Gande Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 After 3 months, I thought I had the best girlfriend on the planet. She gave me her phone one day to transfer videos to it and while holding it she got a text from a guy asking her what she was doing that night. She explained it was a former fling and they are still friends. I have no problem with that -- I really dont, as long as it's only friends. But later that night while drunk she rambled on about the guy for a long time, and then the next day she started it again and her stories conflicted. For example I asked her if she still sees the guy and while drunk she said no, they only text, but when sober she said they hang out and get lunch once in a while. She told me the conflicting accounts were because she was drunk and confused and what she told me when sober was the truth. I have no issue with friendship even with an ex. But later, I was looking at pictures she texted me in the past and I noticed the time she sent the pics didn't match the time the picture was taken. These were fully nude pictures, so I freaked out and thought she was sending the nude photos to another guy then sending them to me the next day. I should have confronted her, but I didnt. Instead, I took her phone when she wasn't looking and went to look at messages. I discovered nothing damaging with messages with the guy I had suspected, however, I found she was indeed sending flirtatious messages and nude photos to a DIFFERENT ex fling. She even invited him overy one night. I confronted her, admitting I snooped and admitting it was wrong to do so. She said that nothing sexual ever happened when the guy came over and their message history showed him begging to come over and have sex and her repeatedly saying no and only agreed to it when he invited himself over strictly to talk and watch tv. She said she has insecurity and self esteem problems, and this particular guy made her feel good because he was always complimenting her and telling her how pretty she is and how good her nude photos are. She said she does not desire sex with anybody besides me and only did what she did to get attention, compliments, and to feel pretty and desired. She also said that at one point she wanted a relax with that guy and he led her on only to reject her, and so part of it was getting revenge on him, leading him on then saying no. She allowed me to use her phone and message the guy pretending to be her and ask him what happened that night and his story matched hers -- they watched a movie and talked. We both admit we did wrong things and lost each others trust. When I tried to kick her out of my house for cheating, she ran into the kitchen, got a knife, and cut her wrist. It was not a deep cut and I bandaged it up. She said she cut a lot in the past after traumatic experiences and me breaking up with her prompted another cut. After endless hours of conversation, we decided we are going to try to forgive each other and work it out. We want to try to stay together. Is it even possible at this point, and if so, what's the best advice you have? Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Tell her it's not working out and move on with your life. Do not give her a chance to convince you otherwise. Do not give into her pleads. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 She's got a lot of issues and dysfunctional behaviours that you can't fix, so don't even try. She needs psychological help. I'm sure that she's very nice in a lot of ways, but she needs to be mended. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Go to a good sports shop. Buy a nice pair of trainers. Don't be cheap, buy a really good pair with good support. Put on those trainers..lace them up real tight. Then start running and don't look back. To be fair you sound like you're 17 so let this be a lesson learned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 The cheating is the least of your problems. This woman needs professional mental help for the cutting. Until she comes under the care of a doctor I see drama in your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 I would run so fast from that relationship 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chi townD Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Yep, you got a lot of problems going on here. If you're REALLY dedicated to making it work, then couples counseling is a must. Also, she's a cutter. She needs to go to individual counseling for herself. If she can agree to the terms, then great. If she doesn't want to do that, then move on. Link to post Share on other sites
cessna Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Firstly she's lying to you when she says nothing happened. Secondly even if nothing did happen she overstepped the line massively. She sounds nuts, get rid of her straight away. Do you really want a relationship with this much drama? I run away from drama, can't be bothered with it in the slightest, I want a nice easy life. Doesn't everyone else want the same? Link to post Share on other sites
Vercetti Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Girl is a mess. If I told you two different stories, would you come back for a third story for clarification of the truth. Keep telling you crap til say what you want to hear, then when that doesn't add up I'll spin some more crap. Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted June 23, 2015 Share Posted June 23, 2015 Run away as fast as you can. I mean how many red flags do you need before you realize this girl is bad news and will only drag you down. She's not going to change. I won't even go into the excuses she used for texting other guys, hanging out with other guys, and sending nudes to other guys. If you actually believe any of what she said then all is already lost. Get out and never look back Link to post Share on other sites
Emmie83 Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 She's got a lot of issues and dysfunctional behaviours that you can't fix, so don't even try. She needs psychological help. I'm sure that she's very nice in a lot of ways, but she needs to be mended. I 100% agree with your comment. Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Girl is a mess. If I told you two different stories, would you come back for a third story for clarification of the truth. Keep telling you crap til say what you want to hear, then when that doesn't add up I'll spin some more crap. I agree. You were very fortunate to see that txt at just the right moment, and also for her not getting her stories about meeting her ex fling straight. That set you off on your investigation. Seems there are 2 exes still in orbit with her. Okay maybe her story checks out with the 2nd one just watching tv, but she way overstepped the mark inviting him over. She knew he was pestering her for sex but still allows him to come over and spend time 1 on 1. Maybe the guy when you txt'd him found it weird she was asking him what happened that night he came over and so played it cautious in case it was you. I guess it depends how you worded the txt without it seeming strange. She is also sending him (and maybe the other as well) nude pics of herself, because it made her feel special because he was always complimenting her and telling her how pretty she was in her nude photos. lol Really so your compliments, love & affection are not enough eh. She needs to shop herself around to get more compliments so she can feel desirable...sheesh. Really it would not be much of a leap for her to go the next step and **** for validation, say after you two have a big fight and don't talk for a few days. I'm okay with gfs staying in touch with long term exes, but more wary if the ex is recent and the ex dumped them and the woman still burns a candle for him. Also staying in touch with recent flings/f-buddies is bad imo. Link to post Share on other sites
brandonstellar Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 Listen to the others and run as far away from this relationship as possible. She needs help that you can't give to her. Link to post Share on other sites
PaperCrane Posted June 24, 2015 Share Posted June 24, 2015 You cannot slay her demons for her. The only way for her to learn how is for you to leave. For your own well being as well. Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 She's a human mattress. Keep her as FWB like all the other ex flings of hers if you like but other than that - run! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gande Posted June 26, 2015 Author Share Posted June 26, 2015 You all said exactly what I would say if somebody asked me for advice and the exact same thing happened to them. I was really hoping at least one or two people would say "this can work out, here's how..." I'm also surprised nobody scolded me for snooping on her phone. Is snooping ever acceptable? Am I redeemed because I indeed got the confirmation I expected? She is starting therapy on Monday to talk about her insecurity and cutting. I don't know where this is going, but I have feelings for her still and I want to give her a chance to make herself well in spite of you all telling me to run as fast as I can. She has many positive traits about her, and many qualities that are rare. Link to post Share on other sites
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