ashley83 Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 ok....with this whole NC thing. If there is some hope that I'll get him back.....does it backfire if I annouce to him that we shouldn't talk anymore?? I told him that he shouldn't call unless he wants to get back together or there's an emergency. Link to post Share on other sites
wow Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 it cant backfire, u are in control with the nc situation. U have stated the only reasons he must calll. If he does then it is because of those reasons. HAndle your business by being strong and let him think that you dont have time for his emotional games. Which you dont. Do not be a puppy dogg and be on stand by for him. NC puts the initiator in the power chair. BUT Fck why do we have to play these power games? Dunno but humans like to be in control. that is my 2 cents worth Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley83 Posted April 29, 2005 Author Share Posted April 29, 2005 thank you so much for the encouragement, wow! I feel so good that I didn't leave this relationship with any regrets, and laid it all out at the end by saying that. I loved him soo much. We even watched the notebook together, and he cried....;( haha I guess if it is true love....then he will come back to me, and if not.....then I'll eventually meet a better man that I'll love with the same amount of love that I had for my ex.....and I'll be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 The notebook- exactly- see they got back together after a long time of being stubborn and being apart! If it is true love then it is meant to be! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley83 Posted April 29, 2005 Author Share Posted April 29, 2005 yes and true love takes 2 people.....i finally get it.....we may think that it was true love even after they break up with us.....with this whole NC thing they'lll either come back and it will be true love or we'll find it elsewhere. Erin, did you read the book or watch the movie or both?.....I read the book first and sobbed. Then me and my bf watched the movie and he cried but I didn't. I think it is because the book is far more emotional and detailed. The most beautiful story.... Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 NC isn't made to get someone back. It's to allow you to heal quicker, get over it faster and move on. It gives you control of your destiny and takes it away from your Ex. If you're only using it to get them back, it may or may not work, but you'd have to have a change of attitude and so would they for it to work. Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Bulls***. It could definitely backfire. You saying you don't want to hear from him will mean just that to him. He won't call you. No contact is so stupid. It won't make you happy or relieved or give you any closure at all. I don't see why so many here tout it so much. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 The book was good, I agree! Message in a bottle was good as well....But yes, if they call which they will then good...but I bet that they are sitting at home missing us but sometimes guys are too big of "guys" and don't want to admit that they are wrong or be the first one to make the move- it might show weakness- My "ex's" friend did the same thing to his gf last 2 weeks- he broke up with her cause he was apparently sick of the relationship and thought he needed to start fresh, but then after about 2 weeks he realized how much he cared for her than that she was good to him... So somtimes it just takes that time to be apart for guys- cause they're not as smart as us and don't know what they have until it's not there anymore! Just know that you're not alone in feeling this way cause I know exactly what it's like! Link to post Share on other sites
wow Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Ashly lose the hope! It will always play tricks on your mind! Relax babe enjoy your life. Life is very simple so dont make it complex about worring about somebody who has stopped an for you Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin Bulls***. It could definitely backfire. You saying you don't want to hear from him will mean just that to him. He won't call you. No contact is so stupid. It won't make you happy or relieved or give you any closure at all. I don't see why so many here tout it so much. See my post above, Kevin. I know how you feel about it but as long as I talk to my Ex, I'll think about her. And as long as I don't have some long break, I'll never remember how badly she treated me. As as long as I only remember the good things, she'll have me by the nads. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 AS FOR NO CONTACT!!! I think that you shouldn't tell him not to call you if you still want to get back together- cause like the guys said- no contact to him will mean DON'T CALL ME A**! I think it would be best for you to limit the amount that you are calling him, etc and let him make the next move... Is this right? Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by UCFKevin No contact is so stupid. It won't make you happy or relieved or give you any closure at all. I don't see why so many here tout it so much. What other options do we have? Staying friends just gives them the best of both worlds, the OP as lovers and us as friends. What do we get out of it? Link to post Share on other sites
UCFKevin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Confused, like you aren't thinking about her all the time anyway? The other option is to do what you feel you should do or need to do or want to do. Rather than limit yourself and stop yourself from doing something you want to, just do it. Screw it. There's nothing to lose whatsoever. I should say that no contact is probably better suited, if at all, when a breakup occurs, but completely ridiculous when a break occurs. Which is ridiculous in and of itself. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl What other options do we have? Staying friends just gives them the best of both worlds, the OP as lovers and us as friends. What do we get out of it? Haha, here it comes again. "So I keep you close Like a marionette on a string So you'll always be around When I need a fling..." No contact is going to work for me. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Just one question- I totally agree that if it is over and you want it to be over then NC is the way to go! But my question is is that the guy I was dating he was always so afraid of letting me in and begging me not to hurt him....but then he broke things off with me a few days ago, but kept one of my stuffed animals and asked about 20 times if I was planning on calling him in 2 weeks...I know he is afraid of commitment cause he was hurt before, and he always said it scared him how close we were getting....but why to call him...he told me how much he loved me all the time............ Some advice?????????? Link to post Share on other sites
wow Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 has made a good point, so NC should change to contact on your terms! Dont tell him anything he does not need to know he will wonder what is going on. in the last txt i can see u want hime back... you might get hurt again. u r in control of communication between you two so act like it. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin Just one question- I totally agree that if it is over and you want it to be over then NC is the way to go! But my question is is that the guy I was dating he was always so afraid of letting me in and begging me not to hurt him....but then he broke things off with me a few days ago, but kept one of my stuffed animals and asked about 20 times if I was planning on calling him in 2 weeks...I know he is afraid of commitment cause he was hurt before, and he always said it scared him how close we were getting....but why to call him...he told me how much he loved me all the time............ Some advice?????????? He broke things off, not you. NC, if you stick to it, will at the very least teach him not to do that again. Don't talk to him for a few weeks and see how he handles it. The the problem with relationships, from what I can see, is if you implement NC (don't tell them you are!) and don't stick to it, you accomplish nothing. If you stick to it, you'll find out whether it's mean to be if they come back with a change attitude. If you come back too soon, it's not enough time or pain for them to realize they need to change. If you take too long, you might grow apart, which might mean it was never meant to be. But see my siggy file. If someone can walk away from you, let them go.... Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 TrueTrueTrue- if someone can just walk away from you then they never realized how special you were to them or maybe you weren't special at all...or maybe they need time to miss you and realize that you are special...So your advice would be to leave it alone for awhile? I was thinking of txt messaging his cell in a week or so saying something about if you miss me call me or something... Do guys really get scared about commitment sometimes...I know girls do the same but it seems that guys freak- cause lots of my friends bf's did the same and then they come crawling back and are more in love then ever- it's like they needed the time to miss them and realize what they meant... Any thought? Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 TrueTrueTrue- if someone can just walk away from you then they never realized how special you were to them or maybe you weren't special at all...or maybe they need time to miss you and realize that you are special...So your advice would be to leave it alone for awhile? I was thinking of txt messaging his cell in a week or so saying something about if you miss me call me or something... Do guys really get scared about commitment sometimes...I know girls do the same but it seems that guys freak- cause lots of my friends bf's did the same and then they come crawling back and are more in love then ever- it's like they needed the time to miss them and realize what they meant... Any thought? Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin TrueTrueTrue- if someone can just walk away from you then they never realized how special you were to them or maybe you weren't special at all...or maybe they need time to miss you and realize that you are special... Right. So your advice would be to leave it alone for awhile? Yep. A looooong while. I was thinking of txt messaging his cell in a week or so saying something about if you miss me call me or something... If you do that, no contact starts over from scratch and you might as well have never had NC. Anytime you give in, you initiate the contact, they still have you on their string. Do guys really get scared about commitment sometimes...I know girls do the same but it seems that guys freak- cause lots of my friends bf's did the same and then they come crawling back and are more in love then ever- it's like they needed the time to miss them and realize what they meant... Any thought? Some guys are committment phobic. That's not the kind of guy you want because that tells you that they are not sure about YOU. I mean, if they were totally committed to you and felt you were all they ever need, they'd marry you now. My ex was committment phobic because she keeps thinking there's this imaginary guy out there that will ride up on the magic white horse and sweep her away. She couldn't see the forest through the trees and in the process, screwed up a relationship from someone who loved her deeply and unconditionally. She'll realize this one day. Or maybe not. Either way, I'll be well healed and looong gone because I am NOT going to contact her. And thanks to Marin's advice (deleting any trace of her: phone, email, pictures, etc), it's making it easier. Link to post Share on other sites
ErinErinErin Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Oh Yes! Marin gave me such good advice today! Just to leave it alone cause he will call if he loves me! She just said that the same thing happened to her and she left his a** alone and he called her scared he was going to lose her... So like you and she said- the best advice is to let them contact you to have the chance to miss you etc...don't give in right...And I'll bet your ex will miss you and realize what a dork she was for ever hurting you, but it will be too late for her!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Originally posted by ErinErinErin Oh Yes! Marin gave me such good advice today! Just to leave it alone cause he will call if he loves me! She just said that the same thing happened to her and she left his a** alone and he called her scared he was going to lose her... So like you and she said- the best advice is to let them contact you to have the chance to miss you etc...don't give in right...And I'll bet your ex will miss you and realize what a dork she was for ever hurting you, but it will be too late for her!!! Stick to your guns. That's all I can say. Without it, if you cave, you will lose some self respect and he will lose some for you. As for her, all I can say is that it will take her much longer than 6 months to come around and I am not going to sit around waiting for her to get her act together. I tried to show her and she doesn't understand -- or care. Either way, I am not gonna sit around moping and waiting for her. Life's too short. Link to post Share on other sites
wow Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 dont text him that. he will look at it and say to himself he still has u. When ever u wanna do something ask yourself "what for". If he has not done anything then you dont either. Play it cool and i think he will be back - but that should not be your reason. Actuall, where is he now? you are the one pouring out your heart trying to sort things out what is he doing? You deserve someone who cares about you the same way and as u do them. Link to post Share on other sites
Kella Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 I've gone thru the whole NC thing - went 4 months (I broke up with him) and then out of the blue he called. I wasn't prepared. Let me backtrack a bit. During the 4 months of no contact I had panic attacks - questioned whether I did the right thing, agonized over calling and writing him letters but I never once contacted him. The night he called me I had been drinking a couple of glasses of wine listening to music and what did I do? Ran right back into his arms. He said I was "the one" - he couldn't go on with life because he missed me so much - I was happy to hear from him and we ended up in bed together. Things were all sparkly and we were happy.............until the sparkles wore off and we were right back to where we were with all the same issues and problems resurfacing again. Then we started arguing. Then the resentments came back - then we were on edge because we weren't sure about each other........ We had been back together 6 months then we had the major fights and one big blow up three weeks ago. So what are we doing now? Playing games and doing the NO CONTACT thing all over again. I've finally realized - something ain't working between us - I don't want a relationship like this - it's just torture to see who'll give in again. He gave in after 4 months but I do not expect him to give in this time. He's gonna go out and be ruthless. I know it. So I'm just programming myself to get over him and move on to someone who treats me better. He'll probably come back again right when I really start getting over him but I think this time I'll have more self restraint. I'm tired of this yo-yo relationship - it's not healthy and playing No Contact isn't fun at all. I love him, I miss him - I play scenarios over and over in my mind and start to write him letters but then I know - it's best to just do No Contact and hope to get over him. It ain't easy by no means. It sucks. I'm 42 - I'm tired of games and bs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ashley83 Posted April 30, 2005 Author Share Posted April 30, 2005 so basically i shouldn't have told him to call me only if he wants to get back together, daaaaaaaaaarnnnn Link to post Share on other sites
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