juydster Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Hi, I'm new here. So, my problem here is as stated in the title. I am 21 years old and I have a boyfriend. We're going to be in our 3rd year together in July. But... I have a very huge crush on this guy that I just met at work. I worked at his department for about a month because I was assigned there, and basically we did our work together. Sometimes just us both, and then that's when I started to have feelings for him. He is so cute and so sweet to me. We like to joke around together, tease each other. Until one day, we started to chat through social media. We get very close, we exchanged texts for about 2 weeks non-stop. I liked him very much, I have never had this feelings before. So, as we get very close, we texted as if we have known each other for a long time. He bought me drink, told me I was funny, told me I was weird but he liked weird. At work, we exchanged smiles and that made me fall a little bit harder to him. I couldn't stop thinking about him every night. And then all of a sudden, he seems to be avoiding me. He won't reply my texts immediately, he won't text me to say "good morning" like he used to, so basically we lost contact on our phones. I asked him once if he wanted to go out with me, just to watch movies, but he said he have never gone out with a girl that has a boyfriend. But I have a feeling that he wanted to go, because he kept giving me signs that he likes me too. I am guessing that he won't text me because he doesn't want to have build-up feelings for a girl with a boyfriend. Every day my feelings for him grew, so does his. And I really think that's why he stopped contacting me. At work, I am no longer assigned to his department, but I see him everyday at work. We would just still exchange smiles & would tease each other. I really wanted to text him, but I really shouldn't. I feel sad and lonely without him texting. But then again, I have a boyfriend of 3 years. But he isn't around that much, because he is 2 hours drive away from me. Even if we text, I still feel lonely. Because I wanted the other guy so much, I am literally obsessed over him. I feel sorry for my boyfriend because I have this mad feelings for another guy. What should I do? Should I tell my boyfriend about the other guy? Should I text the other guy and tell him my feelings? Should I.....? Help me, I'm confused :-( Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Your relationship may have run it's course. 3 years is a long time long distance. This other guy is right here. Do not tell your BF you are crushing on this other guy. You will break your BF's heart & trust. Either break up with your BF to pursue the other guy, who may not like you back or have LC with him -- work stuff only no after hours texting & continue your relationship with your BF. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
justwhoiam Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 all of a sudden, he seems to be avoiding me. He won't reply my texts immediately, he won't text me to say "good morning" like he used to, so basically we lost contact on our phones. I asked him once if he wanted to go out with me, just to watch movies, but he said he have never gone out with a girl that has a boyfriend. It's not clear if he knew from the beginning you have a bf, or he got to know that later, while knowing you better. In either case, he realized he doesn't want anything with you hurting some other guy in the process. I am guessing that he won't text me because he doesn't want to have build-up feelings for a girl with a boyfriend. What did you want exactly? Because in your post, it looks like you didn't even consider breaking up with your boyfriend. And this other guy is not stupid, he sensed that. At work, I am no longer assigned to his department, but I see him everyday at work. It looks like he's above you in the company, and that's never a good thing to begin with. I know there are a lot of relationships starting out like that, but still, most of them are for the wrong reasons. I really wanted to text him, but I really shouldn't. You feel you shouldn't because you're still attached to your boyfriend somehow. Or is it just because you don't have the heart/guts to leave him? [boyfriend] isn't around that much, because he is 2 hours drive away from me. Even if we text, I still feel lonely. Because I wanted the other guy so much That means you might still love him, but you're not in love with him anymore. What should I do? It looks like you're not in love with your boyfriend anymore, and you shouldn't string him along. Things may feel more comfortable over time, but when it comes to obsessing over another guy, it means your heart is available for someone else entering your life. Should I tell my boyfriend about the other guy? You know your boyfriend. We don't. I guess you need to tell him you don't have the same feelings you used to anymore. And possibly need to break up. I hope he didn't invest deeply in this relationship and you were more like dating. Should I text the other guy and tell him my feelings? After you clear up things with your boyfriend, you can start telling your colleagues you're single and don't have a boyfriend anymore. It's just enough that you drop comments here and there. Don't talk to him directly. It won't take much for him to know. If he really likes you, he'll be back. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 This sounds like it has the potential to end badly. The grass might look green, but it could be because its covered in manure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
TMichaels Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 The grass might look green, but it could be because its covered in manure. ROFLMAO Yeah, I'd second that one, Keenly... Best, TMichaels 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 You need to break up with your boyfriend before you ask this guy on another date. Sounds like you've outgrown your relationship. Don't tell your boyfriend that you're into someone else. Simply end things and then pursue other avenues. And do not go texting this guy your feelings. You're not at that point yet. Don't be surprised if he isn't jumping at the chance to go out with you even if you're single - a lot of men aren't so eager to be a rebound either. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Is this 3 year boyfriend of yours some long distance guy that lives in Podunk, Egypt and you 'met' him online and you're now 'committed' to him through Skype and text messaging? If so, then you've wasted 3 years of your youth and life already. Don't make it 4 years. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 If you want to pursue things with the other guy, please end it with your boyfriend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 ^ And just tell him you "don't have time" for a relationship right now - he'll believe that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trufita Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 You need to sit down and think about what are your feelings for your boyfriend. You have been a long time together, after 3 years it is normal than the novelty wears off, and the passion is not what it used to be. But that is going to happen with your boyfriend and with any other guy in the world. Hesitate if it is worth it to lose what you have with your boyfriend. This other guy could be a better match for you, but he could also be worse. There are not that many good guys out there. So think twice before making a decision. Also, stop talking with your workmate, it's not fair to do so while you are committed to someone else Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 At 21, I think you should actually go with your heart and be with the person you feel you want to be with. Honestly, the vast majority of people go through a few Rs before they find the one they want to spend their life with, so it is quite unlikely that you will end up with the boy you met at 18 anyway. At your age, denying yourself new experiences by holding on to a R that is already lukewarm is something that you are likely to regret in the future IMO. Don't string your bf along either, do the right thing and end things with him. Regardless of whether or not things work out with the new guy, it will be one of the many experiences you will have in life's journey, and you will learn from it. Link to post Share on other sites
fred123 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 wow i feel sorry fro the boyfriend. i wonder how you would feel if it was the other way around hmm. this is why relationships are so dangerous. even after 3 years you think its going somewhere BANG! a girl can change her mind. never invest feelings alway gonna end up losing Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 This is a very common pattern and part of why I simply do not waste my time or investment in LTR. At the moment, a girl at work is doing exactly the same thing. She has been with her bf for about 4 years, is clearly bored but is showing a lot of interest to the point that I thought she was single when we first met. If a guy is smart, he will realise that any woman that has a bf that is still pursuing him, can and will do exactly the same thing if he was dumb enough to be with her instead. Your attention given to this guy simply illustrates how disloyal you are to your bf and that you do not know the meaning of self control or respect. Link to post Share on other sites
IronZ Posted July 4, 2015 Share Posted July 4, 2015 Right now I'm kind of in the situation of the "other guy" because I've met an amazing girl that I like and she has a bf. So maybe my opinion here is a little biased but I don't know you or really know your situation so I'll try to give you some general information. You have to be sure there is something here and it's not just the excitement of something new that's getting you riled up. If you genuinely see a future with this guy and you think he really likes you, then you have to make a choice. I'll leave that up to you. Link to post Share on other sites
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