CadeYeager Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Let me first start off by saying he isn't lazy. Let me explain the situation... We met at work and things were great. He just moved into the city and needed a place to live and I ironically had a room opening up the same time. He's still in college so there's a small age difference. There are no problems with him as a roommate. He's respectful and helps around the apartment. Here's the thing... aside from work and school he never gets out of his music. Here's what I mean... He want's to "produce music" so he's contently on his computer working on it. Whenever I know he's free, I'll ask him to come out with my other roommate and I to grab drinks. He always turns us down and says " i appreciate the offer, but I'm trying to make a living out this music thing." Should I just tell him that it's not a realistic goal? I mean he's in school... just go with that. It's been about 5 months now and that kid constantly is into his music. I understand what he's doing, but why not take a break to hang out? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Let me first start off by saying he isn't lazy. Let me explain the situation... We met at work and things were great. He just moved into the city and needed a place to live and I ironically had a room opening up the same time. He's still in college so there's a small age difference. There are no problems with him as a roommate. He's respectful and helps around the apartment. Here's the thing... aside from work and school he never gets out of his music. Here's what I mean... He want's to "produce music" so he's contently on his computer working on it. Whenever I know he's free, I'll ask him to come out with my other roommate and I to grab drinks. He always turns us down and says " i appreciate the offer, but I'm trying to make a living out this music thing." Should I just tell him that it's not a realistic goal? I mean he's in school... just go with that. It's been about 5 months now and that kid constantly is into his music. I understand what he's doing, but why not take a break to hang out? Why exactly do you want to crush this other persons hobby exactly? It sounds like you just don't agree with what he chooses to do with his spare time, and look down on him for it. I'd like to know what makes going out with your friends a more respectable activity than staying in to make some music. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CadeYeager Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Why exactly do you want to crush this other persons hobby exactly? It sounds like you just don't agree with what he chooses to do with his spare time, and look down on him for it. I'd like to know what makes going out with your friends a more respectable activity than staying in to make some music. It's not that I'm putting him down for it, but why not do something else every now and then? He says he wants to "make a living" with it. That's not a realistic goal so why put HOURS into it? It's been 5 months and he's NEVER gone out to socialized but maybe once. Every other time he's lost in his computer. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 It's not that I'm putting him down for it, but why not do something else every now and then? He says he wants to "make a living" with it. That's not a realistic goal so why put HOURS into it? It's been 5 months and he's NEVER gone out to socialized but maybe once. Every other time he's lost in his computer. It may not be a realistic goal for you, but it could be to him. That's where you need to respect his goals. I have a very good best friend of over 20 years, she is doing her medical assistant certification now, it's her fourth certificate, the other 3 she did nothing with. Yeah, I ragged on her, tried to get her out into a social life...etc. before she went down this new path. It's her path, so supporting her in it helps her to find herself. Today, she is independent, a work-a-holic, manages a heavy class load and has a boyfriend....so before you think someone who IS introverted needs to "get with the program", sit down and really listen to his music and what he creates and encourage him.....that's a good roommate and friend. ~ 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 It's not that I'm putting him down for it, but why not do something else every now and then? He says he wants to "make a living" with it. That's not a realistic goal so why put HOURS into it? It's been 5 months and he's NEVER gone out to socialized but maybe once. Every other time he's lost in his computer. If he is happy, why does it bother you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 22, 2015 Share Posted June 22, 2015 Should I just tell him that it's not a realistic goal? Why is it not a realistic goal? Are you an expert on the music industry? Don't you realize that a lot of people are making a living by creating music and selling it online? Don't squash his dreams because you don't know if it is realistic or not. For all you know, he is minutes away from signing a deal that will make him millions. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CadeYeager Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 Why is it not a realistic goal? Are you an expert on the music industry? Don't you realize that a lot of people are making a living by creating music and selling it online? Don't squash his dreams because you don't know if it is realistic or not. For all you know, he is minutes away from signing a deal that will make him millions. Come on though... Everybody wants to be famous and it's not going to happen. I respect his hard work but jesus.... he wakes up at 4 am to work on his music, he skips meals to work on his music, and stay up late to work on his music. At what point do you balance things out. Heck he's in school. He should concentrate on that instead of this small hobby... Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Come on though... Everybody wants to be famous and it's not going to happen. I respect his hard work but jesus.... he wakes up at 4 am to work on his music, he skips meals to work on his music, and stay up late to work on his music. At what point do you balance things out. Heck he's in school. He should concentrate on that instead of this small hobby... Um... your roommate CLEARLY has an incredible work ethic. I don't know what you're complaining about. I heard somewhere what anything worth having takes hard work. I think the underlying problem here is that you're somewhat jealous that you live with someone who is working towards a goal that they want for themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Come on though... Everybody wants to be famous and it's not going to happen. I respect his hard work but jesus.... he wakes up at 4 am to work on his music, he skips meals to work on his music, and stay up late to work on his music. At what point do you balance things out. Heck he's in school. He should concentrate on that instead of this small hobby... If I may ask, where did you learn this mentality from? Link to post Share on other sites
Author CadeYeager Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 If I may ask, where did you learn this mentality from? What do you mean? Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Come on though... Everybody wants to be famous and it's not going to happen. I respect his hard work but jesus.... he wakes up at 4 am to work on his music, he skips meals to work on his music, and stay up late to work on his music. At what point do you balance things out. Heck he's in school. He should concentrate on that instead of this small hobby... What do you mean? Everyone wants to be successful, but a person's success is more valued in who they are as an individual and being true to themselves. You have YOUR path, you study hard, play hard, work hard. You condescend your friend when you refer to it as a "small hobby". It's more than a hobby to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Everyone wants to be successful, but a person's success is more valued in who they are as an individual and being true to themselves. You have YOUR path, you study hard, play hard, work hard. You condescend your friend when you refer to it as a "small hobby". It's more than a hobby to him. I agree. If OP's roommate says he's trying to make a living with it, then it's incredibly rude to call his passion a "hobby" 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 You sound extremely presumptuous and condescending. Why can't you respect his choice of what to do with his own free time? If he was not paying the bills on time or blasting music loudly without headphones at 4am, then that would be a problem. Him choosing to work on his dreams instead of going out drinking with you is not a problem. If everyone listened to people who told them their dreams 'weren't realistic', half of the inventions in this world wouldn't exist. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CadeYeager Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 You sound extremely presumptuous and condescending. Why can't you respect his choice of what to do with his own free time? If he was not paying the bills on time or blasting music loudly without headphones at 4am, then that would be a problem. Him choosing to work on his dreams instead of going out drinking with you is not a problem. If everyone listened to people who told them their dreams 'weren't realistic', half of the inventions in this world wouldn't exist. I just think getting out is important too. When we hold a party at the apartment. He comes out to say hello to everyone then just shuts his bedroom door and works on his stuff. Like seriously.... that's all he does. Our party guess think its strange and it somewhat embarrasses us. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 If I may ask, where did you learn this mentality from? And again, asking the OP, where did you learn this mindset from? What do I mean, who told you that the only way you can succeed is to study hard and it will fall in your lap? It doesn't always do that. Where do you measure success from? Or, better yet, how was it measured for you? There are so many things that "drive" people in life, you have yours and your friend has his. Let it Be... Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just think getting out is important too. When we hold a party at the apartment. He comes out to say hello to everyone then just shuts his bedroom door and works on his stuff. Like seriously.... that's all he does. Our party guess think its strange and it somewhat embarrasses us. Your roommates don't HAVE to be part of your party. He's actually being very tolerant about you constantly holding parties in your shared house without asking if he's okay with it, IMO. Lots of people wouldn't be okay with that. Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Our party guess think its strange and it somewhat embarrasses us. Why do you care what your guests think and - frankly - your embarrassment is your problem... Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just think getting out is important too. When we hold a party at the apartment. He comes out to say hello to everyone then just shuts his bedroom door and works on his stuff. Like seriously.... that's all he does. Our party guess think its strange and it somewhat embarrasses us. Oh....I'm sorry, I didn't get it (well, maybe I did)...he's not YOU or YOUR friends idea of socially acceptable. Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just think getting out is important too. Well he doesn't. His choice, no? Link to post Share on other sites
rester Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 He probably looks down at your partying/socializing with just as much disdain as you look at his music. You have different priorities, which is fine, but it becomes a problem when there isn't mutual respect for each other. It doesn't sound like you respect him, and to be honest, that's difficult to understand. How can you not respect someone that wakes up at 4am to do something that he loves? The people that do that are exactly the type of people that turn their passions into a career. It might take a few years, or it might take ten or fifteen, or it might never happen, but at least he's trying and he's doing something that he loves. If he's not interfering with your life, I don't see a problem. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 In the end OP, there are people who exist as someone expects something from them and you can't fathom anything other than that. That's YOU, and it could have been your upbringing and what morals your parents put on you...and that may BE YOUR success. You would want your friend to respect you for that...but you have to give that back as well. I take you are both in college? If this is HS...sigh. However, those younger adult years are not about "conformance" they are about finding yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CadeYeager Posted June 23, 2015 Author Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just figured I was going to have another roommate join us who had a more social drive. I do respect what he does, I just don't understand it. Ask anyone though... a college degree will land you a successful life more than a music producer. I'm finished with school, he's 22 and almost finished. Why is he in school majoring for something he tells me he has no interest in but dedicates 60+ hours a week on his "hobby". I say all of this because I've had other friends who've "tried to make it big" and landed flat on their faces. Link to post Share on other sites
iDrumKing Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just figured I was going to have another roommate join us who had a more social drive. I do respect what he does, I just don't understand it. Ask anyone though... a college degree will land you a successful life more than a music producer. I'm finished with school, he's 22 and almost finished. Why is he in school majoring for something he tells me he has no interest in but dedicates 60+ hours a week on his "hobby". I say all of this because I've had other friends who've "tried to make it big" and landed flat on their faces. Here's the thing OP... We all have different paths. Your roommate IMO is probably getting a degree to have one for himself and to make his parents proud, like all parents wish for their children. But at the same time he knows what's best for himself. As for your "friends who tried to make it big"... I HIGHLY doubt they spent every waking hour on their craft like your roommate does. That's a guess, but I'm sure it's true. People like your roommate function on a different frequency and know that it takes sacrifice to achieve their definition of success, even if that means having no social life. You say he's respectful and pays rent. Unless he's affecting your life and about to get you evicted, leave him alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just figured I was going to have another roommate join us who had a more social drive. I do respect what he does, I just don't understand it. Ask anyone though... a college degree will land you a successful life more than a music producer. I'm finished with school, he's 22 and almost finished. Why is he in school majoring for something he tells me he has no interest in but dedicates 60+ hours a week on his "hobby". I say all of this because I've had other friends who've "tried to make it big" and landed flat on their faces. You've clearly never had a bad roommate before. Most people would be perfectly content with a tidy, respectful roommate who paid their rent on time, regardless of whether that roommate socializes with them or not. You better hope you get so lucky with your next one. Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I just figured I was going to have another roommate join us who had a more social drive. I do respect what he does, I just don't understand it. Ask anyone though... a college degree will land you a successful life more than a music producer. I'm finished with school, he's 22 and almost finished. Why is he in school majoring for something he tells me he has no interest in but dedicates 60+ hours a week on his "hobby". I say all of this because I've had other friends who've "tried to make it big" and landed flat on their faces. If it helps you any, I have a Master's, earn six-figures, work for a Fortune 500 company, had a family and raised kids, the one thing I had to turn my back on was the one thing that I love to do now. Would suck if your friend were the next John Lennon and wasn't supported by his friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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