Platonic relationship that part of me wants more and part does not!

[Highlow]

I have read a bunch of stuff on this forum and finally decide I should post my issue in hope of advice.

 

I am 27 and haven't had a serious relationship for just about a year now. I came out of a tough relationship situation and generally just haven't felt like dating. I dated a girl for two years and it just didn't work out. I got incredibly hurt after finding out despite trying hard to work out issues we were having she had been cheating on me. She also spread some lies with mutual friends to discredit me as well. Anyways enough about that just wanted you to know what I came out of! And I have met some woman that have really been into me and wanted me more than friends but I just backed off for one reason or another.

 

I have had a close female friend that I met 3 years ago and we have generally been pretty tight in terms of our friendship. Back when we met I really liked her but we were both in relationships. We tell each other a lot of personal stuff and see each other at least once a week. Maybe selfishly, but I do lean on her quite a bit for advice with woman, life, fashion etc. Its a pretty cool friendship at the end of the day, one we actually both benefit from.

 

Recently I have started to really take a liking to her. I like talking to her, I like hanging with her, she makes me laugh and she helps me out when I am down. I guess it becomes obvious I start to love her more than our friendship.

 

She is not single, she has a boyfriend. Things aren't great between the two and she gets upset at things he does and they fight alot. Because we are tight friends I hear all about this. Now I could encourage her to break up with him but I really don't feel right doing that. I feel anyone needs to make the decision themselves whether or not to break up with someone. That is something they need to come to a conclusion on.

 

I also need her as a close friend. I don't have many female friends and the ones I have aren't nearly as close. She has told me she considers me her best male friend. A few times I have been in tough situations this past year like a bad dating situation, the death of a friend, an injury that took some time to recover from. All of those times she was there for me and told me I can always count on her regardless in life. She always has said "we have a bond different from all her other friends".

 

I agree with this, we do have a special bond. I feel like I could tell her anything and its always ok. She could tell me anything and I always support her on whatever the issue is. If she is in an awful mood, I'd cut plans short and tend to her. She's done the same in the past.

 

So at the end of the day this isn't a date-able situation for a number of reasons. I can't date her but the problem is I can't get her out of my head lately. Its like when we hang out or get in a long conversation I sway towards feeling for her on a level past friendship. I ask myself what is really going on sometimes? Its tough to explain exactly but I hope you can understand enough to give me some advice.

 

So is it possible to repress these feelings and get back on track? Anyone every been in a situation like this?

Edited June 23, 2015 by Highlow

[Highlow]

Well after reading a bunch of threads on here I realized I am not alone with a situation like this. Mine is different and I don't know if mine situation makes sense.

 

I have asked a few friends for advice on how I should handle this but their responses have been kind of all over the place and very mixed. I am hoping to get some feedback from those who maybe are in a situation like this or have been in a situation like this or maybe even know someone who is or has been in something like this.

 

3 strong years of a platonic relationship and now I can't quite get this girl out of my head when I am not hanging out or talking to her. I just am not too sure its worth trying to start something and I probably would need some information on her part if she had similar feelings. Otherwise, I could lose a close friend and I really don't want that.

 

I have been single for close to a year so maybe that has something to do with it? More likely to develop feelings for woman I am in platonic relationship with? Going from platonic to lovers probably isn't ever a smooth transition? Do woman ever see a best guy friend as an option? Is this a thin ice situation where things are likely to break if I walk in this direction? I have to say to do care for this girl on a different level now, not sure I can quite take that back! This are all thoughts and questions that have gone through my head last two weeks.

 

Sorry for the spam of questions, just looking for feedback!

Edited June 25, 2015 by Highlow

[Highlow]

I am guessing this isn't a very interesting situation or not one were feedback or advice is straightforward. I know I am very new to this community, but I really would like to get some outside advice on what I should do.

 

My feelings for her have grown over the past week, its become emotionally a very tricky situation.

 

I am clearly her "go to guy", she had some issues this week and immediately texted me, called me and wanted to meet up to talk about them. They are personal issues but needless to say I was there for her, gave her advice and helped her get things situated. This is kind of the issue I have for her sake, if I continue to go in this direction she may indirectly lose her "go to guy" if its not mutual and I really have no way to tell if she mutually likes me. Knowing her, she'd be quite hurt if she lost me as her "go to guy" and I don't want to do that to her.

 

So the question really is, can I do anything to pull back the feelings I already developed for her? Is that even smart?

 

Is it even right to go this direction? I really don't even know how to tell if she likes me as more that a friend at this point since I known her for awhile now.

 

Just trying to get some feedback from someone who has been in this situation or is outside of it and can really give advice without emotions. The few friends I talked to about this really don't seem to get it

[PaperCrane]

Once they start to develop it is almost impossible to get rid of them completely. Once they're there and you're still the "go to guy", it will just hurt worse and worse. Even yourself have said it's been very difficult.

 

If you'd really like to be with her, just keep on with yourself. If she breaks up with him, then let her know your feelings but be prepared to not have her in your life. The thing is, the departing would probably happen either way.

 

It's hard, I know. I'm in a similar boat and sometimes you just have to try for it. Imagine yourself at 70, and ask yourself; would you get up and out of your wheelchair and kick yourself in the ass over the chance never taken?