Similar experiences can mean different things to different people. A break up is the perfect example. It could viewed as destroying your life, breaking your heart and causing you deep emotional issues. Or it could be viewed as exiting yourself from a toxic relationship with a toxic person so you could move on to someone better. One sees this event positive - one negative. Which one is right ? Depends on how you choose to look at it. Perspective is everything in this life my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Robert Z Posted July 6, 2015 Author Share Posted July 6, 2015 (edited) People say the adversity "made them stronger", or that they "learned from it" because they desperately need to believe that things "happen for a reason" and they need to find a silver lining, or some positive in it, to make it easier to swallow the fact that it did in fact happen to them. It's kind of like how we're programmed to be optimistic from an evolutionary standpoint. If we were fully conscious of just how bad things can go, we might kill ourselves. Of course, some people do anyway. The truth is that, no, you're not "better off" having experienced negative things in your life. It's a great way to sound courageous or righteous, but that's all it is; another status play, really. Not true in my case. Hitting bottom forced me to be brutally honest about what I want, and what I need, and what really matters. It forced me to look at death, and look at life, and choose. This changes a person. It gave me a strength that I never had before. With a vengeful and vindictive ex wife who sought to destroy me in every way that she could, I have been through more than I ever thought possible, and most of it barely phases me anymore. Death doesn't really frighten me any more either. In a sense, I had to be willing to die in order to live. The old me had to go if I was to survive. I had to learn to live in the moment and stop living for tomorrow. Tomorrow never comes. We will never have more than now. Edited July 6, 2015 by Robert Z 3 Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 yeah... it was the most horrific experience for a loving sweet young girl Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 Everything you experience in life is all part of your journey. It makes us who we are,it gives us strength and compassion and knowledge. And everything sets off a series of events. Like sometimes I regret my first choice of jobs in life and really have a few regrets...but I met my husband through my job and we have kids so how can you have regrets...I mean I can see regretting driving drunk or doing drugs or hurting someone, but even those things are part of who we are....no regrets!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 People say the adversity "made them stronger", or that they "learned from it" because they desperately need to believe that things "happen for a reason" and they need to find a silver lining, or some positive in it, to make it easier to swallow the fact that it did in fact happen to them. It's kind of like how we're programmed to be optimistic from an evolutionary standpoint. If we were fully conscious of just how bad things can go, we might kill ourselves. Of course, some people do anyway. The truth is that, no, you're not "better off" having experienced negative things in your life. It's a great way to sound courageous or righteous, but that's all it is; another status play, really.W:lmao:W! You never learned anything from pain? Maybe you should put your hand on a hot stove - metaphorically, of course. I feel for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 OH REALLY!!!!I cannot speak for you or anybody else for that matter, But I do not have to be screw over from one a-hole to another a-hole to learn anything. The only thing I have learned is how screw up this world is.If you go back and review everything, I'll bet you could learn how to make better choices, at least a little bit. I've learned a ****load from getting screwed over by a-holes, mostly about how to avoid it the next time around. I'll bet you could too, if you just give it a try. Link to post Share on other sites
mrnova Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 If you go back and review everything, I'll bet you could learn how to make better choices, at least a little bit. I've learned a ****load from getting screwed over by a-holes, mostly about how to avoid it the next time around. I'll bet you could too, if you just give it a try. WRONG!!!!^^^^^I do not know when someone is going to play games with me. If you do. Then that is you. NOT ME!!!!I am not like the 99% on this board or this the rest of the world. I do not have to be played or lied to learn something. I do not have a built in radar to tell me when some one is going to screw me over. The only thing I have learned is most people are for themselves, Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 WRONG!!!!^^^^^I do not know when someone is going to play games with me. If you do. Then that is you. NOT ME!!!!I am not like the 99% on this board or this the rest of the world. I do not have to be played or lied to learn something. I do not have a built in radar to tell me when some one is going to screw me over. There is actually no right or wrong answer here. It is simply the truth and meaning you attach to life and choose to live by. You are correct that others on this board cannot tell you your view and belief is wrong - just as you can't tell us that ours is wrong. The meaning and purpose you take from life is your own. Nobody else's. What you decide is true for you ..... is true for you. Nobody can say it is not. The only thing I have learned is most people are for themselves, The only thing I have learned is how screw up this world is. What I will say is this. The truth and meaning I attach to my life allows me to believe that humans are intrinsically good and want to help others. They make mistakes of course and sometimes that affects me but nobody is perfect. My truth and meaning allows me to believe that this life is an amazing dazzling gift. An awesome, exciting adventure to be lived. An adventure that I wouldn't swap for anything. My belief allows me to enjoy and celebrate the ups and tolerate the lows because I understand they are necessary. Who's truth sounds like the better one to believe in ? Read what I wrote then read what you wrote and tell me which one sounds more appealing ? Again no right or wrong answer ... you can believe what ever you want. Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 WRONG!!!!^^^^^I do not know when someone is going to play games with me. If you do. Then that is you. NOT ME!!!!I am not like the 99% on this board or this the rest of the world. I do not have to be played or lied to learn something. I do not have a built in radar to tell me when some one is going to screw me over. The only thing I have learned is most people are for themselves,Maybe, mrnova, you could learn to recognize when it happens? I can't imagine that it happens all in one day or in one hour, and instead, that it happens over a period of time. I can't imagine that there is no lesson in it for you. And the one you learned, well, you're blaming the entire human race for the actions of one person. I'm not sure that's enough of a sample size to draw that conclusion. Would this include your parents, your family, all the people you know? Your employer? I get that you're bitter as can be, but c'mon, you have to know that what you're concluding can't be right. Anyway, I don't mean to beat your horse to death. Link to post Share on other sites
mrnova Posted July 6, 2015 Share Posted July 6, 2015 There is actually no right or wrong answer here. It is simply the truth and meaning you attach to life and choose to live by. You are correct that others on this board cannot tell you your view and belief is wrong - just as you can't tell us that ours is wrong. The meaning and purpose you take from life is your own. Nobody else's. What you decide is true for you ..... is true for you. Nobody can say it is not. What I will say is this. The truth and meaning I attach to my life allows me to believe that humans are intrinsically good and want to help others. They make mistakes of course and sometimes that affects me but nobody is perfect. My truth and meaning allows me to believe that this life is an amazing dazzling gift. An awesome, exciting adventure to be lived. An adventure that I wouldn't swap for anything. My belief allows me to enjoy and celebrate the ups and tolerate the lows because I understand they are necessary. Who's truth sounds like the better one to believe in ? Read what I wrote then read what you wrote and tell me which one sounds more appealing ? Again no right or wrong answer ... you can believe what ever you want. LOOK!!!What ever you have experienced in your life. And what you take from it. Then that is you. You mention the lows in life is necessary. OH REALLY!!!Not In MY LIFE. I dodge them at all cost. I am not one of those persons that have to go from one dead end relationship to another dead end relationship to learn anything. I stick to myself and I would not have it any other way. You also mention most humans are good. Well again you are basing that on you own life experience. My experience tells me other wise. like I stated most people are for themselves.. Yes I read what you wrote. And again you are basing what you said on your life experiences. NOT MINE!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) LOOK!!!What ever you have experienced in your life. And what you take from it. Then that is you. You mention the lows in life is necessary. OH REALLY!!!Not In MY LIFE. I dodge them at all cost. I am not one of those persons that have to go from one dead end relationship to another dead end relationship to learn anything. I stick to myself and I would not have it any other way. You also mention most humans are good. Well again you are basing that on you own life experience. My experience tells me other wise. like I stated most people are for themselves.. Yes I read what you wrote. And again you are basing what you said on your life experiences. NOT MINE!!!!!!!! My beliefs about life do not come from my life experiences (Strange as that might sound). My life experiences actually come from my beliefs. You see most people have the cause and effect of life completely round the wrong way. They think I shape my view based on what happened to me. No no no! That might logically seem right but it is not actually the way the universe works. It is actually the reverse. What happens to me is actually shaped by what I believe about life. That is secret to life the universe and everything If you believe people are good - you will find the good in them. If you believe they are bad - that's also what you will find. When you buy a particular model of car why do you suddenly see that type of car on the road ? You had never noticed it before but now it seems to be everywhere. The reason is because we see in this world what we focus on and think about. The self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing. Your eyes don't just see what is happening - they project what you believe onto it. Take a chance - believe that you will find good in people and I guarantee that you will Edited July 7, 2015 by Justanaverageguy 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrnova Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 My beliefs about life do not come from my life experiences (Strange as that might sound). My life experiences actually come from my beliefs. You see most people have the cause and effect of life completely round the wrong way. They think I shape my view based on what happened to me. No no no! That might logically seem right but it is not actually the way the universe works. It is actually the reverse. What happens to me is actually shaped by what I believe about life. That is secret to life the universe and everything If you believe people are good - you will find the good in them. If you believe they are bad - that's also what you will find. When you buy a particular model of car why do you suddenly see that type of car on the road ? You had never noticed it before but now it seems to be everywhere. The reason is because we see in this world what we focus on and think about. The self fulfilling prophecy is a real thing. Your eyes don't just see what is happening - they project what you believe onto it. Take a chance - believe that you will find good in people and I guarantee that you will You do not have a clue. what is going on in my life. No more than I do yours. There has been so many bridges burn in my life as a result of being screw around. I could write a book about it.. Sorry to break to you but the universe does not happen like what you stated. It is more about nature. Let me break it down to you. I know of a dog in a neighborhood tha I grew up in and it was abused by low life people. Guess what? That dog at all cost stayed away from people. You see some people become knum{SP). They do not want to deal with more crap in their lives. Obviously you thing there is more goop people than bad. Well keep on thinking that. Most people that I have contact with on this evil earth is bad. All you have to do is look at this world and you will see it. And it is getting worse by the day. I can thank god I have no kids to live in this world. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 (edited) You do not have a clue. what is going on in my life. No more than I do yours. There has been so many bridges burn in my life as a result of being screw around. I could write a book about it.. Sorry to break to you but the universe does not happen like what you stated. It is more about nature. Let me break it down to you. I know of a dog in a neighborhood tha I grew up in and it was abused by low life people. Guess what? That dog at all cost stayed away from people. You see some people become knum{SP). They do not want to deal with more crap in their lives. Obviously you thing there is more goop people than bad. Well keep on thinking that. Most people that I have contact with on this evil earth is bad. All you have to do is look at this world and you will see it. And it is getting worse by the day. I can thank god I have no kids to live in this world. I kind of do. Not the specifics but you painted enough of a picture to get an idea. I get that a lot of bad things have probably happened to you. I understand that. But as a result you now think people are bad and avoid them at all costs and as a result they avoid you. You've let a small minority destroy your view of all people. Like the dog. Do you think all people treat dogs badly ? No they really don't but that dog thought so because one small group of people did. That made him angry and afraid of all people - even the nice one who treat dogs well which is the vast majority of people. Think for a moment how other people would view you if they actually met you and interacted with you now ? What impression would they get ? Do you think it might look a little bit like how you view everyone else. Could it be that people treat you pretty much the same way you treat them ? Just a question. What happens to an angry dog who tries to bite someone? People get angry back at the dog. What happens to a dog that comes up wagging its tale and being friendly ? It gets a pat on the head. Social experiment to try for one day. Just pretend that people aren't all bad. Think they are all friendly and nice. Make a conscious effort to smile and say hello to anyone you meet or interact with. See if they reflect this behaviour back. Edited July 7, 2015 by Justanaverageguy Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I was thinking about the fact that so many of us here, and I guess most people, have experienced some events in their life that have taken a huge emotional and perhaps a psychological toll, resulting in anger or even rage, depression to suicidal thoughts, overeating, drug use, porn addiction, you name it. I would never forget because who I am is made of my whole life good and bad, my pains and screw ups have given me opportunities for growth, I CHOSE that though. I could have just stayed with the negative "huge emotional toll" and I didn't - but even if I did I don't think I'd want them erased, that is my life!! Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 Most likely wouldn't want to forget the past, even though it has done a lot of damage to my soul. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 People say the adversity "made them stronger", or that they "learned from it" because they desperately need to believe that things "happen for a reason" and they need to find a silver lining, or some positive in it, to make it easier to swallow the fact that it did in fact happen to them. The truth is that, no, you're not "better off" having experienced negative things in your life. It's a great way to sound courageous or righteous, but that's all it is; another status play, really. Wow, this is SO not true, for me and for a great many people, I swear!! Why do you think this? Dealing well with adversity is what builds character and getting through a real tragedy with some grace and gratitude leftover makes a great person. And no I don't need to think that "things happen for a reason." Or care about sounding courageous or righteous. Where on Earth are you coming from with this??? Are you a person who has had bad things happen to you and just become bitter and inactive or maybe you've never had anything happen to you or done anything awful to yourself or others so you are just judgemental out of nowhere???:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
mrnova Posted July 7, 2015 Share Posted July 7, 2015 I kind of do. Not the specifics but you painted enough of a picture to get an idea. I get that a lot of bad things have probably happened to you. I understand that. But as a result you now think people are bad and avoid them at all costs and as a result they avoid you. You've let a small minority destroy your view of all people. Like the dog. Do you think all people treat dogs badly ? No they really don't but that dog thought so because one small group of people did. That made him angry and afraid of all people - even the nice one who treat dogs well which is the vast majority of people. Think for a moment how other people would view you if they actually met you and interacted with you now ? What impression would they get ? Do you think it might look a little bit like how you view everyone else. Could it be that people treat you pretty much the same way you treat them ? Just a question. What happens to an angry dog who tries to bite someone? People get angry back at the dog. What happens to a dog that comes up wagging its tale and being friendly ? It gets a pat on the head. Social experiment to try for one day. Just pretend that people aren't all bad. Think they are all friendly and nice. Make a conscious effort to smile and say hello to anyone you meet or interact with. See if they reflect this behaviour back. You do not get it do you? I could careless what people think about me. Those days are long over. Like 25 years ago. Especially women!!!! I will base my life on my past with dealing with screw up people. And please do not come back and say I should have made better choices. The only thing I am guilty of in my past I trusted people at one time in my life. I have been a loner for the last 20 years. I could careless what people think about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Most likely wouldn't want to forget the past, even though it has done a lot of damage to my soul. Then remembering the past isn't needed. The past is dead. Link to post Share on other sites
Brigit_1 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 You do not get it do you? I could careless what people think about me. Those days are long over. Like 25 years ago. Especially women!!!! I will base my life on my past with dealing with screw up people. And please do not come back and say I should have made better choices. The only thing I am guilty of in my past I trusted people at one time in my life. I have been a loner for the last 20 years. I could careless what people think about me. You're lucky. I care too much about what people think about me. Also, you couldn't have made better choices. You just made choices that seemed right at the time. Life is hard for everyone. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
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