Green Card Marriage

[greencardgirl]

I don't know where to start, I'm so confused. Three months ago I went on a dating site and met a man I fell head over heels for. I went to his home to meet him because he didn't drive. He was living in a house by himself and we instantly hit it off. He is a charming Scottsman who moved here from Glasgow.

 

After visiting him a few times we really hit it off and I would spend the night with him there a couple of times a week. He would almost never come to my place. I noticed some woman's things around so I asked him about it, and in the course of conversation asked him about how he came to the US and about his house. Did I mention by this time I was head over heels in love.

 

He told me that he had met someone online 7 years ago and 3 years ago he came to this country to be with her. He said they had sex a couple of times and it didn't work out, and now they were just good friends. I found out later that she was older and married.

 

Lots of times when I was with him he would get text messages and phone calls which he did not answer. Did I mention his phone is always locked and he keeps it on silent a lot. When I would ask him about it he would say it was just a friend, wasn't important.

 

About a month ago I asked him to go with me to Paris this Summer and he sort of blew me off. He finally told me that he was illegal and could not travel. I love this man so much and he told me he loved me too, so I proposed to him. He accepted and everything was wonderful.

 

Two days before we eloped I was able to get hold of her phone number and texted her. I asked her point blank if they were still sleeping together. She was very reluctant to say anything except that was something I needed to ask him and not her. However she did tell me they had been together for a long time and were very much in love. When I asked him about it he said she was lying, but that if I ever tried to contact her husband he would have nothing to do with me ever again. The next day when we were leaving she pulled up and confronted him. He got super angry and began freaking out. She told me since I had asked and since she suspected we were going to get married (probably hinted at that the night before texting)

that I had the right to know the truth so I could make an informed decision. She said they had been having an ongoing sexual relationship and were still in love. She also told me there was someone before me.

 

He denied everything, and I believed him and we got married 3 days ago. After 2 days he said he had to go back and live at his house (rather hers)

because I have a townhouse and he has a dog who needs a yard and he would never part with the dog. I have 3 young kids one who is afraid of dogs. We are supposed to move in together in 2 or 3 months when we find another place that will work with the dog.

 

I didn't like it but I can deal with it. What has really bothered me the most is he told me that he wanted to remain friends with this woman because she is his best friend and he enjoys her company.

 

I have been sick about all of this. I don't know what to do. Have I made a huge mistake or should I believe in him and that he really loves me. The day after we got married we hired an immigration lawyer. Any advise would be appreciated. He also told me that he knows he has been wrong in the past and he loves me enough to change his ways.

[Lurkeraspect]

I don't know where to start, I'm so confused. Three months ago I went on a dating site and met a man I fell head over heels for. I went to his home to meet him because he didn't drive. He was living in a house by himself and we instantly hit it off. He is a charming Scottsman who moved here from Glasgow.

 

After visiting him a few times we really hit it off and I would spend the night with him there a couple of times a week. He would almost never come to my place. I noticed some woman's things around so I asked him about it, and in the course of conversation asked him about how he came to the US and about his house. Did I mention by this time I was head over heels in love.

 

He told me that he had met someone online 7 years ago and 3 years ago he came to this country to be with her. He said they had sex a couple of times and it didn't work out, and now they were just good friends. I found out later that she was older and married.

 

Lots of times when I was with him he would get text messages and phone calls which he did not answer. Did I mention his phone is always locked and he keeps it on silent a lot. When I would ask him about it he would say it was just a friend, wasn't important.

 

About a month ago I asked him to go with me to Paris this Summer and he sort of blew me off. He finally told me that he was illegal and could not travel. I love this man so much and he told me he loved me too, so I proposed to him. He accepted and everything was wonderful.

 

Two days before we eloped I was able to get hold of her phone number and texted her. I asked her point blank if they were still sleeping together. She was very reluctant to say anything except that was something I needed to ask him and not her. However she did tell me they had been together for a long time and were very much in love. When I asked him about it he said she was lying, but that if I ever tried to contact her husband he would have nothing to do with me ever again. The next day when we were leaving she pulled up and confronted him. He got super angry and began freaking out. She told me since I had asked and since she suspected we were going to get married (probably hinted at that the night before texting)

that I had the right to know the truth so I could make an informed decision. She said they had been having an ongoing sexual relationship and were still in love. She also told me there was someone before me.

 

He denied everything, and I believed him and we got married 3 days ago. After 2 days he said he had to go back and live at his house (rather hers)

because I have a townhouse and he has a dog who needs a yard and he would never part with the dog. I have 3 young kids one who is afraid of dogs. We are supposed to move in together in 2 or 3 months when we find another place that will work with the dog.

 

I didn't like it but I can deal with it. What has really bothered me the most is he told me that he wanted to remain friends with this woman because she is his best friend and he enjoys her company.

 

I have been sick about all of this. I don't know what to do. Have I made a huge mistake or should I believe in him and that he really loves me. The day after we got married we hired an immigration lawyer. Any advise would be appreciated. He also told me that he knows he has been wrong in the past and he loves me enough to change his ways.

 

Many red flags here.

 

I'd see about getting this marriage annulled.

[spanz1]

no its perfectly normal to find a guy online, and marry him within 3 months even though you know he has a relationship to another woman and is in the country illegally. makes perfect sense to me.

[whatatangledweb]

I'm sorry but he married you just to get a green card. He is having an affair with her and wants to be able to legally stay there. It is a red flag to immigration when you live apart . He is using you. Please annule this marriage.

[still_an_Angel]

If he is truly committed to you and your M he would've moved out of the other woman's house. The fact that he hasn't tells you of his "commitment" to her (and their dog).

 

 

Sorry OP, its not looking good at all.

[sandylee1]

Why did you marry this man , when the truth was screaming at you.

 

Didn't him saying that he wouldnt speak to you if you contacted her husband sound suspect to you? You had your answer when she said to ask him.

 

Cheaters lie. Of course he would deny it. When you cheat, you HAVE to become a liar , it's part and parcel of cheating.

 

You have been used and are being used.

 

It really couldn't have been any clearer.

 

Can I ask how old you are?

 

Please wake up and get an anulment.

[Lois_Griffin]

So let me get this straight.

 

You have THREE kids that you gave absolutely ZERO consideration to because you were so obsessed with marrying some loser whose hiding out in some married woman's house. He can't travel or drive and couldn't tell you the damned truth about anything if his pathetic life depended on it.

 

The guy has more red flags flapping all over the place than the starting line of the Indy 500, but what the hell...let's drag your 3 innocent kids into THIS stinking mess with a complete STRANGER because it's all about YOU.

 

Got it.

 

Here's a crazy thought. How about you put the welfare of your kids ahead of your own stupidity? Yeah, I know. Crazy, right?

[Fleur de cactus]

Sorry but this does not look good. You do not meet someone and get married after 3 months!!! Why were you in hurry to get married?

 

He is using you. He doesn't love you. He came here to see how he can stay legally and you are the solution to his illegal status. Who knows what else he is hiding?

 

The reason you are here is because you see red flags. In this situation you know what to do. Go ahead and annul the marriage.

[greencardgirl]

Why did you marry this man , when the truth was screaming at you.

 

Didn't him saying that he wouldnt speak to you if you contacted her husband sound suspect to you? You had your answer when she said to ask him.

 

Cheaters lie. Of course he would deny it. When you cheat, you HAVE to become a liar , it's part and parcel of cheating.

 

You have been used and are being used.

 

It really couldn't have been any clearer.

 

Can I ask how old you are?

 

Please wake up and get an anulment.

I am 41. I love him and feel like he is the man of my dreams. I told her that I wanted him forever and she is married and he deserves a normal life and she should let him go. She told me that he has always been free to go and she would never stand in the way if that is what he wants.

[greencardgirl]

Sorry but this does not look good. You do not meet someone and get married after 3 months!!! Why were you in hurry to get married?

 

He is using you. He doesn't love you. He came here to see how he can stay legally and you are the solution to his illegal status. Who knows what else he is hiding?

 

The reason you are here is because you see red flags. In this situation you know what to do. Go ahead and annul the marriage.

I recently survived a serious illness and I know life is short. I love him and I guess I'm desperate to keep him.

[anika99]

I recently survived a serious illness and I know life is short. I love him and I guess I'm desperate to keep him.

 

Acting in desperation to have a man never ends well. This guy is using you and you know it. On the one hand he says the OW is lying to you and on the other he says she is best friend. That makes no sense. If the things she said to you were lies, he would have been beyond furious with her for telling such outrageous lies and immediately ended his friendship with her but he didn't do that because she is telling the truth and he is the liar.

 

 

You have 3 children to think about and you're old enough to know better. Get this marriage annulled and accept that you made a mistake where this guy is concerned.

[greencardgirl]

If the things she said to you were lies, he would have been beyond furious with her for telling such outrageous lies and immediately ended his friendship with her

 

He said he had hurt her so much and that she loves him so much he didn't want to hurt her anymore by ending contact with her and wanted to just ease out of the relationship.

[greencardgirl]

But then is the dog thing a lie and he just wants to get back to where he can be near her while I'm working during the day. I just don't know.

 

Then I think there is no reason he couldn't just walk his dog on a leash, there is plenty of room for that and we could take him to the park after work.

 

He says the dog is too unhappy there. So confusing!

[Lunay]

The dog is an excuse. The guy is lying, and used you. How long are you going to wait to find out more of who he really is? Within 3 months there was enough drama for a life time. Get it annulled. Find someone who won't use you for a green card.

[greencardgirl]

The dog is an excuse. The guy is lying, and used you. How long are you going to wait to find out more of who he really is? Within 3 months there was enough drama for a life time. Get it annulled. Find someone who won't use you for a green card.

 

Update: I am here at work and freaking out, and of course he is at her house with the dog. I told him I want him to come to my house NOW!! He said he would but he is leaving the dog there which means he has to go back. I think you are right about the dog just being an excuse.

[spanz1]

greencardgirl, what country are you in? and where is he right now?

 

You realize if you are in the USA, that the customs service WILL make unexpected visits to YOUR home, and if he is not there, and you two do not look like you are living together, but he applied for a green card due to the marriage, that YOU can end up going to jail!

 

they do not fool around with this kind of stuff.

[Lurkeraspect]

Come on, Greencard. You can't be serious. You even picked your name to fit your situation. This man is using you to become a citizen and remain here (wherever 'here' is). It was likely a plan concocted by himself and the MW he's continuing to see and have sex with. She can't marry him, but they found you to be the path to achieving their goal.

 

You are being used. The dog isn't the problem. It's an excuse to stay where he is and continue to f the other woman. Can't you see that? Go and see a lawyer please. Get this loser out of your life. Let him find another path to citizenship.

Edited June 23, 2015 by Lurkeraspect

[greencardgirl]

Well here is the latest. This is starting to read like a bad paperback.

 

I talked to her today and I told her I was going to contact her husband. She told me she has asked him to leave and told him it is not normal for him not to want to live with his new wife. She threatened to turn off the utilities if he wouldn't go and he told her if she did he would tell her husband.

 

She also offered to take care of the dog until we found a new place. She said she would be there a lot working on the house so the dog would not even be alone a lot. According to her he hung up on her. She said she just wants a clean break but he won't talk to her.

 

She said she would not want to do this but if either of us contacted her husband, she had nothing to lose and she would file an affidavit with ICE that this was a fraudulent marriage. Also in this state she said that delivery of marijuana was a felony (not selling it just delivering it)and since i had brought him marijuana at her house she would file charges. I looked it up, it can carry up to a 10 year sentence. She said she had asked him to leave and she did not like being blackmailed and if we ruined her life she would take us down with her.

 

What a mess this is becoming. I have a very good job and I can't afford to be drug tested. I would lose my job.

[Lunay]

Well here is the latest. This is starting to read like a bad paperback.

 

I talked to her today and I told her I was going to contact her husband. She told me she has asked him to leave and told him it is not normal for him not to want to live with his new wife. She threatened to turn off the utilities if he wouldn't go and he told her if she did he would tell her husband.

 

She also offered to take care of the dog until we found a new place. She said she would be there a lot working on the house so the dog would not even be alone a lot. According to her he hung up on her. She said she just wants a clean break but he won't talk to her.

 

She said she would not want to do this but if either of us contacted her husband, she had nothing to lose and she would file an affidavit with ICE that this was a fraudulent marriage. Also in this state she said that delivery of marijuana was a felony (not selling it just delivering it)and since i had brought him marijuana at her house she would file charges. I looked it up, it can carry up to a 10 year sentence. She said she had asked him to leave and she did not like being blackmailed and if we ruined her life she would take us down with her.

 

What a mess this is becoming. I have a very good job and I can't afford to be drug tested. I would lose my job.

 

Wow. You need to get the marriage annulled ASAP, and then cut your ties with him ASAP. He is a nightmare. You need out of that situation fast, he is not worth going to jail for or have your kids whole life turned upside down. If you don't do something about this there is something seriously wrong with you.

[greencardgirl]

greencardgirl, what country are you in? and where is he right now?.

 

We are both in the US and frankly she is scaring me half to death. If she really wants him to leave and he won't and she takes it out on me, then what?

[mrs rubble]

We are both in the US and frankly she is scaring me half to death. If she really wants him to leave and he won't and she takes it out on me, then what?

Every single reply in this thread has advised you to annull the marriage.

You have ignored every single suggestion to do so.

Quite frankly, you might as well carry on as you are and wait for the sh*t to hit the fan, please remember to let us know how it goes- provided you still have internet access at the end of it all.

[greencardgirl]

Every single reply in this thread has advised you to annull the marriage.

You have ignored every single suggestion to do so.

Quite frankly, you might as well carry on as you are and wait for the sh*t to hit the fan, please remember to let us know how it goes- provided you still have internet access at the end of it all.

 

I know everyone here thinks I'm a fool and all of this has just happened so fast. The really hard part of all of this is she is kicking him out and he is still clinging to that house because I think as long as he is there he is connected to her. He loves her more than he loves me and I will have to decide if I want to move forward knowing that or annull the marriage even though he says he loves me.

[mrs rubble]

I know everyone here thinks I'm a fool and all of this has just happened so fast. The really hard part of all of this is she is kicking him out and he is still clinging to that house because I think as long as he is there he is connected to her. He loves her more than he loves me and I will have to decide if I want to move forward knowing that or annull the marriage even though he says he loves me.

 

Leaving things as they are is putting your kids at risk, she might call the cops, you might cop more than you bargained for!! The sensible and responsible thing to do is get the marriage anulled. His actions don't show that he loves you, words are cheap.

[SoleMate]

You need a lawyer. At first I was thinking family law, but now I'm thinking criminal defense. For the drugs and immigration fraud. Please protect yourself.

[Fleur de cactus]

You got it Greencard!, he loves her more than he loves you. Just annul the marriage. Stop making excuses for him. He says he loves you because this is what you want to hear but he is playing you. He may have someone else in his mind too, maybe a ex lover, a girlfriend or a wife from back home he will help to join him when he will have his legal paper, and is playing both of you.Please be strong. Better to annul the marriage now than waiting for a divorce that will damage you emotionally. Open your eyes!! I hope when you will come back you will share with us the decision of marriage annulment. I know it is hard but you have to do it for yourself and kids. Good luck.