I always felt

[1stloveisacommander]

- How long have you been having an affair?

I have known him for 2 years but our actual relationship has been 1 1/2 years.

 

- When were you last physically intimate?

4 days ago

 

- Is this guy subject to the UCMJ? (For your own sake I really hope not. Regular affairs are messy enough.)

My appologies, I am new to all of this on line terminology. I just googled ucmj and no he is not in the military.

 

Again, my appologies for not being clear enough about the situation. We are officially in a relationship. We are together everyday although almost everyone thinks I work for him because he is still married and living with his wife and young child. There are serious dependent issues behind why he can't just leave his family. It might sound bizarre to most if not all who hear it but I support and encourage him to try to stay at home as long as possible so that his young child can benefit from his influence, love, support, etc. that children, especially one with confidence issues need to mature into healthy, well adjusted, responsible adults..

 

While we may be going through a trying time in our relationship and my side of the story that you all are getting sounds like I am a weak, "easily taken advantage of woman" (I am not) and that he is selfish and inconsiderate (he is not.) Please don't demonize him, I knew him for a long time before I pursued a serious relationship with him. It should speak volumes to everyone that a woman with 2 young adult children and my entire family know him and are grateful that I am with him. His mother knows me and supports our relationship. One of my greatest fears, knowing how much his mom means to him and how close they are, is that she would think "what kind of woman would go after a married man." Albeit, a married man who has only been co-existing and providing for his wife out of an overwhelming sense of duty and necessity for more than 20 years. She is happy that he finally has someone that cares for him. And I am grateful for her support.

 

Please don't be concerned about them not having had a real married life for more than 20 years but somehow have a young child. Again, it is complicated and really no ones business. His child is a blessing in his life and he is an amazing father. Being a mother to 2 children with a man with whom couldn't even tell his children he loved them, this man's undying love and self-sacrificing commitment to his child is one of the traits that makes me love him.

 

It is not always as easy to say I finally and for the first time in my life found someone I love and loves me, so goodbye family. I'm leaving to pursue my own happiness. I'll send check once a month and start being the best part time dad I can be. This is going to be great! I worked for a matrimonial attorney and as coincidence would have it, he had a consultation with my boss long before we were together. He explained the extremely unusual, unconventional and unhappy marriage he had been trying to get out of for mor than 5 years and my boss said he was still going to go through hell and lose half his wealth and then use up the rest of it paying child support, alimony, attorney fees, etc.

 

His ability to see a happy, fulfilling future with me is a wash with the knowledge that impending disaster comes along with the demise of his family.

 

I also need to clarify something else. Many of you came to the conclusion that the other 2 women I mentioned in the first posting are his other women. They are not. While he admires and is verbal about his appreciation for women who take care of themselves, he is no player. He is trustworthy, responsible and of the highest character. Those are the other reasons I love him.

 

From the first time I posted on this discussion, I said I needed a place to express my frustration regarding my not being able to openly declare our relationship and the frustrations that go along with relationships. I am not going to ring up my children and say "Can you believe his friend who happens to be a very attractive woman is trying to sabotage the success of my relationship because she feels her position in his life is threatened."

 

Or tell my parents or uncles that think the world of him that when I had that incident with that female friend trying to make me feel unimportant in his life that he didn't just say to me "Babe, you're the only one that matters to me. I'm gutted that you were hurt by her." instead, it was the end of a long stressful day with a life time of those days ahead and when I didn't get the exact response I needed I became aggressive. That induced the statement that "This is teenage girl drama"and he doesn't want that. I took that to mean my feelings are not important to him and that getting throughout that very painful event was an inconvenience to him. I was more pained by that than I was by an insecure, unhappy woman playing games trying to keep the pecking order in check.

 

Lastly, I do appreciate some many of you reaching out to me with support and concern that I take steps to maintain my sense of self worth. I only found this site that quite literally is a forum to reach out and express relationship issues. If I'm honest, I have never gone on any type of relationship or dating site before. And I only went on in the first place because he posts here all the time and I was alarmed thinking this was some form of electronic affair website. I know now it is more a support group for busy adults that want to be able to express their pain and concerns anonymously and receive feed back from unbiased individuals.

 

I don't want to do anything behind his back or intrude on the one place that gives him an outlet for expression and support. But I needed to suss out if this was on of those online pick up sites I have only recently become aware are so prevalent. THANKFULLY, it is not.

[truncated]

- How long have you been having an affair?

I have known him for 2 years but our actual relationship has been 1 1/2 years.

 

- When were you last physically intimate?

4 days ago

 

- Is this guy subject to the UCMJ? (For your own sake I really hope not. Regular affairs are messy enough.)

My appologies, I am new to all of this on line terminology. I just googled ucmj and no he is not in the military.

 

Again, my appologies for not being clear enough about the situation. We are officially in a relationship. We are together everyday although almost everyone thinks I work for him because he is still married and living with his wife and young child. There are serious dependent issues behind why he can't just leave his family. It might sound bizarre to most if not all who hear it but I support and encourage him to try to stay at home as long as possible so that his young child can benefit from his influence, love, support, etc. that children, especially one with confidence issues need to mature into healthy, well adjusted, responsible adults..

 

While we may be going through a trying time in our relationship and my side of the story that you all are getting sounds like I am a weak, "easily taken advantage of woman" (I am not) and that he is selfish and inconsiderate (he is not.) Please don't demonize him, I knew him for a long time before I pursued a serious relationship with him. It should speak volumes to everyone that a woman with 2 young adult children and my entire family know him and are grateful that I am with him. His mother knows me and supports our relationship. One of my greatest fears, knowing how much his mom means to him and how close they are, is that she would think "what kind of woman would go after a married man." Albeit, a married man who has only been co-existing and providing for his wife out of an overwhelming sense of duty and necessity for more than 20 years. She is happy that he finally has someone that cares for him. And I am grateful for her support.

 

Please don't be concerned about them not having had a real married life for more than 20 years but somehow have a young child. Again, it is complicated and really no ones business. His child is a blessing in his life and he is an amazing father. Being a mother to 2 children with a man with whom couldn't even tell his children he loved them, this man's undying love and self-sacrificing commitment to his child is one of the traits that makes me love him.

 

It is not always as easy to say I finally and for the first time in my life found someone I love and loves me, so goodbye family. I'm leaving to pursue my own happiness. I'll send check once a month and start being the best part time dad I can be. This is going to be great! I worked for a matrimonial attorney and as coincidence would have it, he had a consultation with my boss long before we were together. He explained the extremely unusual, unconventional and unhappy marriage he had been trying to get out of for mor than 5 years and my boss said he was still going to go through hell and lose half his wealth and then use up the rest of it paying child support, alimony, attorney fees, etc.

 

His ability to see a happy, fulfilling future with me is a wash with the knowledge that impending disaster comes along with the demise of his family.

 

I also need to clarify something else. Many of you came to the conclusion that the other 2 women I mentioned in the first posting are his other women. They are not. While he admires and is verbal about his appreciation for women who take care of themselves, he is no player. He is trustworthy, responsible and of the highest character. Those are the other reasons I love him.

 

From the first time I posted on this discussion, I said I needed a place to express my frustration regarding my not being able to openly declare our relationship and the frustrations that go along with relationships. I am not going to ring up my children and say "Can you believe his friend who happens to be a very attractive woman is trying to sabotage the success of my relationship because she feels her position in his life is threatened."

 

Or tell my parents or uncles that think the world of him that when I had that incident with that female friend trying to make me feel unimportant in his life that he didn't just say to me "Babe, you're the only one that matters to me. I'm gutted that you were hurt by her." instead, it was the end of a long stressful day with a life time of those days ahead and when I didn't get the exact response I needed I became aggressive. That induced the statement that "This is teenage girl drama"and he doesn't want that. I took that to mean my feelings are not important to him and that getting throughout that very painful event was an inconvenience to him. I was more pained by that than I was by an insecure, unhappy woman playing games trying to keep the pecking order in check.

 

Lastly, I do appreciate some many of you reaching out to me with support and concern that I take steps to maintain my sense of self worth. I only found this site that quite literally is a forum to reach out and express relationship issues. If I'm honest, I have never gone on any type of relationship or dating site before. And I only went on in the first place because he posts here all the time and I was alarmed thinking this was some form of electronic affair website. I know now it is more a support group for busy adults that want to be able to express their pain and concerns anonymously and receive feed back from unbiased individuals.

 

I don't want to do anything behind his back or intrude on the one place that gives him an outlet for expression and support. But I needed to suss out if this was on of those online pick up sites I have only recently become aware are so prevalent. THANKFULLY, it is not.

 

This post makes me very angry.

 

He is NOT an "Amazing father". An amazing father would not do anything that would put his child's mental health at risk, which is exactly what he is doing.

 

My oldest daughter had mental health issues ( not due to an affair), and when she was in the hospital I stayed with her. I would talk to the other parents in the lounge, and I can't tell you the number of times I heard them say how they wished they had done things differently, how they wished they had never stepped out on their husband or wife, how they wished they could go back and change things.

 

A divorce, while never easy for a child to got through is different. They don't view their parent as dishonest, they won't have let the down, hurt mom or dad, etc.

 

In the end he is hurting his children, not helping them, and YOU are helping him do it. One day, you might very well see the end results of all of this and how his children are hurting, and if and when you do, spare a thought to the idea that you could have made things different, but chose not to. Instead, you crazy glued those rose colored glasses to you eyes as tightly as you could.

[Noideanow]

This post makes me very angry.

 

He is NOT an "Amazing father". An amazing father would not do anything that would put his child's mental health at risk, which is exactly what he is doing.

 

My oldest daughter had mental health issues ( not due to an affair), and when she was in the hospital I stayed with her. I would talk to the other parents in the lounge, and I can't tell you the number of times I heard them say how they wished they had done things differently, how they wished they had never stepped out on their husband or wife, how they wished they could go back and change things.

 

A divorce, while never easy for a child to got through is different. They don't view their parent as dishonest, they won't have let the down, hurt mom or dad, etc.

 

In the end he is hurting his children, not helping them, and YOU are helping him do it. One day, you might very well see the end results of all of this and how his children are hurting, and if and when you do, spare a thought to the idea that you could have made things different, but chose not to. Instead, you crazy glued those rose colored glasses to you eyes as tightly as you could.

 

Maybe it was the pain and lack of love of two people NOT meant for eachother but staying together anyway that created the unhappy children? How Can unhappy parents raise happy children? I dont give much for your logic, sorry truncated:(

[lookingforclosure]

My xMM claims he is wanting to save his marriage for his children. He doesn't want them to be from a broken home like he was. But the fact is..they are IN a broken home. Unfortunately two unhappy people coexiting for the sake of their children do not make happy children, period. And it definitely doesn't provide then the safe, loving environment if the H is having an affair. It will ultimately affect the kids regardless

[1stloveisacommander]

Hey truncated, wait WHAT??!!!!!! Your anger seems to have been describing someone that you met somewhere else but not in my post.

 

Unless you confused my ex and his self centered, uncaring, irresponsible, mentally damaging ways with the man I am with who is selfless, supportive, caring, concerned, responsible, dependable and strong. Or maybe you are projecting someone from your life into this situation. While I agree most people that enter into an affair before ending and finalizing a previous relationship are self-serving that is not the case with this man.

 

Rather than spending all kinds of time with me, which I know he wants he runs home every night to be there an involved, stabilizing influence in his child's life. You're wrong about your about "he is putting his child's mental health at risk."

 

I think you are bring something from your experience into my story. Check yourself because I am already having enough problem dealing with the guilt of putting our relationship out to the public for open scrutinization. Most of the comments came back to find him as the one who is treating me bad, etc... Not true!!!!! I tried to clarify that in what I thought would be my last post. I will never speak I'll of him and I will not let anyone else speak I'll of him. Saying that he is putting his child's mental health at risk is a harsh and you are out of line.

 

Yes I will give you that I wear rose colored glasses. I am able to do that because of being involved with him has brightened my world and therefore the world of everyone that loves me. And even after his marriage officially ends we still will not be openly involved around his family for quite some time expressly so that his child does not feel that he left to be with someone else instead of a long time marriage that was never meant to be in the first place.

 

Do not ever begin to sit behind your all powerful, judgmental keyboard using your condesending tone and tell me that if I could "spare a thought" for the concern of his child and what she is going to endue. It's all I think about and I barely sleep because of it you self-righteous, uninformed know-it-all.

 

And btw, I am not insensitive to the fact that you stayed with your child in the hospital while she battled mental health issues. I stayed in the hospital with my son while he was near dealth due to a chronic health condition he has had since the age of 5. And he suffers from depression, thoughts of suicide and is bipolar. At 21 years old now, that young man kept me alive for 5 years when I was critically ill. My children know all the details of my situation with this man and because they know the great man that HE IS are so grateful that we can be together in any capacity. Children are the most honest judges of a situation. I care for his child as much as I care about mine. You may not know me but do not question my deep concern and commitment never inflicting pain on a child!!!!!!!!

[1stloveisacommander]

To truncated STEP OFF!!!

 

To everyone else I wanted to say thank you for reading, considering and sharing your thoughts. It was grately appreciated and help me sort through a very difficult time!!!!

[anika99]

Maybe it was the pain and lack of love of two people NOT meant for eachother but staying together anyway that created the unhappy children? How Can unhappy parents raise happy children? I dont give much for your logic, sorry truncated:(

 

 

I don't think truncated said that unhappy parents should stay together or that unhappy parents raise happy children. Rather I think she was saying that staying in an unhappy marriage and having an affair does not benefit the kids, and that one should divorce rather than stay unhappily married and mess around on the side because that does not make one an amazing parent or produce happy children. Do you disagree or do you think being unhappily married but staying and having an affair is the best way to raise children?

[anika99]

1stlove, you say your MM doesn't treat you bad but I think any man who puts a woman in the position of being an OW is in essence treating her bad. It seems to be that if a man really cares for a woman and her well being he would never inflict that kind of mental and emotional anguish on her. I see a lot of OW who will talk about having abusive exes and so they are vulnerable to the affection and attention they receive from the charming MM but really they are just getting themselves into another type of abusive relationship. While the MM may seem like a absolute prince charming in comparison to an abusive ex, if the end result is that the OW ends up feeling insecure, lonely, and not good enough, then it's just another bad relationship.

[Noideanow]

I don't think truncated said that unhappy parents should stay together or that unhappy parents raise happy children. Rather I think she was saying that staying in an unhappy marriage and having an affair does not benefit the kids, and that one should divorce rather than stay unhappily married and mess around on the side because that does not make one an amazing parent or produce happy children. Do you disagree or do you think being unhappily married but staying and having an affair is the best way to raise children?

 

i think yoe are right:cool:, but better one happy parent being in an affair than two unhappy witout affairs, but only in the short run and with determination to end the affair and make it a real love relationship, but this means there must be a huge amount of trust that the lover really will divorce in the near future-/

[truncated]

Maybe it was the pain and lack of love of two people NOT meant for eachother but staying together anyway that created the unhappy children? How Can unhappy parents raise happy children? I dont give much for your logic, sorry truncated:(

 

 

The logic is that if you are that unhappy, then end your marriage. Divorce amicably and then both spouses can build happy lives for themselves.

 

 

Cheating does nothing to improve the situation, and, in the end, can end up hurting the child far more than divorce ever would.

 

Of course some will say that the bs will never find out, and a happy parent will be a better parent, but what happens to the child should the affair be discovered and the life of both parents implodes?

 

If, after all, the happiness of the cheating parent is given a a reason for chetaing ( happy parent=better parent) then is the inverse not also true? Unhappy parent, unhappy child)? If it is, then a mom finding out dad has been cheating will surely hurt the child?

 

I don't know of too many marriage where the only alternative are to stay and be miserable or yo cheat. the third alternative is divorce, and it is the far best of the lot.

 

 

Of course, a ws will come up with many reasons for not leaving, and using the kids is almost always included. The thing is that if things are so bad for them at home that they have to cheat, then how good can it be for the kids? How is keeping that marriage together good for them?

 

If things are so bad, then divorce and he can be with the op and build a happy home for the kids, and his wife can do the same with someone new as well. He isn't doing that.

[Noideanow]

The logic is that if you are that unhappy, then end your marriage. Divorce amicably and then both spouses can build happy lives for themselves.

 

 

Cheating does nothing to improve the situation, and, in the end, can end up hurting the child far more than divorce ever would.

 

Of course some will say that the bs will never find out, and a happy parent will be a better parent, but what happens to the child should the affair be discovered and the life of both parents implodes?

 

If, after all, the happiness of the cheating parent is given a a reason for chetaing ( happy parent=better parent) then is the inverse not also true? Unhappy parent, unhappy child)? If it is, then a mom finding out dad has been cheating will surely hurt the child?

 

I don't know of too many marriage where the only alternative are to stay and be miserable or yo cheat. the third alternative is divorce, and it is the far best of the lot.

 

 

Of course, a ws will come up with many reasons for not leaving, and using the kids is almost always included. The thing is that if things are so bad for them at home that they have to cheat, then how good can it be for the kids? How is keeping that marriage together good for them?

 

If things are so bad, then divorce and he can be with the op and build a happy home for the kids, and his wife can do the same with someone new as well. He isn't doing that.

 

i think you are right but i also think that when one partner is unhappy (and looking to cheat) the other partner is just as unhappy (wanting to admit it or not is another case since many will rather live in denial or take pills)- (this was a comment to your saying that the partner will become unhappy when finding out about the affair, i think they allready are but the affair will bring it to light-)

[eye of the storm]

-

... We are officially in a relationship. No you are not. How can you be an official couple when everyone knows he is officially with his wife. See the next sentence ... almost everyone thinks I work for him because he is still married and living with his wife and young child. There are serious dependent issues behind why he can't just leave his family. The issues is he doesn't want to leave her for you. It might sound bizarre to most if not all who hear it but I support and encourage him to try to stay at home as long as possible so that his young child can benefit from his influence, love, support, etc. that children, especially one with confidence issues need to mature into healthy, well adjusted, responsible adults.. It isn't bizarre, people with poor boundries are willing to put up with a massive amount of crap just so they can lie to themselves and say everything is peachy keen.

 

While we may be going through a trying time in our relationship and my side of the story that you all are getting sounds like I am a weak, "easily taken advantage of woman" (I am not) yes you are and that he is selfish and inconsiderate (he is not.) yes he is ...my entire family know him and are grateful that I am with him. Does your entire family know he is married and LIVING with his wife? Or have you "shaded" the truth a bit? ...a married man who has only been co-existing and providing for his wife out of an overwhelming sense of blah blah blah more than 20 years. She is happy that he finally has someone that cares for him. And I am grateful for her support. I can't speak for the mom, maybe she is one of those who think her baby can do no wrong and would support him robbing a bank. or maybe she is not fully aware you two are banging like bunnies.

 

Please don't be concerned about them not having had a real married life for more than 20 years but somehow have a young child. Again, it is complicated and really no ones business. Of course it is complicated, he will brush over and minimize his wife to you so that you will continue to lap up his left overs. And having a young child is not complicated, it is simple, they still have sex. That is where children come from. His child is a blessing in his life and he is an amazing father. Being a mother to 2 children with a man with whom couldn't even tell his children he loved them, this man's undying love and self-sacrificing commitment to his child is one of the traits that makes me love him. You are painting rainbows and unicorns all over this because your M was so toxic. But you went from one toxic situation to another.

 

It is not always as easy to say I finally and for the first time in my life found someone I love and loves me, so goodbye family. I'm leaving to pursue my own happiness. I'll send check once a month and start being the best part time dad I can be. This is going to be great! I worked for a matrimonial attorney and as coincidence would have it, he had a consultation with my boss long before we were together. He explained the extremely unusual, unconventional and unhappy marriage he had been trying to get out of for mor than 5 years and my boss said he was still going to go through hell and lose half his wealth and then use up the rest of it paying child support, alimony, attorney fees, etc. Divorce is expensive because it is worth every penny. I know, I took a hot scalding bath in mine and did it with a smile. worth every cent. You keep thinking that eventually he will leave her for you. He won't. There will always be another reason, another barrier.

 

His ability to see a happy, fulfilling future with me is a wash with the knowledge that impending disaster comes along with the demise of his family. Yea yea the woe is me card. It gets played a lot. The impending disaster comes with him sleeping with multiple women.

 

I also need to clarify something else. Many of you came to the conclusion that the other 2 women I mentioned in the first posting are his other women. They are not. While he admires and is verbal about his appreciation for women who take care of themselves, he is no player. He is trustworthy, responsible and of the highest character. Those are the other reasons I love him. He is sleeping with them, and if not then he is grooming them to be next in line trustworthy, responsible and high character people do not sleep around on their spouses.

 

... I am not going to ring up my children and say "Can you believe his friend who happens to be a very attractive woman is trying to sabotage the success of my relationship because she feels her position in his life is threatened." She feels her position in his life is threatened because she is probably sleeping with him too. OWs hate OW that are sleeping with their MM. People who sleep with WS lie to themselves a lot. Yes he is cheating on the BS but just with me. In a lot of the cases (opinion developed from reading this forum) that turns out to be just one more lie.

 

Or tell my parents or uncles that think the world of him that when I had that incident with that female friend trying to make me feel unimportant in his life that he didn't just say to me "Babe, you're the only one that matters to me. I'm gutted that you were hurt by her." instead, it was the end of a long stressful day with a life time of those days ahead and when I didn't get the exact response I needed I became aggressive. That induced the statement that "This is teenage girl drama"and he doesn't want that. I took that to mean my feelings are not important to him and that getting throughout that very painful event was an inconvenience to him. I was more pained by that than I was by an insecure, unhappy woman playing games trying to keep the pecking order in check. He knocked you down a peg or two to keep you in your place, which is quiet and convenient. Because of his reaction to your natural upset, you will not repeat that behavior. And that is exactly the end result he wanted.

 

Lastly, I do appreciate some many of you reaching out to me with support and concern that I take steps to maintain my sense of self worth. I only found this site that quite literally is a forum to reach out and express relationship issues. If I'm honest, I have never gone on any type of relationship or dating site before. And I only went on in the first place because he posts here all the time and I was alarmed thinking this was some form of electronic affair website...You are supported and there is concern for you. The fact that you are checking his internet use and your thought he might be electronically cheating on you says that you are aware the something is not right with all this.

 

I really wish you the best, but I am concerned that his wife could walk up to you with video of them sharing happy times and engaging in sex and you would just think it is photoshop. You seem, to me, to be in tremendous denial about his M and his other OW.

[Popsicle]

i think you are right but i also think that when one partner is unhappy (and looking to cheat) the other partner is just as unhappy (wanting to admit it or not is another case since many will rather live in denial or take pills)- (this was a comment to your saying that the partner will become unhappy when finding out about the affair, i think they allready are but the affair will bring it to light-)

 

Sometimes that's true, but other times not. There are cases where one spouse fakes being happy or so well and for so long that the other spouse thinks everything is hunky dory. I think men are more prone to doing this unfortunately.

[1stloveisacommander]

Listen up! I am going to give it one last ditch effort to get through to you people. Mainly, I am addressing TRUNCATED and EYE OF THE STORM. But feel free to include yourselves if you are a bitter, judgmental, selective reader, male bashing, woe is me type.

 

The lack of anything constructive or relevant having been posted on my thread and the liberties at contradicting, deleting and changing my posts is completely alarming and infuriating to me!

 

Since it seems most on this site have reading comprehension issues, I am going to repeat myself in the hopes that you will be able to comprehend.

 

If you don't get it after this, I don't care! I have tried to end this nicely several times by saying thanking you for your support and by letting you all know I will not let anyone interfere with the success of our relationship. All of you are trying to put our square relationship peg into a round hole. And you are relentlessly trying to add, change or delete the facts of our situation so that we fit your version of the terrible, self-centered, double crossing, stepping out on the perfect wife man and the stupid, vulnerable, unwitting, insecure, happy to participate in destroying a family woman. We do not fit any of that description! We are both extremely compatible because are both very intelligent, witty, hard working, ethical, compassionate and strong individuals. That finally and for the first time have a person that we feel is a partner in our lives that has the understanding and dependability to trust our hearts and futures with.

 

DO NOT demonize him!!!

INSTRUCTIONS: Read Carefully!!!!!!

 

I am saying this for the second time. I went after him. It should speak volumes to everyone that a woman with 2 young adult children and my entire family know him and are grateful that I am with him. His mother knows me and supports our relationship. One of my greatest fears, knowing how much his mom means to him and how close they are, is that she would think "what kind of woman would go after a married man." Albeit, a married man who has only been co-existing and providing for his wife out of an overwhelming sense of duty and necessity for more than 20 years. She is happy that he finally has someone that cares for him. And I am grateful for her support.

 

And yes, EVERYONE in my family INCLUDING my children know that he is still married and lives at home with his wife and child. And they all love and respect him.

 

We are both very concerned with the wellbeing of each other's children and families. And have and will not ever even after his divorce is final the onset of our relationship. Our happiness is for ourselves not for public amusement. we are not running away for weekends and lying to his wife. If he is not working, he is at home with his family.

 

To say that this man is a dream, a one of a kind, a man of the highest calibre is an understatement!!!!!!

 

He is the man of my dreams. I know how lucky I am.

 

I always felt like his woman, not the other woman.

 

Your negative comments and input are not needed or appreciated. Keep them to yourselves and continue to wonder why none of you will ever find happiness.

[Bittersweetie]

1stlove...just wondering...

 

How do you reconcile this statement from your OP:

 

I guess the point to saying all this, is to somehow try to give myself a little emotional relief from the pain of knowing somewhere deep down inside myself I will never actually be good enough for him, make him happy or be without competition from other women that want him. He will never truly know how madly In love him I am!!!

 

With this statement from your last post:

 

We are both extremely compatible because are both very intelligent, witty, hard working, ethical, compassionate and strong individuals. That finally and for the first time have a person that we feel is a partner in our lives that has the understanding and dependability to trust our hearts and futures with.

 

...

 

I always felt like his woman, not the other woman.

 

The reason I ask is because originally you seemed upset that your MM possibly had OOW. That you cannot spend more time together. You pursued him yet worry that he won't be with you as a life partner.

 

Then, when PP point out some stuff that you disagree with, it's "He is the man of my dreams. I know how lucky I am." And demand that no one say a bad word about him.

 

I realize you came here to vent and that is fine. But you do seem a bit all over the place, and I worry if deep down you are questioning your choices. It's okay to disagree with people on this site but it may be worth taking some time to look deeper at yourself and what you deserve in life before moving forward with this man.

 

Good luck,

BSW

 

P.S. Just to point out...I am not a "a bitter, judgmental, selective reader, male bashing, woe is me type," I am a fWS who is concerned for you. I made some very poor choices in my life but have learned that living mentally healthy and authentically has made me happiest.

[eye of the storm]

The thing about posting on this forum is you can't predict how people with respond and you can't tell them how to interpret your posts.

 

 

I don't think of myself as a bitter woe is me type. I am very recently done with an A that compared to most was pretty honest and drama free. But even I could see that it was a non sustainable basically unhealthy relationship. I went from an unhealthy relationship to an affair, unhealthy to unhealthy. From what you say about your marriage, that sounds like what you are doing.

 

 

What worries me about your posts is the absolute refusal to see this man as a flawed human. Just because he is "better" than your ExH does not mean he is a great person.

 

 

It is natural to dig your heels in when faced with truths that make you uncomfortable or do not fall into line with the fantasy you have built.

 

 

I hope things work out for you. I hope you find the peace you so desperately need.

[Noideanow]

Sometimes that's true, but other times not. There are cases where one spouse fakes being happy or so well and for so long that the other spouse thinks everything is hunky dory. I think men are more prone to doing this unfortunately.

 

Yeah i would like to think i can see through that fakeness:o i also see a lot of woman being fake though:(

[Popsicle]

Yeah i would like to think i can see through that fakeness:o i also see a lot of woman being fake though:(

 

Maybe but women also have more of a tendency to express their complaints (not that H will always respond the way they want, but they do express)