wondering if my coworkers admiration is mutual...

[Breezyguy]

I have a coworker that I have worked with for the past couple of years we used to be close personally and both are married. The Job started out as an assistant position and it has grown. Over the years I have come to realize that my wife doesn’t care for me that she is embarrassed but my wife and I won’t leave each other for the children. My wife even said one time that I could have an affair just as long as I didn’t bring it home.

 

I recently told my coworker how I felt about her and that I wasn’t looking to mess up anyone’s situation on the contrary. She looked at me and said “Yes I know this” Then I went on to say that the distance of our working relationship has grown too far and asked if it would be better “professionally” to move the working distance a little closer. It took a couple of days but the distance was accepted and we are not working more closely.

 

We are the same age both married. She never talks about her husband at all, she says he is a good guy and I have never wanted to take it any further until recently. We have worked together and I have always been flirty, she doesn’t really flirt back with me, but I think that is her quiet personality to sit back and watch while I as a type A personality might be the excitement she isn’t getting at home. I know she enjoys her job and has said a couple of times being at work is my retreat from the busyness at home.

 

I guess my question is should I expand on my comments last week professing my love and take it further or just accept it and leave it as it is. Two days after I professed my admiration for her she confided late in the day about a story with her being hurt really bad emotionally. So is she quietly giving me signals saying its ok to take it to another level? or as is that a women to her am I some type of Mental satisfaction for her in a fantasy type way. Either way I am going to have an affair I just think she is the right women for it because we have been in each other lives so long and have told each other a lot of personal things that are confidential and she would be one person I would trust never to talk. I told her a year ago how much I enjoyed working with her might of even used the love word at that time and her response was “I am still here”. At that time I wasn’t attracted to her but I am now.

 

What type of signals is my female coworker giving to me? Is she just stroking my ego because the pay is well or does she have something deep for me as well that she just can’t say because we have never crossed that bridge. I think we have always respected that bridge never to cross but now I have made it up in my mind that I want to. The only concern is rebuffing of my feeling and then she would need to change jobs, but at the end of the day I am the type of person that always feels the need to speak my mind no matter what. Not asking if this is right or wrong just wondering if I am getting the right or wrong signals from her.

[La.Primavera]

she doesn’t really flirt back with me, but I think that is her quiet personality to sit back and watch while I as a type A personality might be the excitement she isn’t getting at home

 

The fact she doesn't flirt back is a pretty big clue she isn't interested. You have no idea what her relationship is like with her husband. For all you know they could have a very passionate relationship.

 

I'm have to honest, just because your marriage is a mess doesn't give you the right to destroy another person's marriage and family. It is wrong on so many levels and very selfish. Please consider all the people who could get hurt from this.

 

Moral issues aside, you also work together. Have you thought about the repercussions? You assume she would have to leave if she rejected you. Why? You said work was her retreat. If she loves her job so much she will probably stand her ground and refuse to go. She trusts you right now and thinks you mean no harm but that could all change if you push her. It could turn into a hostile working environment. Your job could also be in jeopardy if she went to management about you pursuing her without her encouragement. Think long and hard about that.

 

I am being honest when I say I see nothing that indicates romantic interest from her side. All I see is a potential a disaster for everyone involved.