jay1983 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) Okay, lets try this again. I didn't choose my words too carefully on my last thread, I just wrote it real quick, clicked submit and went to sleep, then kinda forgot about it. I had an idea of what "women don't bring enough to the table" meant. What I was wondering was, what exactly would you like her to bring? Some say "they have little to offer". What are you looking for and how do you know that person has little to offer before getting to know them? Edited June 22, 2015 by jay1983 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 -What I "want"? I'm looking for "companionship"...Pretty much sex, and hanging out occasionally (movies, dinner, travel, a walk in the park). A "long term monogamous" dude... I don't even need to hear from him more than like twice a week. If we text a quick "How are ya?" -What I "don't want"? I'm not raising no one else's kids, I do not want kids...If you want kids that bad, we'd have to be married for three years before I even consider having kids, and with my age we may end up adopting. -What do I have to offer? I got my own stuff, I pay my own bills...So, I'm not dating you to get a free meal, roof over my head and/or some patsy to pay half/all my bills. Sex...and great sex. You're getting quality sex, attention, affection. Eye candy...When we're out and about I make sure I dress well for my guy. And, you just might not be able to keep your hands off of me Cooking...Yes, even if you only see me now and then - if you spend the night, day, evening, etc - you will probably get a breakfast and/or dinner. I also like to serve/bring snacks whether we're at home or out and about. Did I mention attention and affection? -What am I looking for? Simple. A guy with his own "stuff" (car, home, etc). Secure in his job/career/education. Active - who is in shape. No drugs - that includes weed. Can carry an intelligent covo. We don't have to agree on stuff - but cannot stand people who "news" is Kim Kardashian. Style. No, not flashy. But you gotta know how to dress and have proper grooming. Humility. I do not need a jerk driving X car, buying X this or that, and/or walks with arrogance. Belief in a higher power. We may not be of the same religion - but I don't think much of someone who can't even embrace the idea of God. I mean, I have a longer list - but depends on how serious the RL is. I can let some things slide if we aren't gonna get married and/or have kids. -How to I know what I want when I see it? Hard to say. I guess with age comes experience. I think I can do a pretty good job of sizing up someone in a few first meets. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
compulsivedancer Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Sorry to be a woman answering.... I need an intelligent guy who can hold a conversation on multiple levels, but still connect emotionally and physically with me. There are plenty of guys who bring plenty of things to the table, but if they don't bring that, they aren't the one for me! Likewise, my intelligence is my most attractive quality, so if a guy is only interested in me because of my looks or attitude, he will quickly be turned off by my "annoying" qualities. Like being a know it all, wanting to have "deep" conversations, etc. He will either find me annoying or boring. So it's not that I don't bring anything to the table, but I may not bring the things he's looking for (which is totally fine, because plenty of guys like these qualities!) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Ninjainpajamas Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I don't know if it's just a difference of men and women, not that I ever tried to date men so I couldn't say...but I never knew men to have a long list of expectations and/or qualities they were specifically looking for in a woman other than being somewhat average bodied/skinny/healthy, attractive and somewhat intelligent/interesting and compatible so that she does not drive him crazy. However with women, it seems to be something like... What I want: *10 pages later* What I have to offer as a woman: Of course I'm so amazing and unique, let's just get that out of the way first and I'm looking as someone who is as super amazing as me so I can share all my love with who's going to treat me like the special diamond princess I am...buuuuuut I'm caring, loving, and a few other words that round out the picture not that I really need to sell this awesomeness because surely you can see it for yourself...but that's what makes me worthy/entitled/deserving of all things on 10 pages of wishes. And If you don't meet that standard, don't waste your time talking to me because you're wasting my time finding someone "serious" and I can finally get that man in my life who's going to make all my personal dreams come true. ............ It seems and feels a bit odd, that women could have so many desires and wishes...like it's some kind of wishlist to Santa on Christmas, rather than this realistically balanced and thought-out equilibrium of where they stand on the scale of things with some self-reflection. It seems like men, by default, have about a 50 percent decrease in value...automatically for being men. The only men that seem to be treated with any kind of grace and get a taste of the "awesomeness" of that woman, is the men they are trying to sleep with or interested in...other than that, you'd never know it, because for them every other man including their feelings, struggles or what not is irrelevant and more bothersome than anything else. Personally, I've never really given what women want/desire any serious thought...I never held myself to that and criticized myself for not "having" something on their list...also I've learned very much it's a list of desires not necessities in the end. I watch what women do, not what they say...and in the end their partners IMO are lacking a whole lot in the end either way. So for myself, I just date women I find something intriguing or interesting, not necessarily going in beforehand with this dream in my head of what they should offer or have. I have some requirements, but they are more fundamental and have to do with a human-being rather than the superficial things. Like her having a good heart, being affectionate, sexual, expressive, chemistry...things that matter between human to human and in a relationship, not what she has, what she's done or where she's been, where she works and who she knows or what school she went to or countries she's traveled to, to me that's her own personal life and business...but women seem to care far more about those things than men do and have because they think of in what ways will that benefit them and their lives. Regardless, I've always been able to find the kind of women I like therefore I don't do any complaining in this area and I know my kind of woman when I see her/talk to her, and I can appreciate the differences and advantages and disadvantages as one woman won't have every single thing I'm looking for, so I don't look for perfect. And I don't size up women on a chart determining how much "potential" they have but what they have or do, or whatever else, it's either something that feels right or not and there's a lot of elements that go into that before I even get to those other practical real life things. So I don't personally have much to complain about in my life in that regard, ultimately I'd someone who would make me happy and whom I want to come home to and it makes me feel good to be with her and be there, someone who makes my life better emotionally, spiritually, romantically and makes me feel more fulfilled with her in my life. Because that's the difference to me, what I've learned in life is you could have everything or almost everything you want and need, but you won't feel fulfilled or experience it the same way if you're with the wrong person...the person you're with, determines whether those other things will feel like valuable experiences or not...and that's priceless and something money or other things cannot buy. I feel sorry for women who have too many expectations and can't compromise and prioritize what is most important to their lives and happiness in the end...however I feel even more sorry for women who do not have any standards/expectations at all. Some men are always climbing the ladder for the next big thing, a lot of men don't know what they have until they've lost it...and others think having that one decent girl will make their lives all better and complete, but it doesn't work that way...you've got to be content with yourself and that for men takes time to figure out IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I didn't choose my words too carefully on my last thread, I just wrote it real quick, clicked submit and went to sleep, then kinda forgot about it. Well at least it's not weighing on your mind and you're not losing any sleep over the answer to your question. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I think the nature of these types of questions is too broad for relationships and doesn't apply well. They're better suited to job interviews. What would I like a woman to bring? Whatever it is that makes her her, which is probably the quality(s) that already got me interested in her in the first place. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I guess women have long lists of demands, because women have either dated, or know another woman*, who has dated some guy who did not live up to expectations. We then add that risk factor to our list of things to avoid. We learn what works and what doesn't, so there is no point in putting up with less that what we know works. We would often rather remain single than have to tolerate some man that doesn't float our boat or ticks the necessary boxes. Some women tolerate a lot from their man, but that is often because the man presented a better version of himself that crumbled on closer inspection, but by that time she was hooked or had kids, so in effect trapped. I do not buy that men have simple requirements in woman, they often have a similar set of necessary boxes, only they tend to keep them in their heads, women's "requirements" are publicised all over the media. (*women tend to be sociable and tell each other personal things - men being pretty high up the topic list) Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 The OP's question is what do men WANT women to bring to the table, correct? So why are we already yet again talking about how awful women are for having lists...I don't get it. I wish all these men who look down on women would do us all a favor and stop trying to date any of us. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 I'm curious why people even approach relationships in a 'what do you have to offer me?' or 'what can you bring to the table?' manner. I mean, to an extent, I suppose its always one of the factors lurking in our subconscious, but to explicitly approach relationships based solely on that question feels so commercial. "What do you want in a partner?" is very different from "what can they offer me?" IMO. You don't really 'offer' someone compatibility, mutual love, care, or emotional/intellectual connection. Those are all two-way things and worth so much more. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 The OP's question is what do men WANT women to bring to the table, correct? So why are we already yet again talking about how awful women are for having lists...I don't get it. I wish all these men who look down on women would do us all a favor and stop trying to date any of us. Agreed, sorry! I got swept away with the tide of negativity, and was again trying to shore up the levee. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Some say "they have little to offer". What are you looking for and how do you know that person has little to offer before getting to know them? Considering that the man was presumably interested before the first date, I suspect what they are looking for the woman to "offer" on early dates is genuine returned interest. And if she isn't offering it, it is because she isn't really interested. It's the male version of "He's not that into you". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Considering that the man was presumably interested before the first date, I suspect what they are looking for the woman to "offer" on early dates is genuine returned interest. And if she isn't offering it, it is because she isn't really interested. It's the male version of "He's not that into you".Returned interest is one of the top items on my list. Contrary to popular belief, sex is not the only way to show me that you're interested. Asking me out and paying for alternating dates is all it takes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 The OP's question is what do men WANT women to bring to the table, correct? So why are we already yet again talking about how awful women are for having lists...I don't get it. I wish all these men who look down on women would do us all a favor and stop trying to date any of us. This needs to be repeated. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 While I do not mind in the least paying, and last time I met someone for coffee I bought my own and didn't care in the least... It's weird. When I go out to dinner, I always let them know I do not expect them to foot the bill for me. I let the man know that we can do separate checks. If it is someone I have seen a few times, I even ask them to let me take care of it this time. Not one man ever takes me up on it, and he doesn't seem to be keeping a ledger, and he doesn't expect me to get naked. Am I just really good at picking classy men, or do I just live in a more old fashioned mindset area? Because the math and the money seems to be a REALLY big thing on LS, but I just haven't seen it. In real life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 While I do not mind in the least paying, and last time I met someone for coffee I bought my own and didn't care in the least... It's weird. When I go out to dinner, I always let them know I do not expect them to foot the bill for me. I let the man know that we can do separate checks. If it is someone I have seen a few times, I even ask them to let me take care of it this time. Not one man ever takes me up on it, and he doesn't seem to be keeping a ledger, and he doesn't expect me to get naked. Am I just really good at picking classy men, or do I just live in a more old fashioned mindset area? Because the math and the money seems to be a REALLY big thing on LS, but I just haven't seen it. In real life. Same for me. My dates usually go like this Bill comes in (because waiters usually assume it's one bill) Me: How much do I owe you? Him: It's ok I got it Me: Thanks! If I'm interested in seeing the guy again I'll usually add 'the next time can be on me' To answer OP, I don’t think it is possible to make a definite list of qualities. Everyone has good sides and bad sides. Sometimes, there is a good thing that balances out the bad thing for one person and not another. There are also other facts to take into account. Say my boyfriend makes significantly less money than me. I would have a lot more tolerance towards the frustrations associated with our combined income being lower if my partner was a student or doing a job he loves but just happens to pay less as opposed to my partner working part-time at a place that usually hires students because he would rather have more free time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 List of what I have to offer: - a constant supply of sugar-free strawberry flavoured chewing gums (collateral to quitting cigarettes) - a fairly decent cooked breakfast on a Sunday morning (as long as you're not hungry before 1pm) - a very respectable collection of coffee mugs (with flowers on, mainly) - the ability to find a parking space at a moment's notice, even in seemingly full parking lots - an enchanting, soothing singing voice (open to discussion, according to the BF). Will that do? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 - an enchanting, soothing singing voice (open to discussion, according to the BF). I love that one! I'm an amateur singer too and my BF gets all tranquilized and chilled (and maybe a little aroused) when we hang out some evenings not really even talking much but just listening to music and me singing along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Okay, lets try this again. I didn't choose my words too carefully on my last thread, I just wrote it real quick, clicked submit and went to sleep, then kinda forgot about it. I had an idea of what "women don't bring enough to the table" meant. What I was wondering was, what exactly would you like her to bring? Some say "they have little to offer". What are you looking for and how do you know that person has little to offer before getting to know them? OK, I have been married all my life. So the whole dating thing is a bit lost on me. For a life long mate? Love: Someone who knows the difference between, first hot love and long term affection and love. Too many marriages end on the " I love you, but not in 'love' with you " thing. Your feeling run hot and cold and it helps if you both realize this. When your love is running cold, you work or wait for it to go hot again. Thing is, you stay true to your vows, and work on the relationship. Faithful: Not just sexually, but fanatically, and in the relationship in general. Someone who is there for me, and I for her. No matter what my wife and I have done, we stick up for each other in public. May have a talk about it in private, but to the out side we are one. Takes care of themselves: We both try and work on health, and keep it at a level where the other does not have to take care of the other. Also, we both can live with out the other having to pick up after each other. Good Cook: We both know how to cook and enjoy cooking. I think that this is more important in a marriage then most people think. SEX: Sex, and more sex. My wife and I have never used sex as a reward, or punishment. Nether she or I have with held sex to get something from the other. Every time we go to bed, sex is on the table. We average 2 to 3 times a week, mostly on the weekends, with the occasional weekday. More on vacations, and such. Couples that are not have sex at least once a week, are missing something. OK, having stated everything above, have my wife and I, hit the mark at all times? No, but we try and hit it most of the time, and have done so. We have had to work hard at times, other times it came easy. So the last thing, of what I want in a woman who is my mate, is Flexibility: Someone who will go with the flow. What ever that may be at the time. We change, times change. Being able to change as well and work out of the bad times is worth all the bad quirks in a person. So, I do not know if the original questions was for dating or marriage, but here is my take on what I want for a wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Shining One Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Same for me. My dates usually go like this Bill comes in (because waiters usually assume it's one bill) Me: How much do I owe you? Him: It's ok I got it Me: Thanks! If I'm interested in seeing the guy again I'll usually add 'the next time can be on me'This is perfect. You're showing interest by indicating there will be a next time. Offering to pay shows that you're interested in him as opposed to his money. Unfortunately for me, I have not been good at picking classy women, so only a few women have used similar approaches with me. Link to post Share on other sites
hudson701 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 The OP's question is what do men WANT women to bring to the table, correct? So why are we already yet again talking about how awful women are for having lists...I don't get it. I wish all these men who look down on women would do us all a favor and stop trying to date any of us. Uhhhh.... I think you'll find every comment up to your post was made by a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Uhhhh.... I think you'll find every comment up to your post was made by a woman. Actually, at least 5 men have responded. And 3 of them are well-adjusted. Well, 4 if you include the OP. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Returned interest is one of the top items on my list. Contrary to popular belief, sex is not the only way to show me that you're interested. Asking me out and paying for alternating dates is all it takes. Okay, so either wait for that/say that or they just aren't that into you. Is that their fault for the lack of attraction? Cull the herd of them and narrow it to the ones that ARE proactively interested in you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
toolforgrowth Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Okay, so either wait for that/say that or they just aren't that into you. Is that their fault for the lack of attraction? Cull the herd of them and narrow it to the ones that ARE proactively interested in you. What baffles me is why a woman would agree to a date if she wasn't into me in the first place. Although I do agree with you. I started having much better luck when I stopped doing the asking. Women did approach me, including my GF. And I saved a lot of money in useless dates in the meantime. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 What baffles me is why a woman would agree to a date if she wasn't into me in the first place. Although I do agree with you. I started having much better luck when I stopped doing the asking. Women did approach me, including my GF. And I saved a lot of money in useless dates in the meantime. I think most of the time the woman accepts the date because she has interested. Then you chat with the guy and weird stuff starts showing. As I mentionned in the previous thread, we have a sixth sense to recognize frustration and entitlement. :/ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 There have been times that someone has seemed interesting and like maybe a good fit, but after sitting across from them for awhile and really talking, it just didn't click. I know the reverse has happened as well - they think they might like me, but after a dinner or some conversation, I am not really their type after all. I wonder, looking back, at all the first dates I had whee either it just didn't click for me or they never called again....were they working with their calculator figuring out how much they "wasted" and lamenting the unfairness of it all, or did they just shrug and go on with life.... I never really realized I was a math problem....should I contact these men and offer a refund, like a pair of socks that didn't fit? Link to post Share on other sites
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