How to drink responsibly?

[Otter2569]

Is it possible to be a casual drinker (after yard work or with dinner) if you are having trouble with alcohol or are you just fooling yourself?

 

I am a social drinker. Not that I haven't over done it or acted stupid but for the most part its all casual stuff with friends and on weekends.

 

My GF appears to have a different issue. Once she crosses the line she goes from bad to worse and is like a different person. Almost all of our fights have resulted when we are drinking.

 

We recognize this is an issue for us. We are both to blame because we just go on our way and never stop to think until someone crosses the line.

 

We have committed to stop / greatly reduce our drinking. We dont need it to have fun and honestly we have our best times sober. We are so loving and caring and out going without booze.

[d0nnivain]

Maybe.

 

 

I learned that the 1st inhibition I lose when I drink is the ability to say no thank you I don't want a 2nd drink so when I'm driving, I don't even have one. Because there aren't good ways to get anywhere around here that curtailed my drinking considerably.

 

 

However, if your GF is truly addicted, she probably can't even have 1.

[carhill]

When I'm having beers with friends, I have a beer, then a bottle of water. That way I drink half as many beers and stay hydrated and still have something in my hand. If asked, my answer is 'I'm pacing myself'. True. I've never been a big drinker and don't like to get drunk but, yup, I do have male friends who enjoy getting blitzed and have for decades. We work hard in physically demanding professions and we play hard too. I just do it without the level of drinking that some others do. Water works for me.

[123321]

When I'm having beers with friends, I have a beer, then a bottle of water. That way I drink half as many beers and stay hydrated and still have something in my hand. If asked, my answer is 'I'm pacing myself'. True. I've never been a big drinker and don't like to get drunk but, yup, I do have male friends who enjoy getting blitzed and have for decades. We work hard in physically demanding professions and we play hard too. I just do it without the level of drinking that some others do. Water works for me.

 

I enjoy alcohol, but I almost never get drunk. I think that having a childhood where alcohol was just another thing, not something forbidden or bad, probably helps with that view.

 

We made wine on the farm.

 

The first time I got drunk I was 42 and just divorced.

[carhill]

Yup, similar. My parents only had alcohol in the house for special occasions with guests and, later, my mom would stock some beers when I was older in case I was hot and wanted a cool beer when done working. Otherwise, alcohol was a non-issue.

 

Oh, just thought of another 'how to drink responsibly' tip: Always make one's own drinks, if not buying them from the (public) bartender. This is especially true for mixed drinks. I learned this lesson the hard way with friends who 'mixed' to their specs based on their habits and about keeled me over, not being used to that level of alcohol. Yikes. Now I handle my own, always.

[carhill]

My GF appears to have a different issue. Once she crosses the line she goes from bad to worse and is like a different person. Almost all of our fights have resulted when we are drinking.

 

OP, I used to call this 'tipping over', and likely your GF shouldn't be drinking alcohol, at all. It's a poor fit for her brain chemistry. Since alcohol is a drug and drugs affect each of us differently, one person can be fine with a drug and another go completely upside down.

 

I have female friends who are older, know themselves and know alcohol doesn't work for them in a productive way so they go 'virgin' when socially drinking, getting the non-alcohol versions of mixed drinks. Since it's social, not slamming back beers like guys do, no one knows nor cares. The drinking is a sideshow to the social interaction. Hopefully you can work this out. It's something she'll have to choose for herself.

[Krieger]

Well back in the day from 21 to 25/ 26 years of I drink like fish. It got bad toward the end . I was drinking 4 to 5 fifths of alcohol a week and add in a 24 pack a week give or take a few cans of beer.

 

I get black out drunk and do things that I do not recall doing .

 

I can tell you how awkward it is to run into people you never meet when they tell you hey remember when we did this and that?

 

One day I just stopped just got tired of drinking every night.

 

Also you know it bad when me and my old roommate would fill the 65 gallon Recycling Cart with beer cans and empty fifths.

 

Now days I just drink red wine or have a beer and I all good.

 

I just know my limits and what kind of people I can drink with.

[Otter2569]

I was thinking that if you know that one of you has a struggle with alcohol can / should the other person continue to drink in front of them or when you go out?

 

I have never been in this situation before and always thought I was in control of things. Now I am rethinking. I would give up drinking too because its not worth ruining a great relationship.

[GemmaUK]

Sounds like she recognises the issue - which is a good thing.

 

What does she usually drink when you are out?

Does she stick with one type of drink?

Also does she eat a good decent meal with carbs before going out?

[misspond]

I was thinking that if you know that one of you has a struggle with alcohol can / should the other person continue to drink in front of them or when you go out?

 

I have never been in this situation before and always thought I was in control of things. Now I am rethinking. I would give up drinking too because its not worth ruining a great relationship.

 

This is a really supportive thing to do and that you're considering it shows how much you care. I think it's harder for people to not drink when their SO is, and for anyone who doesn't have an, "I can take it or leave it", attitude to alcohol (and who really practices it as some of the posters here have shown) it's much much harder to abstain if someone you're spending a lot of time with continues to drink.

[d0nnivain]

I was thinking that if you know that one of you has a struggle with alcohol can / should the other person continue to drink in front of them or when you go out?

 

I have never been in this situation before and always thought I was in control of things. Now I am rethinking. I would give up drinking too because its not worth ruining a great relationship.

 

 

It is the nicer thing to do. For me it always depended on the person & the situation. For example my FIL has been in AA for 25 years. At this point he doesn't care if people drink in front of him so he's the designated driver when we go out. DH, MIL & I will split a bottle of wine which is about 2 glasses each. No big deal but I certainly wouldn't take FIL to a bar for the sake of going to a bar. When I'm the designated driver I don't usually care that people drink around me. It's kind of funny sometimes to see them all messed up when I'm sober. I know my morning will be far better than theirs.

 

 

When the person is new to sobriety having a sober buddy is nicer & easier. It's no fun to drink alone anyway. So if you are both on the same page, all the better.

[PogoStick]

Either you can control yourself or you can't. Which is it? Some people can't.

 

I certainly partied and got smashed in my younger years. I know I have addictive genetics. I can feel the pull, desire for fun, and to have more.

 

Now, I've been drunk less than 5 times in the last 5 years, meaning around 6-8 beers in a night (200 lbs male). Yet, I'm a craft beer connoisseur and typically have 2-3 beers IF I decide to drink, almost never more than that. It is common for me to go a month, or even several months, without a single drink. I just threw out 2 beers from a six-pack I bought 4 months ago. But if we go out, I'm definitely having a beer.

 

So, I'd say I'm at least a partial "alcoholic" from a genetic standpoint (my grandpa was, so I was told). Plus, add in that I can feel the addictive desire. However, I choose to drink responsibly. Further, I believe "alcoholic" to mean one is susceptible to addiction with any drug.

 

Now, you can look at my sig and make other accusations if you wish. But I can tell you I already finished one degree, and just made the Dean's list 3.5+ gpa last semester, in a very demanding program.

Edited June 24, 2015 by PogoStick

[PogoStick]

I was thinking that if you know that one of you has a struggle with alcohol can / should the other person continue to drink in front of them or when you go out?

 

I have never been in this situation before and always thought I was in control of things. Now I am rethinking. I would give up drinking too because its not worth ruining a great relationship.

 

If your lover has a problem then your drinking is definitely a negative influence.

 

Which is more important to you, your drinking, or your lover's well-being?

 

By the way, the answer may acceptably be, "your drinking"; there is nothing wrong with that. In which case, the two of you may be incompatible and you need to find someone who can drink responsibly with you.

Edited June 24, 2015 by PogoStick

[Otter2569]

Gemma, what she drinks depends on the mood: sometimes wine, sometimes beer (less often) and sometimes cocktails. We have a lot of fun together. If I drink too much I just want to go to bed. She on the other hand can get a bad attitude / angry.

 

Our drinking usually starts out as fun but if we have too much it almost always ends in a fight. We recognize the need not to get to this point and to cut back. Its also a strange place to be because i have always done what i wanted without worrying.

 

For the sake of our relationship and her well being i would stop drinking.

[GemmaUK]

Good for you Otter!

 

Although, now knowing what she drinks makes it a lot easier to make some suggestions that could work.

 

My crowd, when I was much younger, we all used to go out drinking.

Problems started with a few of us (myself included) on occasions though and the simple reason was not knowing the volume of alcohol in what you were drinking.

 

We started having shots (they are lethal) and would drink vodka and redbull and cocktails too. Something else we found to be a bad thing was wine because it's way too easy to drink.

 

I soon learned the following:

Not to match my then partner on drinks. He was 5ft 10in and bigger built than me at 5ft.

I stopped shots altogether, I stopped cocktails altogether.

If I ever drink wine when out I mix a small wine with lemonade or soda water or mix it with water they give you with a meal in a restaurant. Having said that I will still not ever drink wine all evening whilst out. Me and my friends have found it causes you to forget things that you did.

Wine is usually 12% alcoholic volume, beer is around 5%.

 

From then on I have been able to go out, have fun and more importantly 'know' what I am drinking.

I now stick with cider if it's a warm sunny evening (I can't drink beer as it makes me very ill), vodka and coke/lemonade for a late night out but I have single vodka and top the coke right up to the top.

If I feel I have had too much I grab some peanuts (slow release energy, drinking causes blood sugar levels to drop - which is what leads to the irrational behaviour) to eat or a glass of water (this takes practice to know when to intercept yourself though).

 

Sticking with drinks I know and volumes of alcohol I know makes all the difference.

My then partner (whilst I was discovering all this) was drinking the same things as me and he quit the things that tipped him over too. Late night arguments stopped...stopped dead.

 

Many guys though will drink beer for a night whilst their lady is drinking cocktails etc. If that is happening then she is not on the same level as you and is drinking way more of the hard stuff.

 

This is just a thought - but in my youth - our youth - me and my friends learned 'how to drink'. You could both give this a try.

[whichwayisup]

Is it possible to be a casual drinker (after yard work or with dinner) if you are having trouble with alcohol or are you just fooling yourself?

 

Yep. Those who can't stop after one or two drinks, those who 'change' and black out, can't handle their liquor, should not drink at all.

 

I am a social drinker. Not that I haven't over done it or acted stupid but for the most part its all casual stuff with friends and on weekends.

Sounds normal and what millions do.

 

My GF appears to have a different issue. Once she crosses the line she goes from bad to worse and is like a different person. Almost all of our fights have resulted when we are drinking.

All the more reason for her NOT to drink. Her body processes it differently and she changes. She has a problem and the only way for her to survive this and for your R to be good is for her not to drink.

 

We recognize this is an issue for us. We are both to blame because we just go on our way and never stop to think until someone crosses the line.

 

We have committed to stop / greatly reduce our drinking. We dont need it to have fun and honestly we have our best times sober. We are so loving and caring and out going without booze.

 

How about just stopping. As you say you don't need it to have fun, so why do it?

[Fugu]

Gemma, what she drinks depends on the mood: sometimes wine, sometimes beer (less often) and sometimes cocktails. We have a lot of fun together. If I drink too much I just want to go to bed. She on the other hand can get a bad attitude / angry.

 

Our drinking usually starts out as fun but if we have too much it almost always ends in a fight. We recognize the need not to get to this point and to cut back. Its also a strange place to be because i have always done what i wanted without worrying.

 

For the sake of our relationship and her well being i would stop drinking.

 

There are two kinds of problem drinkers:

 

The first kind is a problem drinker because he/she absolutely consumes way too much alcohol to be considered even remotely healthy. This type of person is almost surely addicted to alcohol and it becomes a medical problem requiring expert handling and hospitalization.

 

The second kind is a problem drinker because he/she behaves erratically when drinking and causes social problems. Even though this person may not be addicted, it can still be a problem, particularly if the person is prone to binge drinking. A person may not always need to drink but yet when they do drink, they can't stop and have a tendency to go overboard.

 

Both are problems. Both may require that a person stop completely. The first type absolutely requires a permanent abstinence. The second case may allow for some drinking but under controlled circumstances. I would not keep alcohol in the house, for instance, with this second type of drinker.