Dreamworld Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 i am not sure if this is the right place to post, and was curious on people's thoughts. I am sure it has been covered extensively but still.... def not generalizing! but, why does it seem a universal thing that when it comes to watching porn and masturbating, women see this as more of a threat than men do? you read countless articles about relationships going downhill because of women feeling awful about finding out about their men's porn use and masturbation, but you see less about it when it is the other way around. Do women view porn and masturbate much less? or do men just not take as much issue with it? and you read about the horrible toll it makes on a normal sex life because one partner gets addicted to it, he/ she prefers it to sex. but again, you read about it being the case more with men than women. I could be wrong of course but I just read so much about it. I am a woman who really likes to masturbate and watch porn ( softporn is enough for me but occasionally i come across the really kinky stuff and it turns me on to be honest), I have been into it since I was in elementary school, magazines that we know that guys read turned me on too big time. it never affected my relationships with men because I was able to have sex all the time as well, they are both pleasurable. what i find interesting whereas where women (not all) feel threatened when their man is this way (even i have felt bad,even though you would think i would understand!) when men find out I am this way, it turns them on. they want to know what stuff i watch, how i masturbate, if they could watch me masturbate etc....they don't feel threatened that i could have sex with them but on occasion want to play by myself...( erm, like everyday) is it just the different way we think? just got curious, sorry this got so long. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamworld Posted June 25, 2015 Author Share Posted June 25, 2015 i find i am pretty laid back in general on guys need for porn and alone time aside from sex, but i think i would feel really bad if i knew my guy was able to jerk it off 5 days a week but only would want sex with me one day out of it. or are those two different things? like if we were having sex once a week id consider that fine, but then if i find out he has been having solo time more often than that and we see each other every day, i would automatically go into comparison mode and think, why doesnt he just do it with me every day then? Link to post Share on other sites
MoreAmore Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 is it just the different way we think? just got curious, sorry this got so long. It's just not really the case. We don't think differently in general, though cultural pressures inform the conversation. I like porn. I watch it. I don't feel threatened. I've asked him if he would mine turning it on while I give him oral because I find that an incredible turn on. I have no problem with masturbation unless it's negatively impacting our sex life. I like having sex every day, or close to it, sometimes more, and if we can't because masturbation is meeting the needs to the detriment of mine, I would be quite sad. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Well, this data is from 2013, but it states: According to data taken from Internet users who took part in the General Social Survey: Men are 543% more likely to look at porn than females. Those who are politically more liberal are 19% more likely to look at porn. Those who have ever committed adultery are 218% more likely to look at porn. Those who have ever engaged in paid sex are 270% more likely to look at porn. Those who are happily married are 61% less likely to look at porn. Those with teen children at home are 45% less likely to look at porn. Regular church attenders are 26% less likely to look at porn than non-attenders, but those self-identified as “fundamentalists” are 91% more likely to look at porn.(That last one made me laugh....) Furthermore, The American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers reports that 56% of divorce cases involve one party having “an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.” According to numerous studies, prolonged exposure to pornography leads to: a diminished trust between intimate couples the belief that promiscuity is the natural state cynicism about love or the need for affection between sexual partners the belief that marriage is sexually confining a lack of attraction to family and child-raising Now, while the data is admittedly from 2 years ago, it's unlikely figures have drastically altered.... From here. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 i only masturbate because my girlfriend can't keep up with my sex drive. I prefer to masturbate on her, but sometimes she's not around and I have to watch porn. if a person would rather masturbate alone in secret than have sex with their partner... that's not love. sorry. Just sayin. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Leaving my personal opinion of pornography aside, I think what most women object to is not always the fact that their SO has ever/does ever look at it...but that the man uses porn INSTEAD of being intimate with his partner, or the fear of unrealistic expectations when compared to the porn. I remember being in a sexless marriage and finding out he had been looking at porn. I was angry and hurt, not because the porn existed, but because I lay in bed alone dying for touch while he had his head stuck in a monitor. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
gaius Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I don't watch porn or masturbate while in a relationship, unless we have to be apart for at least a week. Because it does mess with your ability to bond with your partner. Sex is so important on that level for both men and women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 i usually masturbate right before i go to my girlfriends house because otherwise I can't control myself around her. I would have sex with her 10 times a day if she let me. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Try to not do that. Then let us know what happens.... Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 She makes me masturbate a lot. Otherwise it's like when a dog is in heat. I'm chewing through the fence trying to get a piece. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Some women who might be insecure about their bodies or their looks might view porn as a threat because they think the other girls are prettier than they are. For somsome it's a self esteem issue. Some women are delusional and believe their man should never look at another woman again in their lives. Small percentages of course. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 When I'm lucky she lets me finish on her Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 She makes me masturbate a lot. Otherwise it's like when a dog is in heat. I'm chewing through the fence trying to get a piece. Remind us why you guys are not actually having sex, again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Remind us why you guys are not actually having sex, again? TaraMaiden2 that made me laugh out loud for real having read some of his previous posts. To get back on track though, porn is a multi-headed beast. If it floats your boat then ride the wave. YMMV. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 we do have sex but only once or twice a day. I wish it it was more like 5 times Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Jeesh.... I'm going to make myself very unpopular, but I don't think that's normal.... under any circumstance..... 10 times a day? ...wow..... Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Jeesh.... I'm going to make myself very unpopular, but I don't think that's normal.... under any circumstance..... 10 times a day? ...wow..... that's probably an exaggeration. we had sex 7 times one day. it was amazing, but thats about my limit. I think five times a day would be perfect. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 in an average day I'd say we have sex twice and I jack off twice Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Honestly, I think for some women, just a calm, non-defensive, reassuring talk about it would do wonders. But something happens to a lot of men when they hear a woman say the word "porn" with a frown on her face. Instead of really listening to her and addressing their fears, they go into full-on "I'm Linus and someone is threatening to take me blanket" mode. Like it is more important to assert their right to jack off to fake boobs than to hear their SO's concerns. If they could calm down, hold her, reassure her and such instead of acting like she is trying to sell the TV on Superbowl Sunday, they'd get a lot farther. Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Men are more visual and I think women feel more threatened seeing it in front of them . Women read a lot of steamy novels that just look like books . I also think a lot of women don't equate pulling out your favorite "rabbit" as the same thing as a man masturbating to porn . Men don't have porn parties like women have sex toy parties . That is considered good clean fun but lorn is considered sleazy . I guess the guy or girl that figures it all out will be famous Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Men are more visual and I think women feel more threatened seeing it in front of them . Women read a lot of steamy novels that just look like books . I also think a lot of women don't equate pulling out your favorite "rabbit" as the same thing as a man masturbating to porn . Men don't have porn parties like women have sex toy parties . That is considered good clean fun but lorn is considered sleazy . I guess the guy or girl that figures it all out will be famous Agreed. And I do think motivation is a factor. For example, a man who looks at porn and neglects his wife gets no pity from me. But a man who is looking at porn and going solos BECAUSE his wife will not meet his legitimate need....him I have sympathy for. A woman who does the "not tonight honey" to her husband but gladly whips out the novel or vibrator, I don;t like her. But I can (definitely) sympathize with the woman who buys AA batteries just to keep herself from peeling all the wallpaper off the walls while her hubby refuses. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 I don't feel threatened or have a problem with porn. I see no reason to feel threatened by someone my H wouldn't ever be with. It would be different if it was someone who was IRL. Nothing he does makes him not want intimacy with me , I'm fine. Link to post Share on other sites
misspond Posted June 25, 2015 Share Posted June 25, 2015 Agreed. And I do think motivation is a factor. For example, a man who looks at porn and neglects his wife gets no pity from me. But a man who is looking at porn and going solos BECAUSE his wife will not meet his legitimate need....him I have sympathy for. A woman who does the "not tonight honey" to her husband but gladly whips out the novel or vibrator, I don;t like her. But I can (definitely) sympathize with the woman who buys AA batteries just to keep herself from peeling all the wallpaper off the walls while her hubby refuses. This is the difference from my point of view but I'll say, I'm #notallwomen Link to post Share on other sites
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