overbearing parents

[thebadboy]

I think I have the weirdest parents imaginable. And I'm stuck, no idea what to do. Very long story, sorry...

 

 

I am a 50 yo. parent. Divorced, put up with a controlling/mentally abusing/cheating wife and mentally-abusive stepsons for nearly 20 years. Got tired of being harassed at work for not doing my "manly duties" (marriage/kids) and constant disrespect from my friends and bosses, so I hooked up with a woman at work. Seemed nice, had two young boys. She was still married but trying to get rid of him. He taught the boys to treat me badly. (think of the movie "Home Alone".) This became my second marriage.

 

 

We had a great relationship for the most part (on the surface...) for a few years. But her sis and her hubby were the pride of the family and I was more well to do than them so they tried every way to bring me down. Even got some gals at work involved.

 

 

Finally, she gave in to their pressure. They got her cheating, her sis' kids and her kids screwing things up, etc.

My parents never said so, but they didn't like this from the get-go. I found this out last year!

 

 

She got pregnant with my child right when all this was starting. Yes she's mine, looks just like me and my mom, acts like us and everything. Born in '01.

 

 

So I put up with kids, her family and workplace harassment/drama. Lots of sexual drama @ parties, etc. I became a closet drunk in '05, then had a stroke in '08. Recovered over the years. She took up with recreational friends who are great troublemakers. Bankruptcy shortly after stroke. In my state the kid has to be 12 before I could have custody.

 

 

Moved out in '12, couldn't stand youngest stepson any more. Moved in with Mom and Dad and my kid. Divorce came in early '14. Still live with my child and my folks. Started taking classes online well before moving. Have had health issues and surgery since. More surgery to come. I need my parents to pay for the surgery and help with it. That's the problem, I'm trapped.

 

 

Took this semester off for that. Now my parents are hinting for me to get a job. Seems they have forgotten about me getting a degree. Mom is a control freak. She insists on helping me with my online schooling. Annoying? Yes! But now she seems to be forgetting about the schooling. My folks are not ones to communicate, they want me to figure things out for myself.

 

 

I am not psychic...but I have figured out this...

Found a book mom reads dealing with how to have your kid take care of you instead of going to a nursing home. They are in their mid 70's. They put their parents in there, but...I believe they just want me to get a job to get by and take care of them. I told them I'm planning on a wife in the future...they act like I should give up and pack it in and forget about women. I'm short but good looking, but they know most good modern women will not consider me a "catch" I suppose, since i'm not "perfect". I basically have little money now, they have helped me a lot but recently basically cut me off except for medical.

 

 

They do not communicate much with me. They make me guess, and I have to come out and ask the question. No answers, just a prideful grin ususally. I feel like just running away! I really do. But my kid is a teen, and I love her dearly. We are very close.

 

 

Does anyone have any helpful suggestions? I'm tired of feeling helpless and controlled. They have their way, and it's the only way. Sure I'm safe, but I'm living their life their way, not getting to live my life. Help!

Edited June 22, 2015 by thebadboy

[anika99]

Yes. Get a job and get out of your parent's house. You're 50 yrs old and you want your parents to support you while you are living in their house and going to school online? The time for that kind of life is long past. If you want to live your life away from your controlling parents then the obvious solution is to be an adult, act like an adult and go live an adult life, which means leaving home and supporting yourself.

 

 

Being short is not your biggest obstacle to getting a woman. No woman is going to be attracted to a man who is 50 yrs old who is still dependant on his parents.

Edited June 22, 2015 by anika99

[TaraMaiden2]

You teach people how to treat you.

If you act like a helpless doormat, then guess what?

 

Find a small apartment, and move out.

 

Jeesh, you honestly really do need to be on your own for a while....

 

And remember this:

 

Just because a family is blood-related, doesn't mean they can't **** you up.

They can do, and will, if you let them.

[TunaCat]

It's pretty simple dude, stop being a doormat.

 

Getting a job is hard right now for anyone, but that's why you need to take ANY job that is offered to you. Getting yourself & your daughter out of your parents house and start living your own life.

 

The way to deal with overbearing parents is to set some boundaries and, like I said earlier, stop being a doormat.

 

Your mother "insists on helping you with your online schooling?" You are an ADULT and yet you seem perpetually stuck in the helpless child stage. Do not allow your mom to help you with schoolwork. Tell her you've got it handled and you don't need her help.

 

I keep thinking about your poor daughter in all of this. She sees her dad getting walked all over which means she more than likely will look for that doormat quality in a mate someday. For your daughter's sake you need to develop a backbone.