Curious-One Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I wanted to ask both girls and guys.... For me it seems that girls never text me first or initiate text messaging unless they need something from me like in college if they needed a book or HW they would text me first. Or lets say they need help getting a job they might ask me if i know someone hiring....other then that i never get texted first. Like usually ill meet a girl and she will seem interested. I get her number and she is happy to give it to me. After a day or two i will text her an she will respond right away... I usually send a few texts back and forth and then say that ill text them and we will do something and they usually responds with sure or sounds good, or cool. Now if i never text them after that they will not text me first .... even if i never attempt to set up a date they never hit me up. If i do text and end up going on date and date goes well girl sends me text she had fun and we text back and forth a bit and then next day or 10 days later if i dont send a text first girls never send one first. Good news is that 99% of the time when i get a girls number its actually their number and they respond almost immediately and most times agree to go out with me. The frustrating thing is that i have really good looking friends and girls text them first many times... they will send them good morning text or whats up text but that has not happened to me once. Can someone chim in on this please...? If you are a girl do you text a guy If you are a guy do girls text you first??? My theory is that i am a good guy and they think i am worth spending time with but i am not good looking enough or worth them persuing me or them going out of their way to go out with me like my friends.
Halcyon Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 First off I've never really cared about or understand why people get hung up over who texts first. Well I do understand but to me it seems silly. As long as she is replying to texts it's fine and I would rather spend time with the person than texting, I actually kind of hate texting especially trying to have a conversation over text. I only ever text if I have a purpose either setting up our next date or I have a genuine question. A lot of girls don't text first because they don't want to seem eager and at the same time are trying to gauge how interested you are in them. Silly I know but a lot of people do this. 1
sunshine2 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I'm one of those "girls" who will not text a guy first in the beginning. Im not sure how old you are, so it may be different if you are young, but women are told to NOt pursue or chase a guy, let them pursue/chase you in the beginning. So some of these girls may be waiting for you to text them and ask them out. So yes, this is pretty normal for me. 2
Author Curious-One Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 First off I've never really cared about or understand why people get hung up over who texts first. Well I do understand but to me it seems silly. As long as she is replying to texts it's fine and I would rather spend time with the person than texting, I actually kind of hate texting especially trying to have a conversation over text. I only ever text if I have a purpose either setting up our next date or I have a genuine question. A lot of girls don't text first because they don't want to seem eager and at the same time are trying to gauge how interested you are in them. Silly I know but a lot of people do this. I understand this but if i text you first 2-3 times and you never initiate i feel like i am just some guy you have on backburner and not worth going after or chasing. Its especailly frustrating when i am hanging out w my friends and they get a whats up text from a girl or good morning and i have not received one in my life time. I know it could be worse... i have heard the flaking issues and girls not responding to guys which i have not had problems with but if i text first 2-3 times and girl doesnt text me first then i usually dont initiate text anymore as i am like clearly this girl is not that into me. I dont want to be constantly chasing... i mean i asked for your number i texted you first i even said i will take you out and you cant even say hi or good morning to me? I also think if i was brad pitt an i initiated 2-3 times and didnt send a msg for 2-3 days a girl WOULD send a massage to me to see how was my day or something like that.
amaysngrace Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 If they only text you first when they want something from you then I'd be glad when they don't text if I were you. I wouldn't answer those texts either. You might feel like you're being a dick by ignoring their texts but they are being dicks first.
TunaCat Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 If I'm interested in someone, I'd text them. I don't believe in the whole "women shouldn't pursue men" crap.
Halcyon Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) I understand this but if i text you first 2-3 times and you never initiate i feel like i am just some guy you have on backburner and not worth going after or chasing. Its especially frustrating when i am hanging out w my friends and they get a whats up text from a girl or good morning and i have not received one in my life time. I know it could be worse... i have heard the flaking issues and girls not responding to guys which i have not had problems with but if i text first 2-3 times and girl doesnt text me first then i usually dont initiate text anymore as i am like clearly this girl is not that into me. I dont want to be constantly chasing... i mean i asked for your number i texted you first i even said i will take you out and you cant even say hi or good morning to me? I also think if i was brad pitt an i initiated 2-3 times and didnt send a msg for 2-3 days a girl WOULD send a massage to me to see how was my day or something like that. May I ask do you know how long your friends have known these girls? I would also try to stop gauging your situation with your friends. I have a lot of friends who do this and make themselves miserable in the process. In my experience this really is not that uncommon. Generally the girls I've dated will start sending texts first after they know I'm genuinely interested and I'm not going to flee if they talk to me first. Usually this is after the 3rd or 4th date. There isn't really much you can do to change this as it is taught to women and many women follow it. The only thing you can do is know it's not about you and as long as they are replying and going on dates with you they are interested. You of course will meet women who don't subscribe to this like my current GF who will text me because she feels like it. Edited June 22, 2015 by Halcyon 3
doeblin Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 If they only text you first when they want something from you then I'd be glad when they don't text if I were you. When I was in college, girls who were interested in me sent me silly school-related questions. That's how they initiated. And I know they were attracted to me, because of what happened after, if you know what I mean (Not saying this is always the case, just offering some anecdotal evidence.) 4
travelbug1996 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 You actually want a woman to pursue you? Men really are the NEW women. smh Man up and go after what you want. Stop being afraid. 1
Popsicle Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I think you should change your thinking about this and see it as a positive. It's not the worst thing in the world to not text with someone you like. Texting takes away some of the ability to miss someone. It takes away your ability to build up, through wondering and wonderment, the great longing and anticipation you feel to see someone, which makes the reunion, when you finally get to see your beloved so much more exiting and fulfilling. Distance creates desire. 1
Halcyon Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) I think you should change your thinking about this and see it as a positive. It's not the worst thing in the world to not text with someone you like. Texting takes away some of the ability to miss someone. It takes away your ability to build up, through wondering and wonderment, the great longing and anticipation you feel to see someone, which makes the reunion, when you finally get to see your beloved so much more exiting and fulfilling. Distance creates desire. Couldn't agree more. I've found my relationships where texting has been kept to minimum feelings on both sides were generally better, stronger and more excited to see each other. Quality time in person always beats texting by a long shot. I feel people these days see texting as a crutch for keeping relationships alive between time spent together I think it dilutes it actually in most cases. Edited June 22, 2015 by Halcyon 1
Author Curious-One Posted June 22, 2015 Author Posted June 22, 2015 @Halcoyn thanks for your reply man it really helps bring it to perspective a bit more. I was just under the impression if someone goes out of their way to ask for your phone number text you first and say they will take you out at very least you can send a text first sometime too and its not like i am asking that girls ask me for my number and ask me out. Also honestly i am not sure how long my friends known the girls that send them how was your day , good morning, or whats up texts but almost every time we hangout i will notice it. It just sucks i never get them...the only way i get texted by girl is if i text first and they reply. Also its important to note that both friends that i noticed this with are like 9/10 model type face with good athletic build where i am average in looks but am 6'3 slim and very outgoing love to joke and do well for my self financially. I have alot going on for me but when it comes to dating i do tend to over think things and small things like this tend to bug me and make me think that the girls are just like eh ill go w him but not really excited at the thought that i want them.
Halcyon Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 (edited) @Halcoyn thanks for your reply man it really helps bring it to perspective a bit more. I was just under the impression if someone goes out of their way to ask for your phone number text you first and say they will take you out at very least you can send a text first sometime too and its not like i am asking that girls ask me for my number and ask me out. Also honestly i am not sure how long my friends known the girls that send them how was your day , good morning, or whats up texts but almost every time we hangout i will notice it. It just sucks i never get them...the only way i get texted by girl is if i text first and they reply. Also its important to note that both friends that i noticed this with are like 9/10 model type face with good athletic build where i am average in looks but am 6'3 slim and very outgoing love to joke and do well for my self financially. I have alot going on for me but when it comes to dating i do tend to over think things and small things like this tend to bug me and make me think that the girls are just like eh ill go w him but not really excited at the thought that i want them. That is the way it will go with most women you meet and I'm certain with some of your friends they didn't have most of those women messaging them first from the start. That is something that happens generally after they are comfortable with you. Recently a good friend of mine who I went on a few dates with but we decided mutually it wasn't going to pan out between us but we are good friends now. Anyway we were talking about relationships and such and she told me I have it on easy mode because I'm a solid 8/10 at least which I find hard to believe for various reasons. Anyway let's assume she is correct I still very rarely get texts for good morning, how are you? etc and I really don't care. As I said really try to stop comparing yourself to you friends it's not helping and it will make you miserable. One of my closest friends keeps comparing himself to me in this regard and has decided as a result no one is interested in him which it utter bull****. A bunch of my female friends ask about him a lot and it's clear they are interested in him I've even pointed him in the right direction. Whilst he is incredibly smart one of the smartest people I know, kind, caring and by no means bad looking he has no confidence and that is largely because he keeps comparing himself to people around him. So when I tell him hey so and so is interested in you go ask her out he will sit on it and eventually dismiss it as not being possible. This is an extreme example I know but he's been doing it for years. My friends who struggle in dating get caught up on the most inane things like texting. When they really just need to stop sweating the small stuff they would be happier and hell maybe have fun? Edited June 22, 2015 by Halcyon 1
Popsicle Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 @Halcoyn thanks for your reply man it really helps bring it to perspective a bit more. Well jeez, what about me? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 In all this texting you're doing, are you making plans with them? If she keeps accepting dates with you, that's all that matters. Also, it's one thing if a woman's your GF. Then you talk more often. But if this is a woman you're just dating, don't feel like you have to talk all the time up until date. Let's say you make plans for 2-3 days out. Just talk to her then.
losangelena Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 If I'm interested in someone, I'd text them. I don't believe in the whole "women shouldn't pursue men" crap. Well OP, I hate to break it to you—even though you may not believe in it, many women of all ages are conditioned to wait for the man. By not going along with this precept you're shooting yourself in the foot and missing out on probably some quality dates. If I were you, I'd try not to see it as a reflection on you, and more of just the way society works. If you really want to try and make sure it doesn't happen, tell the girls you do like that you'd love to hear from them sometime and see if that makes a difference.
Redhead14 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I wanted to ask both girls and guys.... For me it seems that girls never text me first or initiate text messaging unless they need something from me like in college if they needed a book or HW they would text me first. Or lets say they need help getting a job they might ask me if i know someone hiring....other then that i never get texted first. Like usually ill meet a girl and she will seem interested. I get her number and she is happy to give it to me. After a day or two i will text her an she will respond right away... I usually send a few texts back and forth and then say that ill text them and we will do something and they usually responds with sure or sounds good, or cool. Now if i never text them after that they will not text me first .... even if i never attempt to set up a date they never hit me up. If i do text and end up going on date and date goes well girl sends me text she had fun and we text back and forth a bit and then next day or 10 days later if i dont send a text first girls never send one first. Good news is that 99% of the time when i get a girls number its actually their number and they respond almost immediately and most times agree to go out with me. The frustrating thing is that i have really good looking friends and girls text them first many times... they will send them good morning text or whats up text but that has not happened to me once. Can someone chim in on this please...? If you are a girl do you text a guy If you are a guy do girls text you first??? My theory is that i am a good guy and they think i am worth spending time with but i am not good looking enough or worth them persuing me or them going out of their way to go out with me like my friends. Like usually ill meet a girl and she will seem interested. I get her number and she is happy to give it to me. After a day or two i will text her -- if you get a woman's number, CALL her and schedule at date. Most saavy women who are dating, will let the man do most of the intiating first in order to get a better sense of what his interest is in her. If they like you enough after that period of initiating from you, they should start doing some initiating. Lots of times, a girl will reach out and ask you something because maybe sometime has gone by and you didn't initiate hoping you will do it. Take the initiative in the beginning for at least a few times. If you make contact and keep the momentum going, you may have better "luck". And, if you're really interested make more actual phone calls, not too much texting. And, don't go overboard either. Not too many calls and not too many texts. If you don't get a response right away sometimes, don't send 10 in a row. Just wait it out a little. If you make contact and keep the momentum going, you may have better "luck".
hudson701 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I'm one of those "girls" who will not text a guy first in the beginning. Im not sure how old you are, so it may be different if you are young, but women are told to NOt pursue or chase a guy, let them pursue/chase you in the beginning. So some of these girls may be waiting for you to text them and ask them out. So yes, this is pretty normal for me. And I bet you are the sort of girl who expects equality amongst the sexes, but as so bluntly illustrated in your post, still expect 'men to be men' and do the chasing. Double standards hey?
nadine5 Posted June 22, 2015 Posted June 22, 2015 I wanted to ask both girls and guys.... For me it seems that girls never text me first or initiate text messaging unless they need something from me like in college if they needed a book or HW they would text me first. Or lets say they need help getting a job they might ask me if i know someone hiring....other then that i never get texted first. Like usually ill meet a girl and she will seem interested. I get her number and she is happy to give it to me. After a day or two i will text her an she will respond right away... I usually send a few texts back and forth and then say that ill text them and we will do something and they usually responds with sure or sounds good, or cool. Now if i never text them after that they will not text me first .... even if i never attempt to set up a date they never hit me up. If i do text and end up going on date and date goes well girl sends me text she had fun and we text back and forth a bit and then next day or 10 days later if i dont send a text first girls never send one first. Good news is that 99% of the time when i get a girls number its actually their number and they respond almost immediately and most times agree to go out with me. The frustrating thing is that i have really good looking friends and girls text them first many times... they will send them good morning text or whats up text but that has not happened to me once. Can someone chim in on this please...? If you are a girl do you text a guy If you are a guy do girls text you first??? My theory is that i am a good guy and they think i am worth spending time with but i am not good looking enough or worth them persuing me or them going out of their way to go out with me like my friends. This is because they are smart and their mothers taught them how to play games properly.
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