sandylee1 Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 TGOL Have you considered the side effects of the IVF drugs on your wife? Sometimes people don't even realise they are suffering from them. They can be mood swings, lethargy , headaches and more. This could be why she's not mad about tidying up the house. If she wasn't overly into doing house chores before, she'll be even less so now. I know you said she she wasn't depressed, but going through IVF is exhausting and when it doesn't work, there is obvious disappointment and it's bound to make a couple feel low. Maybe she just isn't expressing how it's affecting her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thegameoflife Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 TGOL Have you considered the side effects of the IVF drugs on your wife? Sometimes people don't even realise they are suffering from them. They can be mood swings, lethargy , headaches and more. This could be why she's not mad about tidying up the house. If she wasn't overly into doing house chores before, she'll be even less so now. I know you said she she wasn't depressed, but going through IVF is exhausting and when it doesn't work, there is obvious disappointment and it's bound to make a couple feel low. Maybe she just isn't expressing how it's affecting her. We're taking a break from fertility treatments right now,so she's not on any drugs. She's actually doing quite well with things. She is even becoming open to surrogacy if things don't work out after a couple more tries. She is also doing more around house. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thegameoflife Posted June 29, 2015 Author Share Posted June 29, 2015 The reason she didn't want to do surrogacy was because she didn't want a stranger or family member to carry our kid. If she could find a gf to join our family, she would consider letting her carry our child. Letting a family member carry for us is too much of a role in our lives. Paying a stranger is too impersonal. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 We're taking a break from fertility treatments right now,so she's not on any drugs. She's actually doing quite well with things. She is even becoming open to surrogacy if things don't work out after a couple more tries. She is also doing more around house. Glad to hear things are improving. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
beatcuff Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Having a job doesn't absolve a person from home responsibilities. I work several more hours a day than her, and I still have to do yard work, fix things around the house, and I do most of the cooking. She'll be off for two months really soon. My guess is that she cleans the house a couple times the whole summer. it appears the stress level is extremely high. and you are both 'one upping' the other with the fuel. you want a kid, she does, its her 'fault', your friends are having them with ease, why can't she..... then comes her/your parents... slow down. its never as bad as you think. with her being a teacher and its summer is a bonus. no baby talk for a couple of months. go on a vacation: even to the nearest city. reconnect. the one concern i have (and others have mentioned) if this stress is a problem --- wait until you have one: you think the house is a mess now. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 OP - you haven't answered, do you have any embryos frozen? How many did you have from your fresh cycle? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Thegameoflife Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 OP - you haven't answered, do you have any embryos frozen? How many did you have from your fresh cycle? We did two fresh transfers, one was frozen. Then we transferred the frozen one with no success. We'll have to start over fresh again. Link to post Share on other sites
nerdlingZA Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 don't mean to sound like a Hazard r anything. but u should really consider leaving this women. they will be obviously pros and con's but if u leave her now she will still able to date since she's young. if u dump her in her fourties, she will be destroyed for the rest of her life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
nerdlingZA Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 The problem is that women's egg production declines with age , especially if she's not had any children. It's different when you've had kids before, those women easily get pregnant at 40+. This is why women don't want to hang around with marriage and kids. The biological clock is really ticking and it causes a lot of heartache. As women age, they don't always ovulate every month , the egg quality declines and getting pregnant just doesn't happen. With a man, he can have kids way into his 60s without much problem at all. I really suggest the egg donor route, I know a couple of people who've done this. this post adds no value to OP. the only thing you have done is teach us biology. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 3, 2015 Share Posted July 3, 2015 this post adds no value to OP. the only thing you have done is teach us biology. It was stating why that the OP and wife might consider the egg donor route, if the issue was a decline in egg production or if the OPs wife was not producing any eggs. Not knowing their specific issues , it was just something to think about. The OP can take or leave anything he doesn't find useful. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 We did two fresh transfers, one was frozen. Then we transferred the frozen one with no success. We'll have to start over fresh again. So they were only able to have two viable embryos? How many eggs were retrieved during the fresh cycle. It sounds like you only did one fresh cycle. Then you did one frozen. Do you know the quality level of the embryos? What are the doctor's saying after two failed attempts? Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 My wife and I have been married 3.5 years and have been trying to have kids for 4 years without any luck. We've done multiple fertility treatments including invetro with no success. A major reason for getting married for me, was to have children. I love my wife but having kids is very important to me. Doctors have no clue why treatments haven't worked. I don't want to adopt, and my wife has no interest in surrogacy. I'm 31 now, and I'm not looking to have kids when I'm 40. I really don't want to leave my wife, but it would mean forgoing children. We have the money to try invetro again but there are no guarantees. It's not fun spending 12 grand and receiving nothing in return, with no explanation. Might try once more and then make the call to move on or not. Although your wife wants to, which is a little different, it is my belief that Tom Cruise left Nicole Kidman and Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston because they refused to have biological children with them. So they left their wife and had children as soon as they could with a woman who would do it. Link to post Share on other sites
georgia girl Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 I am infertile. At age 36, I had a full hysterectomy after five years of trying everything to preserve my fertility. I met my husband a few years later. Maybe therefore, I come at this from a different perspective. I would have been a great mom and my husband would have been an awesome dad. It was never in the cards for us. So, instead, we got very engaged with our nieces and nephews. We would adopt if the opportunity presented itself but we don't actively seek it. We live our life and do the things that we want to do and put the focus of our life on "putting us first, but never losing our sense of self." (Part of our vows.) The reason I share this - and it is incredibly painful to go through infertility - is that you can heal as a couple if the worst happens. Yes, it changes things and the life you thought you were going to have is forever gone. But once you mourn that loss, a new life opens up and it is equally wonderful. I will always be wistful still that I did not have children, but for me, I am alive and healthy so it wasn't really a choice I made - it was the only option. I hope you are successful - either at having more children or at building a life with the woman you love that celebrates what you can have. Warmest regards, GG 5 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted July 5, 2015 Share Posted July 5, 2015 Although your wife wants to, which is a little different, it is my belief that Tom Cruise left Nicole Kidman and Brad Pitt left Jennifer Aniston because they refused to have biological children with them. So they left their wife and had children as soon as they could with a woman who would do it. True, and I don't have much respect for them either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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