Author m4p Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 You could be speaking of my situation also. My xmm is lieing and gas lighting her and I feel awful about it. She has never been that stable and if she were more stable I would come clean with her but the truth is, she is like you said a ticking time bomb. She is the type who would drive through my house or kill me. She has always had anger issues. Xmm is truly protecting me because he knows.... He is gaslighting her.. despite all the massive efforts to save his marriage.. being open to her... he is still lying about the most basic fact that he had an A with me. I had always naively trusted him, because he never gave me any reasons not to. but then again he also managed to do that to his wife for 2 years. I think that this is a cheater's paradox. so now it is making me think of his possible intentions behind every action he made. Wat if you wrote her an anonymous letter? xMM's wife kicked him out when she found out he lied. he had to beg his way back. I think there will be no turning back if she finds out about the A. I am not sure how an anonymous letter will work though. he would know it is me, she would make him confess anything for a last shot to save the marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
Author m4p Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 m4p, keep moving forward as you are and concentrate on your wellbeing and in time the pain of this situation will be in the past. Keep the lessons learned and you will one day look back and be grateful that you are long past the emotional mess of the affair person and be happy that you have a clear mind? thank you Tully.... despite all these strong thoughts and words, i cannot deny that i am not affected. he was once part of my life after all, this pain too shall pass. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 He is gaslighting her.. despite all the massive efforts to save his marriage.. being open to her... he is still lying about the most basic fact that he had an A with me. I had always naively trusted him, because he never gave me any reasons not to. but then again he also managed to do that to his wife for 2 years. I think that this is a cheater's paradox. so now it is making me think of his possible intentions behind every action he made. xMM's wife kicked him out when she found out he lied. he had to beg his way back. I think there will be no turning back if she finds out about the A. I am not sure how an anonymous letter will work though. he would know it is me, she would make him confess anything for a last shot to save the marriage. I wouldn't write an anonymous letter. Just keep your distance. If he genuinely wants to be all in his marriage , he can make it work. That's his problem though. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Block everything. Don't respond or go near the marriage again. It's for them to work out. Stay away from it. If she contacts you, IF it were me, I would tell her everything. She is obviously feeling unhappy and he isn't telling her anything. Poppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author m4p Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I wouldn't write an anonymous letter. Just keep your distance. If he genuinely wants to be all in his marriage , he can make it work. That's his problem though. Right. And I'll also no longer want to know what's going on in his marriage anymore. The past few months has been emotionally exhausting and confusing for me... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author m4p Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 Block everything. Don't respond or go near the marriage again. It's for them to work out. Stay away from it. If she contacts you, IF it were me, I would tell her everything. She is obviously feeling unhappy and he isn't telling her anything. Poppy. I am staying far far away right now. I really don't want to have anything to do with them. If she contacts me I'll do what I think I should do and face up to the consequences of my actions. But selfishly I'll not court trouble by contacting her, anonymously or not. Time to really start rebuilding my life and look at my own issues- why did I let myself get into this in the first place. I'll never ever want to be an OW again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I only mentioned the letter because I thought maybe it would take the heat off of the situation, but truthfully it may put you in the middle again also. Sometimes the only way out if these situations is to distance yourself from it. The bottom line is that it doesn't matter who he had the affair with. This is a problem with him and their marrage. You were just collateral damage unfortunately. Link to post Share on other sites
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