I always felt

[1stloveisacommander]

Madly in love with someone who is "The man of my dreams."

 

I have been crazy about him since the moment I heard his voice. Everything that makes a man perfect he has. On top of that he is drop dead gorgeous and built so big and strong that every woman wants him and every man shows their respect for him.

 

I spent 7 months getting to know him before I went after him. I would do anything for him although he needs nothing from me. I will wait for him forever, and never give him a time frame for when we need to be officially together. We are completely committed. And no one is more trustworthy.

 

But recently my heart was broken and he acted like it was more of a teenage girl inconvenience. A female friend of his has been trying to make sure that I am clear she is still in 1st position. And no, they did not ever have anything official. But his actions, body language and speech all confirm he is smitten with her. Same with another young woman we both know. Before he introduced them to me, he would tell me how attractive they are and how highly he thinks of them.

 

Btw, I am far too confident than to let either of them be a thorn or threat to our relationship. When his female friend tried to make me feel I was really not important to him by twisting his words, I was devastated. His empty gesture to remove her from the equation was contradicted just a few days later. I would never have let him do that anyway. Desperate to avoid him either resenting or regretting me. The same goes for me not wanting him to feel I was the reason he left his family. (His plans to end his marriage were already in the motion when we met.)

 

We can't spend any time together, except when he's at work and the occasional quick meal out. When I leave him at the end of the day I have to leave quickly so he doesn't see my tears. I can't bear him feeling guilty. He doesn't deserve it!!! There is not even a few minutes relaxing time after being intimate. And, no I don't feel cheap or used. And, yes I need to relax after we are together. He leaves no stone left unturned!!!

 

He is an amazing man, perfect in every way, unfortunately, stuck in a very, very difficult situation. But if I'm honest, it is so painful not to be able to openly declare I am his woman and that we are in love or being able to spend time with each other's families.

 

We have an understanding that we are life partners planning a future. And that neither of us wants or would be involved in anything casual. I have never been in love before, despite a two decade marriage. I never knew what the power of love meant and all the emotions that come with it. My heart aches for him when I'm not with him. I want to be in his life however if he will have me.

 

That being said, something has changed since the incident attempting to undermine our relationship by his female friend. And I am scared to lose him. He says no, but I know him well enough to know he is pulling away. He has an unbearable amount of stress in his life and doesn't need any more. I'm starting to feel that I am not indispensable in his heart and life (as he is in mine) but rather I am inconvenient.

 

I've come to realization, by seeing his postings, that he has had many more relationships and sexual experience than he let me believe and that deep down he actually has no faith in a lasting relationship.

 

I am in this forever. Even if this is all I am ever going to get because like the song says "Baby, he's worth it."

 

I guess the point to saying all this, is to somehow try to give myself a little emotional relief from the pain of knowing somewhere deep down inside myself I will never actually be good enough for him, make him happy or be without competition from other women that want him. He will never truly know how madly In love him I am!!!

 

I have no one to talk to regarding my pain and fear of loss.

 

Thank you for letting me express myself.

 

Good luck to all of you that have found partners of your dreams and can't be open about it.

Edited June 25, 2015 by 1stloveisacommander
I meant the title to read "I always felt like his woman, not the other woman"

[Noideanow]

Madly in love with someone who is "The man of my dreams."

 

I have been crazy about him since the moment I heard his voice. Everything that makes a man perfect he has. On top of that he is drop dead gorgeous and built so big and strong that every woman wants him and every man shows their respect for him.

 

I spent 7 months getting to know him before I went after him. I would do anything for him although he needs nothing from me. I will wait for him forever, and never give him a time frame for when we need to be officially together. We are completely committed. And no one is more trustworthy.

 

But recently my heart was broken and he acted like it was more of a teenage girl inconvenience. A female friend of his has been trying to make sure that I am clear she is still in 1st position. And no, they did not ever have anything official. But his actions, body language and speech all confirm he is smitten with her. Same with another young woman we both know. Before he introduced them to me, he would tell me how attractive they are and how highly he thinks of them.

 

.

 

 

Dump him because of the other women, and see what he will do, he has to love you as much as you love him i think:lmao: and if he comes back and really wants you he ownes you an explanation/excuse for what he said about the other women//

Edited June 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote

[GoldieLox]

Wait, so you're not even officially in a relationship with him yet you're complaining that he's finding other women attractive? He has sex with you then leaves? If there's all this understanding about you two being life partners, how come you cannot openly express this?

 

Gently, please remove your head from the sand. How long are you going to wait for someone who will never, ever be with you?

[sandylee1]

You're setting yourself up for heartbreak here. The guy knows he's a looker and has bags of confidence . Doesn't sound like he's after a full time relationship, at least in his actions.

 

Words mean nothing unless they are backed by actions

[Popsicle]

So are you married too? That needs to be ascertained first. I'm guessing not.

 

It's sad to see all of your love and dedication going to waste. He's never leaving.

Edited June 25, 2015 by Popsicle

[1stloveisacommander]

I was divorced separated for 3 years and got divorced immediately before I meet him.

[autumnnight]

Gently, if he is married, he is not the man of your dreams. He is the man of someone else's.

[Popsicle]

Oh, I'm sure he loves being "friends" with all these women (including you)...

[minimariah]

i'm confused.

 

he's married. so is this "female friend" of his OW #2? and that other girl possible OW #3...?

 

you depend too much on him. what you're describing isn't love, it's an unhealthy obsession/fixation.

[Nolagirl1214]

It sounds to me like you may be a bit more invested emotionally than he is at this point.

[Popsicle]

It's amazing how OW (myself included when I was in it) always feel so sorry for the MM. Like he's some sort of angel or innocent victim. That's exactly what they want you to think, all while they never leave....

 

It's self destruction. You do this to yourself.

[eye of the storm]

Madly in love with someone who is "The man of my dreams." You cannot live in dreamland, eventually you will have to wake up.

 

I have been crazy about him since the moment I heard his voice. Everything that makes a man perfect he has. Nobody is perfect, we all have flaws. On top of that he is drop dead gorgeous and built so big and strong that every woman wants him and every man shows their respect for him. Nobody appeals to everyone, and respect does not come because he is, to you, big and strong.

 

I spent 7 months getting to know him before I went after him. I would do anything for him although he needs nothing from me. It bothers me how dramatic you are being. You would do anything?! Kill? Steal? Die? And he needs nothing from you because he is not invested in you. If he loved you he would need to be with you too. I will wait for him forever, and never give him a time frame for when we need to be officially together. We are completely committed. You are committed, he is out with other women and still married. And no one is more trustworthy. How is a cheater trustworthy?

 

But recently my heart was broken and he acted like it was more of a teenage girl inconvenience. He acted this way because it was, you are a convenience and when you start causing issues he will dump you. A female friend of his has been trying to make sure that I am clear she is still in 1st position. And no, they did not ever have anything official. But his actions, body language and speech all confirm he is smitten with her. Same with another young woman we both know. Before he introduced them to me, he would tell me how attractive they are and how highly he thinks of them. He is cheating with you and on you, he is hot for these other women and gets off on making you all meet. "look at me with my harem"

 

Btw, I am far too confident than to let either of them be a thorn or threat to our relationship. You don't have a relationship you have a fantasy on you part and a fb on his. When his female friend tried to make me feel I was really not important to him by twisting his words, I was devastated. His empty gesture to remove her from the equation was contradicted just a few days later. He didn't remove her because he knows you will take whatever scrap he throws on the floor and will be grateful for it. I would never have let him do that anyway. Desperate to avoid him either resenting or regretting me. Desperate, that is the root of the issue. You are so desperate that you will let him treat you like slime. The same goes for me not wanting him to feel I was the reason he left his family. (His plans to end his marriage were already in the motion when we met.)

 

We can't spend any time together, except when he's at work and the occasional quick meal out. When I leave him at the end of the day I have to leave quickly so he doesn't see my tears. Why do you let this scum bucket make you cry? I can't bear him feeling guilty. He doesn't deserve it!!! YES HE DOES!!!! There is not even a few minutes relaxing time after being intimate. This is called pump and dump. And, no I don't feel cheap or used. And, yes I need to relax after we are together. He leaves no stone left unturned!!!

 

He is an amazing man, perfect in every way, unfortunately, stuck in a very, very difficult situation. He is not stuck, he could get out any time but he has you and who knows how many women keeping him happy. But if I'm honest, it is so painful not to be able to openly declare I am his woman and that we are in love or being able to spend time with each other's families. You are in love, he is not.

 

We have an understanding that we are life partners planning a future. And that neither of us wants or would be involved in anything casual. I have never been in love before, despite a two decade marriage. I never knew what the power of love meant and all the emotions that come with it. My heart aches for him when I'm not with him. I want to be in his life however if he will have me. He is telling you what ever you need to hear to keep you quiet and willing. Do you really want a life partner that treats you so cheaply?

 

That being said, something has changed since the incident attempting to undermine our relationship by his female friend. And I am scared to lose him. He says no, but I know him well enough to know he is pulling away. He has an unbearable amount of stress in his life and doesn't need any more. I'm starting to feel that I am not indispensable in his heart and life (as he is in mine) but rather I am inconvenient. You are starting to wake up and smell the coffee. I am sorry for the pain.

 

I've come to realization, by seeing his postings, that he has had many more relationships and sexual experience than he let me believe and that deep down he actually has no faith in a lasting relationship. You are starting to see thru his lies.

 

I am in this forever. Even if this is all I am ever going to get because like the song says "Baby, he's worth it." You are worth more than this, you need to find out why you care so little for yourself.

 

I guess the point to saying all this, is to somehow try to give myself a little emotional relief from the pain of knowing somewhere deep down inside myself I will never actually be good enough for him, make him happy or be without competition from other women that want him. He will never truly know how madly In love him I am!!! He knows, he just doesn't care.

 

I have no one to talk to regarding my pain and fear of loss.

 

Thank you for letting me express myself.

 

Good luck to all of you that have found partners of your dreams and can't be open about it.

 

1stlove, I am sorry for your pain. But your post reads like an overwrought teenager.

 

You need to go and talk to someone and find out why you are willing to accept so little for yourself. When you are in a healthy relationship you will receive as much as you give, and your partner cares as much for you as you do for him.

 

It is never fun coming out of the fog. But it is necessary. You cannot live a full and rewarding life while living in a fantasy.

 

Good luck.

[truncated]

Seriously, he has another ow besides you, which means that he doesn't care as much about you, and is just afraid of being caught, so he needs to say just the right things to keep you quiet.

 

If you don't believe me, call up his wife and tell her what he has been up to. He'll either run from you and ow #2 that your head will spin, or his wife will kick him out ad he'll come simpering back to you like the big baby that he is.

[1stloveisacommander]

Seems you're all right. I didn't see him for 24 hrs and there was no warmth at all.

 

Thanks for your input and concern.

[1stloveisacommander]

I've been so sad all day. I missed him so bad and couldn't wait for some time alone with him. But, it was like a was a casual friend. No interest in me at all.

 

I'm crazy about him but that doesn't make him crazy about me.

 

My heart actually hurts.

[eye of the storm]

It is ok to be sad. But stop letting him treat you this way.

 

Love yourself enough to walk away.

[Noideanow]

take your time and see what happens, let him do the work, if he wants to, go treat yourself good, listen to your heart, dance dress nice and look at the men around you/:cool:

[1stloveisacommander]

I'm with him and it's still the same. Distant, not interested, making general conversation and shooting me looks that scream I am inspecting you and you don't measure up.

 

I am a very confident and secure person but I am starting to feel very self-conscious.

 

I do need to take a step back and try to figure out the healthiness of this relationship.

 

Am I always going to feel subpar. God forbid I don't lose the rest of this weight...

 

Will I ever be good enough?

 

Evaluation time. What kind of partner would I be feeling like this?

[eye of the storm]

As long as you are with him you are going to feel less than. Because to him that is exactly what you are.

 

You are not truly a confident and secure person if you allow yourself to be treated like that.

 

Move on. It is ok to let go of unhealthy relationships. Let go.

[Noideanow]

what makes a person attractive i think its when you feel good, so the best you can do is doing what makes you feel good, nothing is as attractive as happiness and contact with ones emotions- a free mind or what it is:cool: then im sure he cant measure up to you all of a sudden;) or you will be equal-- and if he is in love with one of his friends you will be free and happier in the long run/: letting him go-/

[1stloveisacommander]

I always take care of myself, vest into myself and try to have inner happiness for myself first. If I did those things for someone else it would be pointless.

 

Walking away from this relationship is not possible for me. If you knew what he was really like and all of his amazing qualities while knowing the very difficult situation and overwhelmingly stressful life he has you would understand that there are complications in our being able to have a proper relationship. I will never put him in the position that I force him to prematurely leave his family.

 

While I appreciate everyone's input and guidance, please help me think through how to be there through the process leading up to his making the actual change in his life (leaving his family to be with me) is sure to devastate him in so many ways.

 

Thanks

[ladydesigner]

I always take care of myself, vest into myself and try to have inner happiness for myself first. If I did those things for someone else it would be pointless.

 

Walking away from this relationship is not possible for me. If you knew what he was really like and all of his amazing qualities while knowing the very difficult situation and overwhelmingly stressful life he has you would understand that there are complications in our being able to have a proper relationship. I will never put him in the position that I force him to prematurely leave his family.

 

While I appreciate everyone's input and guidance, please help me think through how to be there through the process leading up to his making the actual change in his life (leaving his family to be with me) is sure to devastate him in so many ways.

 

Thanks

 

Whatever amazing qualities this man has they get nixed just by the fact that he is able to carry on with so many of these relationships (other OW) and you and his wife:confused:

 

This guy sounds like an egomaniac , the very first thing he needs is a little humiliation.

[lana-banana]

Walking away from this relationship is not possible for me. If you knew what he was really like and all of his amazing qualities while knowing the very difficult situation and overwhelmingly stressful life he has you would understand that there are complications in our being able to have a proper relationship. I will never put him in the position that I force him to prematurely leave his family.

 

While I appreciate everyone's input and guidance, please help me think through how to be there through the process leading up to his making the actual change in his life (leaving his family to be with me) is sure to devastate him in so many ways.

 

Wait, what? Am I tripping on this cough syrup? I thought your previous posts said you weren't actually having an affair, but then you mention being life partners planning a future together, but he's treating you coldly and has no interest in a real lasting relationship. But you want to know how to support him while he leaves his wife for you? I don't know if posts are being edited/deleted or you are shifting your stories at a record pace. Just reading this thread gives me whiplash.

 

If you can answer the following questions I may be able to offer advice:

- How long have you been having an affair?

- When were you last physically intimate?

- Is this guy subject to the UCMJ? (For your own sake I really hope not. Regular affairs are messy enough.)

Edited June 26, 2015 by lana-banana

[Satu]

Go to Natalie Lue's website and reading everything.

 

Oh, and say hi to Mr Unavailable for me.

 

I used to know him when he had a different body.

[Noideanow]

I always take care of myself, vest into myself and try to have inner happiness for myself first. If I did those things for someone else it would be pointless.

 

Walking away from this relationship is not possible for me. If you knew what he was really like and all of his amazing qualities while knowing the very difficult situation and overwhelmingly stressful life he has you would understand that there are complications in our being able to have a proper relationship. I will never put him in the position that I force him to prematurely leave his family.

 

While I appreciate everyone's input and guidance, please help me think through how to be there through the process leading up to his making the actual change in his life (leaving his family to be with me) is sure to devastate him in so many ways.

 

Thanks

 

i really hope it will happen, have no advice though, i hope those other women was just him trying to make you jealous, i hope you love eachother the same, but Watch out for signs of the opposite:confused: