Dork Vader Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 There is not just one reason or specific thing that has forced Chivalry out the door. It's numerous actions on numerous levels, but for the most part it all boils down too it rarely if ever being appreciated or returned. Women say they want a man that treats them right, a guy that compliments men and in general is what they claim to be chivalrous. Yet when a guy compliments that exact woman telling her she is beautiful.. The guy rarely if ever gets a thank you. If the guy says "I think you're truly beautiful and would love to take you out too a baseball game or something casual." he get's ignored. Yet what that woman responds too is the guy who ignores her. The guy that treats her like dirt. They respond too all the wrong things. I've done both things been the nice guy who opens doors, compliments and so on. I've been the guy that spoils his girl friend with flowers, chocolates, nice dinners and all of those things.. Only too have Valentines day roll around and be told that's it? why didn't you get me flowers? Thinking she would prefer a rather expensive gift that had nostalgic meaning too the relationship. Women want a prince charming, a nice guy.. But not too nice, he has too be a mean in the right ways, hard to get but not come off as playing games and all this other BS. It's lead men like me to toss in the towel and say screw it. If woman want chivalrous men then start flipping responding too chivalry. Until that happens men will continue too quit doing it. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) I hate to trot out tired old clichés and this is sadly one of them but I do believe the right female would appreciate a guy who practices good manners. Having said that I think in todays society there is perhaps less of a premium placed on a guy who displays good manners, other criteria have seemingly become more important. Edited June 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yxalitis Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Dat Anger...! Dude, you're overthinking it, it's not that hard, seriously 1 Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) Chivalry is merely a medieval concept of behaviour that was used to channel the violence and corruption of knights and nobles into a positive role within society. Things have changed. Manners are a good asset to have but it applies to both men and women. I think you are generalising to say women don’t appreciate kind gestures or compliments from men. A woman with manners will say thank you but situations can vary. I also disagree that women only respond to men that treat them like dirt and play games. I can only assume you said that because you have had some bad experiences dating. I assure you that we are not all the same. There are many decent women out there. Most women aren’t looking for “Prince Charming”, they are looking for a guy they are compatible with and attracted to in some way. It is as simple as that. You don’t have to be something you are not, be yourself. The right women will respond to that. Edited June 23, 2015 by La.Primavera 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 The right woman for you will appreciate your form of chivalry, whatever that is. Don't worry about the masses. Concentrate on finding that one special girl. My new boyfriend is every bit as romantic and chivalrous as the man I've been dreaming about my whole life, and then some. I told him the other day I really hope he never stops being so sweet and romantic with me, because I've been waiting for this my whole life. It obviously delights him to express himself in a romantic way, just as much as it delights me. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 There are no gentlemen because there are no ladies. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 If there is no attraction, all the flowers and chocolates and dinners in the world are not going to be as appreciated as you want them to be. Flowers and chocolates and dinner, can be used as bargaining tactics by some men too. "I bought you flowers and chocolates and dinner so YOU need to spend time with me, or kiss me, or make out with me or sleep with me", is the perceived message. Some women do not like to feel beholden and put into that position. Some women are just no good at receiving compliments either. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201308/why-some-people-hate-receiving-compliments Flowers, chocs, gifts or a special dinner is great if it is within a relationship and can be a little ritual between a couple and it helps bonding. Gifts and flowers can mend troubles too, but if they are always given after bad events, they can then be associated with that bad event in the receivers mind. I know a woman whose bf always bought her chocs and flowers as an apology after he verbally abused her - he used to blow up periodically and call her all sorts of names. She grew to hate chocolates and flowers and even after she left him, she still finds it difficult to receive chocs and flowers without feeling a bit angry and sad. Lavishing gifts too early on, can hook in those who just want to be pampered and spoilt, but for others it can be just too much, too soon. (BTW - Valentines day is all about flowers, chocs and gifts, omitting the flowers was a faux pas, no question. ) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Krieger Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Chivalry is dead and feminism is to blame. Over the years, women have communicated that we don’t need men. Women are strong without them. There for you can do it your self lady’s. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I work downtown and every day, every single day, I come across stranger men being chivalrous towards me. They give me their seat in public transportation, they hold the doors for me, they let me in the elevator before them. I give them my best smile and say thank you. Buying chocolate is not chivalry it's courting a woman and you have simply being courting the wrong one. 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 There was actually a discussion about this on the radio several months ago. A man phoned in and was saying how he always held doors open for women until one day he saw a woman struggling with her shopping so he opened the door and held it for her and she gave him a tirade about how she was perfectly capable etc... He doesn't hold doors open any more. So one rude woman - just one - affected him so badly that he forgot about the thousands before who had been grateful and said thank you... The reality of it is that she was probably having a really bad day and could possibly have had a guy having a go at her for being needy or clingy or demanding etc... Anyone else seeing a really vicious circle here. Shame really. I like it when men open or hold doors for me. Its nice. Its kind. I also like it when women do the same. The reaction to both is the same. A big smile and a thank you. Although I may check out the mans behind as I go by just for kicks. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I agree with Gaeta and have exactly the same experiences daily. I don't think chivalry is dead at all. I love when a man sees me and specifically stops to hold a door for me with a smile. It's lovely! Chivalry is coming back I've noticed over the past few years. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Chivalry is coming back I've noticed over the past few years. I think you are right, it is coming back, and I see it more and more from young men as young as late-teen and early 20s. I would even say that in public transportation young men are quicker to get up and offer their seat than older men (40sh) are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Any act of chivalry or courtesy, or good manners, or an example of just thinking about another person's welfare is well received by me. All this dramatic "screw everyone" because SHE didn't like the chocs, is an indication that it was a gesture that didn't come from the heart and a genuine desire to please, it was done for effect and for I guess selfish reasons. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I agree with Gaeta and have exactly the same experiences daily. I don't think chivalry is dead at all. I love when a man sees me and specifically stops to hold a door for me with a smile. It's lovely! Chivalry is coming back I've noticed over the past few years. The chilvary is dead claims always confuse me. My peers (40s) are chivalrous, and my teen's peers are chivalrous. Maybe it's a gene that skipped the millenials. Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I think you are right, it is coming back, and I see it more and more from young men as young as late-teen and early 20s. I would even say that in public transportation young men are quicker to get up and offer their seat than older men (40sh) are. I actually typed something about men in their teens and up to late twenties and then deleted it, what I was going to say is that it seems built in to their nature. I agree about the older ones - I think they just forget sometimes or maybe they're having a bad day. If feminism is to blame then perhaps we should go back to when women didn't work and we needed a man to support us and pay the bills. I wonder how that would go down with guys? Personally, in this economy I wouldn't want a man of mine to be under such huge pressure to bring home all of the bread. Sounds like a recipe for heart failure to me. I believe it should be a shared load and a couple should be a team. It's only fair in my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Interesting. Another reason I am lucky I guess to live where I live. Manners (aka chivalry) are not dead here. Pretty much every time I go to a store or gas station, if a man is entering at the same time, he opens the door. I always say thank you, not because I have no arms, but because I have manners too. In fact, two days ago I was wearing a very nice dress and needed gas, and the man next to me asked if I wanted him to pump my gas so I wouldn't chance getting my dress dirty. I told him no thank you because he was dressed up as well and obviously ready to leave (and I didn't want him getting dirty either), but I definitely appreciated the gesture. The only time, in fact, that I ever really have to open a door on my own around here is if I am by myself or the male in question is under 21 (and even them some mamas and daddies have trained their sons right lol). I may not be the perfect lady, but someone somewhere told these men that THEIR manners don't have to be dependent on mine. What a concept Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Chivalry is dead and feminism is to blame. Over the years, women have communicated that we don’t need men. Women are strong without them. There for you can do it your self lady’s. Feminism isn't the idea that women don't need men - it is the idea that women are equal to men - socially, economically and politically. Chivalry was not killed by feminism it was killed by the men who are afraid of women being their equal. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I work downtown and every day, every single day, I come across stranger men being chivalrous towards me. They give me their seat in public transportation, they hold the doors for me, they let me in the elevator before them. I give them my best smile and say thank you. Canadian women. We rock, eh! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Feminism isn't the idea that women don't need men - it is the idea that women are equal to men - socially, economically and politically. Chivalry was not killed by feminism it was killed by the men who are afraid of women being their equal. Equality - I hold open doors for you and you hold open doors for me... What? You don't want to do it for me, because of feminism...? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Weird. Where I live, a major US city, men and women hold doors open for each other. When someone does it for me, I smile and say thank you. It isn't about chivalry, it's about common courtesy. And I have bought men chocolates, flowers, edible arrangements, massages, etc. The whole "do unto others" thing. You are going after the wrong woman. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Maleficent Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 You are going after the wrong woman. Voilà. Bet you 500$ these 'wrong women' don't believe in feminism either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
crude Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 People are confusing chivalry with manners. Women can have manners, only men can be chivalrous. It only applies to men. It means if you're on a ship that's sinking, an 80 year old woman gets on a lifeboat and watches her 50 year old son and 18 year old grandson die. It means the men in Aurora during the Batman movie acted as meat shields to die for the women, none of whom did that for the men. Manners are fine, a woman telling a man to pay for everything always so that he lives with his parents while she buys a place of her own isn't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Feminism isn't the idea that women don't need men - it is the idea that women are equal to men - socially, economically and politically. Chivalry was not killed by feminism it was killed by the men who are afraid of women being their equal. Actually, when most of the men here use the word feminism, they are not really thinking of Susan B Anthony. They are thinking of the angry, Gloria Steinem, bra-burning, "women need men like fish need a bicycle," "I'll yell at you if you open my door" brand of neo-bitchy-feminism. And yeah, THAT would scare me outta being chivalrous is I was a man. Heck, I'm a woman and those feminazis scare me. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Yet when a guy compliments that exact woman telling her she is beautiful.. The guy rarely if ever gets a thank you. If the guy says "I think you're truly beautiful and would love to take you out too a baseball game or something casual." he get's ignored. She was just not interested in you. Did you want her to accept your invitation just to be polite and then mislead you to think she is interested? Yet what that woman responds too is the guy who ignores her. The guy that treats her like dirt. They respond too all the wrong things. . This is your passive aggressive way of justifying your dating disappointment, blame others instead of looking at what you are doing wrong. I've been the guy that spoils his girl friend with flowers, chocolates, nice dinners and all of those things.. Only too have Valentines day roll around and be told that's it? why didn't you get me flowers? Thinking she would prefer a rather expensive gift that had nostalgic meaning too the relationship.. Your mixing apples and oranges. There is chivalry, there is courtship and there is being in a relationship. You put everything in a big melt pot. You were dating an unappreciative woman, it has nothing to do with chivalry. Women want a prince charming, a nice guy.. But not too nice, he has too be a mean in the right ways, hard to get but not come off as playing games and all this other BS. It's lead men like me to toss in the towel and say screw it. We want a nice man that is not a door mat. What you fail to understand is there is no recipe to winning a woman over. There is no Chocolate+movie+romance = I win the woman. Get that out of your mind. If the woman did not click with you there is no amount of chocolate or flowers that will sweep her off of her feet. You are giving your precious time to the wrong women. Wait to come across a woman that is really into you before pulling your wallet out and spending on flowers and gifts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 There is not just one reason or specific thing that has forced Chivalry out the door. It's numerous actions on numerous levels, but for the most part it all boils down too it rarely if ever being appreciated or returned. Women say they want a man that treats them right, a guy that compliments men and in general is what they claim to be chivalrous. Yet when a guy compliments that exact woman telling her she is beautiful.. The guy rarely if ever gets a thank you. If the guy says "I think you're truly beautiful and would love to take you out too a baseball game or something casual." he get's ignored. Yet what that woman responds too is the guy who ignores her. The guy that treats her like dirt. They respond too all the wrong things. I've done both things been the nice guy who opens doors, compliments and so on. I've been the guy that spoils his girl friend with flowers, chocolates, nice dinners and all of those things.. Only too have Valentines day roll around and be told that's it? why didn't you get me flowers? Thinking she would prefer a rather expensive gift that had nostalgic meaning too the relationship. Women want a prince charming, a nice guy.. But not too nice, he has too be a mean in the right ways, hard to get but not come off as playing games and all this other BS. It's lead men like me to toss in the towel and say screw it. If woman want chivalrous men then start flipping responding too chivalry. Until that happens men will continue too quit doing it. So many categorical claims based on anecdotal evidence. Doesn't this ever get old for you guys? Seriously. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
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