Why do I have no friends?

[bluebell85]

Sorry this is so long but I hope someone will take the time to read this

 

I am a 22 year old girl who should be having the time of my life finishing university and going out to clubs but at the weekends I sit in by myself as I struggle to maintain a close friendship.

 

It all started when I was younger and in school I had a big group of friends who I used to see every day and we made plans to do things all the time. My parents split up and I took this hard but I had a few friends who were able to be there for me as I was only 16. I also was in a long term relationship of 2 years and my life seemed great I remember never feeling this unhappy. This boyfriend was called Jack and he is still one of my few friends. I look back on this time of my life as being happy and social without worries.

 

I didn’t get into university as I had planned and most of my friends moved away and as I was living in the country and I was unable to drive I became very isolated and lonely and sat in my room online every night watching everyone else’s life on Facebook. I had a boyfriend who I saw every weekend but nobody to hang out with or speak to other than him. Jack (my ex) was the only person to make the effort to come and visit me and invite me out as he could see I felt really alone, I also felt like he wanted to get back together and that’s the only reason he was trying. I tried to keep planning things with my school friends but they would not turn up or be busy so eventually I stopped trying.

 

I started uni the next year and broke up with the boyfriend I was with as he only helped my loneliness rather than being a real relationship, I didn’t really want to admit that. I moved into student accommodation which I thought was the best option to meet new people although it was the same city. I started classes over the summer and lived with girls but some of them seemed to click and become close while nobody became very close to me. I met the boys flat downstairs and as my routine got a new boyfriend who also had loads of friends. I wanted to feel like I had friends by being friends with his friends and being invited to things. By the end of summer I still hadn’t made friends and started my course with my boyfriend living so close to me so I didn’t meet any of the girls who lived on my floor and I felt like when I tried they had already formed a group. I gave up and didn’t go out very much which was hard when everyone else my age was having fun. In my course people were starting to form groups that I wasn’t a part of although I was friendly and made an effort to speak to people at home and in my job. This year I made a really close friend called Matthew who did everything with me that people thought we were in a relationship but he ended up telling me he liked me too much to just be friends, I didn’t want to be with him so I told him that I guess we couldn’t be. He decided being friends was better than nothing.

 

The next year I ended the relationship and wanted change by moving into a new flat with new people. This time as I was living with them I became close with my flat mates. Part of me feels like they only became friends with me because we were in a forced situation. I went out much more with them as the year went on but still found it hard to speak to anyone as I didn’t know them that well. My relationship ended and a bit later on I got a new older boyfriend who had lots of friends that liked me and invited me to do things with them. I ended it as he feared meeting my family or going to any events with people I knew after a year. Matthew made me feel like I wasn’t smart enough to be friends with him and put me down while he had already made new friends he would go out with without inviting me. I told him I was upset at him and he just told me we couldn’t be friends anymore.

 

I went away to America for the summer as I was sick of feeling alone.

I worked at a summer camp this summer and I was excited to meet new people and make new friends. I felt like some of the girls had made really close friends after a few weeks but I didn’t seem to fit in anywhere. I ended up living with people who seemed to not want to talk to me apart from one girl who invited me if they were doing something. I didn’t feel comfortable inviting myself as there was no opportunity. I went travelling after with two of the girls but one girl was moody so we didn’t stay in touch although she only lives an hour away. The other girl was from another country so I found it hard to maintain the friendship.

 

I arrived back with nobody to welcome me home or celebrate. I moved in with a few people from the year before feeling like I was close to them but at the same time I felt like if I didn’t we wouldn’t stay in touch. In university I was finally making a few friends as we had gone on field trips together but it felt like they didn’t want to move past this stage. We started becoming a group but the boy in the group Pete became interested in me. After a short time with him he ended it and I felt like the other girls in the group didn’t want to invite me to things anymore because of this which made things awkward. They became people I sat next to in class but never friends to call to hang out.

 

That summer a field trip to America was planned and the girls had decided to go travelling and I joined in on the group. We went away and I really felt I was connecting with them having fun but when we got back we would only meet up in our travelling group and they would never invite me to any place I could meet people although they became very close to the guy that I had been with at the start of the year. I felt excluded and left out when they did things without inviting me. I decided to join a sports club with the possibility of meeting friends but again I made friends with lots of people that knew me but they would plan to do things without inviting me and when I invited them to things only my flatmates went to for example my birthday. I ended up just speaking to the guys because it was easier and I’m not sure if that is why the girls didn’t want to know me.

 

I met a new boyfriend this time I didn’t want it to be about friends I was just excited to be with him as I had been feeling low for a while. He suffered from depression which I fully tried to help him with by staying with him all the time. Part of me felt like he was blaming me for not being able to do the things he wanted as I was either with him or by myself so I felt like I was being too needy. I don’t think he realised how much I wanted to feel included and make friends. While he was low I took him to my sports club and introduced him to the people I knew and they started inviting him out but I still didn’t get an invite. Last week he dumped me for being too negative and I tried to pretend I was okay. He seemed to be much happier whenever we were not together. I went out to a club with my flatmate and her boyfriend as everyone else cancelled but my ex was there with the girls I had travelled with and they didn’t seem interested in including me. I found out the plans I had actively made with them and they had cancelled they were really out with my ex and his friends. I found this hard to deal with as I saw them as some of the few people I had as friends but when I text one of the girls to ask if she was out she ignored me. One girl said I was being too friendly. I don’t understand how I can be too friendly when all I was doing was trying to be included. I didn’t understand why they acted like they don’t like me.

 

When we broke up I took it really hard and questioned if I was actually depressed and the negative feelings and loneliness was linked to that. Jack (my first ex) took me to counselling which helped a little but it didn’t make me new friends. I don’t understand why I am the only person I know who doesn’t have any close friends. Even my ex having depression he still had other friends. I felt horrible I had been there for him making sure he was constantly okay I just didn’t think about how I felt.

 

As a person I feel like I’m outgoing and friendly and I know a lot of people but I struggle to make any close friends and once I do they fall out with me over small things such as going to the wrong club for their birthday although I said it would be fine if they missed mine. They seem to hang out with other people and exclude me however, when I see someone on their own I actively try to include them such as in the sports club but then they seem to move on and meet better people. I have recently tried hard to ask people about themselves and what they are doing or what their plans are but they never become very close. I invite them to things but they will meet up without me. I thought maybe my conversation was the problem but guys are always interested. I don’t understand how I can attract and be really close to guys when I don’t have friends.

 

I don’t know how to love myself and I don’t want to be in a relationship because I need to so I can have a social life. I even go to work to socialise and if people invite me to things I do always go but it’s rare I get the invite even if they all hang out together. I don’t know what my problem is and I can’t spend another New Year and birthday alone relying on a guy to keep me company.

 

I just want to be happy I don’t know what to do. I question if it is depression but I don't know and i'm too scared to go to the doctor.

[stillafool]

Do you have any gfs to hang out with? Did you meet any girlfriends in school?

[bluebell85]

Everyone seems to get on with their own lives and when I contact anyone they don't seem interested because they have made new ones but I haven't.

[preraph]

About halfway in, I figured it's because the girls probably don't trust you around their guys. I mean, you have one guy after another. And your comment about they won't invite you where you can meet people sounded to me like you're just wanting to meet guys through them -- or at least it could be perceived that way. Chances are someone else in the group was after that Pete guy. If you want girlfriends, you have to find out who to keep your mitts off of. No one is going to want you around if you're on purpose or not on purpose leeching their male interests out from under them. Girls expect loyalty and for you to stand back if they are after some guy or already have some guy. Otherwise, they can't trust you or tell you anything or take you anywhere.

[bluebell85]

Thank you for the reply. Its so hard to see things when its your own life and an outside opinion is good. The thing is i have had boyfriends outwith people they even know or have even met its only this year I was with someone they even knew and this is the year we got closer but now my ex recently dumped me they sort of went out with him and cancelled plans with me even though i got day off work for it as they seemed interested.

 

What could i do to change things. I'm moving to a new city so i will get a fresh start but i don't want the same thing to happen

[StalwartMind]

It seems like you are forcing yourself into doing many things, but perhaps you lack direction? This brings me to the following questions, since you end with saying you want to be happy. I most certainly think most people want to be happy, but happiness is different to each of us. What are you actually looking for in a friendship? Are you interested in something long term or just something that can occupy you until you reach the next stage of your life and then the next stage and so on.

 

Some people are drifters, emotionally as well as physically, they live in the moment but with no real goals or anything in their aim. In addition to that due to how most of us are raised and what is "natural", if certain things are missing, such as friend, then they find their life lacking or missing something, without that actually may be the case. This of course may not apply to you, but I don't really get any idea of what you truly want from life and others. By all means that is completely alright, as we all have different desires, but what is yours?

 

To center on myself for a moment and to give you an example, I primarily find value in things that last. That doesn't mean I can't enjoy things that are temporary, but being a person that loves to invest myself and who loves to explore the depth of other people, I will always be drawn to those that offer me something meaningful. There is no wrong way to enjoy and live life, it's all a matter of perspective, granted that I'm sure someone will tell you otherwise. If you prefer listening to people who have very biased and restricted views on life, then by all means that is what you should do. I have an open mind and will offer you suggestions that match that.

 

You shouldn't have to be in a relationship in order to enjoy life, if anything a relationship should add and enrich your current life. While it's absolutely amazing to have someone you can rely on for life, there are no guarantees that they'll always be there. That is not to be negative, but to help you understand that you in theory should never rely on others before you can feel happy. Learn to embrace life as it is and enjoy the passions and activities you would love to spend time on. If someone comes your way that sees that and will not hold you back from developing yourself, then that is a gift. Any supportive person, be it family, friend or a partner will empower you and help you become an even better person. This can be achieved with both direct and indirect influence.

 

Even if you do not know where or what you want to go or be in life yet, that shouldn't stop you from having a direction. There will be plenty of paths for you to take, and which ones you choose only the future will know. Don't be discouraged by finding it difficult to establish friendships. There are so many people on this planet, and perhaps you've simply just not come across the right type for you yet. I would encourage you to find out what personality type you are, and what you expect of others. While you may be well underway in your life journey, but not quite content with where you currently are, many people who are your age or older, still find themselves questioning what it is they exactly want from life.

 

Feel free to elaborate on the topics i presented, hopefully you'll be able to take something from all of this. In either case of whatever you may choose, the best of luck to you. Opportunities are out there everywhere.

[bluebell85]

Thanks for such a long reply. It's really helped as i have just reached a point i didn't know what to do. I don't want to sit here feeling sorry for myself i want to actively change things.

 

It makes me feel sad to see everyone I know in their own groups of friends or on holidays when I am sitting alone. I understand that facebook can make life seem better as people only post about the best things in life. I just feel like i want to be able to ask someone to go to lunch or a drink in the evening if i'm free. I want to be able to be there for someone not feeling awkward when i'm alone with them. I want to be able to go on a holiday with girls. Have girls nights in. I know at this age due to so much change in where i live or work it will affect friendships as long distance friendships need more work. I want to feel included the same way i like to include other people.

 

I understand a relationship needs to add to my life and thats why I wasn't happy as most of the guys had their own lives i was jealous of as I spent nights away from them alone while they would be with friends. I felt like sometimes i would give up what I wanted to do in the future for them rather than follow my own dream. I became too needy. I know its probably best for me to remain single until I am happy being alone and start to enjoy life again.

 

I have direction now as i'm doing the course i wanted next year away from everyone I know. I want a fresh start but i don't know how to go about meeting people differently and developing and maintaining a relationship as i worry the same thing will happen again and i will become isolated. Its hard to have direction at the same time when you only know where you will be the next year.

 

I did question if it was who I am as a person if people don't like that or that I just still haven't met the right people that I click with. I don't know where to meet the right type of people I haven't met them at work, uni, sports, clubs, etc it seems everything i try just ends up they make friends with each other and i am left out but if i was in their place i would make sure to invite someone who seems alone.

[preraph]

If you want girlfriends, you can't betray them or push them aside for a man. Friendship takes loyalty.

[SpiralOut]

When you do something like go on a travelling trip or join a sports club, what is your main purpose in doing so? Do you have real interest in the activity, or are you mainly doing it to try and meet people? Or both?

 

 

What qualities do you look for and value in a person?

 

 

When you aren't doing social activities, what do you do with your time? Do you have hobbies or interests that you enjoy enough to do on your own? The feeling I get from your post is that you spend more time focusing on other people than you do on getting to know yourself. If you aren't being yourself then it can be hard for others to feel a connection to you.

Edited June 23, 2015 by SpiralOut

[bluebell85]

I don't really push them aside for a man if they make plans I push the man away to hang out with them he understood I had this problem.

 

I joined the club that was based on the subject I did but didn't seem to connect with anyone even when I tried to go to lots of thing. The snow sports club I have been skiing for years previously but nobody seemed open enough to talk to me after I went on my own so I didn't go back. I usually just go skiing with my dad as we have an apartment. I would love to be able to have friends I could invite there. Finally the surf club I didn't have kit to go out but I tried to go out a bit I'm not the best at it but there were lots of beginners. I joined them to make friends and do something a bit different by having people to do my hobby with.

 

I don't really know what I value in a person. Someone who listens and doesn't cancel plans when something better comes alone, someone who boosts you up rather than putting you down, actively making plans witth you and making sure you don't feel left out, someone you can laugh with and have a good time.

 

I work more than anything so I don't have to be alone at night. What sort of social activities? I don't have anyone to do anything with. I did like sewing and jewellery making but they are things you do alone. I'm just about to start a second job in a bar so I don't know if that will help although it is only a couple of months. There are not really any activities I enjoy on my own I like to be around people. After being with people I feel much happier even if it's just in work. These days I just feel quite sad at nights and don't want to do anything because I just don't have the energy anymore to be happy

Edited June 23, 2015 by bluebell85

[preraph]

I'd suggest you invite some women (just women at first) over for a small group party, like a backyard barbecue or to watch a game or to watch Game of Thrones, whatever. Just reach out to all of them whether you know them or not and see who shows up. In an intimate setting like your own home, you are likely to bond with some of them at least. You could invite them to a happy hour, but if you do, don't go to a loud place and do try to reserve a big table so everyone doesn't scatter but sits and talks.

[bluebell85]

I tried to arrange a wine night with some of the girls and swapped a shift at work which was hard to make time for them but they lied and said some of their family was up for graduation week but went out on a night out with my ex. They want to rearrange a day to meet, part of me feels like I should go but at the same time they showed no respect to me by lying and ignoring my text asking one of them if they were out. They were aware I had been dumped and didn't ask how I was. They seem to prefer other people over me. I don't know if by saying something it would help me become closer showing I'm not a pushover or just not bothering and finding people willing to be honest and respectful to focus my energy on. I don't have other girls to invite until I start my new job so I might try then and see what happens

[MariaMars]

I don't really push them aside for a man if they make plans I push the man away to hang out with them he understood I had this problem.

 

I joined the club that was based on the subject I did but didn't seem to connect with anyone even when I tried to go to lots of thing. The snow sports club I have been skiing for years previously but nobody seemed open enough to talk to me after I went on my own so I didn't go back. I usually just go skiing with my dad as we have an apartment. I would love to be able to have friends I could invite there. Finally the surf club I didn't have kit to go out but I tried to go out a bit I'm not the best at it but there were lots of beginners. I joined them to make friends and do something a bit different by having people to do my hobby with.

 

I don't really know what I value in a person. Someone who listens and doesn't cancel plans when something better comes alone, someone who boosts you up rather than putting you down, actively making plans with you and making sure you don't feel left out, someone you can laugh with and have a good time.

 

I work more than anything so I don't have to be alone at night. What sort of social activities? I don't have anyone to do anything with. I did like sewing and jewellery making but they are things you do alone. I'm just about to start a second job in a bar so I don't know if that will help although it is only a couple of months. There are not really any activities I enjoy on my own I like to be around people. After being with people I feel much happier even if it's just in work. These days I just feel quite sad at nights and don't want to do anything because I just don't have the energy anymore to be happy

 

"I don't really know what I value in a person."

 

Then what are YOUR values? I understand how you feel. I am in the process of learning who I am to attract better people in my life. I see myself as an intense person who rather have friendships (friendships...not just "friends") with those who values communication, depth and honesty. I need that and I am OK with that need. So I give to my self that need FIRST. This western culture lacks depth. People are becoming more narcissistic thanks to social media. Some people simply don't have the ability to be true to themselves. It's all about stimulation and attention sadly. Back then you literally have to get off your ass to go to a friends house. You literally had to write letters to them (which requires depth and not some "ttyl" crap)

 

When two people know their values a relationship or friendship will be stable.

[bluebell85]

How do I learn who I am? I value honesty and someone who won't talk behind your back. Are these the things I need to look for?

[StalwartMind]

I think a lot of what is being said in this thread, is worth thinking about. It is important you understand that life typically offers multiple ways to go about an issue. What may work for me, or others, might not be the way you should approach your situation.

 

You ask "How do I learn who I am?" and one of the answers to that question already lies within you, however it may only be partial and thus you need to look elsewhere too, such as accumulating experience which we all do with time. The answer within you, you've already to some degree told us. You value honesty and do not like backstabbing. Build on this and ask yourself a series of question and even write it down on paper/in notepad if it helps.

 

What makes you sad and happy? Do you tolerate ignorance, bigotry? Is looks, social status and image important to you? What is your idea of respect? Are you a considerate and thoughtful person? How do you perceive gestures and actions of others and so on and so forth. The idea is for you to find out what qualities you appreciate in others as well as yourself. I do have some unrefined picture of you, but there is every chance it is not correct, since misunderstandings and how we express ourselves can be interpreted in a wide variety of ways.

 

This is why I personally need time with anything, to get a really good overview of the situation or person I'm dealing with. Everyone can be deceived as there are many tricks one can use in order to appeal to another person's good side. Consistency and repeated actions of sincerity typically indicates that the other person has some qualities that are worth your time. At least in my book, but I also understand for more extroverted people, they might put a lot less emphasis on such values.

 

The only thing that matters is that you figure out what you expect of others, and in a way try to imagine how the perfect "life" would be for you. Then re-evaluate it and try look at it from different perspectives, are any of the things you expect unrealistic? Mind you we are all so different so in theory nothing is unrealistic, but again it depends on the people you wish to appeal to.

 

Since I'm not a woman, I naturally can't tell you what it's like to have and desire female companionship only. That doesn't mean I don't understand or am unwilling to learn, while most will agree that in general men and women and their friendships with the same gender can be quite different, that doesn't mean that there aren't men who enjoy the same values in friendship such as that you often find women sharing with other women. People love to label and categorize each other, but truthfully I don't belong to any specific label, I like to believe that I can offer those around me such varied qualities and comfort. I'm sure this goes for many other people too, even if it will be more rare to encounter such individuals.

 

Many people today are heavily influenced by the media, and much like Maria Mars said too, there are tendencies among a large part of today's youth and population in general, to prioritize things that do not build great lasting relationships. We live in a world where it is common to dispose of items frequently as well as people. While I personally would love to see more learn to appreciate other things, it is however not for me to decide how others wish to live their life. I've accepted that the world changes all the time, everything is in constant momentum, but if you learn to look in the right places you can find what it is you seek.

 

There is no doubt it can be frustrating to see things fail repeatedly, especially if you believe you area good person. It however must not bring you to a level where you feel desperation, because people typically tend to make poor choices under such circumstances. In addition to all of above and what you've said yourself, it can be very trying times if you don't even know where you are situated next year. Stability typically comes from consistency too, and if one is on the move, it'll make things more difficult. Not impossible, but just a lot more challenging. I don't think it's a shame to accept that this period of your life will just not offer you the most ideal circumstances. That said, it would be more than fantastic if you could create a friendship with someone, who you can keep in contact with, even if you don't get to see each other for longer periods of time. This may not appeal or sit well with you at all, if you do need that physical contact regularly.

 

Things will hopefully settle more down eventually, and even if you want things to happen now and do feel like you need to be living and enjoying life to the fullest, because everyone else around you do too. I will say as a final note to this post. Don't compare yourself to others, most people tend to do this, but it just leads to an emptiness inside you. You are right people mostly just post about the good things on Facebook and such, almost no one wants others to see the less attractive sides of their life. The truth is that sad and hard times are just as important. If you can learn to enjoy yourself and appreciate what you do have, then you will have every opportunity to create something meaningful. We all have that chance no matter the situation we find ourselves in.

[darkmoon]

what are the first things you say when you are trying to make a friend? just tell us the exact words, i think your prob might be just a tiny flaw, even just like not smiling due to nerves, so you look miz, but what stuff do you say...

 

(btw, it is cool to have your bofy's freinds as yours, a nice chance)

Edited June 24, 2015 by darkmoon

[preraph]

I tried to arrange a wine night with some of the girls and swapped a shift at work which was hard to make time for them but they lied and said some of their family was up for graduation week but went out on a night out with my ex. They want to rearrange a day to meet, part of me feels like I should go but at the same time they showed no respect to me by lying and ignoring my text asking one of them if they were out. They were aware I had been dumped and didn't ask how I was. They seem to prefer other people over me. I don't know if by saying something it would help me become closer showing I'm not a pushover or just not bothering and finding people willing to be honest and respectful to focus my energy on. I don't have other girls to invite until I start my new job so I might try then and see what happens

 

Sounds to me like they're possessive of your ex and probably consider you an interloper. Not saying it's necessarily right. I would imagine that varies from person to person. But that seems to be a big issue. Probably need to look for a new crowd and don't date any men they introduce you to, though if you meet the guy while with them, of course, fair game.

[stillafool]

I don't have other girls to invite until I start my new job so I might try then and see what happens

 

I really think this is your best bet to wait until you start your new job and find people near your age to make friends with. It's clear the girls you work with are better friends with your ex.

[kenmore]

Bluebell, I hear you and feel similarly to how you feel, though I kind of knew my problem and I think it's the same as yours. The problem you and I seem to have is we value our relationships with our SO's more than our relationships with our friends.

 

I used to have lots of friends too but once I got serious with my first wife, I was "no fun" anymore. Single people or "the guys" (or in your case "the girls") don't want a couple around. I had to make a choice and chose my wife. She became my best friend. While I still had good friends and did things with them, when I was serious with my wife her feelings came into play. Some friends she didn't like, others she did but events might clash, long story short, I saw less and less of them. I only had one good friend who stuck by me and I stuck by him, and I either invited him over every Saturday (usually) or he invited my wife and me over. Eventually she got sick and died, and that friend was still around but was my last one.

 

That wasn't enough for me, so I started dating after a year and a half and met my new wife. She saw this guy was a good friend and accepted him as such and he accepted her, and once again it was Saturday night BBQ's with him (I'm sure feeling a lot like a third wheel) and it was cool for me, probably just a little annoying for my wife and probably just a little resentful for him. I love having a wife though and sorry, I make my choices in life and a woman is more important to me than a friend. Eventually, for his own reasons (though our friendship was strained which I'm sure happened), he moved back east, so I had none of my own friends. Meanwhile, my wife kept her friends, but she too lost much closeness to them and I saw their friendships dwindle too. Keep in mind my wife was chronically single her whole life so her friends must have seen a huge change in her.

 

So now we're divorcing and neither of us has friends. Her only real long-term friend got divorced just ahead of us and they don't speak much anymore, though they may hit it back off as allies. My friend had a stoke and we don't talk anymore. I tried, we just can't communicate, so he's just gone. Getting old is a bitch!

 

To punctuate it all, I started a new career in insurance sales. Their first and foremost tactic is to reach out to your friends and family for referrals! Wow, so cool!! Guess what, all my family except for a few don't live in this state anymore, I have no friends and the remaining family don't want to switch and their friends aren't going to go there, so nothing. Hey Ken, ask your friends for referrals!! Huh? What friends? LOL

 

Sorry, I didn't mean to go on so much but the reality is you have no friends, most likely because you like guys, place them before your friends and suck at balancing the love. In other words, you're just like me. I resist finding friends now because I know I'll be finding a woman in a year or two and don't need the drama. Besides, I also have found through the years that most "friends" suck too. If you need them they aren't there. Only this one guy and one other friend who I never talk to anymore were ever there for me even though I was there for many of them.

 

Don't sweat it. You're young; friends will come and go and even the ones you think will really be there for you, may not be when you need them. You like to focus on your guy friends. At your age at a university, focus on your education now, not friends nor guys. The only thing that will truly stick with you in your future is your education / degree; friends and guys are largely transitory. Later, once you have established yourself, you can settle down with a guy and make meaningful friends with women more like yourself who don't need your undivided attention. Then you'll have it all!!

 

Ken

[SpiralOut]

I can see how some of these people don't want to be friends with you, but I don't think everyone is as bad as you think. Those girls lied about having other plans and hung out with your ex. Is it possible that they knew the truth would upset you, so they lied to spare your feelings? They still tried to reschedule the event with you. If they really didn't like you they wouldn't bother to do that.

 

 

You say your flatmates probably wouldn't talk to you if you didn't live with them. What makes you say that? And you thought your ex only stayed friends with you to try and get a chance to date you again. How do you know that?

 

 

I see a pattern here. You've dealt with enough rejection that you sometimes see it where there isn't any, or in situations where you don't know for sure what the other people are thinking.

[sportygirl89]

Have you thought about going to church? Some have young adult groups/college groups. Might be a helpful way to get to know people.

[bluebell85]

I have taken up a new job working in bars and clubs and most the customers comment on how positive and easy to talk to i am. The girls are planning things together which is great because they are including me. I think maybe i never found the right group of people where i actually fit in.

 

The friends i planned the wine night with were my friends in the first place that he met through me so it hurt when they chose him over me. I know because they posted pictures afterwards. Another thing i know is my first ex boyfriend tries to make a move like put his arm around me when i see him although i move away or stop him. Maybe i should speak to him about it.

 

I would balance a relationship and friends if i had people to hang out with but recently i have just kept myself really busy at work to just be around people are socialise more.

 

I think my problem is i need to meet people with a similar mindset as me who like to be around people and do things which is what i have found working in the clubs. I feel like i have made more friends there than the whole time at uni as i found many people were patronising me.

 

Time has made me feel better i just need to stay busy.

[nouedis]

Honestly you don't need friends.

What you need is clarity and excitement.